Caroline Adair's Blog

I read novels for work more than I actually write. I find myself immersed in novels and not so much for research, but to pay attention to the character and plot development that other authors employ. I like to pay attention to their language and use of description.

I happen to appreciate when authors do not wax on about a location, describing it too thoroughly or give me a history lesson. I would rather be able to use my own imagination and leave the history lessons to the experts in lecture halls.

Actions of the characters say more than their words about who they are at heart. I find myself questioning why authors are more inclined to assign weakness to their heroines and little to the hero. If the hero has a weakness, it is the blame of some dark past. The heroine is nervous, stupid, spineless or oblivious to everything and it's usually owing to nothing other than the fact that she is a woman.

Authors often tackle their weakness or stupidity by trying to sexualize their failings; the most popular phrases employed are "She licked her lips" and "She bit her lip." It is absolutely mind boggling how often these phrases are used. I have often wanted to help these poor creatures with some freaking Chapstick or something. By the end of the novel I am positive that they will have nothing left to chew and their mouths will be bloody maws that no hero would want to kiss.

Heros are rarely afflicted with this habit. One rarely reads, "He licked his lips nervously and then began to chew them." It's a weakness that is only attributed to our poor scaly mouthed heroines. In fact, what nervous habits do the heros have? They don't lick or chew their lips, tug on their mustache, pick their underwear out of their butts or scratch their balls. No, all the weak habits are assigned to the woman.

How this annoying habit is supposed to be sexy is mind boggling to me. I have nearly stopped reading novels after the author uses these ridiculous phrases more than once. They annoy me in the same way lint clinging to my favorite black sweater annoys me. I want to pick them off the novel so that I can vacuum them up and toss them into the trash bin. It reminds me of when I used useless words or phrases in my college papers so that I met the word count without having to do any further research. The only people tortured were me and my professor.

I am helpless as I read these overused phrases. They are there in black and white; a piercing scream of literary weakness. They are like the killer in a bad horror movie and I am the the unwitting victim, unable to help myself from going into the darkened room, the spooky house, the thick forest or the intriguing cover of a romance novel. I open the book, knowing that I will encounter these phrases and try to brace myself, but no amount of preparation is enough, because when I am least expecting it THERE IT IS!

I am sorely tempted to send the worst offenders a case of Chapstick, but I don't think it will help. I may as well keep it for myself, so at least one female involved will not have dry lips.

I do wish it would reach number one, but I have little hope. The number one book has over one thousand reviews! I can't hope to match that! Still, I shall persist in trying!

I am working on the next book, but it is taking a great deal of research to accomplish. I don't want to make a serious error, but I am thinking of setting all the rules aside once again!

So, I am now a reviewer of romance novels. I think I'm qualified. I've read thousands upon thousands of romance books. I know when the author is dragging things out, skipping things, repeating things too often, when the author is lazy, too chaste or simply goes too far. The author has to WORK to impress me.

I don't even impress me, really. I forget to use those lovely words such as "chagrin" or "loquacious." They are great words and are significantly underused. However, to my chagrin, I often forget these lovely words as I'm writing.

I miss the books that make you feel sad when you close them, because you don't want to lose it. The ones that stay with you long after you've closed the cover.

I like to feel invested in a book. I miss that feeling. When an author does that for me, it's special. I want to be in that smokey, dimly lit bar and feeding a jukebox quarters or on that pirate ship with the wind tearing at my clothes, my hair, and the blowing so hard against me that I might tumble over.

So, as I review these novels and dissect them, I am reminded of the video "Drinking out of cups, being a bitch." That's me. I'm reading, drinking out of cups and being a bitch.

I had thought of returning to the story of Paige, but I think that story in my heart is finished for me.

I will revisit her and intertwine her fate with other characters, but I think new blood must be sought to keep things interesting.

In preparation for the book, I have been gorging on romance novels. I think I have read over one hundred of them over the past few weeks. So many, that in fact, I have lost count. I even find that I have already read many of them, although I read them so many years ago that they are now almost new.

I don't know if everyone shares my penchant for bodice rippers, but for some reason I simply adore them. They were my dirty little secret until now.

Now, spread the word my lovelies! What Broken Dolls Do is free for this weekend and while it's not Hemingway, it is much better than most of the boring novels I have read lately! Besides, I think Hemingway was rather bad at romance. His were often tragic and I am a happy ending kind of girl!

March 17th and 18th What Broken Dolls Do is FREE! So, if you're brave enough to face some horrible things, some beautiful things and are prepared to take a trip through the '90's, then this is your book!

I'm searching for something and I wish I would find it already. It's damn frustrating to know something is right in my face, but I simply can't see it. I'm wondering if I'm back to that point where I can't see the forest for all the damn trees in the way.

Have you ever had a moment that you wanted to put into a jar so that you could open it and be right back in that place? A song that reminds you of a place and time? It doesn't matter what's going on around you; when you hear it, you're back in that restaurant and he's telling you it's over, you're in your room dancing in your underwear because he called you, or you're reaching for her, but she's gone.

I have those songs and they keep playing in my head today. Whatever it is that's eluding me, please come to me. I am growing almost melancholy with all this soul searching madness.

What Broken Dolls Do just hit NUMBER ONE on Amazon! So, for all the broken dolls out there, this is for you!

http://a.co/7wQ9CeP

Tomorrow is the start of my free promotion for What Broken Dolls Do! You can download the E-book for free here!


http://a.co/2OWRMt9

I like to try and write on weekends as much as I can, but of course, my children have different ideas. So does my wonderful husband who likes to remind me frequently that I write romance and need inspiration. I'm such a a lucky gal that way.

Writing proves to be challenging on weekends. I will be in the middle of a wonderful paragraph or a perfect sentence when my son or daughter has had some disaster has befall them. When I can finally return to my keyboard to finish writing my flash of brilliance---POOF! It's freaking gone. So, instead of writing, I devote the time to reading.

Now, I am reading junkie. I read anywhere from two to ten books a day, depending on the day. I know--some people shoot heroin, I read.

So, since I have published my book, I have been searching for different ways to market it. I have found Freebooksy to be the best thing for myself since sliced bread! I get free books EVERYDAY. It's beautiful.

Now, Bookbub is nice, but it's not so much for free books, just sales. I like the free ones, because I have found that being a new author is really expensive. Who knew, right?

So, if you like free books, there you have it! Riffle and Bookbutterfly are good, but it's a mix of free and sale books.

You could subscribe to all of them, because they will not list all the same books. Authors have to pay them to list the books. If an author doesn't have an extra six hundred dollars lying about to pay all of them, they choose one or two that they can afford.

So, if you like to buy free Ebooks, those are my favorites sites.

I read two books today, and I have to say that I was extremely disappointed by them. I mean, honestly, the two books were simply a money grubbing author splitting up one normal book into two and making one free, so that if you wanted to find out how incredibly stupid the heroine really was, you had to buy the next book. Well, played bitch.

I knew it wasn't worth the moment I spent the money. The stupid idiot went back to her cheating husband. She should have given both those pricks the finger and then bought some new shoes or something.

The sex wasn't bad, but why do all these women think other women love giving blowjobs? I mean, I do sometimes, but honestly, if a man tries to gag me, I'll bite.