Caroline Adair's Blog - Posts Tagged "romancenovel-chapstick"

I read novels for work more than I actually write. I find myself immersed in novels and not so much for research, but to pay attention to the character and plot development that other authors employ. I like to pay attention to their language and use of description.

I happen to appreciate when authors do not wax on about a location, describing it too thoroughly or give me a history lesson. I would rather be able to use my own imagination and leave the history lessons to the experts in lecture halls.

Actions of the characters say more than their words about who they are at heart. I find myself questioning why authors are more inclined to assign weakness to their heroines and little to the hero. If the hero has a weakness, it is the blame of some dark past. The heroine is nervous, stupid, spineless or oblivious to everything and it's usually owing to nothing other than the fact that she is a woman.

Authors often tackle their weakness or stupidity by trying to sexualize their failings; the most popular phrases employed are "She licked her lips" and "She bit her lip." It is absolutely mind boggling how often these phrases are used. I have often wanted to help these poor creatures with some freaking Chapstick or something. By the end of the novel I am positive that they will have nothing left to chew and their mouths will be bloody maws that no hero would want to kiss.

Heros are rarely afflicted with this habit. One rarely reads, "He licked his lips nervously and then began to chew them." It's a weakness that is only attributed to our poor scaly mouthed heroines. In fact, what nervous habits do the heros have? They don't lick or chew their lips, tug on their mustache, pick their underwear out of their butts or scratch their balls. No, all the weak habits are assigned to the woman.

How this annoying habit is supposed to be sexy is mind boggling to me. I have nearly stopped reading novels after the author uses these ridiculous phrases more than once. They annoy me in the same way lint clinging to my favorite black sweater annoys me. I want to pick them off the novel so that I can vacuum them up and toss them into the trash bin. It reminds me of when I used useless words or phrases in my college papers so that I met the word count without having to do any further research. The only people tortured were me and my professor.

I am helpless as I read these overused phrases. They are there in black and white; a piercing scream of literary weakness. They are like the killer in a bad horror movie and I am the the unwitting victim, unable to help myself from going into the darkened room, the spooky house, the thick forest or the intriguing cover of a romance novel. I open the book, knowing that I will encounter these phrases and try to brace myself, but no amount of preparation is enough, because when I am least expecting it THERE IT IS!

I am sorely tempted to send the worst offenders a case of Chapstick, but I don't think it will help. I may as well keep it for myself, so at least one female involved will not have dry lips.