Brenda Seefeldt Amodea's Blog

You matter.

You who are your own worst enemy. You who’s chattering brain will keep you small.

You matter.

“Mattering is the belief and conviction that you matter, that your life has cosmic significance regardless of external circumstances.

“Mattering is a form of enchantment, a conviction that, in some mystical way, the cosmos sees you and honors your pain and struggles. Your emotional and mental well-being rests upon this bit of magic. Because the conviction that you matter is nonsense when considered from a purely factual point of view. The physical universe, all those supernovas and black holes out there, cares nothing about your suffering or your heroic efforts to love and care for the people in your life. The belief that you matter is a residual bit of magic, similar to the soul, smuggled in from our enchanted past, the conviction that God sees and cares for you.” —Hunting Magic Eels, Richard Beck, p. 56

Is your soul feeling this?

Some more Richard Beck from his next book:

“Mattering means your life matters, no matter what. Importantly, mattering isn’t earned. Mattering is given. Mattering is an existential fact of your existence, a value that cannot be lost or eclipsed. This unconditional value stabilizes the ego, extracting it from the successes and failures of our hero game. With mattering, you don’t have to exhaust yourself at the bike pump of self-esteem, laboring to inflate your life with value and significance. You are already worthy.” –Richard Beck, The Shape of Joy, p. 86

As I have said here numerous times, worthiness is your birthright. You are already worthy.

In summary, your life has cosmic significance regardless of external circumstances or what you say about yourself.

Mattering isn’t earned. Mattering is given. You are already worthy.  Something outside of you validates you as worthy.

Where does mattering come from? Science says transcendence.

If you count yourself as a Christian, you know where this transcendence comes from. It is obvious. But skeptics have a problem with the invisibility of transcendence so they look for everything but Jesus. A favorite right now is the universe. But the universe is impersonal and doesn’t care about you at all. Does the universe know your name?

Mattering is beyond your self-talk. You don’t have to exhaust yourself inflating your life.

Mattering is beyond your self-made moral code. Something outside of you creates a moral code. Sometimes it is your community which you have chosen. Sometimes it is just being in the Judeo-Christian ethic culture.

Your moral code comes from something larger, something outside of you. Your mental health depends on these truths. There are some things that are wrong, so wrong that your body has a negative reaction. This comes from outside of yourself.

“Mattering is an objective truth discovered outside of the cave of your mind. Your value is a fact that exists beyond your self-assessment.” –Richard Beck, The Shape of Joy, p. 108

Breathe here for a moment.

Let’s review this definition of humility my church and I came up with:

Humility is knowing your strengths and limitations. So you enter your world from your enoughness. Which means we see others and make generous assumptions about them because the others can’t take away our identity.Humility requires a healthy sense of self that springs from security and enoughness so you can be other-focused.The confidence of knowing that you are a person of inherent worth and value frees you up from the relentless and futile pursuit of external validation that drives so much arrogant and narcissistic behavior.Do you notice how this sense of enoughness comes from outside of you?

I’ve quoted Richard Beck’s book, The Shape of Joy a lot. You should read the whole thing. This is his breakdown of how we find joy.

“Joy starts with an ego that is quiet, where the chatter of the inner voice is turned down.”

We are not our own worst enemy. We grow to love the enemy we make of ourselves from all that self-talk. We lead our brains.

“When our ego volume is low, we become able to forget ourselves. This allows us to become focused outwardly toward others. We’re able to be present. We can do this because our identities are stable and grounded.”

This is about humility. Do you see it?

“Having turned away from our superego complex our egos are no longer reactive and triggered by our successes or failures.”

We stop trying to prove our worth.

“This serenity of soul is grounded in the conviction that our lives matter, that we are worthy of love and belonging. Our self-worth is secure because our value is unconditional, a durable truth about our lives, rather than something variable and contingent.” –Richard Beck, The Shape of Joy, p. 87

Our value is unconditional when it comes from outside of ourselves.Your mattering, you being worthy of love and belonging, comes from outside of you.

Your value isn’t defined by what you produce or how the world views you—it flows from who God says you are. Not from within yourself.

Whew. Stop exhausting yourself. Stop making an enemy of yourself. Forgive yourself too.

Then consider trusting God. He is personal towards you. He knows your name. He created you. You already have this Creator to Created connection. This ache in your soul is drawing you back to your personal Creator.

The post Wondering If You Matter? appeared first on Bravester.

Let’s start with a bit of awe. From this book about the wonder of our bodies:

“When I cut bone, it bleeds. Most amazing of all, when bone breaks, it heals itself. Perhaps an engineer will someday develop a substance as strong and light and efficient as bone, but what engineer could devise a substance that can grow and also lubricate and repair itself?” –Dr. Paul Brand, Fearfully and Wonderfully, p. 110

Wow, right?

(This is a beautiful recommended book to continue in the awe of how God made us.)

Awe isn’t just amazement—it’s a divine reminder that we are not whole without God. It’s that holy ache you feel when you see a sunset that stirs your soul. Or when a song moves you to tears. Or when kindness catches you off guard. Or when you see moral beauty.

When you experience awe, you are pulling out of yourself.

But then there is this self-talk that goes on inside your head. Your mind is a very noisy place. The brain chatters, mostly chatters regurgitated stuff. Your brain is a chattering machine that regurgitates stuff all the time. Let’s put the focus on that word regurgitates.

Science has noted that when turning inward, doing meditations, or some other self-empowering mind practice, you won’t experience peaceful, quiet bliss. You will find jumpy, scattered thoughts. The “default” state of the brain, discovered by neuroscientists and psychologists, is a “wandering mind.” Our minds don’t sit still and quiet. We have jumpy and scattered thoughts. Lots of regurgitated thoughts.

You know this when you try to pray. This is the default of our brain.

We can also lead our brains.

This “wandering mind” actually affects our mental health. Studies have found that mental wandering is associated with increased unhappiness. Our default mental state is that our minds wander, and getting lost within ourselves makes us unhappy.

Turning inward doesn’t produce joy; it produces depression, anxiety, and hostility. You won’t find rest “going inside” yourself.

There’s more problems. From this self-talk, we then proceed to prove our worth. The pace of your life validates who you are. Crazy busy is a definer of you that you love to show people. We play the hero game. We puff ourselves up in groups and on social media, often with good intentions because we want to be seen as someone of worth. Not the boring you that does your dishes every day. Some of you also make your bed every day.

When we get lost within ourselves, we default to our phones which “centers” our minds on more wandering thoughts which make us more unhappy. Right?

Most of our mental wandering takes the shape of self-talk, the voice in our heads. The ego is talkative and chatty. We tend to pay too much attention to this self-talk. So often your self-talk is mean to you.

We can also lead our brains. 2 Corinthians 10:5 teaches us that we can take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. If we didn’t have this God-given authority, the Bible wouldn’t be instructing us to take captive our thoughts.

We have this God-given authority. This authority comes from outside of yourself.

You experience awe when you are moved to be outside of yourself. We are going somewhere here. Read also: Wondering If You Matter?  

My husband John has written this song, “My Own Worst Enemy.” Watch the video.

Let’s look at some of these lyrics.

I’ve said words to me I’d never say

To someone else in pain.

Held myself outside of mercy,

Like my soul was just a stain.

But You said love means healing,

Then it’s time I let it start—

To forgive what’s in the mirror

And fix this broken heart.

I am my own worst enemy,

Fighting battles You died to win.

I lock myself in chains You broke,

Call myself names You never spoke.

But You said love my enemies,

I guess that means I have to love me

The song has quite a hook too so that these words earworm into your brain. This is a good thing. Your brain could use this truth.

When Jesus said to love your enemies, would you have ever considered that might include loving yourself?

You may need to take a breath here.

Your self-talk is not just harmless background noise. It shapes how you see yourself, how you show up in relationships, and how much freedom you give yourself to grow.

The good news is that those inner words are not the final truth about you. The final truth comes from outside of yourself.

You matter. Why you matter comes from outside of yourself. You can spend lots of effort trying to be the definer of you. Or creating the you you want to be. But the ache in your soul remains. Someone outside of you reaches that ache in your soul. Read more: Wondering If You Matter?

p.s. This song pairs very well with Big Daddy Weave’s “Redeemed.” Both easily earworm into your brain and this is a good thing. Put those two songs on repeat every day for a while.

The post The Enemy We Make of Ourselves appeared first on Bravester.

These words by Paul David Tripp describe the way of brave faith decisions.

“As you look back over your life, with all its twists and turns and highs and lows, you can be sure of one thing: you never could have written your own story.” 

“…But something else is equally true. You have not been passive. You have made countless mundane and dramatic decisions along the way, each one contributing to who you are, where you are, who you are with, and what you do.

“You would not be where you are today if you had made different decisions. Each choice was formative. Every decision contributed to the shape, content, and direction of your life. You were desiring, thinking, meditating, choosing, conversing, and acting all along the way. Nothing about your journey has been robotic.” –Paul Tripp, email April 2, 2025

This describes what a brave faith looks like. No wonder too many people opt for a smaller safer faith.
Faith always asks more of us than what feels comfortable. This is the way of Jesus. His teachings were intentionally uncomfortable.

Yes, I have experienced some smashed heart seasons, the kind you can’t get out of bed from. This I have also learned. At the end of Job’s disaster, he said, I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. Job 42:5. Pain does have a way of showing us God in all truth. This is why pain is our beginning. I will never be able to unsee God’s faithfulness to me each daring time I put myself out there. I know God is beautiful.

The post Memes To Share About the Way of Brave Faith Decisions appeared first on Bravester.

These prayers speak to the deep cries of our beloved young people’s hearts—the ones they rarely say out loud. Not the words they post on social media or share in conversation, but the longings and wounds that live underneath it all, so often hidden yet still painfully real.

You will feel emotions. Maybe emotions such as fear and anger. Remember that all emotions, even the ones you are feeling, will lead you to God too.

We pray. Parents, pray. #thebravepray.Cry: “I wish someone would really see me—not my posts, not my progress, but me.”

My beloved is growing up in a world too heavy for their soul. A world that never sleeps, that never stops shouting, that fills every silence with a scroll of sorrow or tragedy or a sale. His/her brain is still forming—and already overwhelmed. Let my beloved know it’s okay to rest, to unplug, and to breathe without the weight of breaking news and breaking hearts.

My beloved’s worth is not a statistic, a like, a follower count. Strip away the need to measure up. Strip away the pressure to respond, perform, curate. Let my beloved know that he/she is not a brand but a soul. A soul of great value, handcrafted by you.

Protect my beloved from the cruelty that never sleeps:  from the bullying that follows them home through screens; from the comparisons that shrink their sense of self; from the consumerism that tells them their deepest desires can be bought, optimized, or delivered overnight.

Help my beloved to walk at your pace—slow, sacred, unseen by most, but steady.

Because what they long for is not just connection but communion. Not just attention but presence. And no app or chatbot can deliver that. Only you.

Meet my beloved in the ache:  the ache for meaning, for belonging, and
for love without condition.

And remind my beloved, always: He/she has never scrolled out of your sight; never been filtered beyond your recognition; and never been unloved. Amen.

Cry: “I want to believe I’m lovable, but I feel abandoned.”

Help me to teach what is true of you—that your love leads, not pushes. That your love invites, not demands. That your love draws near, never shoves away. Help me live and speak this truth so clearly that my beloved knows it deeply: they belong to you. Not because they earned it. Not because they proved themselves worthy. But because you made them, and that is enough.

You created the world—they didn’t choose that. You created them—they didn’t choose that either. But in being born, they were already given worth. Worthiness is their birthright. My beloved was born to be loved. May they begin to believe that—especially when the world tells them otherwise.

I pray against the many abandonments they have already experienced. The abandonment that came from parents who couldn’t stay or didn’t know how to love well. The abandonment felt in school systems that measured them by performance and not potential. The abandonment by churches that preached grace but practiced shame. The ways social media has used their longing for connection and turned it into currency. The friends who disappeared when they needed them most. The moments society made them feel like a transaction instead of a soul.

When our teens are labeled as entitled or narcissistic, what’s often beneath the surface is grief. Grief from being overlooked. Grief from feeling invisible. Grief from abandonment they didn’t choose but now carry. Help us not to miss this pain. Help us not to judge what we haven’t first tried to understand.

We pray to say out loud: we see the abandonment. And we commit to being people who do not walk away. Let us be the ones who stay. Who listen. Who show up. Who love without requiring performance. Let us be a reflection of the One who has never left.

Because you have not abandoned them. You never could. You never will. It’s not in your nature to give up on the ones you love—and you are love. Let that truth be the loudest voice in my beloved’s life. Amen.

Cry: “I want to believe that God is for me, but who is God?”

I pray my beloved discovers you not as a debt collector, but as the father who runs, who pursues.

Run to my beloved when they feel messy. Run to them when they’re hiding in shame. Run to them when they’ve tried so hard to be perfect and still feel like it’s never enough. Let my beloved know that your love doesn’t need earning. That they don’t have to perform for your presence. Free them from the exhausting cycle of trying to be “good enough.”

Reveal to my beloved that you are not distant or detached, but Emmanuel—God with us. You are the Shepherd who leaves the ninety-nine to find the one, the Healer who touches the unclean without hesitation, the Savior who weeps with us before raising the dead. You are not cold justice or vague mystery—you are mercy in motion, holiness wrapped in compassion. Let my beloved know you as the One who sees, who knows, and who still chooses to stay. Let that truth settle into their soul: that you are not just for them–you are with them, even now.

Let them rest in the truth that everything you have is already theirs—grace, welcome, belonging. May they know this isn’t a platitude but a radical invitation. Let them be found, not because they’ve figured everything out, but because you never stopped looking for them. Bring them home to a love that restores, frees, and stays. Amen.

Cry: “I want real friendships, not just group chats, not my AI chatbot buddy.”

I pray my beloved makes friendships that are real, not just digital echoes. Bring into their life friends who truly see them, who stay when things get messy, who laugh deep and cry honest. Send them friends who don’t just scroll past but sit close—who remind them of their worth, who walk beside them through both silence and celebration. Make room in my beloved’s life for soul friendships and a full life team.

Let my beloved know they were never meant to carry life alone.

Protect their heart from the pull of synthetic closeness—the kind that flatters without depth, listens without cost, and mimics intimacy without offering true connection, especially the kind fed by AI algorithms. I know how easy it is to turn to the comfort of something that always responds, always agrees.

But real relationships are sacred work. They require presence, patience, vulnerability. Don’t let my beloved settle for simulations of love when what they crave is the transforming power of being known and loved in full humanity.

Give my beloved adults to be safe places to hold that calm space so the nervous system has a chance to release the cortisol and toxic stress that is constantly being carried around. Give them adults who will listen to the wonder and daydreams and doubts and fears—all of it.

We adults also have to do our job to get offline and do what we have to do to regulate.

And above all, give my beloved a lived, not just learned, experience of your love—a love that is embodied, relational, and real. Amen.

Cry: “I want to rest, but I don’t know how to stop.”

Slow my beloved down—not just their calendar, but their soul. In a world that never stops striving, teach them they don’t have to hustle to be loved. Let them feel the holy permission to rest—-not as laziness, but as an act of trust.

When the world tells my beloved to prove their worth with grades, with trophies, with perfect photos, whisper instead:  You began as enough. Worthiness is your birthright.

Remind my beloved that stillness does not disqualify them. That silence isn’t failure. That they are deeply worthy even when they produce nothing, post nothing, accomplish nothing.

Let them find peace in simply being—-being held, being loved, being enough.

Free my beloved from the weight of perfection. Let them know they were never meant to carry that burden. They are not their test scores. They are not their social status. They are not the algorithm’s approval.

Their identity is anchored in you—chosen, cherished, already whole.

Show them the beauty of imperfection, the strength of being honest.

Quiet the voices that scream otherwise. Mute the noise that keeps them anxious, performing, and afraid.

Let your voice rise above it all—-gentle, steady, true. Amen.

Cry: “I’m tired of pretending I’m okay.”

I don’t want the social media algorithm of my child. I want to know what is really going on.

I want to be trusted with the doubts and fears, the crises, the questions that keep him/her up at night. I don’t want my beloved to tell me one thing and then I find out he/she is someone else with another life I don’t recognize. I long to know the soul behind the posts—-the ache, the wonder, the battle to belong.

When my beloved feels pressure to smile through the pain, give them the bravery to trust me or another adult with the truth. Let them know it’s okay to fall apart sometimes. It’s okay to not be okay. Meet my beloved in the middle of their pretending, because you already see it all.

And still, you stay. Faithful is your name.

Give my beloved the holy bravery to be seen—fully, honestly, even messy.

And give me, as their parent, the tenderness to receive them with grace. Amen.

Cry: “I don’t trust the world and I don’t know how to trust God.”

I see the world my children and their generation are growing up in, and I grieve the weight they carry.

They haven’t lost faith—not exactly. They’ve been trained to second-guess, conditioned to be uncertain at every turn so search a machine, ask AI.

This is not just the culture, but by companies that profit off of their ache, industries that feed their fear and sell them the solution in the same breath.

Our young people are surrounded—-by apps that offer connection but deepen loneliness; by voices that question their every emotion, only to sell them a diagnosis; by a machine-driven world that answers fast but erodes trust in their own thoughts.

And so they doubt—doubt their decisions; doubt their words; doubt their worth.

They hold back from love, not because they don’t want it, but because the checklists and red flags feel safer than hope. Because in a world without faith, doubt has become their only defense.

We were never meant to live this way. Our kids were not made for algorithms, but for communion. Not for curated identities but for your everlasting image in them.

Rescue them from this devil’s bargain.

Restore their wonder. Renew their confidence in your truth. Remind them that faith is not weakness—it is the brave act of living fully when something doesn’t feel certain.

Give them discernment, yes—but also bravery to trust, to love, to hope.

May they know they don’t have to outsource their worth or question every thought or match with perfection to be loved. May they know you—not a product, not a theory, not another voice in the algorithm, but a person, faithful and true.

Be their anchor in a sea of doubt.

And when I as a parent feel helpless—remind me you are not. Amen.

Cry: “I want to see the world changed, and to have a part in it.”

Thank You for the mercy already rising in my beloved. I see it in how they notice the hurting, how they make space for the overlooked, how they care for the earth, and how they show up for each other.

Let this compassion keep growing. Let it not grow cold in a world that often rewards selfishness. Let it not grow cold in the face of indifference.

My beloved sees people as people-with stories, with dignity, with worth. And they’re brave enough to care, to step in, to act.

Hold them close in that bravery. When the world resists, when the burden feels too heavy, don’t let their heart harden. Don’t let their fire burn out.

Root their mercy deep in you:  where it stays steady, where it grows bold, where it cannot be taken.

Let mercy—not cynicism—be what shapes them. Let love—not fear—be what leads them. Amen.

Cry: “I want to dream, but I’m afraid to be disappointed again.”

Life has hurt my beloved so much already. I pray for hope to keep growing. So trying keeps happening. For grit to be a definer of my beloved.

When failure comes–and it will–let my beloved know it means they were brave enough to try. That trying is a declaration saying, I believe I am worthy.

Help me to teach my beloved that failure doesn’t make them less. That they are still worthy. Worthy to rise again. Worthy to begin again.

God was the first to speak to your beloved. He told your beloved the truth. Psalm 51:6 says “Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place.” Remind my beloved what you said to him/her in the womb before this life belonged to me.

And help me say, with my words and with my life:  You cannot disappoint me. You are not too much. You are not a burden.

My beloved is a gift:  to me, to the world, and always, always to you. Amen.

Cry: “I don’t want to be defined by what hurt me.”

I know my beloved is wonderfully made with purpose, intention, and love.

May my beloved grow to see him/herself that way, too. More than a diagnosis. More than what’s been done to them. May trauma never be the full story. May it never name them.

Their personality is not a problem to fix. Their sensitivity is not weakness. Their quirks are not symptoms. They are not a list of labels.

My beloved is a soul:  not a disorder, not a category, not a case to be managed.

Don’t let the hard things they’ve lived through become the loudest voice in their story. Give them resilience and grit, and also gentleness, compassion for themselves and others.

Let pain not make them harder, but more human. More loving, not more bitter. More whole, not more hidden.

May they be known by the healing; by the brave, small choices they make to keep going; to keep trusting; to keep becoming. Not just by what broke them but by what you’re restoring in them.

What a good larger story. Amen.

Cry: “I miss the version of me who felt things fully, then I learned to numb.”

If my beloved has gone numb from all the noise or pain, bring them gently back to life. Let them know it’s okay to feel deeply. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to wonder. Please slow them down so my beloved can wonder…and daydream…again. Let their heart stay soft in a world that tells them to harden. Soften what has grown hard. Remind my beloved that all emotions lead to God.

These emotions are not a dysregulated nervous system but part of living. These emotions are not a sign of a mental health problem.

Naming emotions doesn’t give the emotions power, it gives us power–the power to move through them, make meaning, make new choices, and learn about ourselves and the world. May my beloved trust me with his/he emotions, even in the midst of being overwhelmed by them.

Give my beloved adults who will help them feel safe to be in their emotions. Help me to notice when I need to join them in their emotions.

My beloved is feeling some disappointments right now. Lead them through the spectrum of emotions of disappointments so they see that you are with them through all of it. Amen.

Cry: “I want to believe in something. I hope it is God.”

I lift up this generation—our sons, our daughters, and all the young people walking through a world that feels like it’s crumbling beneath them. Because of the internet and social media and chatbots, they have more access than ever before, but less to stand on.

The foundations we once trusted—truth, community, shared meaning—are gone or questioned. And so they question everything.

They doubt what it means to love; what it means to live; what it means to be good; and if any of it is worth the effort.

Be the steady ground beneath their feet when nothing else holds. Be the voice that speaks louder than cynicism and shame. Show them that faith is not foolish, that hope is not naive, and that love—real love—is the strongest force in the universe.

Where they’ve seen hypocrisy, let them see truth.

Where they’ve been mocked for believing, give them courage to believe still.

Where they feel alone, surround them with the unshakable presence of your Spirit.

Hold them steady. And when they wonder if life is worth living, whisper into their ache: “Yes. And you are worth loving.”

Raise up my beloved as part of the remnant—those quiet few who still carry the way of Jesus deep in their souls.

In a world that has traded prayer for self-affirmation and confession for curated vulnerability, let my beloved hear your voice above the noise. Let them be curious—not just about healing, but about the Healer.

Let my beloved speak the name of Jesus not with fear, but with quiet fire. Let their love be brave, their mercy deep, their truth clear.

May their life whisper what this world forgot: that grace is real, and Jesus still saves. Amen.

The post 12 Written Prayers for Gen Z and Gen Alpha appeared first on Bravester.

“As you look back over your life, with all its twists and turns and highs and lows, you can be sure of one thing: you never could have written your own story.” –Paul Tripp, email April 2, 2025

Looking back on my 62 years this is certainly true! Never ever ever ever ever did I see this life for me. Nor do I have any regrets.

More Paul Tripp:  “But something else is equally true. You have not been passive. You have made countless mundane and dramatic decisions along the way, each one contributing to who you are, where you are, who you are with, and what you do.

“You would not be where you are today if you had made different decisions. Each choice was formative. Every decision contributed to the shape, content, and direction of your life. You were desiring, thinking, meditating, choosing, conversing, and acting all along the way. Nothing about your journey has been robotic.”

This describes what a brave faith looks like. No wonder too many people opt for a smaller safer faith.Faith always asks more of us than what feels comfortable. This is the way of Jesus. His teachings were intentionally uncomfortable.

We are asked to love that person we’d rather other. To listen longer than we’d like. To notice those who are suffering. To advocate for those on the margins. To forgive actual people who actually hurt you. To feel your emotions because all emotions lead you to God. (Feelings are not trauma. They are a guide for you.)

Someone (maybe you) can lead a numbed life or a distracted life and still love Jesus. Still have your name written down in the Book of Life and I’ll meet you in heaven one day. But a life of faith while still here on earth can be so much more. This is why I live. This is why I write.

Yes, I have experienced some smashed heart seasons, the kind you can’t get out of bed from. This I have also learned. At the end of Job’s disaster, he said, I had only heard about you before, but now I have seen you with my own eyes. Job 42:5. Pain does have a way of showing us God in all truth. This is why pain is our beginning. I will never be able to unsee God’s faithfulness to me each daring time I put myself out there. I know God is beautiful.

I have a beautiful life deeply full of joy because I have made some brave and uncomfortable decisions.

I’ve been taken out of my comfort zone time and time again. But what I’ve grown to learn (and am passing on to you) is that I am not being harmed. I am just being made uncomfortable. I can survive uncomfortable.

There are no hard things. There are only new things. When I am facing a daunting task because I made the brave decision that was before me, it’s not that this thing is really hard to do. It’s just that I didn’t know how to do it yet and I decided to not let the fear of the possibility of failure take over. I saw the possibility from that brave decision as too important.

I believe in the possibilities that happen when God is at work in something.

I have learned from years of God’s faithfulness that I do not need to fear feeling vulnerable or uncomfortable but that I can brave up and walk into it because God always carries me through. When you live such a daring faith, you grow to have no doubt about this.

I make these brave decisions when I go with my gut after I have made other decisions that exposed myself to heartbreaking situations. What did Paul Tripp say about those decisions made along the way? Rainn Wilson says this about the making of our decisions:

“Many studies are finding that a great deal of our decisions and feelings are actually based in our intestines, our guts, and the bazillions of bacteria and the two hundred million neurons that line our digestive tract. In fact, many scientists are now referring to our guts as our second brains! Talk about the advice to ‘go with your gut’ or the question ‘What does your gut tell you?’ taking on new meaning!” –Rainn Wilson, Soul Boom:  Why We Need a Spiritual Revolution, p. 52

You feel these decisions. They feel uncomfortable in the gut. I can survive uncomfortable.

Sometimes those brave decisions involve who to not keep in my life. Abusive relationships, self-harm, brokenness, dysfunction and pathologies of all kind can be avoided by making braver decisions. You feel these decisions in your gut too, and they break your heart. I still needed to make those brave decisions.

My reward for making these uncomfortable decisions from my gut? Wonder and awe. And joy that words cannot describe. I share so many of these stories here at Bravester.

My hope is that true stories like mine will inspire you. Inspire you to make braver decisions about your life. Inspiration is a beginning. But inspiration is still safe. Application is the change, and that is not safe.

So may this be your invitation—to make the braver, more uncomfortable decisions that your gut (and the Holy Spirit) is already stirring in you. Don’t let the possibility of failure or the risk of vulnerability keep you from the larger, wonder-filled life that Jesus is leading you toward. You just might discover a life more beautiful than you ever imagined.

I close with a blessing for you, not written by me.

A Blessing for When Caring Costs You

“Blessed are you who want your life to count, you who do the right thing, who hope it will all add up to something. This is some good math.

“But blessed are you who do terrible, terrible math. You who care about strangers. What a waste—that wasn’t going to get you a nicer apartment. You who give your health in service of people who might not even deserve it and who never say thank you. You could have been protecting yourself or, God forbid, sleeping through the night. But you are here instead.

“Blessed are you who listen to long, winding stories from lonely hearts instead of rushing off to more interesting friends. You picked boredom or loving strangers instead of the warmth of being known. That was your time and you’re never going to get it back.

“Blessed are you who love people who aren’t grateful, the sick who endanger your health, the deeply boring who know you have things to do. Loving people can be the most meaningful thing in the world, but it can also be hard and scary and boring and disgusting or sad or anxiety-inducing with zero overtime.

“So bless you, dear one. You who made these bad investments, those acts of love that are not going to add up to success in the way the world sees it. You are the definition of love.” –Kate Bowler, Good Enough, p. 192

Bravo to you, brave one, with the bad math who is the definition of love. There is a larger, wonder-filled life waiting for you.

The post My Beautiful Life of Brave Decisions appeared first on Bravester.

There is a difference between the two but they are often blurred into one desire. The desire to be married is real. But to be in a marriage is entirely different.

I need to be honest here. I learned of this difference only after I got married.

Before I got married I desired companionship, someone to do things with, someone to deal with the snake in the garden, and mostly someone to stop the church gossip about me. I did 15 years single as a youth pastor in churches. And I believed in dating and showing my teens how to date well. So you can imagine the gossip! My prayers often were, “God, please send me someone so I don’t have to see or hear this gossip about me.”

That is not the best prayer to pray for your marriage!

Now that I am married and I have the companionship, someone around (who is also a messy), someone who will deal with that snake, and someone who marks me as “safe” for those gossipy church women, I realize marriage is not what I thought it was.

Yes, I got emotional security but that is about 1/16th of what marriage is.

Marriage is two whole people becoming whole. This is a lot of adjustments, growth, and dependency on God to help you grow. Because you really only have say-so over you. It’s waking up next to someone who loves you and who triggers you. It’s laughing deeply—and sometimes weeping quietly—over the daily grind of dishes, disagreements, disappointments, and the beauty that somehow still grows through it all.

The desire to be married can sometimes be about fixing a loneliness or silencing outside noise or wanting protection. But being in a marriage means learning to hold space for another person’s story, wounds, quirks, and glory. It means realizing that your spouse is not there to fill your gaps but to grow with you in them.

And here’s the thing: God answered my prayers—but not just to remove the gossip. He gave me someone who would gently (and sometimes clumsily) walk with me toward being more whole. Marriage has been less about what I need and more about learning how to love someone when it’s not convenient, not romantic, not easy—and still worth it.

So, yes, desire marriage. But don’t confuse that desire with what marriage is. Because marriage is deeper, messier, and more beautiful than I ever imagined. It’s not the answer to the ache of singleness—but it is a calling to show up daily in the kind of love that transforms us both.

Your desire is not wrong. But bravely refine it. Learn the difference as best you can before you have to wake up daily with a messy person (and one who talks way too much).

It’s not about being saved from gossip. It’s about being invited into transformation—yours and his, together.

Maybe this is why so many women (and men) accept marriage proposals from poor matches. They are just happy enough to have the emotional security without realizing the work that is coming.

My vanity would not allow me to accept marriage proposals from bad matches. That means I was single a lot longer than I wished for. That means I had to endure the gossip for way longer than I wished for. Enduring the gossip propelled me to make godly choices so I could be above all of the gossip. I’m proud of those choices that I made. I do not have regrets.

Looking back, I see that the waiting wasn’t wasted—it was shaping (though I still hated the waiting). Those years of singleness and side glances taught me to anchor my worth in God, not in someone else’s presence or approval. They taught me to choose wisely, not desperately. They taught me a moral lifestyle that would rise above the gossip. And they taught me that God cares far more about who I am becoming than just how quickly I can get what I want.

So if you’re still waiting, still desiring, still walking past whispers with your head held high—keep going. Let your desire be real, but let your trust in God be louder. He sees you, and he’s not just preparing someone for you—-he’s preparing you for the kind of love that’s worth the wait. The kind of love that can grow in the beautiful and painful disruptions that marriage is.

Trust me on this. As you still have your moments of anger with God. I know.

The post Is It Marriage You Want—or Emotional Security? appeared first on Bravester.

In this crazy world of increased anxiety everywhere, teens are looking for sacred spaces. According to this research from Springtide Research, seeking sacred spaces helps teens:

feel connected to the divine and others in new and different waysfind a space to reflect on and process new experiencesbetter understand themselves and the world around themexperience the emotions that contribute to overall well-being

This sounds so opposite to the mind-numbing scrolling that is occupying hours of teens’ lives—by their own choice as they roll their eyes and grumble at you, parent, every time you ask them to put their phone away. This sounds like a search for enchantment that the phone is not giving them. This sounds like a cry for peace.

And now this new jarring experience to increase the anxiety:

How do we help our teens? This is not just you, parent. This is for all of us. Because all of us see the despair in their eyes seeking help (whenever they look up from their phones that is sucking the enchantment out of them).

From some more Springtide Research, notice these findings:

65% of young people surveyed say they are not currently part of an organized religious or spiritual community.The 35% who DO belong report overwhelming positive experiences such as: 81% feel accepted in their religious or spiritual community and 79% feel like they belong in their religious or spiritual community. (Wow!)What a difference a sacred space can make!Who would have thought it could be a religious or spiritual community?

Just because you have trust issues with an institution, doesn’t mean your teen does. Your teen needs that very institution.  

From research from Future of Faith:  Institutional trust is at an all-time low, but personal trust remains strong. Our research confirms that while confidence in religious institutions has steadily declined for decades, trust in personal relationships remains resilient. Over 70% of adults, and 76% of teenagers, report high trust in people they know personally. Faith leaders can no longer rely on authority alone; they must prioritize relational trust.

In the same study by Future of Faith, 75 percent indicated that being listened to helps them process spiritual challenges like doubt, disillusionment, and grief; and 71 percent reported that it deepens their own faith. Perhaps most importantly, the study concluded that experiencing a listening ear without judgment is two times likelier to produce spiritual growth than hearing sermons. 

Young people are seeking adults who will let them talk and answer those questions. With the people you have given to your teen, give your teen the freedom to talk and ask their questions. To give words to their doubts. To feel safe enough to express their uncertainty and then find out that an uncertain faith is a brave faith. To provide “along the way” experiences of what faith looks like. To share stories of times when it felt like God had abandoned yet time has proven how close God always was. How faith is grown memory to memory. Random conversations with lots of listening, some sharing, that all provide clarity.

Where do you find people like this? In church. In the intentional adults you give your teens.

What a gift to give them sacred space and adults who want to listen.

I just gave you a lot of research. Research that has some big numbers with big truth. Of course, I’m hoping that research will lead you to really help your teen by giving your beloved sacred space and listening adults. Now I want to make a personal plea.

I’ve worked with teens as a youth pastor since 1981. Back in the 1980s suicide was sadly common and openly talked about in churches and schools. What I’m seeing today is different yet not different. The solution is the same though. Research is saying the same things after 40+ years too. I’m reading articles from youth pastors much younger than me that are writing the same things I wrote in the 1980s.

So parents, please find your teen sacred spaces and adults who will listen. This is the hope you are looking for.

Read more:  https://bravester.com/seeking-adults-...

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Let’s start with this truth: Disappointment hurts in ways we carry for a long time.

We are big fans of hope here at Bravester. Because hope always requires vulnerability. Wishes don’t require vulnerability. The reality is you may be let down or worse yet—crushed because of hope. Being crushed is something you never forget. So to risk being crushed again makes hope evasive. It is safer not to hope. It is safer to beat vulnerability to the punch and strive to control your surroundings.

Do you ever find yourself keeping your hope for “safe things?”

Do you see why you do that now? You don’t really trust God so you don’t want to become vulnerable to God and risk that disappointment again. Truth is hope is not nebulous and ethereal gifted to us from God. We can’t easy button our hope to God. Hope is something we have a part of when we find our Plan B. Plan A is us hanging on to what we believe is “supposed to” happen and being crushed when things didn’t work out. Plan B is having the tenacity to revise my “supposed to” because deep down I know I’m worthy of having something good happen to me.  Hope is a function of struggle—my struggle that I’m worthy to stumble through and overcome.

Plan A hope is what leads to our disappointments. Hopelessness leads us to make our Plan Bs (or Plan Ms—keeping it real).

Hopelessness doesn’t sound brave. Yet it is a part of a brave life. Hopelessness is a part of making your Plan B. It is not a lack of faith.  Plan B is born from resilience–and that sounds brave and full of faith.

Hope can keep you going. But misplaced hope can keep you going…in the wrong direction. This is where disappointment hijacks your life.

So how do you know when to keep hoping—and when to let go? This is what we call the hope paradox, and it’s one of the hardest things to discern spiritually and emotionally. Negotiating the hope paradox is one of the factors that separates the truly great and successful people from those who aren’t.

Let’s make this personal:

When do you need to face the music and admit that a situation, a relationship, or a job isn’t going to turn around? When is it wise to keep hoping and persevering…and when is it time to stop?Is that relationship, dream, or job bearing fruit or just draining you?Is there movement, growth, healing—or just a repeat of old patterns?Is God nudging you forward, or are you holding on to what you wish could happen?

Admitting that something is truly beyond your control—or broken beyond your ability to fix—is not failure. It’s actually one of the bravest steps you can take.

When you let go of false hope:

It frees you from pretending to be stronger than you are.It steals shame’s power to keep you stuck.It breaks the isolation that grows in silent suffering.And most importantly, it repositions your heart to receive comfort and wisdom from God.

There’s a maturity—and even a spiritual strength—in being able to say, “This isn’t working, and I’m not going to pretend it is.”

Here’s the paradox: When you let yourself get hopeless about what’s not working, you restore hope to your life.

Your brave decision builds new confidence. It restores energy. It frees you to hope again—but this time in something that can grow, something that can be redeemed.

This is a deeply spiritual moment. You don’t have to be a Christian to practice this discernment, but as believers, we have a secret weapon: the Holy Spirit. The Spirit helps us tell the difference between stubborn hope and Spirit-led resilience. Between blind optimism and wise surrender.

So here is the difficulty: how do you know when more perseverance is needed because there truly is hope for something or someone to turn around? And vice versa, how do you know that the worst thing you could do is give it more time?


My Bravester wisdom for you: Ask the hard questions. Ask these questions with your Life Team/gift of people.

Is this relationship, this collaboration, this hope I’m carrying actually bearing any fruit?Is it producing peace, trust, shared values—or just emotional drain?Have I been giving time and energy to something that just keeps taking without any sign of growth?Is there something beautiful still in the soil?Is there repentance? Movement? A reason to keep the perseverance?

A second chance is not a repeat of the first chance. A second chance is a moving forward to something new. There must be something new and different. If everything’s the same, you are repeating what already has been, and there is no reason to think the outcome will be different.

If you’re thinking about going back—whether to a relationship, a partnership, a situation—make sure you’re actually moving forward, not just looping back into something that hasn’t changed. Your gift of people will help you discern this.

Don’t go back just to relive what once was. Don’t go back simply because you or someone else feels sorry. That might be a starting place, but it’s not a solid reason to return. Nostalgia isn’t enough. Missing the good parts doesn’t mean the whole thing is good again.

And easing your pain—temporarily—is not the same as healing.

If you go back, something must be different. There must be real change—either in you, in the other person, or in the situation itself. Otherwise, you’re not going forward. You’re just returning to more of the same, hoping for your wishes to come true.

Do not let hope go to waste because your desire for something is misplaced, or your fear of ending something is too strong. Hope is grounded in discernment, wisdom, and spiritual strength. So ask the questions. Grieve what didn’t work. Let go of false hope. And then, when something new is planted, hope again—bravely, vulnerably, spiritually.

The post Feeling Hopeless? How Hopelessness Can Lead You to Hope appeared first on Bravester.

They also expect to learn about Jesus.

We must begin with this premise. Today’s teens are not growing up in church. True, some are. Some still have parents who are in church every Sunday, have their kids in every church program because they know this is good. It is good. I wish for more of this.

But I’ve been a youth pastor since 1981. I’ve experienced the drift. I also read the numbers. Teens aren’t raised in church anymore. Teens have no social obligation to go to church.

Yet teens are returning to church! The numbers say so also. They are curious about Jesus (the number say so also!) and want to learn more about Jesus. They expect the church to be the place to do this.

So be part of a church that does this.

Here is some recent Barna Research revealing the seven biggest reasons why Gen Z is bailing on Christianity. Those reasons are:

I have a hard time believing that a good God would allow so much evil or suffering in the world (29%)Christians are hypocrites (23%)I believe science refutes too much of the Bible (20%)I don’t believe in fairy tales (19%)There are too many injustices in the history of Christianity (15%)I used to go to church, but it’s just not important to me anymore (12%)I had a bad experience in church or with a Christian (6%) Source.

Here are some teaching topics your church can teach on and (importantly) create space for questions on. Wouldn’t you rather provide the space for these topics than AI?

Definitely be in a church that spends time teaching the way of Jesus. Jesus is so misunderstood. There are loads to teach just about Jesus and loads of questions to answer just about Jesus. And teens expect to learn about Jesus in church. Use the Bible a lot too. This is also an expectation.

But…but…but…teens don’t want to learn. They want to have fun. Especially during the after school hours when youth group or Bible study falls into.

Why isn’t this type of learning fun? Where will they get their questions answered? Why do we infantilize them with games and pizza?

Interesting note. Research from Springtide Research found that teens say they do want fun from a youth-serving organization. But fun is more about joy and what creates joy like having a heart-to-heart with a youth leader or understanding a theology concept finally. So you may hear they want fun and you may assume something differently. Source: Springtide’s Youth Ministry Field Guide

So says one teen:

“It’s hard being a teen. Like no matter how hard we try, we get disrespected and looked down upon. We aren’t stupid. We are young and learning.” https://springtideresearch.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/thirteen-a-first-look-at-gen-alpha-springtide-research-institute.pdf

Yes, this is just one teen. But doesn’t something feel true to what this teen said? Do you hear a cry of this teen’s heart? Can your church provide this space?

Gen Z has grown up with little church experience. They are also lonelier than ever. They are more disconnected than ever. Could church be a place where they find connection and fulfillment for their longing to matter? Could actually teaching them about the way of Jesus help them know they matter?

“Most young people are not being formed primarily by their religious faith traditions; rather, they are being formed by other notions and ideologies. And in part this is because adults are afraid to teach. They are afraid of young people. They are afraid of not looking cool when they teach real substance. And yet youth actually want to be taught something, even if they eventually reject it. They at least want to have something to reject, rather than an attitude of anything goes. Teens need an opportunity to articulate, to think and to make arguments in environments that will be challenging to their faith. And I don’t think they are getting that. In general, religious traditions that expect more and demand more of their youth get more. And those that are more compromising, more accommodating, more anything-goes, end up not getting much.” –Dr. Christian Smith, Ethics and Public Policy Center, February 15, 2005

This is a warning from 2005. Twenty years ago. Can we learn from this?

Youth ministry programs can’t change how busy teens are, and teens don’t expect them to do that. However, youth ministry programs can shift their offerings to align with young people’s wants and needs.

Don’t forget about the blessings of intergenerational programs. This can form lifetime relationships with people outside of the algorithm and echo chambers. This also restores the abandonment Gen Z feels from so many of their adult relationships. Gen Z is curious about those who have “made it” and how you made it. About those who have a committed love story, because they have so rarely experienced this. Your church is full of beautiful people like this.

Your church can be a place where your teen learns about the way of Jesus using a Bible and give them relationships they can ask all of their questions too. Even those hard questions that sound like doubt.

No more bait-and-switch, please. I’ve been around long enough to have seen every variation of that. Meet the expectation. This is what teens expect to find at a church, especially those who haven’t really been to church.

Bonus read:  This is article not written by me about why teens hate small groups. It is not the small group format, it is the infantilizing. https://youthministry.com/why-my-teen-hates-your-small-group/

The post Teens Expect to Learn in Church appeared first on Bravester.

What happens when we replace boredom with constant distraction and stimulation?

The answer is the mess of today’s culture of increased anxiety; an official loneliness epidemic; the polarization of our echo chambers; and an economy has been created to keep us living separated and distracted. Think DoorDash, Instacart, and livestream church.

I’m bravely calling for more boredom and more time to daydream.In the space between anxiety and boredom is where creativity flourishes.We have the anxiety. Let’s add the boredom—again.

Our exhausted souls could use a little creativity.

Some of us older folks grew up with boredom then we got our smartphones. Some of you younger folks haven’t known boredom because you got your smartphones. Though I still hear my grandchildren complaining about being soooooo bored. I’ll give them boredom!!!

Complaining about being bored is a rite of passage. It is for every generation. But now we have to intentionally plan it in.

Teachers used to correct students to stop daydreaming in class. Now they correct students to put their phones away.

Waiting has become a problem to be solved. How can I multi-task while I wait in the dentist’s office? How many messages can I read on my smartphone at the stoplight? That is all time that can be spent daydreaming.

I live in the Washington DC area. DC is one of those notorious bad traffic areas. It’s bad nearly every day and at random times it is worse. My husband is a constant GPS user. He likes to see what’s going on up ahead when it comes to traffic. But lately he’s been getting angry at the traffic—because he can see ahead of time that it happened thanks to GPS. Traffic always happens here. It is always something to navigate. I have learned to not stress over it but to take it as time given (and to plan well). Now that we are longtime empty nesters, this time in the car is just for the two of us. It is undisturbed talk time. It is time without distractions as both of us now are away from our home offices. Some of our most creative ideas have come from these times. This is not happening when he’s fussing at the GPS though.

Our souls are tired of our smartphones trying to make us superhumans.

More daydreaming please. Allow for more time for your mind to wander, to notice, to overhear. You may think your wandering mind is a distraction. Or is wasting your time. Until you get that thought that leads you to a brave decision.

The benefits of daydreaming are:

Sparking more creativityEnhancing memory consolidationRetrieving deeply personal memories (which you have probably forgotten)Increasing thoughts of gratitude (which can change your whole life perspective)Encouraging personal planning (rather than being led by the randomness of a crazy busy life)Supporting goal-driven thinkingFacilitating future planningWorking through all sides of a current problemBoosting self-awareness (don’t you think our culture needs more of this?!!!)Increasing reflective compassionImagining another person’s perspectiveProcessing moral reasoningEncouraging nonlinear thinking that leads to “a-ha!” momentsLowering stress and providing a calming resetShifting your emotional state, especially away from frustrationReducing social anxiety by rehearsing stressful situationsReminding you of who you really areHelping integrate past experiences into your current self (probably more “a-ha!” moments)Bringing back memories of God’s faithfulness over the years

And maybe in the quiet of a daydream, you can hear God reminding you that you are his child. You are claimed and spoken for. You belong somewhere and to someone. We are people of a place. We are people of a person, not a notion or belief system or philosophy but the person of Jesus Christ.  This has placement and is not fluid. You belong.

Daydreaming turns into prayer requests. Everything from that list becomes a prayer request. Maybe you punish yourself because in your times of prayer your mind wanders too much. Stop that self-punishment. That mind wandering is okay and you are having all sorts of things come to your mind that you can now pray about. Write those down! Write down those wandering thoughts and that is your prayer list. It is a good one–which your soul revealed to you.

These are not selfish prayer requests either. Maybe when you began praying, before your mind wandered, that list was selfish prayer requests. But not this list.

I’m bravely calling for the return of sacred boredom spaces:  lines, red lights, traffic, waiting rooms, restaurants, bathrooms. Put the phones away and make these spaces sacred again. Though you can pull out your phone again to put this list of prayer requests into your notes.

Share these notes with some of your friends on your Life Team. Ask them to join you in praying for these things.

More daydreaming please.

This article was inspired by a daydream.

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