Barry Parham's Blog: The Mooncalf Communion

Utterly devoid of fingernails, the discount roofers were ultimately unable to complete the inspectionBiden continued to insist there were no national security risks to sensitive documents stored at his beach house“Yes, Donna, the contractor mentioned ‘skeleton crew’ but I let it slide.”Oh, great. White people. There goes the neighborhood.Reviews were mixed for Oliver Stone’s sequel, “Died On the Fourth of July”Despite everyone being dead, the Kappa Pre-Alpha fraternity r...

Ultimately, supply chain issues resulted in intolerable delays at 7-11. Not for ice, but for ice picks.After having smuggled the entire continent of South America into Texas, cartels turned to northern marketsCivic planners never really expected such a turnout for Nepal’s first StarbucksDespite being snubbed by Chick-fil-A Choices magazine, Disney had high hopes for its new “Transgender Trans-Alpine” rideAuditions for Who Wants To Freeze A Millionaire were surprisingly well-...

Elon Musk announces highly discounted space tourism optionsAmazon admits to some “overreach” concerning its nuclear-powered package delivery dronesDespite live TV coverage, Biden continues to tout success of launch facility initiative in rural DelawareTrump’s “Space Force” Suffers Minor SetbackSonic debuts new Launch-Thru fast-food chainHistory tells us precious little about John Deere’s disastrous “Moon Plow” conceptNASA discovers previously unknown green planet, ni...

I always knew manipulating DNA would go badly.Old Testament scholars release revised version of the legendary Towel of BabelTonight! On an all-new “When Knee Surgery Goes Bad!”“Just watch,” muttered Harold bitterly. “When we get in the theater, they’ll sit right in front of us.”The budget-challenged European nation hesitantly announced their new surveillance satellites.“Honey, I unshrunk the kids, and have a little bad news.”History tells us precious little about the...

Attention, CrostCo shoppers! Today only! Big bathroom sale! Stock up now! (limit one)Once in the job market, Sonya quickly came to regret having majored in Mesoamerican Transgender Folk Music.“No, baked beans are on the previous aisle. See how it works?”Just before he choked to death on a roll of TP, the punk in Aisle Six quipped, “Yo, lady! What, did you lose a bet?”Reviews were mixed over Hasbro’s new “Make Your Own Mummy” gift idea“I’m sorry, but I am not paying $89.95 a roll, I don’t ...

(A quick US real estate review)
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I learned this past week that I live in a safe city. I saw it on the internet, so it must be true.

This now officially recognized safe haven is known as Greer, South Carolina, a flung suburb of the very popular city of Greenville, South Carolina (motto: WE’RE FULL. KEEP DRIVING). According to one analysis (there are hundreds), my zip code has been judged one of the twenty safest cities in the state. True, it was number twenty in a list of twenty, ...

(Saving the economy, one repair at a time)
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Here’s some exciting news: I’m buying a new air conditioner.

I’m also having a new air conditioner installed. Yes, those are two separate things, partly because my credit card limit won’t cover both.

Installation of an air conditioner is not included in the purchase price because very few people have the death penalty. This also helps explain why you can buy an electric clothes dryer, and then be told the electric cord is not included...

(Gratitude. Guilt. Cranberries.)
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Here in America, it’s Thanksgiving again. Now shut up and eat. And then shop. Otherwise, the terrorists win.

Once again, the holiday season is upon us, and that means holiday-season-shopping is in full swing, despite the wailing jeremiads from the agenda-driven media doom-crows. According to that cheery bunch, nobody can eat, or drive, or stay warm, or afford gas, or find wrapping paper or buy bows – but the holiday season somehow continues.

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(Old, loud bird. Yep, that’s me.)
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This past week, I became a Beatles song.

Yes, as hard as it is for me to believe, I arrived on this big blue ball six Years of the Rooster ago. (1957. C’mon. Keep up.)

Here’s how old I am. When I was born:

There were only 48 states, 3 TV channels, and 2 genders.Phones made phone calls. That’s it. Cameras took pictures. That’s it. Neither would fit in your back pocket.There was no internet. If you wanted to insult somebody, you had to do it...

(A history of American near-excellence)
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I read, this week, an online list of US Presidents ranked by IQ, and the article contained this strong contender for Captain Obvious’ Comment of the Week: smarter Presidents are better Presidents.

Yes, and wet things are less dry than dry things.

As it turns out, Presidents have generally tested as more intelligent than the average citizen. But then the “average citizen” still thinks that 9/11 is a phone number, and googles questions li...