Odille Rault's Blog - Posts Tagged "taking-advice"
When Loved Ones Won't Listen...
Choice. Every moment of human consciousness is a choice. Even though sometimes it doesn't seem that way. In any situation, under any circumstances, at the very least, a person has a choice of thoughts and focus. Great freedom and empowerment comes from not only recognizing our own power of choice, but in recognizing and respecting the power of choice in others.
Yesterday I was speaking with someone (I'll call her Janet) who was very worried about her daughter (I'll call her Sue). Janet could see the stress and unhappiness her daughter was experiencing as a result of certain situations in her life. Janet was desperately trying to point out to Sue, the changes she needed to make in order to solve these issues, however, Sue refused to listen. She argued each point, and insisted there was no other option. On some of the points, Sue wouldn't even let Janet finish explaining.
Janet was beside herself. She couldn't understand why her daughter wouldn't listen to her. She couldn't understand how Sue couldn't see the solutions she was pointing out, and she couldn't stop herself from pushing Sue to do something about her situation. Of course, Janet's state was not helping, in fact it was adding to the stress and turmoil. The result was, not only was Sue stressed and unhappy in her situation, but now, so was Janet - and there was anger and turmoil between them.
I spoke to Janet about Choice. The magical power of choice. The great thing about becoming aware of the power of choice is that its power goes beyond the action of making a choice:
* Because each of us ALWAYS has a choice - even if it's just choosing what to think or what to turn our focus to - that is empowering to us of course - we can also recognize and respect that others have the same power. And THAT is empowering to us as well. Right in this moment, you are choosing to read this. You have a choice in how to feel about it, you have a choice in what to do next. Every single moment of human consciousness is a choice.
* We can't make others do anything. Each person is calling the shots in their own life experience (whether they're aware of it or not). We can contribute, we can influence, we can affect... but only as far as the other person allows. They have the final say, they have the ultimate power within their own experience.
* There is great freedom and power in recognizing and respecting another's choices.
Janet offered the information and help, but if Sue chooses not to take it, Janet fighting that only causes more stress and conflict for both of them - AND, Janet cannot control what Sue does, so it's a losing battle. However, if Janet chooses to accept and respect Sue's choices, even though she believes they are not good choices, at the very least, there will be less stress (for both of them) and Janet will be surprised at the results of that decision in her own life.
Here's an analogy:
If someone is in a deep pit, and they're cold, and they want to get out, and you throw a rope to them, and encourage them to climb it... if they won't climb the rope, here are a few of the possibilities:
1. You spend time trying to talk them into it. This is fine, but if they won't climb it, they won't climb it. And if they make the choice not to climb it, no matter how much they complain about being in the pit, no amount of talking will *make* them climb the rope to get out. The result of this is: you waste your time, and you annoy them. ;)
2. You can get into the pit with them and try and convince them from there, to climb the rope. This means you're both unhappy and stressed in the pit..and they're still not climbing the rope.
3. You can accept and respect their choice to not climb the rope. You've done what you can to the extent of the power you have in their experience - you've offered the rope - and now they definitely have a choice - to use it or to not use it. The power is theirs. Any reasons they come up with for not climbing it (and it may even be that they are choosing to not believe it's there) is still a choice on their part. This way, you can feel sympathy for them being in the pit and being unhappy, but you can ALLOW them to be in that state because you know it is their choice - and they have a right to that choice. So you can focus on making choices in your own experience that feel good.
If someone watches a scary movie, and they're ... well, scared ;) ... you can suggest they stop watching, but if they continue to watch it even though they're scared and even though they're complaining about being scared, you have to accept the fact that they are choosing to be scared (strange as some of us may find that :D). There are many situations in life where people complain about something but choose not to change it.
Test this. The next time you feel compelled to make someone do something that will help them, try just letting them know of the options, and then accepting and respecting (respecting is a very important part of this) their choice. Even if it's not the choice you would make, respect their right to choose. Then let go, focus on your own choices - making those that feel good - and see what happens. ;) Just try it. You'll surprise yourself!
Each person is the ONLY one in charge of their experience. Whether they're consciously aware of it or not. And being unaware of it is also a choice. ;) If you don't think that being unaware of it is a choice, point it out to them, and then allow them to believe or not. Our beliefs are choices too.
Once you start becoming aware in the moment, that each moment is a choice, you can start making the choices that feel good (including allowing and respecting the choices of others). And that will change your life completely. ;)
Yesterday I was speaking with someone (I'll call her Janet) who was very worried about her daughter (I'll call her Sue). Janet could see the stress and unhappiness her daughter was experiencing as a result of certain situations in her life. Janet was desperately trying to point out to Sue, the changes she needed to make in order to solve these issues, however, Sue refused to listen. She argued each point, and insisted there was no other option. On some of the points, Sue wouldn't even let Janet finish explaining.
Janet was beside herself. She couldn't understand why her daughter wouldn't listen to her. She couldn't understand how Sue couldn't see the solutions she was pointing out, and she couldn't stop herself from pushing Sue to do something about her situation. Of course, Janet's state was not helping, in fact it was adding to the stress and turmoil. The result was, not only was Sue stressed and unhappy in her situation, but now, so was Janet - and there was anger and turmoil between them.
I spoke to Janet about Choice. The magical power of choice. The great thing about becoming aware of the power of choice is that its power goes beyond the action of making a choice:
* Because each of us ALWAYS has a choice - even if it's just choosing what to think or what to turn our focus to - that is empowering to us of course - we can also recognize and respect that others have the same power. And THAT is empowering to us as well. Right in this moment, you are choosing to read this. You have a choice in how to feel about it, you have a choice in what to do next. Every single moment of human consciousness is a choice.
* We can't make others do anything. Each person is calling the shots in their own life experience (whether they're aware of it or not). We can contribute, we can influence, we can affect... but only as far as the other person allows. They have the final say, they have the ultimate power within their own experience.
* There is great freedom and power in recognizing and respecting another's choices.
Janet offered the information and help, but if Sue chooses not to take it, Janet fighting that only causes more stress and conflict for both of them - AND, Janet cannot control what Sue does, so it's a losing battle. However, if Janet chooses to accept and respect Sue's choices, even though she believes they are not good choices, at the very least, there will be less stress (for both of them) and Janet will be surprised at the results of that decision in her own life.
Here's an analogy:
If someone is in a deep pit, and they're cold, and they want to get out, and you throw a rope to them, and encourage them to climb it... if they won't climb the rope, here are a few of the possibilities:
1. You spend time trying to talk them into it. This is fine, but if they won't climb it, they won't climb it. And if they make the choice not to climb it, no matter how much they complain about being in the pit, no amount of talking will *make* them climb the rope to get out. The result of this is: you waste your time, and you annoy them. ;)
2. You can get into the pit with them and try and convince them from there, to climb the rope. This means you're both unhappy and stressed in the pit..and they're still not climbing the rope.
3. You can accept and respect their choice to not climb the rope. You've done what you can to the extent of the power you have in their experience - you've offered the rope - and now they definitely have a choice - to use it or to not use it. The power is theirs. Any reasons they come up with for not climbing it (and it may even be that they are choosing to not believe it's there) is still a choice on their part. This way, you can feel sympathy for them being in the pit and being unhappy, but you can ALLOW them to be in that state because you know it is their choice - and they have a right to that choice. So you can focus on making choices in your own experience that feel good.
If someone watches a scary movie, and they're ... well, scared ;) ... you can suggest they stop watching, but if they continue to watch it even though they're scared and even though they're complaining about being scared, you have to accept the fact that they are choosing to be scared (strange as some of us may find that :D). There are many situations in life where people complain about something but choose not to change it.
Test this. The next time you feel compelled to make someone do something that will help them, try just letting them know of the options, and then accepting and respecting (respecting is a very important part of this) their choice. Even if it's not the choice you would make, respect their right to choose. Then let go, focus on your own choices - making those that feel good - and see what happens. ;) Just try it. You'll surprise yourself!
Each person is the ONLY one in charge of their experience. Whether they're consciously aware of it or not. And being unaware of it is also a choice. ;) If you don't think that being unaware of it is a choice, point it out to them, and then allow them to believe or not. Our beliefs are choices too.
Once you start becoming aware in the moment, that each moment is a choice, you can start making the choices that feel good (including allowing and respecting the choices of others). And that will change your life completely. ;)
