D.K. Sanz/Kyrian Lyndon's Blog

As a writer, I know all too well how difficult it is to let go of what you want for your story and your characters. Tunnel vision has cost me years in projects that finally made their way to publication. There’s a stubbornness that blinds us, or at the very least, impairs our judgment. We are mama and papa bears with our work. Revelations that we don’t have to do this, or we don’t have to tell it this way may come eventually, but it’s hard to be objective. It’s hard to say to ourselves, “Hello? This isn’t working.”

I have two perspectives—one as a writer and another as an avid reader. But you don’t need both perspectives to notice little things like an author’s tendency to keep reminding you that a character has blue eyes or what not. We get it. But even if we somehow forget, how important is it to remember that insignificant detail? I mean, it’s nice to know, but exerting excessive control leads to overkill.

For instance, we like creating badass characters, right? They certainly keep us entertained. I was discussing this with a friend recently. We had a fun conversation about who is badass on screen and who is not. There was a story we were watching where a supposed badass, one who other characters kept reminding us was a badass, went to great lengths to provoke her nemesis, only to cower when the enemy retaliated. That led my friend to say that a badass isn’t emotional in conflict. While being emotional doesn’t make a character any less tough, they would need to suppress that in key moments of conflict. My friend looks for cool. Some might say only a villain would be cool while torturing or killing someone, but how they appear doesn’t necessarily reflect what’s going on inside of them.

We talked about Game of Thrones where Oberyn Martell earned the nickname “Red Viper” for being such a fierce fighter, and we watched him lose a fight he initially won after much provocation because he wouldn’t shut up. Not badass. He got too cocky. And we were so disappointed.

We agreed that a badass also knows when the fight is over. They don’t keep pummeling someone who can no longer fight back.

Audiences often feel, too, that certain characters do not “earn” their badass moments. An example of that is Rey in Star Wars outshining both Luke and Kylo Ren, the latter of which should also have been a badass and was not, whereas the former actually was. That’s debatable, I’m sure, but it proves my point.

We have different ideas and expectations. Your definition of a badass may not be the same as mine. (It’s a little different writing a memoir, but what is the same is how reliable a narrator you are in your assessments.)

Often, it’s too obvious what we are supposed to see and yet don’t see it, and more as a reader than a writer, I cringe. It happens on screen as well. Sometimes you think you’re getting a badass, but it’s really just a bully with an over-the-top attitude. The character is full of snark and mocking irreverence but hardly worth championing.

I say this as a reader:

Don’t call your character a badass or have another character refer to them as a badass either in narration or dialogue. Especially, do not remind us (in dialogue or narration) that this character is a badass.

When I began writing my first novel, I would decide which of my characters I wanted readers to like, but if I asked them who their favorite was, they often surprised me. I ultimately concluded that I’m going to present my characters. Here they are. Who you want to love or hate is up to you. I have my biases, but you don’t have to feel the way I do about any of them.

To summarize, don’t tell me who is a badass. Don’t tell me who is feisty or fierce or brilliant, etc. Show me! Let your characters be who they are and let the reader decide.

There’s a lot of stuff on the net about what a badass character is, how to create one, etc., and you can take what you like of what you read and present that. Like their skill, their fearlessness, their confidence—those things speak for themselves.

You can also have a character who is not necessarily a badass, but has a badass moment.

It’s not that they always have to be likeable either, so if you want the over-the-top snark, that is fine as long as you don’t care that some readers may like this character and some may not.

Whenever you put your heart out there, and someone gets it, there’s an indescribable stimulation you feel in terms of encouragement and support. You feel welcome, accepted, and embraced in yet another place, another heart. You know your tribe is out there. Many of us rarely felt that before we began publishing our work, and we treasure it beyond words.

“Thank you for seeing me when other people looked through me like I was a ghost.”
— Erin Morgenstern

The following review by Tal Gur at Elevate Society is long and detailed (which is great for me but maybe not for you) so I’ll share the highlights and provide the link if you care to read more.

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What if the path to healing lies not in forgetting our darkest moments, but in embracing them with honesty and grace? In Grateful to Be Alive: My Road to Recovery from Addiction, D.K. Sanz offers a raw, unfiltered memoir that transforms pain into purpose and survival into strength.

Grateful to Be Alive is a deeply personal journey through the chaos of addiction, trauma, and eventual redemption.

This memoir isn’t just a recounting of past mistakes; it’s a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. Sanz delves into the complexities of her psyche, exploring the roots of her addiction and the societal factors that contributed to her struggles. Her candid storytelling invites readers into the intimate corners of her life, offering insights into the challenges of recovery and the power of self-forgiveness. By sharing her story, Sanz not only reclaims her narrative but also provides a beacon of hope for others facing similar battles.

At its core, Grateful to Be Alive is a narrative of transformation and the arduous journey toward self-acceptance. Sanz explores the intricate relationship between trauma and addiction, illustrating how early life experiences can shape one’s path. Her story emphasizes the importance of confronting one’s past, understanding the underlying causes of destructive behavior, and the necessity of seeking help. Through her candid reflections, Sanz demonstrates that recovery is not a linear process but a continuous effort marked by setbacks and triumphs.

The memoir also delves into the societal stigmas surrounding addiction and mental health. Sanz challenges the reader to reconsider preconceived notions about those struggling with substance abuse, highlighting the human stories behind the labels. Her narrative serves as a call to empathy, urging society to provide support and understanding rather than judgment. By sharing her vulnerabilities, Sanz fosters a sense of connection and solidarity, reminding readers that no one is alone in their struggles.

Book Strengths

Grateful to Be Alive stands out for its unflinching honesty and emotional depth. Sanz’s ability to articulate the complexities of addiction and recovery offers readers a nuanced perspective that is both informative and deeply moving. Her vivid storytelling, combined with moments of introspection and humor, creates a compelling narrative that resonates with authenticity. The memoir’s strength lies in its capacity to humanize the struggles associated with addiction, making it a valuable resource for those seeking to understand or navigate similar experiences.

Who This Book Is For

This book is ideal for readers interested in personal narratives that explore the challenges of addiction, mental health, and recovery. It’s particularly resonant for individuals who have faced similar struggles or know someone who has, as well as for professionals in the fields of psychology, counseling, and social work. Additionally, those who appreciate memoirs that offer raw, honest insights into the human condition will find Sanz’s story both compelling and enlightening.

Why Should You Read This Book?

Grateful to Be Alive offers a profound exploration of the human capacity for resilience and transformation. Sanz’s candid account provides valuable insights into the realities of addiction and the complexities of recovery, making it a must-read for anyone seeking to understand these issues on a deeper level. Her story serves as a testament to the strength of the human spirit and the possibility of finding hope and purpose after profound adversity. By engaging with this memoir, readers are invited to reflect on their own experiences and the broader societal factors that influence personal struggles.

Concluding Thoughts.

Grateful to Be Alive is more than a memoir; it’s a beacon of hope for those navigating the tumultuous waters of addiction and recovery. Sanz’s unwavering honesty and introspection provide a roadmap for healing, demonstrating that it’s possible to emerge from darkness with newfound strength and clarity. Her narrative challenges readers to confront uncomfortable truths, both personal and societal, and to recognize the transformative power of vulnerability and self-awareness.

In sharing her journey, Sanz not only reclaims her own story but also empowers others to do the same. Her memoir is a poignant reminder that, despite the weight of our past, we all have the capacity for growth, healing, and, ultimately, gratitude for the gift of life.

Click here to read the entire review.

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Tal Gur is an author, founder, and impact-driven entrepreneur at heart. After trading his daily grind for a life of his own daring design, he spent a decade pursuing 100 major life goals around the globe. His journey and most recent book, The Art of Fully Living, has led him to found Elevate Society.

(As far as that video, I’m not suggesting that anyone call me. I’m just happy, okay? Don’t call.)

He languished,
And the bond weakened.
He’d wither away slowly or quickly,
But certainly.
Chaos engulfed moments that might have been cherished,
As the raging storm prevailed.
After some time,
It was gone.
All of it.
But the white-foamed beast reawakened
With a fury,
As another soul drifted
Into the oblivion she feared.
Finally, I saw her;
The frightened little girl
Alone and crying.
Her rage was much like that storm,
So familiar and so strange.
The lost soul,
The fragmented heart,
The wounded bird.
I understood why she cowered
In the destructive ways that she did.
It’s okay, I said,
I love you,
And I got you.
As they depart, they soar,                                            
Maybe singing.
And this, too, is familiar.
As is coming to peace with the pain.

Author D.K. Sanz

Black rose image by Ri Butov from Pixabay

Angels image by Jerry SageLvs from Pixabay

Hand holding image by by tung256 from Pixabay

Every time I see nonsensical comments on a post about harassment of women, I’m here shaking my head. One particular woman in a video clip said she made a practice of handling harassment with grace, not taking compliments as an insult. She preferred to stroke someone’s ego so as not to offend them while she politely declined. The responses were, “Now that’s a lady!” “You can’t be nice to a woman these days without her taking it as an insult and going all ‘Me Too’ on you. No wonder guys are confused!” “Here’s someone who can handle herself, unlike some of these feminists.”

It’s especially upsetting now while we’re headed backwards after the many gains and the level of respect we achieved.

None of us knows what every woman has gone through in life. Or any man for that matter, but for men who’ve experienced harassment, this is for you as well. And I highly doubt this lovely lady who handles compliments with grace would disagree with anything I’m going to say next.

It’s painfully obvious to me that dichotomous thinking will continue to keep many of us light years apart. The matter of harassment does not have a one size fits all solution. The answer is not one extreme or the other. We need context.

I realize there are people who act horribly when someone innocently compliments them or tries to flirt with them, even in a bar where most people expect that. Women responding with “Ew,” a look of disgust or a scowl is harsh. I get it. I like to think most people wouldn’t do that unless the culprit said or did something vile.

But just to throw out some comparisons, I can honestly say that anyone telling me I was beautiful did not insult me unless they were assaulting or raping me. It is also not the same as when, in the middle of the workplace, a woman walks by, and a man stops dead in his tracks and says, loud enough for everyone to hear, “Damn, you’ve got a great body!” Or leaning in to tell her how delectably well-endowed she is while trying to get a peek down her blouse. It’s sure not the same as someone coming up to you on the street and grabbing your breasts or your ass.

Humiliating, degrading, frightening, and deceiving a person is not flattering. That’s why stalking, catcalling, and love bombing is neither innocent nor flattering.

Another variable is where someone draws the line. There are women who like all of it, women who don’t like any of it, and everything in between. That may sound complicated, but it’s simple. Problems arise mostly when the aggressor disregards boundaries. That’s the key word—boundaries. Respecting them. When someone doesn’t respect them, it’s harassment. If someone is sending mixed signals, a noncombative conversation might help. If someone seems to enjoy man handling or playing cat and mouse, and all is consensual, no problem.

“Those who get angry when you set a boundary are the ones you need to set boundaries for.”– J.S. Wolfe, The Pathology of Innocence

Men have smiled at me and said hello on the street. I smiled and said hello back. Men have hugged me when I didn’t feel it was appropriate. Once or twice, at an office party, I chalked it up to, he’s drunk, etc. or what not, and slipped away. Most of us are not unreasonable and, if anything, are probably too quick to be kind.

What some people don’t understand is, a compliment is a compliment until it isn’t. Until it goes beyond the part you are okay with. So many men and women out there get it; I know. It’s just that the ones who don’t are dangerous. And it’s tragically sad, all of it, when the only thing required to fix this is empathy. Yes, empathy—something many people who think they are of good moral standing suddenly despise.

“Creating an atmosphere of mutual respect and consideration for boundaries, can lead you to the path of personal happiness.”– Nancy B. Urbach

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.
― William Shakespeare, Hamlet

On January 17, I will have maintained 29 years of sobriety. When each anniversary comes, I like to share something about where I am, and it usually comes down to the wire, putting together something I feel is worth passing along. This year, I’m consumed with thoughts a week in advance, and I’m feeling more sentimental than usual, so I thought I’d just put it out there.

A story I like to tell is one where I was very young, years away from having a fully developed frontal lobe. I wasn’t sober yet, but I loved to accompany my dearest friend to meetings as a show of support. Once when I met a cute guy, and he kept following me around, talking to me, my friend told me to be careful. That surprised me because I thought, if I am going to get involved, wouldn’t it be good to pick a sober guy? She said, “His being sober doesn’t necessarily mean he’s good and has his shit together. It just means, at least, he has clean time. That’s always a good thing, but everyone is different, no matter the group. And the level of their emotional sobriety varies from person to person. He may be a long way from having his shit together. You don’t know.”

It shocked me because she just kept getting better and better, so I thought, once you got to that point where you were in AA or NA, you were home free. She laughed. And now, I laugh.

People do such brave things in recovery. I see it, and I admire it every time. I’m also grateful that I can do brave things myself. What I came to understand was: you learn so much and yet you always have more work to do. It doesn’t end. You don’t get to a place where you say, “I’m perfect now. I’m good. I’m done.” You don’t overcome everything and certainly won’t overcome everything all at once.

Back in the 80s, I remember hearing the song “You Were Always on My Mind” by Willie Nelson and hating it. I thought it was the most arrogant, egotistical crap I ever heard, partially because I knew he had another song called, “To All the Girls I Loved Before.”

More recently, I heard “You Were Always on My Mind,” and I cried. I felt this wrenching pain in my heart and became overwhelmed. I could have written that. I could’ve written that because that was me. All my life, I never realized it.

Maybe I didn’t love you
Quite as often as I could have.
Maybe I didn’t treat you
Quite as good as I should have.
If I made you feel second best,
Girl I’m sorry I was blind.
You were always on my mind.
You were always on my mind.
Maybe I didn’t hold you
All those lonely, lonely times,
And I guess I never told you
I’m so happy that you’re mine.
Little things I should have said and done,
I just never took the time.
You were always on my mind.
You were always on my mind.
Tell me,
Tell me that your sweet love hasn’t died.
And give me
Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied.
I’ll keep you satisfied.

And the hardest part to admit is I would not even ask for one more chance to try again because I’d never be able to satisfy those people. I couldn’t then and wouldn’t now.

It’s not that I buy into the theory that you can’t love anyone unless you love yourself. I would prefer to say it can take time for us to know how to love others, including ourselves.

In recovery, many of us achieve a lot. Our coping skills are way better, rendering us so much better equipped to handle whatever comes our way. We are more authentic, see things more clearly, love genuinely. Aside from becoming more and more emotionally intelligent and more mature, we’ve become honest and accountable. With others, we are fully present and engaged, and we learn how to resolve conflicts without causing so much pain.

But I don’t reach out for help. I don’t extend myself to others except to lend support where I can. I don’t accept invitations from most, and it’s all based on my experience, the conclusion I arrived at, that people are not what they seem. I learned that before I ever heard this song. It became etched in cement over time. And I get it because I’ve disappointed many people myself over the years, though it was never my intention.

So, I had to ask how I could have done so much healing in life and be on top of so many things, when the one thing that hasn’t healed completely is my faith and trust in others. That’s huge. But I decided the best thing I can do about it—the only thing I can do about it is keep trying to be the best person I can be.

Our recovery practice of sharing personal stories stems from our understanding of the pain of dealing with broken people and brokenness. Yeah, it stuns me when someone says something to me like, “Why did you say that?” or “Why did you do that?” I have to process it. It may even take time to come out of my stubbornness. I have to if I want the truth, and I need the truth if I want to learn from it. It’s part of our humanness.

The important thing is to remember is, unless you let them, others cannot take all that you’ve achieved away from you—your peace, gratitude, clarity, etc. And don’t let them! They shouldn’t get to do that, even if you’re having a bad day and kicking yourself, feeling vulnerable. Even if you realize that you still have parts of yourself that need healing. No one deserves that honor of taking you down, especially if they are already hurting you. You’ve worked too hard.

I have to end with this; I do feel a higher power and its guidance. That may not mean the same thing to me as it means to you or someone else, but I see it as within me and all around me—not way up high in the sky where it’s not reachable or accountable, where it answers some and not others. It’s an indomitable force that is always aware of you, always listening, always answering, always wanting the best for you and everyone around you. It’s full of love and peace and kindness and gratitude. That’s why we need to stay in touch with it.

“You Were Always On My mind” lyrics source: Musixmatch

Songwriter: Willie Nelson

You played the guileless, lost little lamb  

Blind to the jolting verity of

Who I am.  

Your dark, moonless winter—

Bone-chilling.                                                    

You shivered before me, so eager

And willing.                                                       

You wrecked me like a raging tempest       

Bringing forth heartbreak from the very first caress.

The madness, the sadness

Takes its toll                                                     

Shuddering in the embrace that scorches my soul.

Dying Black Rose Image by Ri Butov from Pixabay

Tempest Image by Free Fun Art from Pixabay  

You flaunt no cloak nor veil

But rather embrace your beautiful darkness—

Twirling it like diaphanous silk,

With an angel’s aching heart

And a poet’s silver tongue.

You, with the enigmatic beauty of the black jade,

Repelling the venom of the saw-scaled viper, and

Fighting the bondage that holds you in unendurable anguish—

Breaking the chains.

Your profound honesty guides.

Your tranquil wisdom heals.

And your torment is as seductive as your kindness.

For through every battle,

Amazingly so,

You’ve treasured all the treasurable things with undying passion

And awe.

And me,

Weighing your words,

Enticed by your voice.

I adore you.

Sculpture, Moon, Trees Feature Photo Image by Dorothe from Pixabay   

Wet Leaves After the Rain Image by Wyxina Tresse from Pixabay

“Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know
we cannot live within.” — James Baldwin

Actress/filmmaker, Justine Bateman said that with Donald Trump winning the 2024 presidential election, she feels the air has gone out of the “woke party” balloon, and she hopes that now we can all feel like Americans and not fans of rival football teams.

I’ve also seen a lot of the “be an adult” and “we can still be friends” posts on social media.

Well, first, I frown upon terms like “politically correct” and “woke” because the former is disingenuous, and the latter has been co-opted in bad faith. They’ve become fear-mongering buzz words associated with a threat to free speech and to freedom itself. Most of us simply want to be good people and model what we think is good behavior. We want to do what feels right. Speaking for myself, I’m not pretending; it’s genuine, and I don’t care how it appears to anyone because that is how I feel. My only concern is that people don’t harass, discriminate, bully, assault, and kill other humans because they’re different. Further, we shouldn’t be adding fuel to the fire that normalizes dehumanizing and targeting them. Why is that so hard? Why does that spoil all the “fun” for some people?

In truth, my life would be so much easier if I was okay with all the biases and bigotry I witness because my stances have never made me popular, welcome, or accepted by society as a whole.

Ms. Bateman referred to wokeness as emotional terrorism—having to walk on eggshells, getting shut down while wanting to discuss things , questions and opinions being limited to permitted positions only. She stated that, “Everybody has the right to freely live their lives the way they want, so long as they don’t infringe upon somebody else’s ability to live their life as freely as they want.” And now that she believes the woke era is over, she can breathe again.

She is right that we need discourse. Questioning is necessary to understanding. Peeling away the layers of bad faith that permeate any argument is good. And she’s certainly right about people’s right to live the way they want, etc., but she needs to apply this logic across the board. She is describing the emotional terrorism experienced persistently by marginalized groups.

When will people stop infringing on their ability to live their lives freely? When will they breathe again?

Further, many who support freedom of speech can’t seem to apply it to books and accurate history. They have no qualms about denying women and others the freedom they demand for themselves.

And let’s be real. Most of the people who have made public statements that were racist, misogynist, homophobic, etc. have not ruined their careers or even lost their jobs. The majority of them haven’t been doxed or the target of smear campaigns. At the same time, most of us who disagree with people like them have not caused anyone suffering of any kind. Seeing people get hurt is nothing I could ever enjoy, and I’m sure I’m not alone in that.

That’s right. Most of us don’t care if Nicole Scherzinger likes a red hat that says Make Jesus First Again or any other kind of hat for that matter.

And that’s the thing. As far as understanding where people stand, online interactions are often deceiving. Social media is infested with bad faith actors who are not open to you disproving anything they say with reason. They present you with straw man arguments. Their strategy is to misrepresent your position to the point of it being preposterous. They resort to name calling. It’s futile to engage in any of that.

Next, I do have conservative friends. We have listened to one another’s ideas and discussed them. Most of them were not Trump supporters, but there are Trump supporters who have been very kind to me, some of whom I love dearly—still. I just can’t watch people celebrate while ignoring what we’re told will be a horrible fate for many. It’s especially difficult to see people mocking the most vulnerable people whose rights and lives are in jeopardy, reveling in their misery, and acting as though this victory is a loving act of God.

Those of us who oppose Trump are not about to suddenly be okay with others supporting a racist and alleged rapist and I, like many others, am appalled by the ideology that led us here—racism, misogyny, ableism, disregard for the poor and the elderly, and all the phobias to boot.

What I hate about political platforms is the idea that whether you are democrat or republican, you support everything on that platform. As a registered democrat, I am fully aware of how my party has let us down over the years. They had ample time to resolve certain issues that remain unresolved, and that’s not something I easily dismiss. However, none of that will have me voting to deny other human beings their rights or for an authoritarian/totalitarian government of oligarchs.

It’s just sad that we can’t have a good balance of anything in our government.

Anyway, a few days after the election, I started reading a book that validated what I’ve been feeling for a long time. The book is called, Codependency Recovery: Wounded Souls Dancing in the Light by Robert Burney. (Yes, as a person in recovery, I do read a lot about codependency. It has helped me more than I ever imagined it would.)

We talk about dysfunctional families a lot, right? Well, author Robert Burney maintains that humanity itself is a dysfunctional family because of the way we are taught to see things, the way we’re taught to act and be, the examples we get from role models, etc. As far as he’s concerned, we’re constantly dealing with wounded souls, broken hearts, and scrambled minds. It’s up to each of us to fix ourselves, and many never will.

That in mind, let’s go back to the two political parties discussing sensitive topics with sometimes loaded arguments. It seems to me that a huge part of the dysfunction leads to personal bias constantly getting in the way of any meaningful discourse. It is bias in many forms—hasty generalizations, otherizing, bandwagon fallacies, empirical fallacies and so on. In many cases, assigning God as the authority is the final say, allowing people to claim the moral high ground. Argument over. At the same time, there seems to be quite a lot of confusion about what God says.

There’s also the catastrophizing.

Like the idea that cisgender men will dress up as trans women to sneak into public bathrooms and rape women when rapists have found a million other ways to do it in much more effortless and less risky situations.

If I’m not mistaken, it was Donald Trump who said, “Kids will go to school and come back transgender.” If he ever spoke to trans people, he would know how difficult that path is—what they go through just to live and survive in this world and what they’d have to endure if they hoped to transition. The process, the expense, the pain. People don’t do that stuff willy nilly. They do it because of how painful it is not to do it. Those of us who are born as what we’re comfortable being are lucky we never have to worry about that.

Recently, an online discussion about whether boys should be told not to cry resulted in the spouting of opinions I never would have expected in this decade or even this century.

Arguments made suggested that if you acknowledge it’s okay for men to cry, men will be bawling and blubbering publicly at the slightest inconveniences. One comment was that teaching boys it’s okay to cry is what results in them thinking they can be women. Yet another said, “Anger is an emotion, too. So, if you tell men not to suppress their emotions, be prepared for angry, abusive behavior.”

Well, even those of us who are “allowed” to show our emotions practice restraint when we feel the circumstances require it. They talk about men like they are inhuman beasts who are incapable of restraint.

It’s true. Some people think there’s only one image of a man. It’s the one they want or want their son to be, but they’re not considering that it may not be what he is, and that there are plenty of people who will embrace him as he is. A super sensitive, gentle man can be every bit as appealing as a man who is rough and tough and seemingly invincible. The most exciting man I’ve ever known was quite masculine, but he cried his eyes out when his dog died, feeling no shame or inhibition, and it endeared him to me even more.

There are people who actually say about gay and trans people and seemingly effeminate men, “They don’t go in that direction if you raise your kids right.”

Yet, that direction is who they are. How can you love someone and reject who they really are? That says you love the fantasy you created in your head about them, but you don’t love them.

Then, to call extending rights and acceptance of differences a “slippery slope” and say we’re going to move on to people marrying pigs and goats is disingenuous. You don’t see the majority of us advocating for pedophilia (another thing right-wingers attribute to liberals because of a handful of culprits but not to priests who also have a handful of culprits.) On either side, advocating for something like that is horrific, and to associate something that vile with marginalized groups who are trying to live their lives and not harming anybody is possibly the most egregious example of a slippery slope argument, with massively harmful implications.

Slippery slope is a particularly dangerous logical fallacy and an argument devoid of substance because any argument can be turned into a slippery slope, which does nothing to undermine the original argument. It’s a tactic used when people don’t know how to address the original argument, and it leaves the original argument unresolved as people are now arguing about a different outcome, often one unrelated to the original.

There is no rule that says if we allow X, then we must allow Y, where Y has a number of completely different conditions from X, and only contains X or parts of X as a means to associate it. We can and should evaluate both arguments separately. That’s the solution to any slippery slope argument.

I’m not saying you won’t find biases on both sides. I am saying that misguided belief paradigms are one of humanity’s biggest problems. That’s what we have to fix in order to find our unity.

I saw someone post about the American Dream. “Bring it back!” he proclaimed. And in his mind, that is his cisgender white heterosexual male’s dream of a subservient stay-at-home ultra-feminine wife, their kids, and their white picket fence.

Obviously, that’s not everyone’s dream. You are allowed to have your dream and your preferences, but then let other people have theirs.

Child with heart image by Anna Kolosyuk on social or copy the text below to attribute. Child

We Have a Democracy–If We Can Keep It

Do you ever have these thoughts?

I’m doing this all wrong.

I’m doing everything wrong

I should just give up.

I’m useless.

I’ll never be able to do this.

I’m not good enough

Nobody cares.

I can’t relate to anyone.

What’s the use?

When these thoughts occur, you may have an urgent need to do something, fix something, change something to extinguish that perception. If it’s about achieving a goal, we can refuse to give up. Although it may also feel as if we must alter the perception externally for the world’s validation, as if others are watching and waiting. But there is no real urgency there. Nothing good comes from rushing to control “perception” in a desperate state of mind. Take a pause. You have time.

You can probably resolve it internally. Summon your will and your strength and make a choice that you don’t want to surrender to this mindset and absolutely refuse it. Because all those thoughts come from a past belief system where someone or another implied those things or maybe even said them to you, and you believed them. You know better now, but sometimes we forget. Tell yourself not to give in to this doubt about who you are. Just as you wouldn’t do it to anyone you love, don’t do this to yourself.

Patience isn’t always our strong suit, but if we wait a bit, things change. They could easily get better. It’s amazing what a difference an hour, a day, or a week makes. Stay in the moment and just keep doing the next right thing. You are amazing.

Image by Free Fun Art from Pixabay