Scars of different sizes can be seen here and there, each with there own story to be told. When I look at them I am reminded of a setback. An error in my judgement. I am reminded that I have mental illnesses.

I've been told not to say "i am schizo effective. I am schizo typal." I am supposed to say that I have these illnesses. What am I supposed to say when I don't even want to admit up to having them at all?

I feel like I am becoming a fragile plant, each leaf, each flower slowly turning brown. Slowly coming to an end. That eventually I will be gone completely.

Right now, though I am struggling, I am trying to picture myself as this plant. I may have brown spots here and there but all I need is some water, some sunlight. I will be okay. I am not a lost case. I hope to remember this and keep it strong in this time that I am suffering.

Each scar may have been a setback but they are also a time in life I concurred. I could have done worse to myself like that one day...I could have tried so much worse.

Just give me some water. Give me some sunlight and I will grow tall, full of life. That's all I ask of God right now. Please give me some water. Please send some sunlight to shine down on me. Then I know I'll be able to find the courage and the strength to rid myself of this doubt that is whispering in my ears right now.