A huge question faces me each and every single time I open my facebook wall, "What's on your mind?"What's really on my mind? What does usually haunt my waking hours?I have spent years trying to figure out what really haunts my mind in my daily life, and once I did write most of these thoughts, of course with a hint of the thought contaminating experience. And what I wrote was unbearable. Parallel thoughts about life and death, death and suicide, killing some asshole I've stumbled upon along my daily life trying to survive it and get back to bed with the least possible cuts and bruises, figuratively speaking of course. I wrote about sexually explicit thoughts, of course, and how sometimes they drive off any other type of thinking. I wrote about the one and only, the one that doesn't and will never know that I've sworn my bachelorhood for her. I wrote about how sometimes I overheat and how I desire to rip off my skin. I wrote about my diseases, psychologically mostly, and how incapacitating the effect they had one me. I wrote about my failed dreams, my surreal hopes, and the harshness of the rock on which my dreams keep smashing. I wrote about my overweight problem, and how it upsets me although I never really admit it openly. I wrote about my dying father, and always disapproving mother. I wrote about how disappointed I am of me, and how my center of interests surround me committing suicide. I wrote about how much I know God, and how much I don't know Him, and how much mystic I tend to be although I am also a sinner and neglectful.
I kept writing and writing, but the truth is, I never could write it all. It's like I do have my full miserable life crammed in one single day, and this life can hardly fit in one single writing session, or even a million. It's a life, it can't be wrote about. It can't be discussed or story-told. It can never be described. It can only be lived. And I keep living and reliving it millions of times to the limit of suffocation with no hope but the final gentle stroking hand of Death to carry me off this miserable pit hole and release me of this mortal tether.
That being said, to no one like always, now I'll be ready to put my head on my tough neck-aching pillow awaiting another day to get through, and another tormenting session to be visited and revisited.