So while incarcerated under the bed, I ate many a peanut butter sandwich, adopted a particularly cute dust bunny and read a book by Jack M. Bickham The 38 Most Common  Fiction Writing Mistakes (and How to Avoid Them). This books was literally forced into my hands by my captor who said, "For heaven's sake, Mae, stop sabotaging yourself!" As if she knows what she's talking about. But, since I had nothing else to do, I read it.

Just as I thought, none of it applies to me.

Take the first mistake listed, for instance. "Don't Make Excuses." Yeah, right. If I don't feel the tingle of inspiration I simply cannot write. No use telling me that I should just sit down and do it and forget inspiration. What? Who does that, other than K.D.? Just between you and me, she works harder than she needs to, almost like she's addicted to writing or something. I say it's unhealthy. She says a writer writes daily and it's the surest way to succeed. I have to turn away to hide my sneer.

And the next thing this Mr. Bickham mentions (is he a writer, by the way, or someone who just made all this stuff up?) "Don't Consider Yourself Too Smart." As if!! I am smarter than most people. I have to write down to any reader I might have someday because I know my intelligence has few equals. Once again, K.D. has stick her nose in my business and tells me just tell a story nearly anyone can understand. That girl does not know what she's talking about.

I'm hoping inspiration will strike me today. I really haven't felt like writing since my story about the transgender time-traveling monkey was so rudely turned down by that magazine who shall remain nameless. And when my muse comes you can believe it won't be a story for the masses. I'm better than that.