Man... i think I am beginning to break. I think that things are going crazy. I think my life is falling apart. I think that the stress of things lately - stuff that I hold back inside - is eating me alive. I think I have been trying to be too strong for too long and the floor is crumbling beneath my feet. I think I feel lonely a lot of the times and try to overcompensate with the company of social media and friends. I am tired. I want to make things right and I think I am losing focus on what's right and important. The mistakes I have made and the things I have done - trying to fill a void - a void i have been ignoring. I think I may be feeling depressed and mask it with my ongoing positivity, but It's backfiring on me in ways not even I can comprehend. I have been acting a little out of character lately... feeling fed up.Not so good thoughts enter my mind. And I am trying for the life of me, to not fall into its trap. Destroying myself. At times i feel so genuinely happy and excited, but then it just slowly fades as the thoughts come. Things a little tough right now and I am trying my best to do my best and be my best, sometimes I relapse. But Im trying nonetheless. I love the people I have in my life but it just feels like its not enough. Maybe it's the stress of my inability to find a job... feeling like I'm on a treadmill. I see everyone else is moving forward and I feel like I am standing still. Everything happens for a reason, everything happens in its time. But somehow, I find it hard to shake this self loathing feeling. I'm thinking out Loud here. ‪#‎ventover‬