Surreal Philosophy
"Neighborhood News" is a kind of surreal look at philosophy, life, politics, and economics, all of which seem kind of surreal even without getting the old Cheney twist.
The book is a novel structured like a small-town newspaper. Here's one of the articles:
Existentialist Injures Child
Justin Bulgarino, 8, received an injurious psychological blow when an out-of-town existentialist hit him with the meaninglessness of life. The child was reported to be devastated, perhaps permanently.
The incident happened at the Baltic playground, on High St., when the stranger saw Justin leap gleefully from a swing and dash around the perimeter of the playground, screaming like a pterodactyl on fire.
“Your joy is meaningless,” the stranger said, pointing hard at Bulgarino, his eyes glaring. “Your fun is utterly futile and without basis. You are nothing. Your mother’s nothing. You come from nothing, and to nothing you are bound.”
Resident state trooper Chris Johnson detained the man for questioning but was unable to link him to a specific crime.
“The suspect confessed to being an existentialist, but that’s still legal in Connecticut,” Johnson said. “All we could do was release him to his own responsibility and tell him to define himself, preferably in another town.”
Consumadora Bulgarino, the boy’s mother, said he has not been the same child since the incident. He has stopped watching television, loses video games on purpose, and lies awake in bed most of the night.
“The other day at dinner, he was just poking at his food,” Ms.Bulgarino said. “And then he looks at me with his eyes all wet and he goes, ‘Why broccoli?’ and I go, like, ‘Because it’s good for you,’ and he just looks at me like I’m an idiot, and then he just looks at his broccoli like it just fell there from outer space.”
State poet laureate Leo Connellan, a Hanover resident, was called into offer the comfort of literary light on the incident and its disturbing implications.
“That was a rotten thing with which to hit a kid/ We ought to get him back, quo pro quid,” Connellan said. “It was a tale told by Sartre or Camus/ full of sound and fury, signifying poo.”
Trooper Johnson said he was considering visiting Sayles School to talk with the lower grades about the dangers of broaching the imponderable.
“Let’s dare to keep kids off post-modern thought,” Johnson said. “It starts at home, but it’s up to each and every one of us in the community to keep a lid on the old cogito.”
Robert Meya, president of the Hanover Philosophical Society, agreed that existentialism could be disturbing to the uninitiated. He suggested that Sayles School incorporate the philosophy into its curriculum, starting in kindergarten.
“Think of the benefits of having children realize, from a young age, that they are what they do,” Meya said. “Being precedes essence. Or maybe it’s the other way around, depending on which way you look at it. What’s important is that it doesn’t really matter.” Ω
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I'm offering this book as a giveaway here at Goodreads, but if any dedicated follower of mine who would like to read it and write a review for Goodreads and for Amazon, I'll send a copy to the first 5 people who ask. But only with a promise of a review. You can email me at glenn@cheneybooks.com .
The book is a novel structured like a small-town newspaper. Here's one of the articles:
Existentialist Injures Child
Justin Bulgarino, 8, received an injurious psychological blow when an out-of-town existentialist hit him with the meaninglessness of life. The child was reported to be devastated, perhaps permanently.
The incident happened at the Baltic playground, on High St., when the stranger saw Justin leap gleefully from a swing and dash around the perimeter of the playground, screaming like a pterodactyl on fire.
“Your joy is meaningless,” the stranger said, pointing hard at Bulgarino, his eyes glaring. “Your fun is utterly futile and without basis. You are nothing. Your mother’s nothing. You come from nothing, and to nothing you are bound.”
Resident state trooper Chris Johnson detained the man for questioning but was unable to link him to a specific crime.
“The suspect confessed to being an existentialist, but that’s still legal in Connecticut,” Johnson said. “All we could do was release him to his own responsibility and tell him to define himself, preferably in another town.”
Consumadora Bulgarino, the boy’s mother, said he has not been the same child since the incident. He has stopped watching television, loses video games on purpose, and lies awake in bed most of the night.
“The other day at dinner, he was just poking at his food,” Ms.Bulgarino said. “And then he looks at me with his eyes all wet and he goes, ‘Why broccoli?’ and I go, like, ‘Because it’s good for you,’ and he just looks at me like I’m an idiot, and then he just looks at his broccoli like it just fell there from outer space.”
State poet laureate Leo Connellan, a Hanover resident, was called into offer the comfort of literary light on the incident and its disturbing implications.
“That was a rotten thing with which to hit a kid/ We ought to get him back, quo pro quid,” Connellan said. “It was a tale told by Sartre or Camus/ full of sound and fury, signifying poo.”
Trooper Johnson said he was considering visiting Sayles School to talk with the lower grades about the dangers of broaching the imponderable.
“Let’s dare to keep kids off post-modern thought,” Johnson said. “It starts at home, but it’s up to each and every one of us in the community to keep a lid on the old cogito.”
Robert Meya, president of the Hanover Philosophical Society, agreed that existentialism could be disturbing to the uninitiated. He suggested that Sayles School incorporate the philosophy into its curriculum, starting in kindergarten.
“Think of the benefits of having children realize, from a young age, that they are what they do,” Meya said. “Being precedes essence. Or maybe it’s the other way around, depending on which way you look at it. What’s important is that it doesn’t really matter.” Ω
- - - - - - - - - -
I'm offering this book as a giveaway here at Goodreads, but if any dedicated follower of mine who would like to read it and write a review for Goodreads and for Amazon, I'll send a copy to the first 5 people who ask. But only with a promise of a review. You can email me at glenn@cheneybooks.com .
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