In June, I spent two weeks on a tallship with 27 other artists, three polar bear guards, six delightful crew members, a bad-tempered German captain, and one dog. During that time, we were completely unplugged from the internet because, well:

This disconnection quickly drove home how reliant we’d become on having immediate access to any bit of information we didn’t happen to know but were wondering about and how accustomed we were to be able to summon videos of pretty much whatever we wanted. So I started keeping a list of what we would have googled over those two weeks, had googling been an option, and I was often called upon to add to the google list. I’m sure this is incomplete, but for what it’s worth:

Is there such a thing as a zero gravity chamber?

What is a sea hag?

Did Charlie Kaufman both write and direct Adaptation?

What is the difference between a haberdasher and a milliner?

What is that weird brown Norwegian cheese (we called it “peanut butter cheese”) called in Norwegian?

Is all cheese fermented?

We want to watch the video where an SNL writer reenacts the Robyn video where she’s wearing a pink fuzzy jacket.

What is the movie called where Helen Hunt is a sex surrogate?

Do different species of whales ever mate? Successfully?

Is it okay to eat kiwi skin? (The fruit, not the bird.)

What makes a mollusk a mollusk?

Is an oyster a mollusk?

Are all crustaceans shellfish?

Are starfish and sea stars the same?

What are the rules of Hearts?

Who is Larry Spaide?

We want to know about Seinquest 2000.

How long can polar bears stay underwater?

How long do Greenland right whales live?

We want to watch that video where cats knock stuff over, and the subtitles say, “Fuck this, fuck this.”

Which college sports team got scurvy?

Is a “yee haw wimmy diddle” a real thing?

What is the capital of Idaho?

We would like to see a picture of a ghillie suit.

What is the movie called that’s about a bunch of artists on a ship in the Arctic? Journey to the End of the Earth?

We would like to watch the documentary called Expedition.

We want to watch a video of whales mating, if such a thing exists.

We want to watch that Italian music video from the 50s (?) that’s in gibberish meant to sound like American English.

We wonder if the most badass of our polar bear guards has an internet presence.

We want to know what the internet thinks Bill Murray says at the end of Lost in Translation.

What is happy birthday in binary?

Did Ringo Starr write “When I’m 64?”

Is it possible to eat to many kiwis?

What is snerting?

We would like to watch clips from Season 8 of Survivor to see Ace, who dated one of our shipmates.

Is my story about sea lions raping sea otters an urban legend?

What is that movie called that’s about huge mutant spiders at a ski resort?

We want to watch the video of Nina Simone/Feelings.

Where in L.A. is Mt. Washington?

We want to watch videos about earwax removal.

What is the napkin song?

We want to watch a video of Jimmy Fallon lip synching.

How is molasses made?

Can we buy the cool boots sold in the Longyearbyen gas station online?

We want to read the Vanity Fair article about gay priests in the Vatican.

What is the estimated world population of the beluga whale?

Is there a person named Matt Fein? Because a shipmate had a dream I was dating him.

Which pope gave Nobile the cross to drop on the North Pole?

Are there snapping turtles in Alberta?

What are the lyrics to “It Wasn’t Me” by Shaggy?

David Photographer wants us to google him.

We want to watch a video of that Semester at Sea ship in really rough seas.

What does Elizabeth Taylor say in the “White Diamonds” commercial?

Was there an early MTV veejay named Duff, and was she hot?