On March 30th, my debut novel, BY WAY OF SORROW, will be published. It was originally scheduled to be published on June 30, 2020, but along came the pandemic and my publisher, Kensington Books, decided (wisely in retrospect) to delay publication for nine months. Now as pub day approaches once again, I have to admit it is bittersweet.

In the Acknowledgements section of the book I wrote this:

My favorite character in the book may be Erin’s mom, Peg McCabe. She is loosely based on my own mom. My mom is 96 and my hero. Whatever reservations she had about her child being transgender, she put them aside and has continued to love me as only a mother could love their child. Her wonderful sense of humor, and refusal to “act her age” have inspired me.

On December 22, 2020, my mom passed away. At 96 can death ever be unexpected? At least in my mom’s case, the answer is yes. We spoke everyday, usually at around 6:30pm—after her dinner, and before Jeopardy. The last time we spoke was December 15th and she ended the conversation as she did every night, “Talk to you on the morrow.” On the 16th she fainted, and, in the middle of a snowstorm, she was rushed to the hospital. Because of COVID there was a strict no visitor policy, and without her hearing aids, a phone conversation was impossible. The doctor’s indicated she was doing well and the next day my sister took her hearing aids and phone to the hospital so we could talk to her. But by the following day she had developed pneumonia and within three days she was gone. The hospital was kind enough to allow us a compassionate visit before she passed, so I did get to see her, but by then she was mostly out of it, and although I spoke to her, I never heard her voice again. Now, a month and a half later, I still find myself reaching for the phone at 6:30pm.

Although Mom had an ARC of the book, I know she never read it—too many curse words—she was after all 96 and a good Catholic. Nonetheless, I know she was proud of the fact that I am going to be a published author.

So as March 30th approaches I am a swirling mix of emotions—a great sense of joy over becoming a published author, some trepidation about how the book will do and what people will think of it and an ache in my heart knowing Mom will not be here to share my joy. I can only take some solace in knowing that everyone who reads the book and looks at the Acknowledgement page will learn that my mom was and IS my hero.

Thanks mom—love you.