I don’t know about you, but my mind has often been a tizzy about my To-Do’s. It’s that feeling that MORE should be getting done all the time, not less. Yet thankfully, in recent years I’ve reformed.

What happened was that I woke up. Then I began to pay attention to the flow of tasks through my day. After my daughter Teal’s death and my slow return through a solid routine of self-care, my values shifted. I became resolved to stay grounded and calm in my work.

Things went quite well for several years. But then, inevitably, that old overwork started creeping in once again. Turns out consciousness is a practice

So I found myself emptying out every pocket of time I had to try to make something happen. Not surprisingly, this tired old habit became unsustainable.

I knew I was in trouble one night at 3AM when I turned on my light and actually reached for my computer to get some work done. That would be work binging. Somehow I stopped myself just in the nick of time. Perhaps you relate?

In the U.S. we live in a culture that rewards overwork. But when you live inside that little pressure cooker for too long, you tend to swing to the opposite extreme. i.e. Wandering around the nearest Target for hours without nothing particular needed, or losing yourself in four consecutive episodes of Netflix’s latest.

This would be time debting. And it feels really, really good after over-pressuring yourself for days, or years, on end. Yet, this is not the solution to the basic lack of balance.

For a long time I swung between the two extremes … hence, I labeled myself a ‘time binger.’ That’s the same part of my psyche that could  devour endless scrolls of disaster news for hours. It’s not a good look. And finally, I became done with it.

So how did I actually move ahead?

I discovered a work flow that is grounded in a more spiritual reality — what author Leslie Keenan calls ‘spiritual time’ in her book It’s About Time. This is as opposed to linear time, which is where all of us over workers, time debtors and time bingers hang out.

Her excellent book seriously helped me in my long, meandering path back to myself. I needed to balance out my use of time so I neither lost myself in it, nor felt I had to master and control it like some steely dominatrix. Instead, I learned to strike a fluidity.

When you’re fluid with time, you are able to let go of a bunch of To Do’s every day without guilt. You’re aware that life is full of choices, and you really can choose not to do it all.

To get there, you have to ask yourself what kind of life you want. Then you set about creating it.

Is it one that allows for a visit with a friend who drops in, even in the middle of work, so you decide to step away? It is one that gives you the leeway to take an entire day off and just go to the beach when you need to?

Because these are the moments that ultimately count in our lives. And they are actually more important than the rigidly performed work To-Do’s, though many of those do need to get done.

When we deprive ourselves of the space to be flexible, we play with self-deprivation.

For me, I do this by making too many commitments to myself (i.e. I will plan a new program, promote my book, write a chapter in my new book … all this afternoon.) That’s just nuts and nobody can accomplish a list like that. Not even me!

Or … I get overwhelmed and flee to the comfort of Facebook, or I surf the Web and bury myself in interesting (and justifiable) news stories.

You get the idea. Bottom line is an invitation to give yourself the time, the space and the choice to create a day to day life that is truly balanced and healthy. A little work, a little family or friends, a little love, a little exercise. And then good doses of fun, and perspective.

“Don’t submit to mind chatter. Make choices by being present to what you want,
to your body, your soul, your heart.”
— from Teal’s journal, September 28, 2011

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