I know. Life is intense. You feel pulled in every direction, and long ago you lost sight of what really matters most.

Instead, you’re in survival mode as you rush from dropping off kids to hitting that first meeting, all the while worrying about your kid’ recent ADHD diagnosis, not to mention that annoying twenty-something guy who appears to be horning in on your job.

But you will get through this. Mainly because you always do.

You will drag yourself home to your so-called sanctuary and order the pizza that no one else (i.e. your partner) seems to have the time to do. You will even make a salad and enforce the ‘Drink Your Milk First’ rule, as well as lovingly play with Legos, read a bedtime story, administer baths, sign report cards, and even … maybe … pour yourself a glass of wine when the dust settles.

Someone has to keep this whole wagon train moving forward, so it might as well be you, right?

Well, no actually. It doesn’t.

We are our mother’s daughters in so many ways. Especially if our mothers loudly sighed, and trudged off to do the laundry muttering about why no one else around here seems to be able to start a load. We, too have inherited the Mantle of Martyrdom.

The Pew Research Center has found that mothers were far more likely to significantly interrupt their work time to attend to children’s needs than fathers. And even though women in the U.S. represent a full 50% of the workforce, they still devote more time than men to housework and child care.

So no, you’re not alone if you feel like you are giving all the time. In fact, you’re in good company. Which is why it may be time for a change.

As an advocate for your self-care, I invite you to stop and take five minutes to answer a few simple questions.

1. Do you find yourself running – literally running – to the bathroom because otherwise you can’t finish your work? Or your mummying … or …?
2. Do you find it hard to actually ask for help … even though you know you need it?
3. Does the concept of self-care seem to apply to everyone else beside you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, I urge you to consider something important. It could be your own behavior enables those around you to turn into big time slackers, leaving you to carry their weight.

What would happen if you were to give a polite but firm ‘No’ and set a few limits? What if you were to simply explain to your spouse that you’re not available to do the laundry or buy the groceries anymore?

You don’t have to explain why. As Ann LaMott has been quoted as saying, “No is a complete sentence.” And so those who traditionally ‘don’t cook’ or haven’t ever actually done the laundry, or fulfilled X, Y, or Z task at work get a new opportunity to excel.

Just remind them of that with a smile.

Or, if you’re a single mom, it could be that you need to find some support. Who else is in the same situation and might be willing to swap child care hours so you could, say, make it to the gym … or to that extension class you’ve been wanting to take? What teenager in the neighborhood would like to get a little babysitting time in?

Do yourself a favor. Remember that you are only a human being … and that you have a just as much right as anyone else to take your time, to rest and renew and to walk, not run, to the bathroom.

Not only that, you have an obligation to set the necessary limits and boundaries so you can really give your work, your family, and yourself the very best. A bedraggled employee or mom rarely rocks the house. Instead, she may devolve to the point of meltdown, and that brings everybody down right along with her.

Therefore, ask for help. Set a limit. Be creative if necessary. It really is part of your job to do so.
Then take that bubble bath, that walk in the woods, or that journaling time at your favorite café. Or that vacation. Or that meditation class. Or find a job in a place that truly supports its employees.

Invest some time in you, and you will discover something extraordinary. You’ll find out that you really are a powerful woman, and that the world is far more supportive than you knew.

May you enjoy the journey!

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