A gift? Singleness sure does not feel like a gift. It feels more like opening my stocking on Christmas morning to find lumps of coal instead of toys. Where is the gift receipt? I would love to return it.

Singleness is a gift not many people want. Marriage also is a gift, and it is not bad to want the gift of marriage. Yes, singleness comes with the perks of being devoted to God without the added distractions a family can bring. However, when singles are told singleness is a gift, it feels like we are being cheerily congratulated on this gift we didn’t ask for, one we fear will be a lifelong gift. My main issues with people telling singles this season is a gift are:

This advice normally comes from people who are currently married and do not have this “gift.”

This phrase affects how singles view this season.

WHY I WROTE THIS BOOK?

Before my 25th birthday, I had learned how to play 4 instruments, been to 7 countries, got a full time job in the music industry, and have been leading worship at my church for 6 years. Sounds pretty successful, right?

Well, at 25 it finally hit me, all my friends are dating, engaged, married, or even having babies, and I have yet to be in one relationship my whole life. Which lead me down a road of struggling with self-worth, comparison, disappointment, and my faith in God.

In October of 2020 I decided to lay all my frustrations and disappointments on God. I told Him, “I need to know what my purpose is in this season. Why have I been single my whole life?” I felt God telling me in response, “You should write a book about this season.” I said, “I should what??” (If you know me, you know I am not the poster child for writing or grammar). But when God’s calling you to do something it’s hard to run from it. So...

On October 26, 2020, I took a leap of faith and started the process of writing with absolutely no idea where to begin. Not knowing as I embarked on this journey, I was also going to spend most of 2021 celebrating many close friends and family on their special day. I was a bridesmaid in three weddings this year, one being for my younger brother.

God sure does have a sense of humor. Calling me to write a book on encouraging others in singleness while living in the middle of a season it has never been more glaringly obvious, I was single! That didn’t matter though because in this moment I felt I had purpose. I finally was able to smile and rejoice in my singleness instead of it being a burden. I became overjoyed thinking what I have learned in this season might one day be used to encourage others.

HOW IS MY BOOK DIFFERENT FROM MANY OTHER SINGLE & DATING BOOKS?

There are plenty of books on Christian dating and singleness. (I probably have most of them on my bookshelf.) I have spent hours reading and listening to podcasts on navigating this season of life. And while I have nothing against other writers who have written books about Christian singleness, I sometimes found it hard to take advice in this area from someone who had never experienced a long period of singleness themselves.

I did not want to write something that can be summed up dismissively in the phrase, “It will happen in God’s timing. Trust in him.” While I do trust in God and his timing, there is much more that could be said to single people in this season. I want to express the deep emotions of a long period of singleness. Anyone walking through it knows it is not always sunshine and rainbows. I recognize all the pain, frustration, doubt, fear, and loneliness, and I know the feeling of being left behind as all your friends get married.

The perspective I bring to my book comes from walking through a season of singleness as I wrote it. I don’t have all the answers and as I published my book I had no idea if one day I would ever get married. However, I did know what it looked to walk through this season for a long time (twenty-six years, to be exact) and the beauty that came into my life in the midst of waiting.

I spent over a year searching for answers to the biggest questions for Christians on singleness, dating, and marriage. Questions such as:

“Why am I still single?”

“God, will I ever meet my person?”

“God do you have someone planned for me?”

“How much longer am I going to be in this season?

“God, you know how much I desire marriage. Why is it not happening for me?”

WHO IS THIS BOOK FOR?

This book is for singles, friends and family of singles, and church leaders. It’s a book to help us all learn what it means to trust God with our desires, plans, and future.

My hope for this book is to shine a light on why singleness can be challenging in today’s culture, to dive deep into how to trust God in difficult seasons and offer ways on how singles can thrive while also desiring marriage.

To show people marriage does not equal success and it is not better than being single. It’s just different! To help the church culture be more aware of the wonderful opportunity they have to love and minster to their single friends. They just need to re-evaluate what that looks like at times.

It’s time we stop telling singles one of the below phrases as a way to offer encouragement because if I can be frank…it’s not that helpful and can stink to hear ALL the time.

”It will happen when you least expect it.”

“You need to put yourself out there more.”

“Your standards must be too high. You are being too picky.”

“You need to focus more on God. Jesus is enough. Be content with only you and Jesus, and it will happen in his timing.”

“There’s plenty of fish in the sea.”

Instead, we need to be encouraging singles to tune in to what God is calling them to in this season. We should be encouraging singles to pray God would do his will in their lives during this time. Singles should be encouraged that no matter what season they are in, it should not affect their relationship with God and how they perceive his goodness.

Let’s encourage singles to enjoy this season in other ways than simply telling them it’s a gift. Because if we are being honest, marriage is a gift too and you can’t blame someone for wanting it.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I’m not sure at what point marriage became the epitome of success, with singleness considered “second-string?” Or, at what point our culture began to idolize marriage, believing life starts after you say, “I DO.” Neither of these viewpoints line up with scripture.

When you look to scripture you read where Paul says, “if you can remain single for the kingdom you should.” Let’s also not forget what Jesus said in Matthew 19:12, “...there are eunuchs who have made themselves that way because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who is able to accept it should accept it.”

If you are single, I want to assure you, despite the many opinions and degrading comments you may receive from your family, friends, and culture around you…you are not “second-string!” You are just as successful as your married friends and God can certainly use you to advance His kingdom!

Yes, marriage is a gift, but so is singleness! No matter your relationship status, your calling is the same - to make Jesus’ name known to this broken world (Matt. 28:18–20).

Let’s start encouraging and empowering our single friends just as Jesus did. Let’s begin to shift the narrative from “marriage equals success” to “embracing where God has you equals success.”

This book means so much to me as I wrote it during a challenging time in my life. I created this book for me, and for you, and for anyone navigating uncertainty about their future! I am beyond excited to share it with you! Grab your copy of “Is Being Single a Gift?: Trusting God While Unpacking Hard Truths on Singleness” HERE!