Hi. If you’re new here, I’m Sandy. I’m a menopausal Gen-Xer in my mid-50s and I write romcoms.

This is the most recent photo of me (I promise) and yes, that is Sam Heughan and no, I will not stop sharing this photo

I do other things too, but the two things I want to talk about today are menopause and romcoms (but not in that order).

And if you think that mid-50s is a little old to be writing romcoms, then [spoiler alert] I’m about to blow your mind.

I know a LOT of romcom authors — a MEET CUTE of romcom authors (for that must be the collective noun, right?) — and most of the romcom authors I know are 40+, with a lot of us in our 50s and 60s – and yes, even 70s. There are a handful of 30-somethings in my (large) romcom-y circle, but guess what? They will soon be 40-somethings and very likely will still be writing romcoms.

Now why, when most romcom MCs (that’s main characters if you’re here solely for the ‘menopause’ part of today’s proceedings,) are in their 20s and 30s, are so many 40+ romcom authors doing such a brilliant job at writing romcoms people enjoy?

To address this question, I’ve prepared a list:

Because we’ve lived it. We’ve lived our 20s and 30s so we know what it’s like to be 20- or 30-something

That’s it—that’s the list. And sure, we may need to research the latest vernacular or stay abreast of pop cultural references, but writing the truth of falling in love and heartbreak and moving on and happily ever afters? We excel at that. Because we’ve lived it.

Now, this is not to disparage younger authors — NOT. AT. ALL. There are brilliant authors in their 20s and 30s writing hilarious and heartfelt romcoms and smashing it. Emily Henry is the reigning queen of romcoms for a reason — or one of them. Not playing favourites, I promise.

But back to the middle-aged romcom authors…

I started writing my first book — a romcom — when I was in my 40s. It sparked a series and in the final book A Wedding in Tuscany the main character turns 40 (which, as an aside, is a very sexy age so I wrote lots of sex into that book). By the time this book was published, I’d turned 53, but I was writing late-30s into the 40s and that felt authentic to me. I could draw on my (fairly) recent past.

Now I’m in my 50s, I’ve been asked to write 20-somethings (because most BookTokers — TikTokers who create content about books — are 20-something), which I can do, but feels less authentic. My publisher and I have settled on 30-something MCs, which suits us both. For now.

The thing is, middle-aged people want romcoms too (and we have the disposable income to buy them, but that’s a whole other post).

We want romcoms for us, about us — about finding love later in life when we’re established in our careers and know who we are and what we will and will not put up with, when we’re well travelled and financially secure, when we’re divorced or single parents, when we’re menopausal (or manopausal) and ache all the time, when we have good credit and can buy expensive things without it becoming a plot point, when our friendships are decades old and our college years are a distant memory…

And there are middle-aged people falling (hilariously) in love on our screens — Ticket to Paradise, Mother of the Bride, Shotgun Wedding…

So I really thought, this many books in, that I would get to write those romcoms, get to tell the stories of my contemporaries — become the Nora Ephron of the publishing world (I know, I know, in my dreams — maybe Nora Ephron’s second cousin, once removed’s barista).

But alas, no. Maybe one day when the BookTok juggernaut has had its moment and the Booktokers age out of romcoms solely about 20- and 30-somethings and the publishing world wants to find the next Kathy Lette or Marian Keyes.

Which (clumsy segue) bring me to my second topic of the day: menopause.

It’s a really unsexy word, I know, but there’s something incredible happening across the world right this very second. Gen-X is in MENOPAUSE! Well, not all of us, but the majority. Let’s just agree that it’s enough of us to launch a MENOPAUSE REVOLUTION.

We are here and we are menopausal and we are not shutting up about it. Naomi Watts has shared her embarrassing story about ripping of her oestrogen patch the first time she had sex with her (now husband) Billy Crudup and Halle Berry is telling everyone who will listen about her vaginal dryness journey. Halle Berry!

Gen-X is tackling menopause the same way we tackle everything: unapologetically, loudly, and head (fucking) on. We are educating ourselves, we are sharing our experiences, we are proudly being menopausal.

And to the younger generations of women who are coming up behind us, you’re welcome. You will not have to wander blindly into peri-menopause and menopause, having to decipher what the hell is happening to you and convince your doctor that you are not just imagining it. You will have knowledge and resources and support, because Gen-X is in the menopausal trenches right now and we are not putting up with society’s hush-hush-it’s-too-taboo-to-talk-about-menopause BS!

Phew, it felt good to get that off my chest.

Anyway, my contribution to the menopause revolution is that I wrote a book. It’s called What the Fuck, Menopause? The ABCs and WTFs of Menopause. It’s one of those laugh-out-loud gift books that you buy for your girlfriends and sisters and besties and work wives — and for yourself, of course.

I wrote it a couple of years ago when I was feeling particularly pissed off with the world (which definitely comes across in V1) and it’s gone through several iterations since. Now it’s an I-see-you-I-got-you-we’re-in-this-together kind of book — and it’s arguably the funniest thing I’ve ever written (although, my next romcom is fricking hilarious, so maybe second-funniest).

Since my agent started submitting it for publication, we’ve gotten close three times with three big-name publishers on three continents. All three editors saw what I see — this could be a bestselling book that launches an entire brand. And that the time is now. NOW!

The first rejected it because, while the 30-something editor LOVED it, her menopausal colleagues were squeamish about how unapologetically loud it was — so, Gen-Xers not being true to our generation. The second publisher rejected it because it was too close to something else they had in the pipeline — could have been bundled, could have be cross-promoted, but no.

And the third publisher has just rejected it because the menopause market is now crowded, which it wasn’t two years ago when we started shopping this around. Gah! They also want me to become a TikTok sensation in this space and then come back to them — maybe then they will publish it.

Oh, the irony of TikTok being such a strong influence over two different trajectories of my writing career when I have purposefully steered clear of it — and for no other reason than I simply cannot carve out the time to become good at something else when I am writing 3 books (each at various stages), marketing my backlist, and doing paid consulting work.

So, what next for this menopausal romcom author?

I will noodle on what to do with my menopause book — watch this space (but it won’t be starting a TikTok channel) — and I will continue to write heartfelt and hilarious romcoms, because (quite frankly) I’m bloody good at it.

And pssst… I’m also working on two non-romcoms, but that is another blog post as well.

Ciao, peeps. Till next time…