Many of us consider ourselves patient. Oh yes, very patient! We even laugh in rush hour traffic, and allow other drivers to cut in front of us. So why does it drive you crazy when your partner takes longer than normal to get ready for church or some outing? Why do you act like a mad dog when your partner crashes your car, or answers a call from an ex? Why do these things bother you so much?

We all know patience is a virtue. And we know we need to be patient and understanding every day in our relationships in order to enjoy a truly happy and lasting relationship. But patience doesn’t come easily to all of us. Some of us are impatient as a result of our own upbringing by parents who may not have had much patience. Others are impatient as a result of their own attitudes, feelings and unrealistic expectations. But we all have an inner “coolness” that is always waiting to come out if we will allow it.

Here are a few steps you can take to develop more patience in your relationship:

Change your attitude

The first step to developing more patience is to change your attitude. Quit being a perfectionist or a fault-finder. If you want everything to be sane, clean, and orderly all the time in your house and in your life, then you need to live by yourself; you don’t need a partner. But if you are willing to tolerate another person’s mistakes and imperfections, to correct them gently and lovingly when necessary, and to overlook some of the things they do which you don’t like, all because you love them, then you have the right attitude that will guarantee you stability in your relationship.

Don’t take things too seriously

If you want to keep your cool and enjoy a happy relationship, don’t take things too seriously. Allow your partner to be themselves. That means they’re going to make friends with other people (male and female); they’re going to be angry sometimes or quiet and not as lively as you’d expect; they’re going to have days when they feel too tired to cook (your favorite meal) or clean the house; they’ll probably want to spend some time alone sometimes; they’re going to need to spend a little more time and money to look good and sexy sometimes; and sometimes they’ll want to do things their own way.

The key here is not to go ballistic when these things happen. Accepting the fact that these things will happen, will help you to keep your cool when they do happen. Don’t take it too seriously and lose your patience over it. If you love your partner, don’t take out your anger or frustrations on them.

Try to make sense of your partner’s actions

Another way of finding patience is to try to make sense of your partner’s actions rather than criticizing them. If you find yourself questioning why your partner left the dishes in the sink, for example, then instead of growing angry over it, you can look at it in a curious manner and try to make sense of it. Maybe s/he was running late for work; or maybe s/he was too tired today. Try to put their actions into a better or positive perspective.

You may even realize that sometimes your partner does things just to get your attention, especially if they’re not getting enough of it in the first place. That means you have to spend more time with them and show more affection and love, and show appreciation for what they do.

Set realistic expectations

You may also lose your patience often because the expectations you have of your partner are unrealistic. For instance, you can’t expect your partner not to make friends with the opposite sex, or not to talk to friends they’ve had even longer than they’ve had you. Neither can you expect your partner not to communicate with the mother or father of their baby from a previous relationship with whom they have joint custody.

Relationships work better when we stop setting unrealistic expectations. Don’t try to micromanage every aspect of your partner’s life, because it will only drive both of you crazy and break up your relationship. Remember that “love is patient and kind.” (1 Corinthians 13:4).

If you do these things, you can keep your cool at all times and enjoy a happy and lasting relationship.