Caregiver Quotes

“Affirmations are our mental vitamins, providing the supplementary positive thoughts we need to balance the barrage of negative events and thoughts we experience daily.”
― Tia Walker, The Inspired Caregiver: Finding Joy While Caring for Those You Love

“Self-care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”
― Eleanor Brownn

“Gay people were seen as magical, too. I mean, like in many cultures, men were viewed as warriors and women were viewed as caregivers. But gay people, being both male and female, were seen as both warriors and caregivers. Gay people could do anything. They were like Swiss Army knives!”
― Sherman Alexie

“Offering care means being a companion, not a superior. It doesn’t matter whether the person we are caring for is experiencing cancer, the flu, dementia, or grief.

If you are a doctor or surgeon, your expertise and knowledge comes from a superior position. But when our role is to be providers of care, we should be there as equals.”
― Judy Cornish, The Dementia Handbook: How to Provide Dementia Care at Home

“Not a few millions of parents strongly hope that their own children will step in by instantly becoming their own parents’ foster parents, if and when the parents reach their second childhood.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana, The Use and Misuse of Children

“Even though people experiencing dementia become unable to recount what has just happened, they still go through the experience—even without recall.
The psychological present lasts about three seconds. We experience the present even when we have dementia. The emotional pain caused by callous treatment or unkind talk occurs during that period.
The moods and actions of people with dementia are expressions of what they have experienced, whether they can still use language and recall, or not.”
― Judy Cornish, The Dementia Handbook: How to Provide Dementia Care at Home

“Evolutionarily, the function of attachment has been to protect the organism from danger. The attachment figure, an older, kinder, stronger, wiser other (Bowlby, 1982), functions as a safe base (Ainsworth et al., 1978), and is a presence that obviates fear and engenders a feeling of safety for the younger organism. The greater the feeling of safety, the wider the range of exploration and the more exuberant the exploratory drive (i.e., the higher the threshold before novelty turns into anxiety and fear). Thus, the fundamental tenet of attachment theory: security of attachment leads to an expanded range of exploration. Whereas fear constricts, safety expands the range of exploration. In the absence of dyadically constructed safety, the child has to contend with fear-potentiating aloneness. The child will devote energy to conservative, safety enhancing measures, that is, defense mechanisms, to compensate for what's missing. The focus on maintaining safety and managing fear drains energy from learning and exploration, stunts growth, and distorts personality development.”
― Daniel J. Siegel M.D., Healing Trauma: Attachment, Mind, Body and Brain

“... the roots of security and resilience are to be found in the sense of being understood by and having the sense of existing in the heart and mind of a loving, caring, attuned and self-processed other, an other with a mind and heart of her own.”
― Daniel J. Siegel, Healing Trauma: Attachment, Mind, Body and Brain

“Political bodies endlessly debate the pros and cons of every action that will improve the lives of the weak and the oppressed. The resulting legislation is usually a watered down version of charitable actions directed at uplifting the poor. Any government invariably tailors its allocation of resources and alignment of power to protect the pocketbooks of the wealthy and powerful. Consequently, the true benefactors of any government’s socioeconomic programs are prominent people and rich corporations. Thomas Jefferson said, ‘I predict future happiness for Americans, if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

“She drew him softly downwards to his knees. He sank; he yielded utterly; he obeyed. Her weight was upon him, smothering, delicious. The snow was to his waist.... She kissed him softly on the lips, the eyes, all over his face. And then she spoke his name in that voice of love and wonder, the voice that held the accent of two others—both taken over long ago by Death—the voice of his mother, and of the woman he had loved.”
― Algernon Blackwood, The Glamour of the Snow

“One form of insecurity of attachment, called "disorganized/disoriented", has been associated with marked impairments in the emotional, social, and cognitive domains, and a predisposition toward a clinical condition known as dissociation in which the capacity to function in an organized, coherent manner is at times impaired.

Studies have also found that youths with a history of disorganized attachments are at great risk of expressing hostility with their peers and have the potential for interpersonal violence as they mature (Lyons-Ruth & Jacobwitz, 1999; Carlson, 1998). This disorganized form of attachment has been proposed to be associated with the caregiver's frightened, frightening, or disoriented behavior with the child. Such experiences create a state of alarm in the child. The parents of these children often have an autobiographical narrative finding, as revealed in the Adult Attachment Interview, of unresolved trauma or grief that appears as a disorientation in their narrative account of their childhoods. Such linguistic disorientation occurs during the discussion of loss or threat from childhood experiences. Lack of resolution appears to be associated with parental behaviors that are incompatible with an organized adaptation on the part of the child. Lack of resolution of trauma or grief in a parent can lead to parental behaviors that create "paradoxical", unsolvable, and problematic situations for the child. The attachment figure is intended to be the source of protection, soothing, connections, and joy. Instead, the experience of the child who develops a disorganized attachment is such that the caregiver is actually the source of terror and fear, of "fright without solution", and so the child cannot turn to the attachment figure to be soothed (Main & Hesse, 1990). There is not organized adaptation and the child's response to this unsolvable problem is disorganization (see Hesse et al., this volume).”
― Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., Healing Trauma: Attachment, Mind, Body and Brain

“Age On Purpose. Be intentional in your journey. You define aging. Don't allow aging to define you. It renders helplessness.”
― Macie P. Smith, A Dementia Caregiver's Guide to Care

“I might not be able to change the outcome, but I can still make a difference”
― Christine Bergsma, Journaling Through as a Professional Caregiver

“The most important thing offered by a caregiver is simply their complete presence”
― Arthur Kleinman, The Soul of Care: The Moral Education of a Doctor

“Does she know she is not well? Does she know how she was before? Does she remember her past? Then I realized "what about us", our 43 years of marriage, does she remember that past? She recognizes me well but how far back? Did our marriage begin in 1979 or 2017 when she was diagnosed? I wasn't sure where I was in her memory, her friend or her husband.”
― Sammie Marsalli, Preventing Her Shutdown

“There is nothing as appealing as a mouth full of gratitude, and a heart full of compassion.”
― Michael Bassey Johnson, These Words Burn Like Fire

“The literature has only these words of comfort for a patient and her family at this stage. Remember, there is still a living spirit inside this diminished person, the spirit of someone you love.”
― Dan Gasby, Before I Forget: Love, Hope, Help, and Acceptance in Our Fight Against Alzheimer's

“Even though people experiencing dementia become unable to recount what has just happened, they still go through the experience—even without recall.

The psychological present lasts about three seconds. We experience the present even when we have dementia. The emotional pain caused by callous treatment or unkind talk occurs during that period.

The moods and actions of people with dementia are expressions of what they have experienced, whether they can still use language and recall, or not.”
― Judy Cornish, The Dementia Handbook: How to Provide Dementia Care at Home

“For me as a spouse of a husband who is sexually competent, this is a big issue for me. Not because I desire sex, but because he does.
He has become like a child in many ways. Yet, even as his abilities and personality diminish, he still wants us to act like we always have as husband and wife.”
― Susan Straley, Alzheimer's Trippin' with George: Diagnosis to Discovery in 10,000 Miles

“How do I connect with my wife and get her to connect with me? This is always a constant desperation on my part especially because she doesn't speak. I am always afraid she will stop connecting with me, especially when I get that blank look, that "daze into no man's land."That is the day I am trying to avoid. There are different things I do, depending on the moment and situation we are in, always taking every opportunity I can to promote interaction with her.”
― Sammie Marsalli, Preventing Her Shutdown

“How do I connect with my wife and get her to connect with me? This is always a constant desperation on my part especially because she doesn't speak. I am always afraid she will stop connecting with me, especially when I get that blank look, that daze into no man's land. That is the day I am trying to avoid. Everyday, every moment I can, I try to create an opportunity to “connect” to avoid her shutdown.”
― Sammie Marsalli, Preventing Her Shutdown

“The real scary moment for me is when she wakes up in the morning and I greet her, she stares at me as if she doesn't recognize me. There is a gaze and no "connection" which really scares me. I ask her "do you want a big kiss or small one" and she sometimes gestures a small one. If no answer I just kiss her anyway and she responds with a smile, now I am "connecting". I pray that gaze of no recognition in the "wakeup" never lasts forever. "Please God, don't let her go into Neverland”
― Sammie Marsalli, Preventing Her Shutdown

“Within a year of retirement, Dad showed the early signs of dementia. By 2017, his symptoms were declared mid-stage by his family physician. It's a sad truth, but ultimately, we don't choose the course of our lives.”
― J.R. Whitsell, That Moment In Time: Two: What If We Helped?

“Self-care isn't so easy.

Your work or family role may require you to take care of others' needs first.

If that's your situation, self-care might seem selfish to you. But you won't be able to help anyone else if you don't find ways, big and small, to refill your own tank.

There's nothing selfish about self-care.”
― Eleanor Brownn, The Other Serenity Prayer: Meditations on Self-Kindness

“I was twenty years old, a military spouse, and now a caregiver.”
― Karie Fugett, Alive Day: A Memoir

“Companionship is more than a presence,
it’s a steady, compassionate embrace that walks beside you, through every season of caregiving and beyond.”
― Beth M. Sutherland

“From my book,
Care for the Carer, An Alzheimer's Memoir

"Is there a cure?" Jane asked repeatedly.
This simple sentence had several possible meanings:

Jeff, I'm slipping, hold me.
Jeff, I'm sinking, save me.
Jeff, I'm scared, protect me.

I wanted to hug her or even to pick her up and rock her in my arms....to tell her "I'm here with you always," to admit to myself, "I'm scared too.”
― Jeff Camhi, Care for the Carer: An Alzheimer's Memoir

“From my book,
CARE FOR THE CARER,
AN ALZHEIMER'S MEMOIR

"Is there a cure?" Jane asked repeatedly.
This simple sentence had several possible meanings:

Jeff, I'm slipping, hold.
Jeff, I'm sinking, save me.
Jeff, I'm scared, protect me.

I wanted to hug her or even to pick her up and rock her in my arms....to tell her, "I'm here with you always," to admit myself, "I'm scared too.”
― Jeff Camhi

“I wanted to keep her from slipping out of my life.
I wanted to squeeze the Alzheimer's right out of her.
I wanted us to be who we once were.
None of that could happen.
But at least, from that day on, when words alluded Jane, hugs took their place.

From CARE FOR THE CARER, AN ALZHEIMER'S MEMOIR”
― Jeff Camhi

“From CARE FOR THE CARER, AN ALZHEIMER'S MEMOIR

'Is there a cure?' Jane asked repeatedly.
This simple sentence had several possible meanings.

Jeff, I'm slipping, hold me.
Jeff, I'm sinking, save me.
Jeff, I'm scared, protect me

I wanted to hug her or even to pick her up and rock her in my arms...”
― Jeff Camhi