K.D. McCrite's Blog

From Mae B’s Journal:

I sneaked in the back door of the library the other day because I wanted to find out what goes on behind the scenes where my masterpieces will be stored.

I had no chance to observe, because one of the librarians was standing right there as I walked in. She gave me a dirty look, I tell you! Then she had the gall to tell me the public was not allowed in the back.  As if I was a part of the unwashed masses. What a nerve! When my books have taken the world by storm, that woman will be calling every librarian in the entire world, telling them that she used to welcome me in the backdoor.

I told her so, too. And I added that there would come a day when I would have to use the back door of every place, from libraries and bookstores to Walmart, just to escape my fans, and she might as well get used to me using it.

She had the nerve to repeat, “The back entrance is for employees, only” and escorted me rather rudely out into the public area of the library.

I pointed to the stacks nearest the front door and announced loudly enough for everyone to hear, “You might as well take down all those tomes. My books will soon fill all that space!”

Those library people depend on writers like me to keep them in business. That sour, stubborn librarian might as well learn that right now.

From Mae B's Journal:

I sneaked in the back door of the library the other day because I wanted to find out what goes on behind the scenes where my masterpieces will be stored.

I had no chance to observe, because one of the librarians was standing right there as I walked in. She gave me a dirty look, I tell you! Then she had the gall to tell me the public was not allowed in the back.  As if I was a part of the unwashed masses. What a nerve! When my books have taken the world by storm, that woman will be calling every librarian in the entire world, telling them that she used to welcome me in the backdoor.

I told her so, too. And I added that there would come a day when I would have to use the back door of every place, from libraries and bookstores to Walmart, just to escape my fans, and she might as well get used to me using it.

She had the nerve to repeat, "The back entrance is for employees, only" and escorted me rather rudely out into the public area of the library.

I pointed to the stacks nearest the front door and announced loudly enough for everyone to hear, "You might as well take down all those tomes. My books will soon fill all that space!"

Those library people depend on writers like me to keep them in business. That sour, stubborn librarian might as well learn that right now.

It seems to me that we writers don't really need to write. Why should we? It's so much work, and there are smartypants editors out there just itching to change everything from margins and spacing, to the type of font we use. We should just tell everyone we meet the story that's in our head, and that way no one has the opportunity to change a thing, and our listeners can stand in awe at our amazing creative ability. After all, we never have the opportunity to observe our fans actually reading our books.

You see, the more we writers talk, the more comes pouring out. I have literally kept my friends glued in place with their mouths hanging open for hours, while I tell them every detail of the plot, the subplot, and the sub-subplot. Just yesterday I noticed one fellow's eyes were like glass as I related my main characters entire family history! He was enraptured! My own genius humbled me. In fact, it still does.

And the amazing thing I've discovered is that, after I have told my story aloud a few times, I no longer have the urge to sit down and write it. It has already been told!

I simply amaze myself.

–Mae B.

Deep and heart-felt apologies to all who have looked here and seen nothing new lately. I've been up to my eyeballs writing the stuff that puts bread on the table. I'm trying to restructure my time so I can return to blogging.

I hope ol' Mae B. hasn't withered away into nothing by this time.

To those of you who enjoy the antics of Mae B., I must apologize. I have been under the gun in the last few months, meeting deadlines. There is no greater joyous burden for a writer to bear than to have deadlines and a sense of “I gotta get up and write my heart out today.” The other side of this golden coin is that the time I used to spend doing other things has been leeched by the novel-writing. Mae B has been a casualty.

HOWEVER, she is not dead, she is not gone. She will return. I just don’t know when.

Thanks for your interest and your concern.

kd

To those of you who enjoy the antics of Mae B., I must apologize. I have been under the gun in the last few months, meeting deadlines. There is no greater joyous burden for a writer to bear than to have deadlines and a sense of "I gotta get up and write my heart out today." The other side of this golden coin is that the time I used to spend doing other things has been leeched by the novel-writing. Mae B has been a casualty.

HOWEVER, she is not dead, she is not gone. She will return. I just don't know when.

Thanks for your interest and your concern.

kd

Mae B. is convinced that her readers/fans/stalkers need her words of wisdom and insight into more of these common mistakes writers make. So she is now shoving me out of my chair in an attempt to commandeer my computer…..omph! Oh, Mae!

I thought K.D. would never move! I will write fast because she might come to before I get finished. I could tie her up, but I don't have any rope so I'll just take my chances.

Mistake # 4 is "Don't Expect Miracles" Well, duh. If writing is your right and your gift, it is not a miracle. The author of this book insists that a writer should take time to "learn the craft." In fact, he says there are certain techniques that only time and practice can teach us. Obviously he was not the gifted literary star that I am. I do not need to "practice" or spend years and years of dreary study of the work of others.

I do agree with one thing he said: Except in the case of very rare genius, writing fiction is difficult. Obviously I am a very rare genius because I don't find it difficult. Not in the least. To those who say my story is unfocused and unstructured, without believable characters or clear plot, I say: YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS, YOU PITIFUL HACKS!

Maybe a "miracle" will happen for them! I don't need one.

Are you kidding me?

I have read more of this book K.D. recommends about avoiding common mistakes, and the third suggestion is "Don't show off when you write."

I repeat: Are you kidding me? If I know words such as moronic, infecund, soporific, maladjusted, or reticulum, why shouldn't I use them? We writers, as a breed, are superior to the rest of the world's population, and some of us are even better than that. It is our right, yea, our duty to educate the ignorant masses when possible. If we cause them to put aside our writings to fetch the dictionary, then we've accomplished a modicum of our calling. If, as they pause in their reading, they ponder our extreme and incomparable knowledge, the Universe sighs in contentment. So I say again to the creator of the above "mistake" and those who believe him: are you kidding me? Why use a simple word when a long one will do?

Philistines!

So while incarcerated under the bed, I ate many a peanut butter sandwich, adopted a particularly cute dust bunny and read a book by Jack M. Bickham The 38 Most Common  Fiction Writing Mistakes (and How to Avoid Them). This books was literally forced into my hands by my captor who said, "For heaven's sake, Mae, stop sabotaging yourself!" As if she knows what she's talking about. But, since I had nothing else to do, I read it.

Just as I thought, none of it applies to me.

Take the first mistake listed, for instance. "Don't Make Excuses." Yeah, right. If I don't feel the tingle of inspiration I simply cannot write. No use telling me that I should just sit down and do it and forget inspiration. What? Who does that, other than K.D.? Just between you and me, she works harder than she needs to, almost like she's addicted to writing or something. I say it's unhealthy. She says a writer writes daily and it's the surest way to succeed. I have to turn away to hide my sneer.

And the next thing this Mr. Bickham mentions (is he a writer, by the way, or someone who just made all this stuff up?) "Don't Consider Yourself Too Smart." As if!! I am smarter than most people. I have to write down to any reader I might have someday because I know my intelligence has few equals. Once again, K.D. has stick her nose in my business and tells me just tell a story nearly anyone can understand. That girl does not know what she's talking about.

I'm hoping inspiration will strike me today. I really haven't felt like writing since my story about the transgender time-traveling monkey was so rudely turned down by that magazine who shall remain nameless. And when my muse comes you can believe it won't be a story for the masses. I'm better than that.

I must say that I'm somewhat upset at the current state of things around here. No one is giving me the least bit of attention and that's really unconscionable. If I were to clean the house, perhaps someone would notice me then. Maybe I should make pancakes. How about if I fill the bathtub and go swimming? I suppose I could call the cops. But then they'd just want to know why.

It just seems to me that anyone would be honored to have me living with them. After all, I could live anywhere, if I wanted to. In fact, I might come and live with you….