Rebecca Nolan's Blog - Posts Tagged "death"
YA Fiction i have been working on for a while.
“I have some news that I think you should sit down for.” The Doctor said to us, tears welled in my eyes.
“The last time I was told to sit down, I was told that my grandmother had been attacked and was in the hospital…so as you can imagine I don’t want to sit down. I want to know if she will be alright. I want to know when we can go home. That is what I want. Not to sit back down. I am over sitting down.” I glowered at him, fed up with everything.
“Very well then” he answered. “Your Grandmamma is brain dead.” He said it as if we should have been expecting the news. “The damage to her brain was just too substantial. Even after we went in to release the pressure, there was no change, if anything she is worse.”
“You must be mistaken…… My Grandmamma is not brain dead, I would know if she were.” I yelled the words not caring who heard.
“I am sorry Miss, I really am, but now is the time to gather your family and say good-bye.” The doctor’s voice was so disconnected, that it infuriated me. Couldn’t he see that he was wrong?
“You are wrong. She will be fine, you’ll see.”
The doctor looked at me, those large eyes filled with pity as he shook his head.
“Lilli. Sweetie.” Stewart whispered almost choking on the words as he fought back his own pain. I could sense that he was giving up on her because of what the doctor had told us. Anger built up inside of me, he didn’t know how strong she was.
“No.” I declared. “He is wrong Stewart. She isn’t brain dead.” pointing my finger at the doctor. Jude joined us, placing a hand around my waist to draw me closer to him, but I pushed him away, I was too angry to be comforted.
“Find me another doctor……Now.” I screamed. All three of them took a step back from me like I would explode. “I want another doctor. One who knows what they are doing.”
“Miss, you can ask as many doctors as you like but they will agree with me. Your Grandmother is no longer responsive and without the assistance of these machines she would be completely dead.”
“The last time I was told to sit down, I was told that my grandmother had been attacked and was in the hospital…so as you can imagine I don’t want to sit down. I want to know if she will be alright. I want to know when we can go home. That is what I want. Not to sit back down. I am over sitting down.” I glowered at him, fed up with everything.
“Very well then” he answered. “Your Grandmamma is brain dead.” He said it as if we should have been expecting the news. “The damage to her brain was just too substantial. Even after we went in to release the pressure, there was no change, if anything she is worse.”
“You must be mistaken…… My Grandmamma is not brain dead, I would know if she were.” I yelled the words not caring who heard.
“I am sorry Miss, I really am, but now is the time to gather your family and say good-bye.” The doctor’s voice was so disconnected, that it infuriated me. Couldn’t he see that he was wrong?
“You are wrong. She will be fine, you’ll see.”
The doctor looked at me, those large eyes filled with pity as he shook his head.
“Lilli. Sweetie.” Stewart whispered almost choking on the words as he fought back his own pain. I could sense that he was giving up on her because of what the doctor had told us. Anger built up inside of me, he didn’t know how strong she was.
“No.” I declared. “He is wrong Stewart. She isn’t brain dead.” pointing my finger at the doctor. Jude joined us, placing a hand around my waist to draw me closer to him, but I pushed him away, I was too angry to be comforted.
“Find me another doctor……Now.” I screamed. All three of them took a step back from me like I would explode. “I want another doctor. One who knows what they are doing.”
“Miss, you can ask as many doctors as you like but they will agree with me. Your Grandmother is no longer responsive and without the assistance of these machines she would be completely dead.”
I want off this Rollercoaster
Life is full of ups and downs... I get that and yet as I type this I wonder if I will ever see the upside again. melodramatic I know but when it seems like you have been dealt more blows then lucky it is hard now to be. I mean this was meant to be my year, a year where my novel finally made it and where I could stand tall and proud and full of such good lucky that I would be deliriously happy. What happened? why does it feel as though I brought ticket to ride the rollarcoaster of doom!
This year has seen the death of my dog, a very long fight with a large company, my health go off track for a bit, money decrese and now the death of someone who was closer to me then my own grandmothers. To make things worse I dont know how to cry over her passing. Ok so i know how to cry but I have sent most of my life cutting and burying my emotions that it is hard to feel what I need to feel.
Knowing she is gone and I will never get to have a cuppa or hear her yell at the guys on the footy oval does bring tears to my eyes but I quickly surpress them again. It is hard when I want to talk to my husband (who didnt spend as much time with her) and he is falling asleep on the couch (after I must say, he had a very long and hard day at work). My mother is no good as she didnt know this special lady either and I have no one else I can turn to. To make things worse tomorrow is my birthday and I must admit it is one day I hate because it is always a huge dissappointment.
I have had to deal with a few deaths over the years from an uncle to friends and each time I feel as though I bury a little more of myself and the pain away. All the crying I do is mainly alone in the shower so I can just lose myself for atleast five minutes without anyone knowing... it is something I learnt to do long ago. My only saving grace is my writing. I can express built up emotions through the characters which helps as does the writing in itself.
Right now though I am just wondering if this rollarcoaster of doom and gloom is going to stop. I have never wished to be living another life until now and that is a horrible feeling. I dont need things to be perfect but it would be nice to have a little break from the bad luck. I just want to be able to feel and express myself to those who care for and about me. The other good thing is that I have learnt who my valuable friends are. They are the ones who stand by me while I whinge and whiel I laugh, the ones who pick me up when I am down and enjoy my friendship as much as I enjoy theirs. Now all i need to do is to get rid of the fake people and those who wish to misuse my friendship and things will hopefully pick up.
Thank you for sharing this with me, it was nice to just write some of this stuff out, but now I am going to have a nice long shower and enjoy some quiet crying time alone so that tonight I can be big and brave again.
Xox
Rebecca
This year has seen the death of my dog, a very long fight with a large company, my health go off track for a bit, money decrese and now the death of someone who was closer to me then my own grandmothers. To make things worse I dont know how to cry over her passing. Ok so i know how to cry but I have sent most of my life cutting and burying my emotions that it is hard to feel what I need to feel.
Knowing she is gone and I will never get to have a cuppa or hear her yell at the guys on the footy oval does bring tears to my eyes but I quickly surpress them again. It is hard when I want to talk to my husband (who didnt spend as much time with her) and he is falling asleep on the couch (after I must say, he had a very long and hard day at work). My mother is no good as she didnt know this special lady either and I have no one else I can turn to. To make things worse tomorrow is my birthday and I must admit it is one day I hate because it is always a huge dissappointment.
I have had to deal with a few deaths over the years from an uncle to friends and each time I feel as though I bury a little more of myself and the pain away. All the crying I do is mainly alone in the shower so I can just lose myself for atleast five minutes without anyone knowing... it is something I learnt to do long ago. My only saving grace is my writing. I can express built up emotions through the characters which helps as does the writing in itself.
Right now though I am just wondering if this rollarcoaster of doom and gloom is going to stop. I have never wished to be living another life until now and that is a horrible feeling. I dont need things to be perfect but it would be nice to have a little break from the bad luck. I just want to be able to feel and express myself to those who care for and about me. The other good thing is that I have learnt who my valuable friends are. They are the ones who stand by me while I whinge and whiel I laugh, the ones who pick me up when I am down and enjoy my friendship as much as I enjoy theirs. Now all i need to do is to get rid of the fake people and those who wish to misuse my friendship and things will hopefully pick up.
Thank you for sharing this with me, it was nice to just write some of this stuff out, but now I am going to have a nice long shower and enjoy some quiet crying time alone so that tonight I can be big and brave again.
Xox
Rebecca
Meet the characters of Death Lilly
For Images please head to http://wordsaccordingtome.blogspot.co...
Lilly Vale: She has raven hair and emerald eyes. Her taste in guys is a little worrying and she is acts here age. She can be reckless and selfish, though she tries to do the right thing.
Lilly Quote
“Well if you can lay claim on me, then I can on you. That means you can’t go flirting with girls, no matter how pretty they are. I’ve never had a boyfriend before, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t understand the rules of a relationship. No more flirting. I mean it or we’re done. I won’t play second to your ego,” I snapped.
Jude: He is a man with a past and if he isn't careful one of these days it's gonna catch up to him. Though he is trying to right past wrongs by protecting Lilly as best as he can. With blonde hair and blue eyes he looks similar to his brothers.
Jude Quote
“I don’t know what to say Lilly, but if I ever find out who made that call, I will kill them,” his eyes went dark, the words holding such menace. Instinctively I pulled away from him, not understanding who this new person was. Jude was Mr. Nice Guy, not this vengeful person.
Cayn: Mr Popular. He's everybody's friend and people naturally flock towards him. Cayn can melt a girl's heart when he's not trying to get into her pants. But don't be fooled, Cayn has his own closet full of secrets waiting to be unveiled...
Cayn Quote
“You couldn’t keep me away, even if you tried. You might bring out the best in me, but sometimes I am at my best, when I am bad.” He looked up at me through those long dark lashes and smiled so sexy that I felt as if I should melt. I felt a hot rush of desire run through my very core as I tried desperately to compose myself.
Levi: He is dark, danagerous and at times completely sweet. One minute he is all flirty, the next, he is cold and disconnected. He is Cayn's best friend even though they often disagree, but there is one thing Levi won't do...
Levi Quote
“I am just saying that, just maybe…” he hesitated, “Cayn isn’t the one for you.”
Amy: long legs, blonde hair and she's a cheerleader! Everyone would think that Amy has it all but there is one thing she doesn't have. One thing that she would kill for...
Amy Quote
“I would be more inclined to think about if you would want to go out with him. Sure he is all Mister Smooth right now, but this is day one. He is already acting like you’re with him,” she shrugged before heading off on a different tangent. “I guess you’re pretty, in a kind of gothic chic way, so maybe that could be why. Cayn wants what he wants, and until he gets it …well it is like he is becoming obsessed. Maybe you should be careful and stop talking to him.” She put her lip-gloss away and walked out, just leaving me there.
Lilly Vale: She has raven hair and emerald eyes. Her taste in guys is a little worrying and she is acts here age. She can be reckless and selfish, though she tries to do the right thing.
Lilly Quote
“Well if you can lay claim on me, then I can on you. That means you can’t go flirting with girls, no matter how pretty they are. I’ve never had a boyfriend before, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t understand the rules of a relationship. No more flirting. I mean it or we’re done. I won’t play second to your ego,” I snapped.
Jude: He is a man with a past and if he isn't careful one of these days it's gonna catch up to him. Though he is trying to right past wrongs by protecting Lilly as best as he can. With blonde hair and blue eyes he looks similar to his brothers.
Jude Quote
“I don’t know what to say Lilly, but if I ever find out who made that call, I will kill them,” his eyes went dark, the words holding such menace. Instinctively I pulled away from him, not understanding who this new person was. Jude was Mr. Nice Guy, not this vengeful person.
Cayn: Mr Popular. He's everybody's friend and people naturally flock towards him. Cayn can melt a girl's heart when he's not trying to get into her pants. But don't be fooled, Cayn has his own closet full of secrets waiting to be unveiled...
Cayn Quote
“You couldn’t keep me away, even if you tried. You might bring out the best in me, but sometimes I am at my best, when I am bad.” He looked up at me through those long dark lashes and smiled so sexy that I felt as if I should melt. I felt a hot rush of desire run through my very core as I tried desperately to compose myself.
Levi: He is dark, danagerous and at times completely sweet. One minute he is all flirty, the next, he is cold and disconnected. He is Cayn's best friend even though they often disagree, but there is one thing Levi won't do...
Levi Quote
“I am just saying that, just maybe…” he hesitated, “Cayn isn’t the one for you.”
Amy: long legs, blonde hair and she's a cheerleader! Everyone would think that Amy has it all but there is one thing she doesn't have. One thing that she would kill for...
Amy Quote
“I would be more inclined to think about if you would want to go out with him. Sure he is all Mister Smooth right now, but this is day one. He is already acting like you’re with him,” she shrugged before heading off on a different tangent. “I guess you’re pretty, in a kind of gothic chic way, so maybe that could be why. Cayn wants what he wants, and until he gets it …well it is like he is becoming obsessed. Maybe you should be careful and stop talking to him.” She put her lip-gloss away and walked out, just leaving me there.
