Rebecca Nolan's Blog - Posts Tagged "writing"

For the last four weeks i have been working hard to produce a novella based around a half witch, half gentry girl who dreams of her soul mate but due to events finds herself in love with a Fae.

As it is this will have to be a series but now i am in the middle of editing. So far only chapter one is done and i Have increased the word count not cut it lol. I find myself wanted to expand the character depth because....well i am in love with this story!

So I will have to keep on editing and if words keep adding it might just become a novel. Argh i think i will be glad to see Christmas come just so i can relax. hopefully editing will only take me another 3 weeks and then i can share a little sneak peak :D.

OK so the New year has barely ticked over and I am already excited and jumping on the computer to type away despite my pinched neck nerve which is playing up. Yesterday I sat down and decided to make myself a project list containing very rough plot lines of work i want completed in 2012. Some i have started, while others will have to wait until mid-year before I work on them. I believe it is important to have goals, to project them to the universe and to seek help with attaining them. My goals are of course to see more pieces of my work in print whether ebook or paperback. I truly don't mind it just brings me pleasure to know i have touched someone.




So here I am sharing my projects for 2012. (hoping now that they are known I will have to complete them lol) These are not in any order BTW.

Adult fiction all genres

1. Love and magic book 2-- novella--- will see Gwendolyn betrayed by someone dear to her. One of the premonitions from book one will come true. Magnus will find out that the Seelie court is just as bad as the Unseelie prompting him to act up.




2. Claire the naughty librarian--short stories series--- Our submissive librarian wakes up to find her sexy cop neighbour gone and avoiding her. She wonders what is going on and figures she should forget about him...but this is only the beginning between them and some lessons are worth learning.




3. Girl serial killer--novella, novel, maybe series?---A woman haunted by her past seeks out death but is instead changed into a siren. Now she has the ability to lure men to there death. She become addicted to revenge and torturing men because of all that she had been through.




4. Selkie---novel 1 off--- A male silkie is returning to land after shedding his skin and the terrible guilt over leaving his last love behind. 7 yrs had passed and she is gone. He meets another and is terrified that he will loss her too. Torn between the love of the sea and the girl. Could have bad ending...unsure which way to go!




Young Adult project list for 2012




1. Lilli Vale series---borderline adult age 16+----novel series----Lilli thought she had been rescued but now finds herself trapped. Gabe is after her to kill her only things don't turn out that way. Levi comes back and stirs everything up as he fights to save her. Jude is stuck as the best friend but he is going to try and change that!




2. freebie story ---- age 15+---short, novella, series?----Adele finds a house to rent at a great price the only thing is that the owner is a little weird. Uziel want to save her, but first he need to train her. Adele didn't know what she was getting into but now it is clear and she has a choice to make...which way will she go?




3 The centaur---13+---novella---A centaur is chased from the other world by goblins who are working with human hunters. He seeks shelter in a barn belonging to a teen girl and her mother. the girl helps him.




4. Sirens---15+---novella series---A girl on the eve of her 17th birthday finds out she is a siren and can get males to do whatever she wants. She also has other responsibilities, like underworld stuff etc. During her last year of high school she fights with the urges to use her powers against the boys....think funny...comical...up and downs.




So there it is. My aims set out hopefully outlining just enough to give you all an idea without giving anything away. I have started book two of Love and Magic, book two of Lilli vale and the freebie so things are looking good at this stage. If you would like to share your thoughts on these ideas I welcome you to. Throughout the year (no doubt) I will post little snippets of pieces I love, hate or just don't know what to do with.....so stay tuned. For now I thank you and had better get back to it because now that I look at it I am a little daunted but the amount of writing that is need to get done LOL. Take care xoxo Rebecca

I am the first to admit that I’m not perfect. My writing style is not to everyone’s taste and that is fine. Hell, even I know that I miss things when editing etc. But, lately, I have noticed that a few Authors seem to think they have the right to put down another’s work. I don’t understand that. When is it right to put someone down instead of support them? I can take constructive criticism, but if it is a just a put down, I don’t get it. And people wonder what is wrong with the world…

Why am I bringing this up, you may ask…Well, because it is one thing I just won’t ever do. I will offer constructive criticism but never will I try to belittle someone else’s hard work. Karma people! I really urge others to instead of cutting someone down maybe offer help and support. There are a lot of people out there who have a great, wonderful story to tell but maybe just not the know how to put it across the best way. Then again, maybe the way they write will appeal to others. Who knows. Writing is subjective to ones tastes. No one can tell what will be the next big thing or what might fail. We have all started out somewhere.

I am no seasoned professional but I understand what it is like to present your work to someone and to be offered criticism. Lucky for me it was actually constructive and the criticism helped me. I love improving my work and welcome it but not if you’re out to be nasty.

A dark black 70’s Plymouth barracuda pulled up to the curb and parked. Its dark tinted windows working to mask who was behind the wheel. Jude straightened. He could feel his prey close by. The hairs on his arms prickled up with excitement that the search was finally over.

His cold blue eyes transfixed upon the decrepit old red brick apartment complex staring at it half amazed. The area reeked with the foul stench of rotten souls. Almost everyone who lived here was a lost cause, a human so far gone that darkness was the only thing that filled their heart. Jude felt his trigger finger twitch just once, as if itching to be used again. How long had it been since he had taken the life of one of the dark ones? Clearly, it had been too long if his body was responding like this.

He grabbed a semi-melted chocolate bar from the passenger seat, peeling back the foil before shoving it into his mouth. He didn’t really need to eat but he was bored. The can of warm soda that sat in the drink holder was nearly empty. He picked it up, drinking the last few drops before crushing the can and tossing it in the back. Now all there was to do was wait to see if his prey lived here like the informant had told them. Jude felt the anticipation of having to wait grating on his nerves. The sky was still dark and the wind had a bitter bite to it. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to wait long if, that was, she attended school like most teenagers did at that age. What was an hour or two here or there, nothing compared to the last seventeen years, six months and fourteen days Jude thought bitterly.

“Nothing at all” Jude hissed under his breathe, eyes now glued to the front steel cage that seemed like a pathetic attempt at security for the building. He reasoned, with mild amusement at how easy it would be to destroy the building – all he would need to start a fire would be some old paper and a piece of flint with a little gasoline to really get it going. He wondered just how quickly the fire would take hold, most likely only a matter of minutes then everyone would be trapped.

Who ever thought to hide her here had done a good job. Who would have considered to look for her packed in so tightly with such common riff raff. Certainly not anyone from the order of the light, this was not part of their jurisdiction. Even now Jude was playing with fire just by being here. Leaving this area unprotected wasn’t unlike them, they had little care for the rules or the people they governed. He glanced down at his watch it was just after four in the morning, he sighed this was going to be a long wait.

Jude touched upon the energies, trying to filter out those that were useless; finally catching the right energy. Surely, this had to be the one he was looking for. Jude tapped into the energy a little further. In his trance Jude could feel the energy. Was this the one? He was jostled straight out, as if someone had mentally pushed him out while protecting her. Jude shook his head, this was wrong!

This life force wasn’t the pure evil energy as he had expected, instead something almost innocent that cried out to him. Jude gripped the steering wheel tight, wondering just what might be going on.

His fierce blue eyes glanced back at the battered door, just waiting for an opportunity to enter without becoming detected. There were things he had to find out. Going in there all guns ablaze wouldn’t help to find her; it would only bring unwanted attention his way. This time he had to be covert, just the type of action he had been waiting for. A smile formed on Jude’s face, he might have just found his chance. Using his abilities Jude would be able to manipulate one of the buildings occupants making him believe that Jude was related to them.

Jude didn’t like to override a person’s free will but in this case he had no other choice. Seeing an old man leave the building to walk his dog Jude saw his best opportunity to gain entry.

Carefully he approached the old man dipping his glasses so that he could fog the man’s mind. Jude felt the slightest pang of regret as the old man’s eyes glazed over, this was a bad thing to do especially since it involved killing the dog. It was a good thing that Jude was able to bury the regret for his instincts knew that he was doing what had to be done. The target was the key and he needed a reason to get close to it. This old guy would work perfectly.

Jude followed the guy upstairs thankful that the old man lived in a fairly nice two bed apartment. It was small but that didn’t bother Jude, He wasn’t planning on staying that long. A week or two tops. Jude lay down on top of the single bed in the guest room and slipped into a deeper trance.

He could feel goodness in her, yet, still there was an underlying current of evil that confused him. Jude ran his hand through his sandy hair, what was going on? The pure crisp pull of something so sweet far outweighed the minor hint of danger, death and repulsion he felt. This wasn’t right…..it should be the other way around. Jude had to see her, to feel her and then he would decide if he should kill her or not.

The old man knocked on Jude’s door softly “You want to come for a walk to the shops?” he asked. Jude was finding himself liking the old man more and more as the hours went past.

“Sure” Jude said smiling. He had never known what it was like to have a family. Surprised by just how good it did feel. As they shut the door behind them Jude felt the target approaching. He stiffened, slowly turning so that he could see her. His heart rate slowed and his hand rested casually where his 9mm lay hidden. She was so close that it was hard to concentrate. He could feel the slightest tremor in his trigger finger as he tried to think. Then she was there. Standing right in front of him; trying to looking all innocent.

No doubt about it, she looked like her mother with that ebony black hair that was pulled back into a smooth ponytail, to the shape of her body that was somewhere between athletic and curvaceous. In that dress it was hard not to see her as a woman. Jude swallowed his throat suddenly dry. He lifted his hand from where his gun lay while continuing to stare at her. If he hadn’t known better he would have sworn that it was Lilith standing before him, but he had seen her broken, bloodied body burned before his very eyes.

“Hey there Mr. Goldstein, how are you today?” she asked cheerfully. Her voice as rich as thick syrup that made you want to… ‘Stop it!’ Jude chastised himself, for one thing he may have to kill this girl and for another thinking about her like that was just wrong. He had hunted her since her birth, just because she had aged while Jude hadn’t, didn’t make those thoughts any better. She was his prey and nothing more.

Cautiously he glanced back at his prey, catching her eyes. Jude drew a quick sharp breath. Those eyes, like liquid emeralds so green and lovely…..just like her fathers. Quickly he had to look away; she was part of the light. Her mother had not lied. Jude swallowed the hard lump in the back of his throat, forcing himself to look back up at her, but she was already gone.

He wouldn’t be telling Gabe about this, not until he was sure of what was going on. How funny it was that fate should deal him this hand Jude thought with a laugh before heading outside with the old man.

I recently was asked by another mother what I did for a living, in which I replied that I was a writer. She then asked if I had anthign published in which I replied I had three stories with an American Publisher and two I had done by myself. It was funny how embarrassed I was, at telling her about what I did.

When I went home I wondered why I had felt that way...would I have felt that way if I were, say, a doctor or a banker etc? The answer was No. Sure so far I have made a measelly sum of $5 lol, but I am getting my name out there and I am trying to work hard. Sure, maybe it might be my own fault that I have not made more money. I know I have turned down opportunities due to lack of confidance and because other publishing companies didnt have the right feel for me. I guess I am also loyal in some regrads but I dont see that as a bad thing. Hopefully one day I will land a contract in which every one is happy...but that is besides the point, what I am really tying to understand is why I feel like I am still not an Author????

I wonder how many other writers/ authors feel this way? Is having five books available to the public enough to finally allow me to say "I am an Author" proudly or would making some grand amount of money and getting on some best seller list make it real? I wish I knew...

When I first started writing Love and magic, it was meant to be an epic tale of love between a witch and a werewolf, but somehow Magnus a cheeky yet loveable and very sexy fae got involved. He was meant to be the bad guy, the rogue and yet as I kept on writing he became so much more. often on my fb page I refer to Magnus as my character crush because he is. Writing him is so much fun that now he has become the epicenter of my story. As the story is on hold while I wait to hear back from a publisher I thought I would share one of Magnus's most lovable moments. Enjoy :)


Gwendolyn stared at the box in front of her knowing it was a trap laid out by Magnus. Her mouth was already watering with just the smell of what the box contained. The aroma of rich, opulent dark chocolate and lavender filled her head asking her to take just one bite. The eyes of her tempter were gazing down on her, a slight lop sided grin on that perfect face. He lifted the lid of the box allowing Gwendolyn a closer look at the luxurious, hand crafted chocolates. Each little square was a temptation in itself, with its sweetly colored chocolate garnish. Gwendolyn felt her hand reaching out to pluck one of the chocolates. Quickly she pulled back and looked up at Magnus scowling at him.
“What are you playing at?” she demanded still frowning. Magnus smiled like a cat that had just caught a mouse. It wasn’t a scary smile but it was certainly off putting.

“I am not playing. I am simply offering you a treat. Something sweet for you to place between those plump lips….but if you don’t want them, then…. ” Magnus began to remove the box of chocolates as if hurt by her question, only his smile didn’t fit the gesture. Her hand darted out to stop him before Gwendolyn even knew what was happening.

“A treat?” She questioned, looking at him through those wide lavender eyes with suspicion.

“Yes, it is just a sweet treat for you to enjoy, all you need to decide is if you are willing to trust me and take one or if you would rather I go away.”

“And if I take one will anything bad happen to me?” her hand was already hovering over the edge of the box, ready to choose. She looked into his eyes they seemed more golden then jade, she should have been shocked but she wasn’t.

“I swear nothing will hurt you.” He spoke low and husky like, so that his voice washed over her and made her head all foggy with delight. “You have my oath.”

With that she plucked a delicate rich dark chocolate and placed it ever so carefully onto the tip of her tongue. Each flavor filled her mind and engulfed her senses. It was like tasting a little piece of heaven, each individual flavor bringing something wonderful to the table. A soft moan of delight escaped from her lips as she savored the taste, allowing the chocolate to swell around her mouth coating it.

“I told you it would not harm you.” He said leaning down to that his face was barely an inch away from hers. Gwendolyn opens her eyes, seeing for the first time the true beauty of Magnus’s eyes. They weren’t just jade with gold there was hints of sunburnt orange and ocean blue if you looked close enough. She knew just then that Magnus had dropped all of his glamour. A tiny quiver of delight raced through her.

“I knew you were not just an ordinary witch. Oh no, you are something much, much more aren’t you?” He whispered into her mouth before kissing her deeply. Somewhere deep in the back of her mind little alarms were ringing but they were being drowned out by his tongue that was tickling the top of her mouth before moving on the dance with hers. Gwendolyn’s hands were on the front of Magnus’s chest gripping his shirt tightly. She had never been kissed like this before, this was more than a stand boy kissing girl kiss, this was like he was starving and she was the only food around. His tongue wanted to possess hers and his hands wanted to explore every inch of her body.

Her heart was hammering away in her chest as passion flared up within her. Only as his hands tugged at the towel did she realize that she wasn’t wearing any clothing. She pulled away from him breathless and tightened the towel. Magnus looked at her hurt and confused. His jaw was clenched not with anger but with frustration at having to stop. She felt guilty and confused.

“Is this a dream?” she asked out loud, though the question was aimed at herself. Everything was so foggy and dream like that she didn’t know anymore. The only thing that made her question was the fact that she was still in the towel that she had on before she closed her eyes. Magnus took a step forward, pinning her between the wall and her bed. Gwendolyn’s body reacted to him instantly; her nipples hardening underneath the towel.

“This can be anything you want it to be. A dream. A fantasy. Reality. It is your choice.” He said in a low sexy growl as he pressed his lips to her neck and caressed the delicate skin with his tongue. It sent a delicious shudder down her spine and made Gwendolyn ache her back against the wall. She wanted him to touch her, to kiss her again and have his hands run up and down her naked body. Deep down she wanted him to dominate her, to see his body above hers as he drove himself deep inside her again and again. His hand tugged at the towel again, this time she let it fall to the floor. A soft whimper escaped her lips as he placed his hot moist mouth around her erect nipple and sucked.

She felt herself slipping away from reality; the only thing that mattered was Magnus. She pulled out his white shirt from his black trousers wanting to see more of him. That feeling of cold hands on warm skin was intoxicating as she pressed herself against him. He was everything she didn’t want but everything her body needed. Gwendolyn’s fingers traced each individual stomach muscle before reaching for the button on his pants. Magnus’s own hands were busy feeling the curves of her body as he sucked on her earlobe and nibbled a path down her neck.

“Why do I want you badly?” she managed to whimper between kisses.

“Because I am everything you’re not meant to have.” He said before leaning her back onto the bed. She gazed up at him with her lavender eyes as he stood above her undressing. A small lump of eagerness sat at the back of her throat and yet there was a niggling feeling that something wasn’t quite right with this scene. She closed her eyes as he leaned down over her. She was ready to give herself to him, even though she knew it was somehow forbidden. She felt the heat of his body and magic as it mingled with hers. Magnus was hovering just above her allowing their magic to marry before he completed the union. She clenched her eyes a little tighter waiting for that moment were he would slide himself up into her.

This year is just going crazy, I am amazed at everything that has happened. As some of you might know I have been dished out enough bad luck and issues to deal with that it left me wishing I could run away and hide. The surpising thing is that with all that pain, all that hurt, I have been blessed. Until now I would have never known who were the most amazing and supportive people in my life. As I have stated some of the best, kindest, supportive people have been people I have never meet. They allow me to whinge and then pick me up. The send me kind comments and allow me to know I am not alone. They are what true friends are meant to be. There are people like Jimmy, Ed, Steve, William, Danielle, Theresa, Jamie, Brenda, Tanya, Kelly, Trena...plus so many more




So now to fill you in on some good news my novel Death Lilli has been picked up by Firefly and wisp! Yay. As many of you might now I have already been published in 3 of their anthologies so this is amazing. I cant promote them enough!!!! Serious they are an awesome Publishing company and I have dealt with a few others so I can speak from some experiance :). Their Authors all pull together to help one another which makes it just like one big family. I beg of you to please so them some love and check out there website at http://fireflyandwisp.weebly.com/. They also have a facebook page https://www.facebook.com/#!/fireflyan... and I know that for this month of march they are doing giveaways everyday.




I have also started writing the sequel to Death Lilli and my next goal is to get a contract for Premonition (formally known as love and magic). I am about a third though my serial killer novel which i am super excited about also. So stay tuned for snippets of those in the comming months.

Recently Ifound myself wondering what i could do as I wait for the release of Death Lilli. Sometimes as a writer I get over the writing every now and then. Words and stories are always plaguing me that every once in a while it is nice to have a change. So I sat and thought about all the wonderful, talent Authors I have met along this journey and how kind they have been to me. With that is mind I thought I would approach fellow Authors and do some interviews and reviews for them.
As any self-published or small press autor knows, it is hard to get your name out there. Often a little help, from a friend or a stranger can make a big difference.
As you might know I am big on helping others where I can, it is important to me. So with this in mind please take a few more mmintues and read below. Joseph Rubas is a rising star in the horror genre. It was a pleasure to review his work and to interview him. I hope you find it insightful. :)

Review :-

What happens when you mix Steven King with Edgar Allan Poe....
You get a collection of fantastic horror stories that are just amazing!!!


Pocketful of Fear By Joseph Rubas is a fantastic horror read for those of us who enjoy the works of Edgar Allan Poe or Steven King. Joseph has demonstrated his capability and talent for writing horror stories that aren’t about grossing you out with blood and guts but instead they terrify you psychologically.
There is something about this collection that reminds of the movie ‘A Clockwork Orange’ by Stanley Kubrick. Both this book and that movie are dark, twisted and have this insanity about them, yet you can’t look away and every now and then you find yourself smiling at the dark humor in the story. Right from the start you are hit by joseph’s ability to combine classic Gothic style horror with more modern style of writing. I loved it. The idea of something that was meant to be innocent, lurking in the walls, waiting for its chance to attack was thrilling and that was only the beginning. I don’t want to give too much away but I can tell you in only gets better!
Overall I loved this collection of short stories; it shows a very promising start to Joseph’s career. I understand that this collection isn’t for everyone, but…If you love horror, the kind that makes your skin prickle up and leaves you sleeping with the lights on then this is for you! All I am left wondering is when will we see Joseph’s first novel? He has so much potential and talent that I am sure it won’t be long before horror lovers everywhere will be reading his work.

Joseph's interview!

Joseph Rubas may seem like your average young man but don’t let that fool you... He has an amazing talent for writing and creating a frightful horror story with such a unique and fresh voice, that it is hard not to be amazed at what Joseph has achieved. Not only is he a talented Author but Joseph can now add Editor to his credentials. Firefly and Wisp have found themselves a rising star in Joseph and I for one can’t wait to read more from him!

Could you tell us a little about yourself?
Certainly. I’m an eccentric hermit who writes horror fiction, guzzles hard liquor, and bangs his head to classic heavy metal. I’ve written over…oh, one hundred and fifty short stories, some children’s books, a novel, and the occasional non-fiction piece.


What is the title of your new book and if you had to sum it up in 30 or less words, what would you say?
Pocketful of Fear, a collection of flash stories. To sum it all up in thirty words or less: Scary, weird, shocking, coincidental, a compilation of horror and dark fiction for the rest of us.


If you gave one of your characters an opportunity to speak for themselves, what would they say?
Probably something with a lot of expletives in it. I used mobsters a lot in my stories, and they cuss worse than sailors.


Do you have plans for a new book? Is this book part of a series?
I do, actually. It’s a standalone non-fiction encyclopedia on zombies: their origins, the genre, people important to the genre, movies, books – things like that.


What made you start writing and did you go down the path of self-publishing or did you seek out a publisher?
Stephen King’s wonderful apocalyptic epic The Stand inspired me to write. I loved it so damn much, and I wanted to write my own version. After four years of trying to plagiarize him, I resigned myself to writing my own fiction.


Is there an Author who has influenced you or one that you would really like to meet?
Dean Koontz. God, that man can maintain suspense! And his books are always surprising. They have so many twists and turns, I puke every time I read one.


List 3 books you just recently read and would recommend?
The Stand- Stephen King
Dracula- Bram Stoker
H.P. Lovecraft: Works- H.P. Lovecraft.


If your book was made into a TV series or Movie, what actors would you like to see playing your characters?
Oh, I dunno. I’m not really the kind who keeps track of celebrities. Cary Grant is still big, right?

Ok Now for some fun  ….

Sleep in or get up early?
Depends. I like getting up early, but I hate being tired.

Energy drinks or coffee?
Energy drinks, I guess. I usually drink Coke.

Sweet or Savory?
Savory.


Ebook or paperback?
Paperback. I’m an old-fashion type; I’m not too big on reading my books from a little gadget or gizmo.


One of your favorite quotes –
“When there’s no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.” From Dawn of the Dead, 1978, by George A. Romero. Ever since I started writing that book, I have zombies on the brain constantly.


Lastly where can readers find you?
My blog: http://josephrubas.blogspot.com/
My Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Jose...
My Goodreads author page: http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/68...
Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/JosephRubas

Have you guys ever read a book and thought about how closely it reminded you of another book? Wondered if maybe the authors had read each others work and that had played a factor into the writing? Have you maybe written something, only to find other stories out there that are similar?

Why am i asking this you might say... Well I almost had a mini melt down, after finding a book which seemed very similar to my own. It was only after doing research I found out it was different enough story line that i was able to breathe again....but it got me thinking...how many books out there are like this?




I mean our character's names were Lil (hers) and Lilli (mine)

Her character was orphaned as was mine, hers living with her Grandfather, mine with her grandmother.

Both stories had Angels and Demons in it.

And, both characters were being tempted by the dark side.




Thank goodness that is where the similarities ended or otherwise I would be in a world of hurt right now. I know that i have never read anything by this Author and I can only assume the same as only a few rough drafts of my story plus a few snippets have been put out for people to view. Yet, I can't deny that my heart stopped for a second and my stomach twisted into knots as I first began to check out this other story.




I am Glad that I did though, it saved me from worrying. Sure things are similar but there are so many different things as well. I feel better knowing that no one has stolen work or ripped off a story idea. It is a scary thought though...thinking that someone has taken your baby from you. I am lucky I have kept every rough draft, every change since I began writing. Now, when I think about, I have noticed that there are a few books that seem very similar to others. Maybe the only difference for some is a person's writing style or dialogue etc.




I feel blessed to know that I have a unique writing style or so i have been told. People tell me that they enjoy the simplicity of my writing (whatever that means lol). I know i don't fancy things up, I am not one for long boring descriptive bits and little action, or one for using complicated words in which a normal person needs a Thesaurus to understand what the writer was trying to get across. Sure some people might hate that about me...that is ok, because I know that it key to what makes me and my stories unique.




What this little lesson has taught me is, firstly I need to not freak out when I come across story lines like my own, Secondly I need to be careful as to what I share with the world (and that make me sad).




Please feel free to share your thoughts with me about this!

Blood dripped from the paper cut and down onto the note she had been writing. Abigail cursed. Why did one simple note have to be so hard? Tear fell from her swollen eyes as she grieved the loss of this relationship. She had for all intents and purposes just slipped the noose around the hangman’s neck. It wasn’t going to work; this marriage, she knew it and somewhere deep down so did he. They were two very different people, not so blinded by love as they had once been. The thick red substance began to seep through the thin paper. Her words of rejection no longer visible. Dread filled her, making her stomach knot. Abigail didn’t want to have to do this in person, not to Michael. He was too sweet, too sensitive to handle this kind of conversation.
That was one of the reasons they didn’t work…Everything was about him. How he felt. What he wanted. La-de-fucking-da, Abigail thought her finger still bleeding. She had needs. Things that she wanted…feelings that were being left unmet. It was frustrating to say the least…but that didn’t make leaving him any easier. After all five years was a long time to just walk away. She wasn’t even sure if she really could but she had to venture out into the big wide world and see. She needed to know what it would be like to be underneath another man. To have a man take you. To have her deep seeded needs meet.
She had never dreamed she would be contemplating terminating things with Michael. All it had taken was one chance meeting. A meeting that had made her blood red hot and there hadn’t even been any sex. The man was a friend of a friend and he was visiting from out of town. Abigail could still remember the smell of his aftershave and the look in his bright blue eyes as he spoke to her. Even now, with just the fading memory Abigail felt her core clench as her sweet, hot liquid, began to seep down into her panties. Abigail knew it was wrong, to be so turned on at this moment. She felt like a whore, a cheap nasty whore and yet she wanted it, the promises the stranger had made where eating away at her. She needed to know about this other world. A world where sex wasn’t all confined to the bedroom.
Her bags where packed wanting for her at the door…all she had to do was write that Darn letter. How was it, that this ending up being the most difficult thing. Abigail sighed, if she didn’t start figuring out how to word ‘I am leaving you soon’ she was going to be forced to say it in person. Sure it was a coward move but it was the only way she was guaranteed to make it out. Abigail paced, her teeth holding her bottom lip captive as she thought. Her finger nails digging into her palms as the frustration grew.
Michael opened the front door, almost stumbling over her bags. A quizzical look upon his face. Those piercing brown eyes penetrating her line of thought.
“Oh shit,” she muttered under her breath. The one person she had hoped to avoid was now staring at her. Abigail’s chest grew tight, as though she couldn’t breathe. In a very calculated way Michael closed the door taking a step towards her.
“Going somewhere?” he mocked, watching Abigail squirm. Her throat was suddenly dry rendering her unable to speak. Michael ran his hand though his sandy hair. Frustration or maybe annoyance was written all over his face.
“So…” he started, taking another step, “I take it those bags aren’t there because you’re going on a holiday, then.”
Abigail was suffocating, the tension in the air putting extra pressure on her chest. Tears were flowing.
“I can’t do this anymore, Michael…” she managed to choke out. He fist was suddenly through the wall leaving a huge hole.
“You can’t do this…You!” He began, those eyes growing blacker “What is it you can’t do…huh. Tell me Abigail, I am all ears, because for the life of me I can’t work out what it is you can’t do, oh besides house work and argh finding a job…and let’s not forget the fact that you can’t cook.” He snapped moving closer towards her. She knew he was hurting, those words were his weapons…like always.
“Michael, I don’t want to hurt you but let’s face it this isn’t working.”
“Why is that Abigail, because it was working darn fine for me only minutes ago.”
“You can’t tell me you were honestly happy, Michael, we’re too different. We’ve grown apart these last few years…I need space.”
“I was happy Abby, you made me happy but clearly I don’t do the same for you.” He said as he slumped against the wall, his head in his hands. Abigail hated herself for doing this to him, but it really wasn’t working. If only Michael would admit to himself how unhappy he had been these last few years.
“I love you so much Abby, tell me what to do, I’ll do anything to make you stay…anything” he wept. Abigail’s insides were all kinds of messed up, she knew from so many pervious fight’s that Michael couldn’t change. Sure, he tried but he was never able to keep it going. He was who he was and Abigail was who she was. The two of them together just didn’t gel anymore.
“I think we are past that. I need to find myself outside of us and the confinements of this relationship…please understand that.”
“How am I meant to understand any of this… Don’t you care about what you are doing to me Abigail? You’re killing me right know…I hope that makes you happy.” He hissed.
“I think it is time for me to go.” Abigail whispered, tears still running down her face. Why did this have to be so hard?
Michael stood up, his arms reaching out towards her. Abigail dodged him the first time but Michael grasped onto her the second time. He was holding her close, one hand on her lower back the other at the base of her skull.
“Don’t go, Abby, please, just don’t go.” He whispered as his gazed down upon her. One hand reaching forward to wipe away the tears. Abigail shuddered against him. He was going to kiss her. She knew it was his feeble attempt at making her stay and yet, a part of her wanted him to. She wanted to feel some kind of passion from him in a kiss. And as his lips touched hers mental alarm bells sounded. It was wrong; the kiss wasn’t going to help the situation only make it worse. As much as she hated to do it, Abigail placed her arms onto his chest and pushed him away.
“Michael please, give me the time I need to find myself.” She pleaded her voice shaky.
“Go ahead. Runaway Abigail, it’s what you always do.” Michael opened the front door “Just know that if you step out that door…then that’s it, Abby. I. Am. Done. You feel me Abigail…D-O-N-E” he spat out the letters with pure animosity. Abigail stared at him, her mouth open with surprise. She could see he was shaking all over. Carefully she moved past him so that she was on the porch. Some neighbors were already gathering, trying to look casual as they watch this free show. Abruptly one of Abigail’s bags landed on the front lawn, soon followed by the next one. She turned, Michael was clearly seething inside. No doubt he never expected her to walk out the door.
“Have fun finding yourself” With that he slammed the door in her face. The neighbors were all gawking, their tongues practically hanging out of their mouths. Abigail swore she wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of crying. She held her head up even though inside she was crumbling; picking up her bags she walked to her car and hopped in. There was no point in dwelling, it was time for her to move on.
Chapter 2
Abigail arrived at her mom’s house, hoping that she would have the place to herself. It was stupid to feel like this…after all she had been the one to break it off. What she needed to do was to take her mind off everything. She needed to get blind drunk , drinking always helps to numb pain. Her mom had known of her plans, the spare room was made up for her. Abigail felt a little like a loser, to be back home at age 25 was borderline embarrassing. Placing her bags onto the bed Abigail began to unpack, filling the draws. Her hands still shaking. She needed her girlfriends around her, to make her feel secure that she had done the right thing. ‘Oh God’ she thought, what if she had just made the biggest mistake of her life. Fear shattering her…what was she doing. She was 25 not 18, she should know who she is…right?
Abigail’s cell phone rang, her ring tone playing ‘Sexy and I know it’ as she scrambled to find the damn thing. As always it was hidden underneath all the other crap in her purse. Sliding her finger over the hard glass frame she checked her missed calls. There were five three from her mother and two from her best friend. Quickly she texted her mother; letting her know that she was settling in nicely into the spare room. She didn’t want to cry over the phone to her mother after all. Next was to return Meg’s call, after all she was the one who had listened over and over to Abigail as she struggled to decide whether or not she should leave Michael. If it hadn’t been for Meg, Abigail might still be there, feeling suffocated. On the third ring, Meg picked up.
“Abby, chicka, you ok?” She asked, pausing as though she was holding her breath.
“I need to get drunk Megs, it was horrible, he said some really mean things” Abigail could feel her reserve failing. ‘Goodness, where was Jim, Jack and Johnny when you need them?’ she thought. Now there were men that one could depend on. They wouldn’t have belittled her, thrown her out like a stray dog…in front of all the neighbors too.
“Well, he’s an ass. You are better off without him Chicka! Now let’s get you hammered and then find you Mr. Tall, dark and Rebound…how does that sound?”
“Megs no men…not tonight. Tonight is for drinking and dancing, nothing else.”
“Chicka, you’re free, you can live your life how you choose, so why not jump right back on the proverbial horse as they say.”
Abigail groaned, she was quite happy to be horseless for a while. Whether or not it was her choice to walk away it still hurt, but she knew Meg wouldn’t let her sit around sulking. It was one of the things that Abigail loved about her.
“What time are you going to pick me up?” She sighed, she needed a shot or three of tequila STAT.
“That’s my Girl…be ready in two hours, ok.” With that Meg hung up.
Abigail sat wondering if her mother still kept liquor in the top self of the panty like she used to. Plugging her iPod in, she turned up the tunes. Meg’s had already made her a breaking-up playlist. Until now Abigail hadn’t bothered to listen to it but tonight seemed like a good night for music. Her cell phone vibrated a text from her mother. She was having dinner with a client tonight but was willing to cancel if Abigail needed her to. Quickly Abigail replied, letting her mother know she was going out with Meg. No Doubt’s Don’t Speak had just finished the iPod changing to Brittany Spears…Oh god, Abigail thought as she skipped the song. Next was Katy Perry’s Part of me. Instantly Abigail hit replay. This was her song. The one that spoke to her. ‘What a powerful song’ Abigail thought as she began to sing along to the tunes. By the third time it was playing Abigail was dancing her way to the panty, she was actually happy. She was free, no more pretending to be happy, no more hiding herself. Hell, she wasn’t even sure who she was without Michael, but at least she had a chance to find out.
The bottle of vodka was still there, covered in dust. She didn’t care as she pour a good splash into the bottom of a glass before filling it up with coke. She hadn’t had a drink…in like, forever. Michael didn’t like it when she was drunk; it was demeaning he would say. Well, he wasn’t here to see her demean herself anymore. In fact she could get really demeaning if she wanted to. Actually she could even wear whatever she wanted, no more disapproving frowns or shakes of the head from him. She really was free.
She showered slowly, taking her time to shave her legs. They were silky smooth. The buzz in her head was disappearing. She needed another drink. Pouring another before she dressed. Her dress was short, low cut at the back and high at the front. It didn’t really show off her curves but it did magnificent things for her long legs. For being five foot six she wasn’t really tall but she had legs that seemed to never end. It was a blessing at times as it took away for her more rounded top half. Abigail had a waist but she also had hips and a butt that would reveal J.lo’s. The Alcohol was rushing back to her head making it buzz again. Abigail glanced at her cell phone, Meg would be there any minute…How the hell had 2 hrs already passed. Gulping down the rest of what was left in her cup, she gathered her purse and her shoes, not bothering to put them on her feet until they arrive at the club.
Meg beeped the horn rudely. Abigail walked out the front door only to run straight into meg herself. Abigail was worried, maybe she was more drunk then she thought…how could Meg be at her door when the horn only just beeped. The car was all the way out on the street. Meg grinned, she had that guilty, I’ve been a bad girl’ look upon her sweet round face. The horn beeped again making Abigail jump.
“Megan…who is in the car?” she inquired cautiously. Her greyish eyes narrowing on the guilty figure that was trying to tug her towards the car.
“Megan?” she said standing her ground. “What is going on?”
“Chicka, I thought we could bring some friends, honestly it is nothing. Are you coming or not?”
“Friends?” she cocked her head turning back towards the car for a quick glance before refocusing on Meg. “Who are the… friends?”
“No” she pouted “you won’t come if I do and besides you will see them soon enough. Come on Abby…live a little. It has been too long since we did this. I want you to have the best night.”
“Fine” she pouted, taking Megs hand. Clearly the woman had guy or guys in the car. What didn’t her friend understand about No Guys.