Harry Whitewolf's Blog - Posts Tagged "free"
Whitewolf Exclusives!
My latest interview (with the fabulous Limelight Literature) focuses much more on my debut book Route Number 11 than it does on me. How it should be! The interview even includes an exclusive: the blurb for my forthcoming book: The Road To Purification.
Not only that- but Limelight Literature are also exclusively posting a short chapter from Route Number 11, entitled: Ciudad Del Este or Claustrophobic Electronics.
Scroll down to September 25th for the interview, and September 22nd for the exclusive chapter.
https://limelightliterature.wordpress...
And remember, you can always read the first two chapters of Route Number 11 on Goodreads. Just find the book and click on READ EXCERPT below the cover image.
Thanks to everyone's great support, reviews and kindness.
Harry.
Not only that- but Limelight Literature are also exclusively posting a short chapter from Route Number 11, entitled: Ciudad Del Este or Claustrophobic Electronics.
Scroll down to September 25th for the interview, and September 22nd for the exclusive chapter.
https://limelightliterature.wordpress...
And remember, you can always read the first two chapters of Route Number 11 on Goodreads. Just find the book and click on READ EXCERPT below the cover image.
Thanks to everyone's great support, reviews and kindness.
Harry.
Clone Co. - a short story cut from ReejecttIIon.
The good thing about cutting pieces from ReejecttIIon: A Number Two, my upcoming collaborative book with author Daniel Clausen, is that you get to read them here for free. Here’s the latest short story.
And remember you can read Clausen’s first Reejecttion book here: http://issuu.com/danielclausen/docs/t... or here: https://www.goodreads.com/reader/5905... for free! It’s short and brilliant, so what are you waiting for?
CLONE CO.
by Harry Whitewolf
The receptionist was Daisy Duke from The Dukes of Hazzard. “Welcome to Clone Co.” she said. “How may I help?”
“Hello, yes, I’ve been given a gift voucher I’d like to redeem please.”
“Is this your first time shopping at Clone Co.?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Well, I’ll get one of our assistants to go through the options we offer. If you’d like to follow Mr. T, he’ll take you to see Dave.”
Mr. T then appeared and said abruptly, “Follow me, fool!” and the customer followed the gold-draped man into a small office where Dave was sitting behind a large desk. “Please, take a seat, Mr…?”
“Dibbit.”
Mr. T walked out with the sound of clunking jewellery as Mr. Dibbit sat down. Dave started laying out all manner of brochures on the desk, whilst saying, “Now, what are you looking for? Do you know what sort of clone you would like?”
“No- this is all new to me. I have a voucher for eight million credit chips, so if you could just show me what you have within that price range, that would be great.”
“Certainly Mr. Dibbit. Well, we offer lots of different types of clones here at Clone Co. Would you perhaps be interested in cloning an old pet? A dog or a canary, for instance?”
“No, I’ve never had any pets,” replied Mr. Dibbit.
“How about a dinosaur? A pterodactyl would be within your price range.”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“What about a dodo?”
“That’s a no no."
“Well there are plenty of human options as well. Would you be interested in cloning a dead parent or an ex-girlfriend? Or someone you once had a crush on? We can, of course, make any personality alterations that you may require.”
“No, I don’t think I want to clone anyone personal to me.”
“Would you like to clone yourself? Lots of people like this option -especially men. I mean, just think -finally you could know what it’s like to give yourself a blowjob!”
“Hm… Not for me, no.”
“O.K, so maybe you’d like to clone a celebrity?”
“Yeah… I think that sounds good.”
“Excellent! One of our most popular choices!” Dave began rummaging through the catalogues on the desk. “Have you got anyone in mind?”
“Not really. It just depends on who I can afford.”
“Certainly. Well, I’m afraid our A-Class Celeb Clones will be out of your league, but there are still plenty of other options. Let’s see…” Dave picked up a brochure entitled ‘Famous Fucks’ and said, “Could I interest you in a celebrity shag? For eight million, you could have the weather girl from Channel 87.”
Mr. Dibbit looked a little embarrassed. “Um, no- I don’t think that’s really my style,” he said.
“O.K. No problem. How about celebrities you’d like to punch in the face?” Dave replied, picking up another catalogue and flicking through it. “Our special offer at the moment is Justin Bieber. That’ll only cost you six million. What do you say? Would you like to have a Bieber clone you can use as a punch bag on a daily basis? I’ve heard it does wonders for releasing tension.”
“No, I don’t think so. Could I buy George W Bush? I’ve always fancied giving him a bloody nose.”
“Hmmm… I’m afraid he’s a little out of your price range. How about Ben Affleck?”
“Mm, no.”
“Charlie Sheen?”
“Nah. Haven’t you got anyone more recent?”
Dave replied, “I’m afraid that for your price range, it’s mostly people from over a century ago. Hey- how about Queen Elizabeth II? I always fancied punching her in the face myself.”
Mr. Dibbit looked like he was losing interest. “I’m not sure I really want to punch anyone in the face actually,” he said.
Dave started rummaging through more brochures, saying, “No problem, no problem…. Let’s see- what else have we got? How about someone more historic? Would you like Napoleon to do your dishes for you? Attila the Hun to do your laundry? Jane Austen to wipe your ass?”
Mr. Dibbit carefully considered these options. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to get a clone who could do some household chores for me, but I’m not too keen on those you mentioned. Who else could I get? I was hoping for someone a little more glamorous. Elvis, perhaps.”
“Oh, Mr. Dibbit, I’m sorry, but Elvis Presley costs a lot more than eight million, and anyway, he’s in our Elite Class of clones. He’s not one we sell to the general public I’m afraid. No, if you want to see Elvis, you’ll have to go to one of the concerts. I believe there are fifteen happening tonight…. Let’s see… Yes… Here we are… There are four Early Elvis gigs and eleven Fat Elvis ones tonight.”
“Oh, right.”
“Look, I’m sure we can find you someone just as satisfactory to take home with you. Let’s see…” Dave picked up a list of celebs you could buy for under ten million. “What about Keira Knightly? She’s very cheap.”
“Nah,” replied Mr. Dibbit.
“Phil Collins?”
Mr. Dibbit shook his head.
“Nietzsche?”
“No.”
“Lemmy? Lassie? Fonzie?”
“Mmm… No… How much did you say Justin Bieber was again?”
“Six million. I could throw in Pol Pot for two mil, if you like.”
“Yeah, go on then. I’ll take a Bieber and a Pol Pot”
“A very wise decision Mr. Dibbit!” said Dave and proceeded to get the paperwork together.
And remember you can read Clausen’s first Reejecttion book here: http://issuu.com/danielclausen/docs/t... or here: https://www.goodreads.com/reader/5905... for free! It’s short and brilliant, so what are you waiting for?
CLONE CO.
by Harry Whitewolf
The receptionist was Daisy Duke from The Dukes of Hazzard. “Welcome to Clone Co.” she said. “How may I help?”
“Hello, yes, I’ve been given a gift voucher I’d like to redeem please.”
“Is this your first time shopping at Clone Co.?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Well, I’ll get one of our assistants to go through the options we offer. If you’d like to follow Mr. T, he’ll take you to see Dave.”
Mr. T then appeared and said abruptly, “Follow me, fool!” and the customer followed the gold-draped man into a small office where Dave was sitting behind a large desk. “Please, take a seat, Mr…?”
“Dibbit.”
Mr. T walked out with the sound of clunking jewellery as Mr. Dibbit sat down. Dave started laying out all manner of brochures on the desk, whilst saying, “Now, what are you looking for? Do you know what sort of clone you would like?”
“No- this is all new to me. I have a voucher for eight million credit chips, so if you could just show me what you have within that price range, that would be great.”
“Certainly Mr. Dibbit. Well, we offer lots of different types of clones here at Clone Co. Would you perhaps be interested in cloning an old pet? A dog or a canary, for instance?”
“No, I’ve never had any pets,” replied Mr. Dibbit.
“How about a dinosaur? A pterodactyl would be within your price range.”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“What about a dodo?”
“That’s a no no."
“Well there are plenty of human options as well. Would you be interested in cloning a dead parent or an ex-girlfriend? Or someone you once had a crush on? We can, of course, make any personality alterations that you may require.”
“No, I don’t think I want to clone anyone personal to me.”
“Would you like to clone yourself? Lots of people like this option -especially men. I mean, just think -finally you could know what it’s like to give yourself a blowjob!”
“Hm… Not for me, no.”
“O.K, so maybe you’d like to clone a celebrity?”
“Yeah… I think that sounds good.”
“Excellent! One of our most popular choices!” Dave began rummaging through the catalogues on the desk. “Have you got anyone in mind?”
“Not really. It just depends on who I can afford.”
“Certainly. Well, I’m afraid our A-Class Celeb Clones will be out of your league, but there are still plenty of other options. Let’s see…” Dave picked up a brochure entitled ‘Famous Fucks’ and said, “Could I interest you in a celebrity shag? For eight million, you could have the weather girl from Channel 87.”
Mr. Dibbit looked a little embarrassed. “Um, no- I don’t think that’s really my style,” he said.
“O.K. No problem. How about celebrities you’d like to punch in the face?” Dave replied, picking up another catalogue and flicking through it. “Our special offer at the moment is Justin Bieber. That’ll only cost you six million. What do you say? Would you like to have a Bieber clone you can use as a punch bag on a daily basis? I’ve heard it does wonders for releasing tension.”
“No, I don’t think so. Could I buy George W Bush? I’ve always fancied giving him a bloody nose.”
“Hmmm… I’m afraid he’s a little out of your price range. How about Ben Affleck?”
“Mm, no.”
“Charlie Sheen?”
“Nah. Haven’t you got anyone more recent?”
Dave replied, “I’m afraid that for your price range, it’s mostly people from over a century ago. Hey- how about Queen Elizabeth II? I always fancied punching her in the face myself.”
Mr. Dibbit looked like he was losing interest. “I’m not sure I really want to punch anyone in the face actually,” he said.
Dave started rummaging through more brochures, saying, “No problem, no problem…. Let’s see- what else have we got? How about someone more historic? Would you like Napoleon to do your dishes for you? Attila the Hun to do your laundry? Jane Austen to wipe your ass?”
Mr. Dibbit carefully considered these options. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to get a clone who could do some household chores for me, but I’m not too keen on those you mentioned. Who else could I get? I was hoping for someone a little more glamorous. Elvis, perhaps.”
“Oh, Mr. Dibbit, I’m sorry, but Elvis Presley costs a lot more than eight million, and anyway, he’s in our Elite Class of clones. He’s not one we sell to the general public I’m afraid. No, if you want to see Elvis, you’ll have to go to one of the concerts. I believe there are fifteen happening tonight…. Let’s see… Yes… Here we are… There are four Early Elvis gigs and eleven Fat Elvis ones tonight.”
“Oh, right.”
“Look, I’m sure we can find you someone just as satisfactory to take home with you. Let’s see…” Dave picked up a list of celebs you could buy for under ten million. “What about Keira Knightly? She’s very cheap.”
“Nah,” replied Mr. Dibbit.
“Phil Collins?”
Mr. Dibbit shook his head.
“Nietzsche?”
“No.”
“Lemmy? Lassie? Fonzie?”
“Mmm… No… How much did you say Justin Bieber was again?”
“Six million. I could throw in Pol Pot for two mil, if you like.”
“Yeah, go on then. I’ll take a Bieber and a Pol Pot”
“A very wise decision Mr. Dibbit!” said Dave and proceeded to get the paperwork together.
RHYME AND REBELLION - OUT NOW AND FREE ON KINDLE
My new poetry book Rhyme and Rebellion is now available and it's free on Kindle for the next five days (23rd Sep - 27th Sep) - see the links below.
Here's the blurb:
Swiping, biting, seething, pleading, fresh and funny, Whitewolf’s latest book of verse is a language sandwich filled with shit, shopping, poverty, war, Wi-Fi and wordplay.
Awaken your inner rebel for the modern era, with poems like: Equality For The Poor, You’re So Far Right, Ads, Abs And Apps, P.C. Pussies, Reality And T.V, Puppet Politician and The Google Boogie.
And here are three fun and quirky accompanying performance poetry vids:
BEAT BOMB BOOM: https://www.goodreads.com/videos/1093...
SHIT POLITICS: https://www.goodreads.com/videos/1088...
SHEEP SLEEP: https://www.goodreads.com/videos/1091...
Paperback and Kindle editions available.
FREE ON KINDLE:
Amazon.com: http://a.co/2qZ2ciO
Amazon.co.uk: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01LX8P3IB
Thanks to everyone for your support!
Peace, love and rebellion,
Harry.
Read Two Beat Newbie for free on my new website!
My website has been more out of date than a Gary Glitter fanclub magazine, but - hooray! - the new site is now up and running.
www.harrywhitewolf.com
What's more, you can read my Two Beat Newbie book for FREE on the site!
(Or just click this link: http://media.wix.com/ugd/e870ab_ae782...)
You'll also find an assortment of my fun and quirky poetry performance videos: http://www.harrywhitewolf.com/perform...
- as well as everything else Wolfy.
www.harrywhitewolf.com
What's more, you can read my Two Beat Newbie book for FREE on the site!
(Or just click this link: http://media.wix.com/ugd/e870ab_ae782...)
You'll also find an assortment of my fun and quirky poetry performance videos: http://www.harrywhitewolf.com/perform...
- as well as everything else Wolfy.
My book's been voted one of the 50 Best Indie Books of 2016!
[image error]A huge thank you to everyone who voted for my book Rhyme and Rebellion, making it one of Readfree.ly's 50 BEST INDIE BOOKS OF 2016 - scraping in at number 43!
With over 10,000 votes being cast this year, I'm obviously pretty chuffed to be a finalist of "one of the most popular and prestigious prizes available to indie authors". I can't thank all you voters enough!
http://www.readfree.ly/50-best-indie-...
Wanna know what all the fuss is about? Well, Rhyme and Rebellion is available in Kindle and paperback editions, so grab a copy now!
Only £1.49/$1.49 on Kindle and £2.99/$5.49 in paperback, on Amazon.
Amazon.co.uk: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01LX8P3IB
Amazon.com: http://a.co/2qZ2ciO
![Rhyme and Rebellion by [Whitewolf, Harry]](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/hostedimages/1483373815i/21606315.jpg)
And if you're new to my poetry and would like to sample some for FREE, you can read my Two Beat Newbie book in its entirety here.
Thank you all and a Happy New Year!
ReejecttIIon - FREE ON KINDLE!
Daniel - What’s the matter Harry? Why are you boo-hooing like a toddler that’s just seen his favourite teddy bear go through a shredder? You shouldn’t be such a cry baby, you know.
Harry - It’s nothing, Daniel. Don’t you worry about me.
Daniel - Alright, I won’t. But do stop crying. I can’t hear the plot to The Dukes of Hazzard, and you’re getting tears and snot all over the T.V remote.
Harry - Isn’t that the same remote control that took us on a crazy trip into the television where we met Danny Zuko and The Fonz?
Daniel - Hm? Yeah, I think it is. Why do you ask? And why the hell have you started crying even more? Here, rip a page out of this poor-selling poetry book of yours and use it as a handkerchief. You’re dripping snot everywhere!
Harry - Boo-hoo-hoo...
Daniel - Whatever is the matter man?
Harry - It’s just that... You forgot.
Daniel - Forgot what? What are you drivelling on about?
Harry - It’s our anniversary! And you forgot!
Daniel - Anniversary? I don’t remember us getting hitched. And even if we did, we can’t be legally wed ‘cos I’m still married to that Albanian hooker who robbed me of all my money and ran away to Hawaii with some bloke called Disco Derek.
Harry - Don’t be daft! It’s not our wedding anniversary!
Daniel - What is it then? Our first kiss? I’ve told you a million times that I was drunk and that was just a one off thing.
Harry - No, no. It’s our anniversary of publishing our book ReejecttIIon – a number two.
Daniel - You mean the book where we get sucked into the T.V and waterski with Arthur Fonzerelli and try to keep up with Danny Zuko’s disco moves?
Harry - Exactly!
Daniel - Well, why didn’t you say so? And don’t worry Harry, I hadn’t really forgotten. In fact, I’ve just set up a giveaway on Kindle to celebrate ReejecttIIon being one year old.
Harry - You have?
Daniel - Yeah, it’s my present to you Harry.
Harry - Damn. I wanted a My Little Pony.
ReejecttIIon - a number two: FREE ON KINDLE FOR FIVE DAYS: 23RD – 27TH FEBRUARY
Amazon.com: http://a.co/2zot8qi
Amazon.co.uk: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01CF3MK4I
You can also read the first Reejecttion for FREE here:
https://issuu.com/danielclausen/docs/...
Harry - It’s nothing, Daniel. Don’t you worry about me.
Daniel - Alright, I won’t. But do stop crying. I can’t hear the plot to The Dukes of Hazzard, and you’re getting tears and snot all over the T.V remote.
Harry - Isn’t that the same remote control that took us on a crazy trip into the television where we met Danny Zuko and The Fonz?
Daniel - Hm? Yeah, I think it is. Why do you ask? And why the hell have you started crying even more? Here, rip a page out of this poor-selling poetry book of yours and use it as a handkerchief. You’re dripping snot everywhere!
Harry - Boo-hoo-hoo...
Daniel - Whatever is the matter man?
Harry - It’s just that... You forgot.
Daniel - Forgot what? What are you drivelling on about?
Harry - It’s our anniversary! And you forgot!
Daniel - Anniversary? I don’t remember us getting hitched. And even if we did, we can’t be legally wed ‘cos I’m still married to that Albanian hooker who robbed me of all my money and ran away to Hawaii with some bloke called Disco Derek.
Harry - Don’t be daft! It’s not our wedding anniversary!
Daniel - What is it then? Our first kiss? I’ve told you a million times that I was drunk and that was just a one off thing.
Harry - No, no. It’s our anniversary of publishing our book ReejecttIIon – a number two.
Daniel - You mean the book where we get sucked into the T.V and waterski with Arthur Fonzerelli and try to keep up with Danny Zuko’s disco moves?
Harry - Exactly!
Daniel - Well, why didn’t you say so? And don’t worry Harry, I hadn’t really forgotten. In fact, I’ve just set up a giveaway on Kindle to celebrate ReejecttIIon being one year old.
Harry - You have?
Daniel - Yeah, it’s my present to you Harry.
Harry - Damn. I wanted a My Little Pony.
ReejecttIIon - a number two: FREE ON KINDLE FOR FIVE DAYS: 23RD – 27TH FEBRUARY
Amazon.com: http://a.co/2zot8qi
Amazon.co.uk: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01CF3MK4I
You can also read the first Reejecttion for FREE here:
https://issuu.com/danielclausen/docs/...
A FREE KINDLE BOOK I HEARTILY RECOMMEND!
Maybe you’ll think I’m biased in my opinion about the book Danny Reluctant, as it was written by a friend of mine. Well, you can go ahead and think that if you want, but I know I’m being completely honest when I say I loved the book whole heartedly! So I invite readers to take a chance on this debut novel from the latest indie author on the block, which comes with a Five Star Whitewolf Recommendation.
It’s currently permanently FREE on Kindle, so be sure to grab a copy:
Amazon.com: http://a.co/bKDZcA6
Amazon.co.uk: http://amzn.eu/0cfhmmh
Many thanks y’all, and here’s my review:
Coming of age tales don’t come much better than this.
It’s universally relatable, funny, sad, engrossing and extremely well written; especially for a debut.
At the start of this novel, Danny is a shy and unworldly teenager with his nose stuck in On The Road. He knows nothing of girls, drugs, booze or rock ‘n’ roll in the real world, but when rebellious Stan drags him into being lead singer of his band, Danny’s world changes pretty much overnight.
This story captures that moment of youth where suddenly the floodgates are open and the world changes into a cacophony of music, good times and adolescent discoveries -a moment that most of us will have lived through, whether you were in a band yourself, had mates in a band or just suddenly discovered the power of music that can reverberate right through to your soul.
The clever thing about this story is that it will appeal to a teen audience just as much as it will appeal to older readers. If you’re currently going through the kind of tribulations and adventures that Danny’s having, this book will feel like a comforting friend who’s there to share the ride with you. And if you’re long in the tooth, it will make you reminisce about the time you discovered sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll: forget school days being the best days of your life, we all know the best days of our lives were when we began to explore the aforementioned.
But this book is far from being all about the music and highs. The subplot of Danny wanting to know his absent father (as well as Danny turning into an adult of his own making; rather than what his peers are perhaps making him into) soon becomes the main plot at hand, if you’re paying attention, where there’s an abundance of sentimental and emotional moments.
Will Stan and Danny’s band make it to the big time? They’re soon tipped to be the next big thing, but the boys’ destructive relationship might just screw the whole thing up (like so many great bands), so who knows. And will Danny ever find his dad? Maybe that’s even more important than the band becoming famous.
There’s a great cast of characters throughout this book, but it’s Stan who has the starring role as the most memorable; the cocky, selfish, up-for-anything lad is one of those true great narcissistic, self-destructive characters of fiction.
A pretty simple story in its premise, elevated by superb writing and plenty of depth under the surface, Danny Reluctant is a rollicking, rock ‘n’ roll tale unlike any other. So roll a fatty boom blatty, put some Stones on the turntable, crank the volume up to 11, and read this great book.
My New Poetry Book: OUT NOW and FREE ON KINDLE!
![INDIE POET - Thirty Poems From My Thirties: 2006 - 2016 by [Whitewolf, Harry]](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/hostedimages/1494519643i/22724193.jpg)
My new book of previously unpublished poems is now available and it's FREE on Kindle for five days (11th May - 15th May):INDIE POET - Thirty Poems From My Thirties: 2006 - 2016
Amazon.com: http://a.co/b414XPE
Amazon.co.uk: http://amzn.eu/haXr6LQ
(Paperbacks also available.)
If anyone would rather have a pdf copy, then just message me and it shall be yours.
In other Wolfy news, I'm just putting together the finishing touches for my next poetry book proper, so that should be out in a few months.
Thanks to you all for your brilliant support. It's very much appreciated.
Cheers!
Harry.
ATTENTION AUTHORS: Get a free audio recording of your writing!
Book Narrator is a new company offering a variety of audio/narration/music services for authors. They’ve created a fantastic promo audio chapter from my book The Road To Purification (complete with atmospheric background music!), and they are currently offering to record a sample of your book for FREE!
As Book Narrator explains:
We’re on the hunt for quality fiction (perhaps sample chapters from your latest book) to help form the content for our show. Just send us three chapters of your work and if selected you’ll receive the following FREE :
* A professionally narrated, recorded and mastered MP3
* A personalised, free YouTube promotion video
* An upload to our Soundcloud account
* Airtime on the ‘Get Heard!’ podcast
Find out more information here: http://www.booknarrator.co.uk/offer/
And check out Book Narrator’s recording of chapter 4 from The Road To Purification: Hustlers, Hassles & Hash here:
https://soundcloud.com/user-399564578...
Thanks!
UNDERDOGS UNITE - OUT NOW & FREE ON KINDLE FOR FIVE DAYS
![Underdogs Unite by [Whitewolf, Harry]](https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/hostedimages/1506602439i/24031162.jpg)
Attention all underdogs!
The brand new poetry book Underdogs Unite is now available as paperback and Kindle editions, and it’s FREE on Kindle (globally) for five days (28th September - 2nd October), so grab a copy now. Thank you!
Amazon.com: http://a.co/98CKPG2
Amazon.co.uk: http://amzn.eu/3VAI2Ow
Reviewers of advance copies have said:
"This could be the Whitewolf's best book ever...And that's saying a lot as at least 2 of his in the past (Two Beat Newbie and The Road to Purification) are on my all-time-favourites list."
"Harry's writing is a jazzy flow of emotions and empathy for the downtrodden."
"...this collection is far longer than Harry’s previous releases and that is a majorly good thing, it’s like he has stepped up a level and is closer to the famous beat poets of the past...”
"This collection of poems expresses some of the harder questions of our time from the perspective of someone who is brave enough to look into the abyss eye to eye and then see a way out for all of us."
"This is in the top two of my personal Whitewolf countdown."
This has been a public service announcement, monitored closely by a secret faction of the Elite, on behalf of Harry Whitewolf.
