1. How difficult were my suggestions to implement?

Mom: I had a difficult time with your initial recommendations since we would have needed to make such drastic changes. I wasn’t able to leave the house for the naps or let her cry it out for an extended period of time. However, once you gave us the go ahead to make some modifications, I was able to follow the basic schedule.

Dad: I found it difficult at first from an emotional standpoint to let her “cry it out” because she is generally a happy baby and I wasn’t used to seeing her crying a whole lot. But I got more comfortable with it when I started to see her sleeping schedule improve by implemented these changes. The most difficult part now is that we have to adapt our own plans around her sleeping/nap schedule, so we no longer have the same flexibility that we used to have. But that is what parenting is all about, and we realize that.

2. How quickly did you see some improvement?

Mom: We saw improvement immediately! I could not believe how quickly she started going to bed by 7:00 PM and sleeping through the night. She also started going down for morning naps without a fuss.

Dad: We saw improvement very early on in the process (probably within a few days) – her sleeping scheduled changed much more quickly than we anticipated.

3. What have you learned from this experience?

Mom: Consistency is key. By establishing a bedtime routine and by putting her down at approximately the same time every night, her body quickly adjusted to the new sleep schedule. I also learned that as a parent of a young child, my schedule needs to revolve around my daughter’s schedule, and a schedule incorporates more than just the feedings. Prior to this experience, I planned my day around her feedings, and the naps were an after thought. Finally, I learned to put her to sleep before becoming overtired.

Dad: The biggest thing I learned from the process was how important a good napping schedule during the day is to establishing a good sleeping schedule at night. It seems counterintuitive that establishing a good nap schedule during the day will help lead to earlier, healthier bedtimes; after all, I always assumed that if a baby doesn’t nap much during the day, she would be more tired early in the evening and “conk out” for a long sleep. I guess I had it wrong.

4. What advice would you give to parents facing sleep issues?

Mom: I would advise parents to clear their calendar (or their caregiver’s calendar) and dedicate their day to establishing a sleep schedule. I would speak to them about how night sleeping and napping are related, and one cannot be addressed without also addressing the other. I would encourage them to stay committed as improvement will come.

Dad: The biggest piece of advice I would give is that parents need to be willing to make personal sacrifices and adapt their own schedules if they truly want to address the child’s sleep issues. It is a 24-hour responsibility instead of just an “evening responsibility” to soothe your child to sleep at the hour of your choosing.

5. What do you say to people who state that it is cruel to let your child cry, that your child will learn to not trust you, or that he will feel abandoned?

Mom: Although this is still difficult for me, I know that it is not harmful for the child to cry it out. By crying it out, the child will learn to self-soothe which will lead to better sleeping patterns.

Dad: I would say that although letting your child cry is difficult at first and goes against your instinct as a parents, it is really important in the child’s development process in teaching himself how to self-soothe. And once the child learns how to soothe himself to sleep, it will make life easier for everyone involved.

6. How has the sleep training process impacted your child?

Mom: She is now a well rested child who is receiving better quality night sleep and napping on a schedule during the day. She no longer falls asleep during every stroller ride or during feeds. She wakes in the morning happy and is very alert. Finally, she is fussing less before naps and bedtime, requiring less soothing.

Dad: I feel that she appears to be more well-rested and gets to sleep more easily that she used to before we started the sleep training. She seems to be a happier baby than she was before. Also, I now notice that she doesn’t cry right away when she wakes up in the morning, nor does she insist on being fed right after waking up (even after over 12 hours without a feeding) – it’s kind of cute to see her playing with herself and talking to herself through the video monitor before I take her out of the crib in the morning. Overall, the process has helped make her a healthier and happier baby.

7. How has the sleep training process impacted you as an individual, a parent and the marriage?

Mom: I now plan my schedule around her naps and bedtime. Her naps and early bedtime are a priority, meaning that we are now spending more time in the apartment and I’m able to do less running around during the day. Since she is going to bed early, I am delighted to have the free time at night. As previously mentioned, I had difficulty with the initial proposal; however, as a parent, I know that letting her cry in her crib is in her best interest. I feel that by putting her on a healthy sleeping schedule, I am being a better parent. As for the marriage, after a few initial disagreements, we are getting along well. Because of this process, she is going to bed early and we are back to spending time together at night. This alone time together at night will just continue to strengthen our marriage.

Dad: I certainly found it difficult at first because I had some disagreements with my wife about how to apply your approach, and my fatherly instinct is always to help console my daughter when she is crying. But as she has adjusted her schedule, it has become easier to get her to sleep. I miss spending time with her at night after getting home from work and I miss giving her baths and having her join us for dinner, but I am getting used to a different routine now. I am now always the one to take her out of her crib in the morning, change her diaper, play with her for a little while, then hand her over to my wife to feed her. It has become special daddy-daughter time that I am learning to cherish. As for me and my wife, I have noted some of the disagreements we had with each other about the approach earlier on, but I am generally very happy with how my wife has done in the process. We are also really enjoying the time we get to spend with each other at night, especially cooking and eating dinner as a couple, and we now go to bed often at the same time, which hasn’t really happened since I went back to work after our daughter was born.

8. Currently, are there any areas of disagreements regarding the path we have been on?

Mom: As you know, we had difficulty with your plan for the first weekend. He and I argued as to how we were going to implement your recommendations. However, I feel that we were able to work through our own disagreements and work with you to modify the plan. Currently, there are no disagreements.

Dad: We were more comfortable with taking a gradual approach to her new sleeping schedule rather than drastic changes right away. At times when she has difficulty sleeping today, we will initially let her soothe herself to sleep and cry for a while, but there does come a point when we feel that she needs a parent to help soothe her and one of us will try to help her to sleep. It is a hybrid approach that we know probably isn’t ideal, but is one that we are most comfortable with.

Happy Babies Appear Happier When They Sleep Better!

April 5. Overall, I am pleased with how happy she appears to be, so it’s not quite apparent to me that her sleep schedule is negatively impacting her.

April 15. She seems to be an even happier baby than she was before.

Sleep Consult is available on iBook as well as an audiobook on iTunes

Enjoy!

-Dan and Marc