Phil Volatile's Blog - Posts Tagged "recovery"
Two years clean and sober
In a few days (on May 12th) it'll be 2 years ago that I sat here with a gun to my head, making a choice, and spent the next year and a half thinking I pulled the trigger. Soon, I'll be two years clean and sober, but it's not enough. It's not enough to just quit abusing drugs and alcohol, but I learned that it's a start, a strong start. I don't know that the disease, the infection, the defect, or whatever the hell you want to call it--I don't know that it ever goes away, because it's there. I feel it at times, a craving will come over me, a blip on my mind's radar of what once was, and could easily be again. But I know, from experience, there isn't a way to maintain what was, that I'll pick up where I left off, and it's possible that I won't return. I wish, very much at times, that I could just make it go away, that I could take back all of the things that have gone on as a result of my substance abuse, but I can't take it back. On one hand, I try to look at it as a blessing and not a scarlet letter...
For the rest of this entry, please see my blog: http://wp.me/s233cV-696
For the rest of this entry, please see my blog: http://wp.me/s233cV-696
A Special Thanks to You!
This is a very special thank you to everyone who has and continues to reach out and contact me about my book(s), and have been courageous enough to even share with me bits about their lives and their struggles and their victories in life over substance abuse and addiction.
I really didn't know what to expect when putting this book back out there, but your comments and kind words have been a victory and an affirmation for me. It's been a humbling experience, and at times even a little overwhelming, but I'm thankful for all of it.
I just wanted you to know that every one of you is special--every one of you is hall of fame in my book. I'm so proud of everyone and I hope that I'll never let you down.
Thank you so much <3,
-Phil
I really didn't know what to expect when putting this book back out there, but your comments and kind words have been a victory and an affirmation for me. It's been a humbling experience, and at times even a little overwhelming, but I'm thankful for all of it.
I just wanted you to know that every one of you is special--every one of you is hall of fame in my book. I'm so proud of everyone and I hope that I'll never let you down.
Thank you so much <3,
-Phil
Baby, We Tried
Baby, We Tried
Against better ideas and against the empirical odds,
we were scathed and drifted the naked halls
Destined for something, to find an answer,
a soft cry, a reason why, for something to try
We found each other—you and I
As quiet as the soot black gorgeous midnight skies,
and hidden deep behind the safety of the palisades
that were lined with decorative crystal vines—
Like a bloodhound, you sniffed on by,
and lit up a trail of smoke, like an S.O.S. cry
Denying the diva of a new way,
I cut across the darkened freeway
I lit flares to defy the empty skies,
deep into late hours of hazy red eyes
This cowboy went to the saloon,
singing and marching to his own tune,
already drunk and not even noon
Make way for me, make some room
A mind’s infected screams and cries—
Bone rot, organs of blight; I continued,
and drank me and my wallet dry
You continued to reach for the stars,
and you continued your carpet ride
Stole parts of me; lost you in those nights
Our ignorance was never considered
a given, nor a try for admittance,
and we didn’t, we didn’t, we didn’t
Instead, it was through our reluctance
that we discovered our bleeding wounds
We couldn’t be found in consonants,
because we were laying in vowels,
but mostly just ‘u’ and ‘i’
and we both know, love,
we know the reasons ‘y’
But at least we can reflect
on what was, and say we tried
My blog: http://wp.me/233cV
© 2012 Volatalistic Phil, Jet Lag
Against better ideas and against the empirical odds,
we were scathed and drifted the naked halls
Destined for something, to find an answer,
a soft cry, a reason why, for something to try
We found each other—you and I
As quiet as the soot black gorgeous midnight skies,
and hidden deep behind the safety of the palisades
that were lined with decorative crystal vines—
Like a bloodhound, you sniffed on by,
and lit up a trail of smoke, like an S.O.S. cry
Denying the diva of a new way,
I cut across the darkened freeway
I lit flares to defy the empty skies,
deep into late hours of hazy red eyes
This cowboy went to the saloon,
singing and marching to his own tune,
already drunk and not even noon
Make way for me, make some room
A mind’s infected screams and cries—
Bone rot, organs of blight; I continued,
and drank me and my wallet dry
You continued to reach for the stars,
and you continued your carpet ride
Stole parts of me; lost you in those nights
Our ignorance was never considered
a given, nor a try for admittance,
and we didn’t, we didn’t, we didn’t
Instead, it was through our reluctance
that we discovered our bleeding wounds
We couldn’t be found in consonants,
because we were laying in vowels,
but mostly just ‘u’ and ‘i’
and we both know, love,
we know the reasons ‘y’
But at least we can reflect
on what was, and say we tried
My blog: http://wp.me/233cV
© 2012 Volatalistic Phil, Jet Lag
