Phil Volatile's Blog - Posts Tagged "sobriety"
One Year Sober
Hello everyone! Happy birthday to me! I think that’s what we say when we’re on the anniversary date of being sober? Today marks one year of my sobriety.
I wish I had more that I could say to you right now, but the only thing I am doing is sitting here, reflecting upon a year gone by. It hasn’t been an easy year, with everything that happened. I think about it often, my substances, and sometimes I still crave them, but I’ve found a new drug–writing.
Some people have asked me how I managed to quit, and I’ll tell you like I’ve told them; I had two choices—DO or DON’T. It’s as simple as that, really; though it may not seem that simple to my fellow addicts, it really is. You can’t tame the dragon, the dragon tames you. And while I rode the rollercoaster of substance addictions for a while, and went with its many ups and downs, I knew I had to get off of the ride.
I’m not going to come at you like silicone. I’m coming at you head-on. (Not the screaming roll-on headache medicine commercial). It f------ sucked! It still F------ SUCKS, at times. Everyday seems to be an adventure in this life, but I’m not thinking about drugs and alcohol nearly as much as I used to. It is getting easier. And there are times where it still kicks my ass and I just want to sleep all day, cry, or scream. There are times where I wish that I never quit and that I would have died already. There are still highs and lows, but the difference is in how I choose to face them, and not hide behind my substance(s).
For the rest of this entry please see my blog: http://wp.me/p233cV-7N
I wish I had more that I could say to you right now, but the only thing I am doing is sitting here, reflecting upon a year gone by. It hasn’t been an easy year, with everything that happened. I think about it often, my substances, and sometimes I still crave them, but I’ve found a new drug–writing.
Some people have asked me how I managed to quit, and I’ll tell you like I’ve told them; I had two choices—DO or DON’T. It’s as simple as that, really; though it may not seem that simple to my fellow addicts, it really is. You can’t tame the dragon, the dragon tames you. And while I rode the rollercoaster of substance addictions for a while, and went with its many ups and downs, I knew I had to get off of the ride.
I’m not going to come at you like silicone. I’m coming at you head-on. (Not the screaming roll-on headache medicine commercial). It f------ sucked! It still F------ SUCKS, at times. Everyday seems to be an adventure in this life, but I’m not thinking about drugs and alcohol nearly as much as I used to. It is getting easier. And there are times where it still kicks my ass and I just want to sleep all day, cry, or scream. There are times where I wish that I never quit and that I would have died already. There are still highs and lows, but the difference is in how I choose to face them, and not hide behind my substance(s).
For the rest of this entry please see my blog: http://wp.me/p233cV-7N
Two years clean and sober
In a few days (on May 12th) it'll be 2 years ago that I sat here with a gun to my head, making a choice, and spent the next year and a half thinking I pulled the trigger. Soon, I'll be two years clean and sober, but it's not enough. It's not enough to just quit abusing drugs and alcohol, but I learned that it's a start, a strong start. I don't know that the disease, the infection, the defect, or whatever the hell you want to call it--I don't know that it ever goes away, because it's there. I feel it at times, a craving will come over me, a blip on my mind's radar of what once was, and could easily be again. But I know, from experience, there isn't a way to maintain what was, that I'll pick up where I left off, and it's possible that I won't return. I wish, very much at times, that I could just make it go away, that I could take back all of the things that have gone on as a result of my substance abuse, but I can't take it back. On one hand, I try to look at it as a blessing and not a scarlet letter...
For the rest of this entry, please see my blog: http://wp.me/s233cV-696
For the rest of this entry, please see my blog: http://wp.me/s233cV-696
My Mind's Abyss free!
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1...
My Mind's Abyss is free on Amazon #Kindle until May 19, 2014. Get a copy and let me know what you think. Thanks!
Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00EY363QO
My Mind's Abyss is free on Amazon #Kindle until May 19, 2014. Get a copy and let me know what you think. Thanks!
Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00EY363QO
Three years sober & update
I'm three years clean and sober and I've also got an update so check out my blog!
Okay…so I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted a blog. I know, shame on me right? Oi. Friends, life doesn’t stop. Everything keeps moving and lately I’m feeling so low. I’m feeling so small and shit going on lately, a relationship ending, bullshit with cops…I just it’s been a journey these past few months.
On the 11th of May, like every Mother’s Day, I was sober again. This time friends, it’s been three years. Does it feel different? Yeah, I guess. I still miss my vices at times, but I know that it’s nonsense and is a way to die and not live. I just choose not to be that person anymore. It gets lonely, like now, I feel so alone and lonely. I have friends and what not, but sometimes I think about the substances and how they were comforting, but I know I’m just telling myself lies. It’s like when you get out of a toxic relationship (which I’ve recently just done) you make up excuses for the relationship and you glamorize it and you highlight all the good parts. The bottom line: —————->>> Clean & sober is the only way to be.
Enough of the sad sh!t, right?
I just bought a new motorcycle...
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The rest of the blog entry (with pictures!) can be read here:
http://wp.me/p233cV-cT
White Wedding Lies, and Discontent: An American Love Story
Okay…so I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted a blog. I know, shame on me right? Oi. Friends, life doesn’t stop. Everything keeps moving and lately I’m feeling so low. I’m feeling so small and shit going on lately, a relationship ending, bullshit with cops…I just it’s been a journey these past few months.
On the 11th of May, like every Mother’s Day, I was sober again. This time friends, it’s been three years. Does it feel different? Yeah, I guess. I still miss my vices at times, but I know that it’s nonsense and is a way to die and not live. I just choose not to be that person anymore. It gets lonely, like now, I feel so alone and lonely. I have friends and what not, but sometimes I think about the substances and how they were comforting, but I know I’m just telling myself lies. It’s like when you get out of a toxic relationship (which I’ve recently just done) you make up excuses for the relationship and you glamorize it and you highlight all the good parts. The bottom line: —————->>> Clean & sober is the only way to be.
Enough of the sad sh!t, right?
I just bought a new motorcycle...
***********************************
The rest of the blog entry (with pictures!) can be read here:
http://wp.me/p233cV-cT
White Wedding Lies, and Discontent: An American Love Story
White Wedding Lies...FREE!
My newest poetry collection, White Wedding Lies, and Discontent is #Free on Amazon #Kindle, now until 05/28/14. Get your copy and let me know what you think!
http://www.amazon.com/White-Wedding-L...
http://www.amazon.com/White-Wedding-L...
