All my life I tried to run from myself. I tried to forget the horrible, unspeakable things that had happened to me as a child, but I couldn’t.

I’d been left with scars from so many bitter memories, voices in my head, and nightmares. Horrendous nightmares that I felt sure would haunt me for the rest of my life.

Starting at age three, kidnapped, neglected and molested—a life no child should ever experience—hurt time and again by people claiming to love me, growing up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate, my heart filled with unbearable sorrow.

Thanks to my father running off with me, I lived a life on the run, starving, abused and terrified. So terrified, in order to survive, I split into multiple personalities. This disassociation allowed me to detach from the abuse as if it was not happening to me.

But, without my other personalities I would have died at the hands of all those people who claimed to love me. Without those voices in my head, there would be no Bitter Memories series; no book of poetry. There would be no me at all.

Most of my life I cried inside while faking a smile. I felt ashamed. I felt the way I had been treated was my fault!I felt alone. Unloved. Unwanted.

My life was a living hell; one of the extreme worst.

As more time passed, I felt my life wasn’t worth living. The pain from my abuse became so intense! My hidden pain became so overwhelming I attempted suicide—more than once. However, the last attempt was almost successful. The doctor at the hospital said, “Another five minutes, I wouldn’t have been able to save you.”

Although unnerving, my story is a gripping account of the extremes a child can undergo—and still survive.

Written from the heart, taking on a life of its own, I relived those memories of heartache, sadness, extreme hunger, and intense fear in hopes of helping other adult survivors find a path toward healing their “hidden” scars before it was too late for them.

My story deals with explosive topics former child victims of mental, physical, and sexual violence will understand, while helping others not familiar with child abuse, or it's effects, learn so they too will know how to save a child from years of pain and sorrow.

NOTE: Bitter Memories is not a cozy, feel-good book. It is a true story of extreme and horrific child abuse and the will to survive.

1) Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival (non-fiction) is written like a novel for easier reading of this difficult subject as I begin the true story of my life after being kidnapped by my father.

2) Trophy Murders (creative non-fiction/crime fiction) delves into my vivid, “where did that come from” imagination to deliver an action-packed crime story; mixing in truth as I continue the journey after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. A life I wouldn’t wish on any kid!

3) Cutter's Revenge (psychological thriller/crime fiction) mixes truth with a ton of suspense to get the heart racing as my imagination runs as rampant as the stalking serial killer bringing terror around every turn! Using many of the same characters, I introduce several new ones — many you’ll love, some you’ll love to hate — and I give you a happy ending! Also, I had more fun writing this book than the other two combined!

My newest book below could be considered a continuation of the series, but without serial killers (darn it). LOL

From The Heart (non-fiction) is a collection of fifteen inspirational poems from other times in my life. It also includes short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. Starting with a little background, then moving into my first poem written at age nine after the death of my mother, I expose feelings I've never shared with anyone before writing this book of poetry. This book is also available in audio with Beth MacEwan narrating.

So, will there be another in the Bitter Memories series? Time will tell, but there just might be.

To learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, and my book of poetry, please visit my website:

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen