Sue Julsen's Blog - Posts Tagged "kidnapped"

When it hurts to look back...Life of pits, no cherries

'When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead' explains how I felt for many years.

But, when the past gets in the way of the future, sometimes the only choice is to look back.

As much as it hurt, I looked back to the worse time in my life and in that pain I began to write my memoir of that early life.

I was told I was a happy kid until I turned two. We had to live with my grandparents because Daddy wouldn't keep a job, but he didn't want Mama to work, so they fought all the time.

At two years old Daddy tried to kidnap me, but was caught before he got out of town.

After that, everyone in the family watched him closely for a long time. Then he began pushing me away and acting like he wished I'd never been born, so they let their guard down.

One night Mama and Daddy had a big fight because she'd taken a job to make ends meet. Daddy walked out, but after Mama went to work, he snuck back into the house in the middle of the night. He again, took me from my bed, but this time, he made a clean get away. I was three years old.

I didn't know how my life was going to change—forever.

From that night on I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate, not knowing if I'd ever know trust, real love, or happiness again...

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

The blog has been slow in coming, but I've been busy with my next book that is now available. More on this at the end of today's blog.

The farther down the road we traveled, the more comfortable Daddy became. I had no idea where we were. I'd watched night turn to day and back to night several times before I saw Daddy smile.

Seeing his smile, I began to feel more at ease and not as afraid, but still, I would not mention Judy again. I didn't want Daddy getting mad again, and like it or not, I had to accept the fact that Judy, my best friend in the whole world, was gone.

I'd been sleeping off and on for several days, Each time I'd awaken I'd tell Daddy I was hungry, and each time he'd tell me we hadn't gotten to a town yet and to go back to sleep.

Curling up on the backseat, I thought I'd starve if we didn't get to a town soon...

For more info on my next book, Trophy Murders, the fictionalized sequel to Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival please visit my website:
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

I watch them. Strangers walking down the street, smiling and laughing, and I wonder: What was their life like growing up? Did they have a normal life? Did their parents love them; tell them they were wanted? Were they told they were, and are, cherished?

As children, did they easily fit in with other kids, or go out of their way trying to fit in? Did they succeed, or were they laughed at? In a crowd, did they slink into a corner trying to be invisible? Did they get beatings—or whippings—or just grounded? Were they told how useless they were and they never should’ve been born?

As adults, do they have self-confidence or are they intimidated easily? Are they afraid to voice an opinion? Afraid of being ridiculed? Afraid of doing something wrong?

While watching these seemingly normal, happy men and women I wonder: Are their smiles are fake? Are they laughing outside, but crying inside?

Thanks to my father running off with me, most of my life I cried inside while faking a smile. I felt alone. Unloved. Unwanted. I didn’t have a mother to confide in…to be my best friend. That dreadful night, as he drove away from the only home I’d ever known, I had no idea how much my life was about to change—forever.

Starting at age three, my life was filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse—a life no child should ever experience. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate. I lived life on the run, starving, abused and terrified. So terrified, in order to survive, I split into multiple personalities. This disassociation allowed me to detach from the abuse as if it was not happening to me.

The first disassociation was with Daddy, but the number of times and the duration increased over the years as the abuse escalated. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse, Daddy left me alone in the car for days while he went off with a woman. When he finally returned and told me he’d married her, I was devastated! I begged him to leave her, but he slapped me so hard I saw stars.

During the next two years, living with the evil stepmother, I found out just how bad things could get. She did awful things, but the worst—she sold me to her male friends for twenty bucks and a bottle of booze.

All my life I tried to run from myself. I tried to forget the horrible things that had happened, but I couldn’t. I’d been left with scars from so many bitter memories, voices in my head, and nightmares. Horrendous nightmares that I felt sure would haunt me for the rest of my life.

For years I always wondered if I’d be a better person today if I’d had a normal life? What is normal anyway?

I wonder how many adult survivors have asked themselves that question? I’ve asked for as long as I can remember, and I still don’t know. How could I? My life was as far from normal as it could possibly get.

Although unnerving, Bitter Memories is a gripping account of the extremes a child can undergo—and survive. Written from the heart, taking on a life of its own, I relived those memories of heartache, sadness, extreme hunger, and intense fear in hopes of helping other adult survivors find a path toward healing their “hidden” scars. My story deals with explosive topics that former child victims of mental, physical, and sexual violence will understand.

My life was a living hell, one of extreme worst. But it doesn’t take extreme to mess up a child’s head. It doesn’t take extreme to drive a child beyond the breaking point.

Without professional help to deal with abuse issues, long term effects include fear, anxiety, depression, anger, hostility, inappropriate sexual behavior, poor self esteem, tendency toward substance abuse and difficulty with close relationships.

Without help, abused kids continue to experience the trauma. Fear, insecurities, a sense of hopelessness prevents the child from living a happy, fulfilled life. Many times, as I did, victims relive their abuse in recurring nightmares.

Pain of abuse is so intense, yet victims feel they can’t talk to anyone about the abuse. They feel ashamed. They have low self esteem. In a crowd, they feel totally alone. Feelings of despair sets in; they believe the abuse was their fault; they’re being punished for being bad; life isn’t worth living. When this hidden pain inside becomes overwhelming, the victim is more likely to attempt suicide.

Child abuse, neglect and/or abduction are national epidemics. Sweeping it under the rug, or choosing to believe it doesn’t happen, won’t make it go away, nor does it change statistics: (1) Almost five children die daily from abuse in the United States. (2) Three million abuse reports—physical, emotional, sexual and/or neglect—are made every year. (3) It’s estimated nearly 10 million cases will go unreported. (4) It’s estimated 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse live in America today. (5) Girls are three times more likely to be sexually abused than boys, however, boys have a greater risk of emotional neglect and serious injury than girls.

It doesn’t matter how abuse is inflicted, it still leaves a lasting impression on the victim. Homes in which women are beaten are at greater risk of having abused children. Children abused, as much as they don’t want to, often subject their own children to abuse.

If you see, or even suspect a child is being abused, report it immediately. It would be better to be wrong, than to be right and do nothing, and you may help save a child from a lifetime of heartache.

All an abused child needs is a chance and an environment full of love and kindness to show them how truly important they are.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

I hope you can join me with Dane Ladwig on his radio show, and feel free to invite your friends to listen in.
It's going to be a great show!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

2:00pm in CST
12:00 noon PST

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/welcome-...


Join Author Sue Julsen as she shares her plight of confronting her past and the horrors of kidnapping at the hands of a friend. How did Sue Julsen turn her turmoil into a tool to help people who have had the same or similar tragedies? She wrote about her experiences in her novels. Join us Wednesday at 2:00 PM CST at View From My Loft for this exclusive glimpse into every parent, child and persons most feared nightmare.

Visit my website to learn more about my books that we'll be talking about.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father...

Still on the road, hungry and scared, I sleep very little. I pretend to be asleep, but I’m waiting for the chance to trick Daddy. And, in a very short time I became very good at tricking him…

Back home, when Mama came home from work, not finding me in my bed, she checked the house and the backyard. She couldn’t find me anywhere, and my grandparents also hadn’t seen me all morning. She became distraught and called her brother, Henry, a cop…


Please visit my website to learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, and my poetry book, From The Heart, also based on events in my life, that includes short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. From The Heart is also available in audio. You can listen to a preview at Amazon — it is awesome!

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

NOTE: This is not a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and the will to survive. Strong language, heart-wrenching content!

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father...


** We stopped at a restaurant so Daddy could pick up his next "score" but not finding anyone he liked, he said he'd find someone better, and younger, at our next stop. After eating, we left unnoticed.

With a strange look on his face, Daddy drove for awhile before telling me to sit up and listen to him. Moving forward on the backseat, Daddy told me he'd called home and he had bad news about Mama... **


Other books in this series:
Trophy Murders combines truth with fiction to make an action-packed crime story while delving more into my life after going to live with my mother's brother, Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia.

Cutter's Revenge, again mixing truth with fiction, continues my story after being adopted. While another serial killer, maybe more ruthless than the gang of killers in the last book, stalks Henry's little town, I'm living a dream as I write my story's ending the way I wished it could have been.


To learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, and From The Heart, my new poetry book that includes stories that inspired the writing of each poem, please visit my website.

All my books, based on or from events in my life, have received 4 and 5 star reviews, and would make a great gift for Christmas.

NOTE: Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is not a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and the will to survive. It contains strong language and heart-wrenching content, while Trophy Murders and Cutter's Revenge has the raw language toned down, a lot.



http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father...

Excerpt:
The sound of his heavy breathing roared in my ears. I was so scared and so confused. I'd never felt so frightened in my whole life! Then my head began to spin and I felt faint, like I was floating, and a soft voice, a comforting voice, whispered in my head...

Other books in this series:
Trophy Murders combines truth with fiction for an action-packed crime story while delving more into my life after going to live with my mother's brother, Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia.

Cutter's Revenge, again mixing truth with fiction, continues my story after being adopted. While another serial killer stalks our little town, I'm living a dream as I write my story's ending the way I wished it could have been.

All my books are based on or from events in my life and have received 4 and 5 star reviews. Books are wonderful gifts, and any or all of my books would be a great gift this Christmas.

To learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, and From The Heart, my new poetry book that includes stories that inspired the writing of each poem, please visit my website at: http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen


NOTE: Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is not a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and the will to survive. It contains strong language and heart-wrenching content. Trophy Murders and Cutter's Revenge has the raw language toned down, a lot, and are an excellent read.

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father...

I didn’t know it at the time, but the FBI had been called in to try and find me. Uncle Henry and my grandfather were blaming themselves for my kidnapping because they’d let their guard down. But, why wouldn’t they? For months Daddy had been acting like he hated me, and he’d said many times that he didn’t want to be tied down with a snotty-nosed kid. So why would he kidnap a kid he hated so much…?

Mama began drinking more and more trying to drown her sorrow. Then one day she realized she was a full-blown alcoholic. However, she didn’t care, and said…


Other two books in this series — creative non-fiction/crime fiction:
Trophy Murders is not only an action-packed crime story of pure fiction, but I take you deeper into the journey of true events after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. A life I wouldn't wish on any kid!

Cutter's Revenge continues my story after my adoption. While another fictionalized serial killer stalks our little town, I write part of my story the way it could have been if...turning this part of my life into a fantastic and exciting ending!

My Newest Book — non-fiction
From The Heart is a book of fifteen poems written from events in my life. Included are short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. This book is also available in audio, with Beth MacEwan narrating. Beth did a wonderful job bringing life to each poem and story. It is awesome!

To learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, and my new poetry book, plus other books coming soon, please follow the link below to my website.

NOTE: Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is NOT a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and my struggle to survive. It contains strong language and heart-breaking content, but it was my life. The language is toned down in the other books in this trilogy, and the abuse isn't nearly as intense or as often.

All my books are based on or from events in my life and have received 4 and 5 star reviews. Please consider my books as a great gift this Christmas, either for yourself or for a loved one. Enjoy!

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father.

As I stated in the last blog, Bitter Memories is not an easy book to read, but it is a story that needed to be shared with the world.

Not only for my own personal healing. Not only for others like me who still suffer from a life of abuse. But for people who have no clue or don't understand what child abuse can do to a kid.

Sitting here writing this blog entry, I'm thinking back to the night Daddy took me from my bed in the middle of the night. Not happy memories, that's for sure. I also think that I could have been one of the “milk carton kids" if they were putting pictures of abducted kids on cartons back in the 1950's. But, the first child's picture didn't appear on a milk carton until 1979.

I've always wondered IF my picture had been on a carton would anyone notice? All those times Daddy left me in the car all alone, many times for several days and nights, would anyone care enough to call the police? Would anyone get involved?

I like to think someone would.

Awareness is the other reason I had to tell my story. It's time to stop sweeping child abuse under the rug! It's time for everyone to step up and get involved when they see or suspect a child is being abused.

I believe if people know the signs of child abuse, they'll care. They will get involved. They will make that one important call to help a child.

If just one person had reported a little kid being in a car all alone, my life could've been so much better. I wouldn't have suffered all those years at the hands of any adult -- or even other children -- who wanted to hurt me.

And there were many abusers who crossed my path in those six long, terrifying years.

Some may say: "I don't want to read a sad story. I don't want to know what this child went through," but let me tell you this...I didn't want to go through the suffering and the pain I endured, either.

But I didn't have a choice. Ripped from my home, my mother, my grandparents, everything I knew and loved, I was at the hands of a man who I believed would never hurt me.

Parents are supposed to love and protect their children, not hurt them!

My father told me time and again how much he loved me. He "showed" me time and again how much he loved me. He said he'd take care of me and we'd be together forever.

He said a lot of things, but they were all lies.

Everyone who comes across my books, or other books similar to mine, has a choice. They can either pretend that child abuse doesn't exist, or they can read and learn from someone who's lived that life.

If you do read my books, it's okay to cry. However, cry for that innocent little child, but please don't feel sorry for me. Don't pity me! I don't need that, because I am a survivor!

That little kid was the victim, cry for her, but learn from her! Learn to notice the children you see around you! Watch for signs that they might be abused.

The signs are not hard to spot. What is hard, is for the children not to have anyone who cares. The abuser sure doesn't care! It takes people like you to notice, to suspect that a child isn't being treated right. It takes caring people to make that call to the police or child protective services.

It takes YOU, and every other person on this planet to be aware!

You don't have to "know for sure" a child is being abused to make a call. You can "suspect" a child isn't being treated right and call. Only then can the authorities investigate to find out if a child is in danger.

And, yes! child abuse is dangerous. The guilt we live with can be enough to push us over the edge. Seeing no way out of our pain, our sorrow, a child of abuse can take his or her own life. I know. I gave up all hope and I attempted suicide. I almost succeeded, too. Another five minutes and I would have died.

I believe I lived that night because I still had a purpose. I'm glad I failed because I believe my purpose was to tell my story so another child could be saved from a life of hell. The only way I know to do this is by making people aware of child abuse. If I can help it, I don't want another child to suffer like I did.

As heartbreaking as it is to read a story like mine, think about the innocent children. They need us to care! They need us to get involved when we see or suspect child abuse. The child will never know that special person who saved them from that life of abuse, but believe me, one day he or she will be thanking the "angel" who cared.

I was ten years old before I even knew what Christmas was, and this time of year is still hard on me. It's hard on all kids who live with abuse. Christmas is supposed to be a happy time, but for abused kids there are no "happy" times. Sure, we learn to put up a good front when needed, but inside, we still suffer.

My heart goes out to all the kids/adults still living with "that secret" that you feel can't be shared. But you need to know, there is hope! There are people who care, and help is available.

Just DON'T GIVE UP!

And this (I think) is my last "soapbox" post, at least for a while.

Please go to my website, get my books and read and learn from my life of abuse. Share my story with others. YOU can make a difference in a child's life!

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Happy Holidays to all my friends and followers! My wish for everyone is peace and joy and an abundance of love and precious memories this Christmas season.

Thank you for all your continuing support this year! I look forward to meeting many more new friends in the coming year!

THE BOOKS:

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is the book that started it all. Written novel-style for easy reading, this is a true story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father, living a life on the run, hungry, abused and terrified...

Other books in this series — creative non-fiction/crime fiction:
Trophy Murders is not only an action-packed fiction crime story, but I take you deeper into the journey of true events after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. A life I wouldn’t wish on any kid!

Cutter's Revenge continues my story after my adoption, mixing truth with fiction. Anyone who’s read the other two books will know what’s true and what isn’t. While another fictionalized serial killer stalks our little town, I write my story the way it could have been if...turning tragedy into a fantastic, exciting, and happy ending!

My Newest Book — non-fiction:
From The Heart is a collection of fifteen poems written from events in my life, including short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. This book is also available in audio with Beth MacEwan narrating, and she did an amazing job bringing life to each poem and story. It is awesome!

NOTE: Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is NOT a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and my struggle to survive. It contains strong language and heartbreaking content, but it was my life.

The language is toned down in the other books in this trilogy, and the abuse isn't nearly as intense or as often, plus tossing in the serial killers does make for a very exciting (even a bit twisted and sadistic) read.

Turning to poetry for a time, in From The Heart I expose feelings never shared before.


All my books are based on or from events in my life and have received 4 and 5 star reviews.

To learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, my new poetry book, plus other books coming soon (just waiting on cover art to be finished), please follow the link below to my website:

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen