Sue Julsen's Blog - Posts Tagged "dreams"
Who Am I?
A new life of: Happiness and Health
A new life without: Fear or Pain or Sorrow
Who am I?
I am a survivor of child abuse…
I am the author of Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival. Although my story is heart-wrenching, it’s also a story of my fight for survival in a world of hunger, abuse and fear while on the run from the police and my family left behind after I was kidnapped by my father in the middle of the night. I was only three years old.
My story is an unnervingly gripping account of the extremes of neglect and mistreatment a child can undergo — and still survive. However, I didn’t do this alone. I had wonderful guardian angels to help me. I was so terrified from the abuse that I split into multiple personalities just to survive.
My book tells all. I didn’t hold back any feelings whatsoever, using “colorful” language that went right along with these feelings. Bitter Memories took 40+ years to write because the pain of remembering was so powerful, so overwhelming, I had to change my name in the book, like I was writing about someone else, not me, just so I could write my life story. Names of everyone involved were changed to protect the innocent—and the guilty.
My story was told to help other child abuse survivors know they are not alone. There are others who understand and won’t look down on them. By sharing my life story, other survivors can come forward and find a path toward healing their pain.
My dream is to help rid the world of child abuse. By survivors telling our stories, the horrors of this national epidemic can be changed. Together we can help protect our children and keep them safe.
Who am I?
I am a survivor with a dream…
You can visit my website to learn more. http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
My First Poem
My mother had been buried earlier that day, and I had so many thoughts; so many feelings running rampant. Not knowing how to quiet the noise inside my head, I grabbed pen and paper and just started writing whatever came to mind.
I hadn't cried since I'd been told of Mama's accidental death, but that night, when I'd finished writing, one lonely tear fell onto the page. The sadness that I couldn't share with another soul had gone down in black and white, and only then did the voices inside my head become silent...
Why Mama?
Mama, why did you go away?
I wanted to be with you
I wanted to make the hurt go away.
He told me you were dead
Then one day, you were there.
You said you looked for me for six years
You said you wanted to take me home with you.
So, why did you go away?
I never had a home
Then one day you were there.
You said, "Let's go back to Texas
That is your home, you know."
I remember the red dress
I looked for holes burned through
But there were none to find.
You were so pretty Mama
Why did you go away?
— Sue Julsen
My life before Mama's death helped inspire me to write my story. In upcoming blogs I'll tell a little more about what happened in my early life that led up to the writing of my memoir.
I believe: IF I FOLLOW MY DREAMS and DON'T QUIT, I will succeed...
And I won't quit until my story is in the homes of all my readers.
NOTE: Poem is copyright protected and may not be reproduced or copied in any form or by any means - graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or information storage and retrieval systems - without written permission of the author.
Another Poem
Like I told you last time, my first poem was written when I was nine years old. That was a sad time in my life—as was most of my childhood—which I'll get into more later, but I continued to write poetry for many years.
My only problem was: if I wasn't depressed I couldn't write a word! Therefore, most of what I wrote was at the lowest points in my life, and when my depression lifted, I had to give up writing poetry.
Still, I believe, without this means of escape, my life would've been much worse.
After my mother died, I didn't have anyone to talk to. No one to tell my fears to...no one to tell me it would get better...no one to tell me in time the hurt would go away.
In a crowded room I really was all alone.
These were the words that poured out of me.
ALONE
I miss the time of being alone
Alone
To dream.
Alone
To wander.
To run through fields in my mind
To scream if need be.
Sitting by the fireplace
The blaze glowing
So bright and warm.
Letting my mind escape
Floating to the clouds
Bouncing from star to star
To visit the moon if I so desire.
To sit alone
With my own special dreams.
All the special moments
Only found
In being
Alone.
—Sue Julsen
NOTE: Poem is copyright protected and may not be reproduced or copied in any form or by any means - graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or information storage and retrieval systems - without written permission of the author.
THE DREAM
by Sue Julsen
When I first saw you by my side
There was a feeling I’d never felt before.
The way you combed your hair
The smile—I’ll never forget.
Your brown eyes sparkled
Your voice—deep and sensuous.
A tingle went down my spine
The first time I saw you smile.
Your strong arms—oh, how I wanted you to hold me tight
To love me, even for just one night.
But then...then you were gone
Only darkness remained.
I dreamed of you each night
Not wanting to wake.
The dreams with you were heavenly.
I know I’m in love with you...
Or, in love with a dream so sweet.
If only I could sleep, never to wake
You, my love, would still be by my side
Holding me tight.
I can feel your arms around me
I see your beautiful brown eyes.
As you move closer to me...
My head is spinning.
I draw you near
But then...then I awake.
Burning desire and darkness surround me.
In my heart there’s emptiness
For my dream—was only a dream
Reality is misery.
Books by Sue Julsen:
“Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival”
“Trophy Murders”
“Cutter’s Revenge”
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
FROM THE HEART AVAILABLE IN AUDIO
The narrator is Beth MacEwan, and she did an awesome job of bringing life to this very special book that exposes feelings never shared before now.
Follow the link below to listen to a sample of From The Heart:
http://www.audible.com/pd/ref=det_twe...
Visit my website to see all of my books and to find out what's coming out soon:
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
LITTLE GIRL LOST (part 6)
Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father...
** We stopped at a restaurant so Daddy could pick up his next "score" but not finding anyone he liked, he said he'd find someone better, and younger, at our next stop. After eating, we left unnoticed.
With a strange look on his face, Daddy drove for awhile before telling me to sit up and listen to him. Moving forward on the backseat, Daddy told me he'd called home and he had bad news about Mama... **
Other books in this series:
Trophy Murders combines truth with fiction to make an action-packed crime story while delving more into my life after going to live with my mother's brother, Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia.
Cutter's Revenge, again mixing truth with fiction, continues my story after being adopted. While another serial killer, maybe more ruthless than the gang of killers in the last book, stalks Henry's little town, I'm living a dream as I write my story's ending the way I wished it could have been.
To learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, and From The Heart, my new poetry book that includes stories that inspired the writing of each poem, please visit my website.
All my books, based on or from events in my life, have received 4 and 5 star reviews, and would make a great gift for Christmas.
NOTE: Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is not a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and the will to survive. It contains strong language and heart-wrenching content, while Trophy Murders and Cutter's Revenge has the raw language toned down, a lot.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
