Sue Julsen's Blog - Posts Tagged "death"
My First Poem
My mother had been buried earlier that day, and I had so many thoughts; so many feelings running rampant. Not knowing how to quiet the noise inside my head, I grabbed pen and paper and just started writing whatever came to mind.
I hadn't cried since I'd been told of Mama's accidental death, but that night, when I'd finished writing, one lonely tear fell onto the page. The sadness that I couldn't share with another soul had gone down in black and white, and only then did the voices inside my head become silent...
Why Mama?
Mama, why did you go away?
I wanted to be with you
I wanted to make the hurt go away.
He told me you were dead
Then one day, you were there.
You said you looked for me for six years
You said you wanted to take me home with you.
So, why did you go away?
I never had a home
Then one day you were there.
You said, "Let's go back to Texas
That is your home, you know."
I remember the red dress
I looked for holes burned through
But there were none to find.
You were so pretty Mama
Why did you go away?
— Sue Julsen
My life before Mama's death helped inspire me to write my story. In upcoming blogs I'll tell a little more about what happened in my early life that led up to the writing of my memoir.
I believe: IF I FOLLOW MY DREAMS and DON'T QUIT, I will succeed...
And I won't quit until my story is in the homes of all my readers.
NOTE: Poem is copyright protected and may not be reproduced or copied in any form or by any means - graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping, or information storage and retrieval systems - without written permission of the author.
AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT: NATHAN DANIELS
Author Bio:
Nathan Daniels is the author of, Surviving the Fourth Cycle, a new
non-fiction book about surviving abuse, overcoming suicide, and learning to live with mental illness.
Nathan grew up in Massachusetts, where he lived in fear and suffered abuse at the hands of his psychotic father and older sister. The only source of love in his life was his mother, who did her best to protect him from his ominous surroundings.
Frequently molested by his big sister, beginning when he was six years old, Nathan endured this dark secret for nearly a year. At the same time, he did his best to hide from the verbal emasculation and looming threat of violence that his father had to offer.
Nathan's parents eventually divorced, and he moved across the country to live in Texas. There he would face social isolation, living with his mother, grandmother, and a new step dad.
He did not attend school for a full year, and had no peers in the dusty, forgotten trailer park where they lived for a year.
Next came Maine, where he did enroll in school and tried to fit in with kids who hadn't had sexual relationships with their sisters, or been in bar fights (at eight years old) for their drunken daddy's amusement.
It was here that his mom discovered she had Breast Cancer, and he learned his best friend was going to die.
They moved back to Texas again, and the Nathan continued his downward spiral into madness during another long year of seclusion. He began "cutting" himself on a regular basis, and he developed chronic PTSD and severe insomnia.
After another year the family relocated again, moving back to Massachusetts where Nathan began losing touch with reality, while his mother's health deteriorated. She died within a year, and when Nathan tried to reach out to his estranged father, he found out he'd died as well.
At seventeen, Nathan Daniels found himself orphaned, homeless, and at the brink of madness.
He overcame his desperate situation, doing his best to adjust to the world around him, going back and forth between periods of high functionality and intense bouts of insanity for the next twenty years of his life.
He has managed to achieve success as a warehouse manager, and has worked as a Kung-Fu teacher and tattoo artist. An avid bodybuilder and fan of wrestling, Nathan was a semi-finalist in the WWF's first season of, Tough Enough. He's also a licensed truck driver and nationally certified personal trainer.
Nathan Daniels has been diagnosed with: Borderline Personality Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and he suffers panic attacks, insomnia, hallucinations, self-mutilation, and suicidal tendencies.
Nathan lives with these psychological disorders, and against all odds, he survived a lifetime of trauma.
With a family of his own now, he had to unlock the mysteries of his mind to prevent himself from succumbing to the call of the grave.
He now uses writing to raise awareness for, and fight the stigma associated with abuse, suicide, and mental illness.
Book Description:
Surviving the Fourth Cycle
After a turbulent childhood filled with traumatic events, including the death of his parents, Nathan Daniels downward spiral brought him into hopeless despair and thoughts of suicide.
Orphaned and homeless, he miraculously clawed his way out of the bottom of the barrel and lived a relatively normal life for nearly five years before he felt himself starting to slip into a familiar darkness.
A cycle had begun that would continue to repeat itself throughout his life with ever-growing intensity and threats.
Surviving the Fourth Cycle swings pendulously back and forth between two stories that ultimately bleed into one.
You will experience the author's most recent battle with mental illness through raw and honest journal entries that give you a rare "fly on the wall" perspective from a truly haunted mind.
At the same time, Nathan rips his closet door off its hinges and lets all the skeletons come rattling out through a series of writings that are, in essence, the chapters of his life.
You are in for a bumpy ride as he picks through the bones in these extremely personal essays that examine the intense relationships and experiences that have led to both his struggle to function in society, and his ability to persevere.
Author links:
Main Website
http://survivingthefourthcycle.com/
Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/Nathan.danie...
Twitter
https://twitter.com/NathanDaniels75
Linkedin
http://www.linkedin.com/pub/nathan-da...
Google+
https://plus.google.com/1051735556914...
Pinterest
http://pinterest.com/nathancdaniels/
Youtube
http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPj35...
Goodreads
http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/...
Like or Follow Surviving the Fourth Cycle:
Facebook Page:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Surviv...
Google+ Page
https://plus.google.com/1124284034990...
Goodreads
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16...
To Purchase Surviving the Fourth Cycle:
From the publisher
http://booklocker.com/books/6455.html
From Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/SURVIVING-FOURT...
From Barnes & Nonble
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/survi...
From Itunes
https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/surv...
I understand the pain Nathan tells about in his book, and I highly recommend Surviving the Fourth Cycle. Like Nathan, I too, am a survivor of child abuse. To learn about my own struggles and my fight to survive, please visit my website.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
One In A Million - New Book on Kindle
My new book, similar to a memoir, just came out today on Kindle. Please check it out!
One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship is a story about an amazing man who changed the direction my life was heading, and brought me back from a never-ending abyss.
After I'd attempted suicide, I met David, another patient on the psych ward suffering from deep depression. He'd been admitted on a suicide prevention watch. However, holding a heartbreaking secret, David had a good reason to be depressed.
Becoming instant friends, David shared his secret with me. Leaving the hospital, he began to show me life through his eyes. With his demons controlled, this young man loved life and saw beauty in everything around him.
David only wanted to be there for his friends and to help others.
But, no one could help David. No one could change what was to come for my dear friend.
One In A Million is a true story of friendship and love between two friends helping each other deal with spirals of emotions, good and bad.
David truly was One In A Million.
Please visit my website to learn about all my books below.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen 
DROWNING IN MEMORIES, THE SEQUEL
HERE IT IS! The e-book you've been waiting for -- the true sequel to Bitter Memories -- is now available!
Learn about my amazing brother in this sequel, and a lot more!
Find it at the bottom of the "The Series" page on my website.
Enjoy!!
Drowning In Memories continues the true story from Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival. Told in two parts: Bitter Tasting Memories, part one; After Midnight, part two (dedicated to my big brother), and a bonus short story, One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship.
Some of the dialog has been recreated from memory, and some recreated using known characteristics and actions of the person being quoted, but the stories contained here are as close to the truth as I know them to be.
The first in the series tells of my life after being kidnapped by my father (I was only 3 years old) then, for 6 long years I lived a life on the run, abused and terrified. A tear-jerker story. Adult language and graphic content!
The last in the series, based on the true story, tells this part of my story the way I wanted it to be. Complete with a sadistic serial killer I get my revenge! Enter Cutter's sadistic world -- IF you dare!
Also based on the true story, this is the realistic fictional sequel to Bitter Memories. NOTE: The demise of my father "could have" happened this way.
Fifteen poems from different times in my life while searching for peace. In this book I share feelings never shared with a soul until this book, including short stories that inspired each poem.
A cute fantasy, complete with talking animals that try to help their "Queen of the Forest" in her quest when they learn of danger coming to the city and to the forest.
A heartwarming story about a wonderful man who helped change my life while helping me find my way back from a never-ending abyss after my suicide attempt. An awesome story of friendship.
Please visit my website to learn more about my books.
Website Updated - Check out what's new!
Bitter Memories, a memoir told from the heart, is the true story of my early life after being kidnapped by my father.I was only three years old.
Now living a life on the run, hungry, terrified and abused, Sarah (my name in the book) doesn't know if I'll ever see my mother or my home again.
As the abuse escalates, Sarah splits into multiple personalities in order to survive.
Although the names in this unforgettable story have been changed to protect the innocent, and the guilty, the events are factual.
Bitter Memories is a heartfelt journey into the world of extreme child abuse, but also the will to survive.
This book is dedicated to all abuse survivors, and is written in hopes that exposing these horrors will help prevent them from happening to others.
Explicit and unnerving, Bitter Memories is not a cozy, feel-good book. It does contain adult language and overt sexual content.
Drowning In Memories is the story my fans have waited for.
With a bonus story at the end, this book is written in two parts.
Part One continues the true story after going to live with my uncle, the cop, and his heavy-handed wife, then moving on to after l left home.
Part Two I talk about many times in my life. I tell about my mother's sister, who I ended up living with and running away from, and of a time I literally ran from an abusive husband with nothing but my Siamese cat and what clothes I could fit into a paper sack, finding I was happier than I'd ever been in my life. I also talk about my big brother who I'd never met in book one.
Included is the bonus story, a very special tribute about a wonderful man who brought me back from a never-ending abyss after my suicide attempt, giving me hope to go on. This man changed the direction of my life.
Cutter's Revenge, the last in the series, is very little truth mixed with crime fiction to complete the series in a way that I wanted my story to end by getting my pound of revenge for some who hurt me.
A man believing he has amnesia walks the streets trying to remember who he is; where he came from, when in reality he suffers from a personality disorder.
Henry Frye is at his wits end after numerous men and women vanish from small area towns, then one of his own officers turns up missing.
He doesn't know a serial killer will soon be stalking his own backyard.
Determined to find out all she can about the missing people, Henry's dispatcher uncovers an old Army report with a picture showing frightening, sadistic eyes of a Stan Clark, later nicknamed "Cutter" by the Army.
When a car fitting Clark's vehicle is spotted on the highway, and he makes a run for it, officers from area towns join the chase, pursuing the suspect to a house on a hill.
Once inside the house, the officers stumble upon a delusional maniac in the basement, and a gruesome sight upstairs. Pure evil lives here!
Before years of lies from the past can destroy him, Henry opens his heart and soul, praying Sarah can forgive him when she hears the truth.
And, for my fiction fans, this book is for you!
Trophy Murders, based on the true story, is the realistic fiction sequel that continues Sarah's story from Bitter Memories, mixing some truth with an exciting crime story.
Munday, Texas: Small town. Peaceful. Quiet. The perfect place to raise a family—or is it?
Henry Frye, the new police chief, is asking himself this question after a gang moves into town and a murdering spree begins.
How many of his townsfolk must die before he catches the ones responsible for turning his town into a place of terror?
Sarah's repeated nightmares
takes Henry to the prison to talk to her father. Henry wants answers, but will Eli tell him the truth? When Jake Miller, Henry's ex-captain and friend, shows up, unannounced, Henry knows something is terribly wrong.
He's been waiting all day for an overdue call from Mona, his mistress; the love of his life. Has something happened to her? What does Jake know?
Things heat up after a fiery car crash leaves one gang member hanging onto life. Can Henry find out all he needs to know before the man dies?
Henry and Officer Holloway enter the gang's house where they find more bodies, a gruesome sight in the kitchen, and a "shrine" that unnerves Henry.
This completes the Bitter Memories series, but please visit my website to learn about my other books.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
Also, please visit my Facebook author/fan pages, and click "like" while you're there:
https://www.facebook.com/sue.julsen2
https://www.facebook.com/BitterMemori...
https://www.facebook.com/TMTrilogyBook2
https://www.facebook.com/CuttersRevenge
NOT ALL MEMORIES ARE BAD
Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is not an easy book to read since it is a true story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father, living a life on the run, hungry, abused and terrified...There is no way to “sugarcoat” child abuse, therefore be prepared for strong language (that I heard daily), and explicit content.Available in Paperback, E-Book and in Audio with Roni Gallimore narrating.
Drowning In Memories continues the true story from Bitter Memories that includes many memories that were not all bad. Told in two parts: Bitter Tasting Memories, part one; After Midnight, part two (dedicated to my big brother), and a bonus short story, One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship.
Some of the dialog has been recreated from memory, and some recreated using known characteristics and actions of the person being quoted, but the stories contained here are as close to the truth as I know them to be.
Available in E-Book. Paperback coming late 2013.
Trophy Murders, written for my fiction fans, delves into my vivid “where did that come from” imagination to deliver an action-packed crime story. Here, mixing truth with fiction, I continue the journey after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. A life I wouldn’t wish on any kid.
Available in Paperback and E-Book.
Cutter's Revenge continues my story after my adoption, again mixing truth with fiction, but anyone who’s read the other books will know instantly what’s true and what isn’t in this story. While another fictionalized serial killer stalks our little town, I write my story the way it could have been if...turning tragedy into a fantastic, exciting read! Cutter’s Revenge is unrelentingly suspenseful. ENTER CUTTER'S WORLD -- IF YOU DARE!
Available in E-Book. Paperback coming later this year.
Trophy Murders and Cutter’s Revenge are both filled with action, suspense, drama, secrets, a love story, and more. The language is toned down, the abuse is not nearly as intense or as often, and my fictional crimes are a bit twisted and sadistic, but all this makes an exciting, sit-on-the-edge-of-the-chair read!
From The Heart is a collection of fifteen poems written from various events in my life. Included are short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. This book is also available in audio with Beth MacEwan narrating. Beth did an amazing job bringing life to each poem and story. The audio version is totally awesome!
Available in E-Book and Audio only.
The Rose: A Tale of Fantasy is a heartwarming story for all ages, and the perfect story for the inner child. Hollymae is a girl with a "special gift" and powers she isn't even aware of yet. When she learns the animals of the forest that she loves so dearly are in danger, with her faithful companions by her side, somehow, Hollymae must save the animals from sure death. I hope you’ll enjoy The Rose as much as I enjoyed writing the story.
Available in E-Book. Audio coming later this year.
One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship is about an amazing man who changed the direction my life was heading and brought me back from a never-ending abyss.
After I'd attempted suicide, I met David, another patient on the psych ward suffering from deep depression. He'd been admitted on a suicide prevention watch. However, holding a heartbreaking secret, David had a good reason to be depressed.
Becoming instant friends, David shared his secret with me, and after leaving the hospital, he began to show me life through his eyes. With his demons controlled, this young man loved life and saw beauty in everything around him.
David only wanted to be there for his friends and to help others, but no one could help David. No one could change what was to come for my dear friend.
One In A Million is a true story of friendship and love between two friends helping each other deal with spirals of emotions, good and bad.
David truly was One In A Million.
Available in E-Book and also the bonus story included in Drowning In Memories.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
SEVEN BOOKS - SEVEN EXCERPTS
* BITTER MEMORIES: A MEMOIR OF HEARTACHE & SURVIVAL * Starting at age three, I had a life no child should ever have. It was a life of sorrow, neglect, and abuse. As a kid, I wished time and again to forget all that had happened, but I couldn’t. I’d been left with scars from so many bitter memories, voices in my head, and nightmares. Horrendous nightmares that I felt sure would haunt me for the rest of my life.
* DROWNING IN MEMORIES * Lying in bed, still shaking, I watch the clock on my headboard and listen to the tick…tick…tick… As another minute ticks by, my body stiffens. Panic sets in. The illuminated hand snaps off another minute, then another… Drowning in memories, drowning in another nightmare, once again, bitter tasting memories of the bloody sight on the floor had awakened me. Luckily, before the scream building inside had burst into reality.
* CUTTER'S REVENGE * Laughing, he went up the stairs, leaving her hanging from the chains, crying. Reaching the top of the stairs he listened to her for nearly a minute before switching off the light and closing the door on the pretty lady’s sobs.
* TROPHY MURDERS * Pulling the keys from his pocket, Henry allowed his thoughts to drift back to earlier in the day. It had been just before lunchtime. He’d been sitting at his desk going over the officer’s reports from the grave shift, monitoring the radio calls in the background, when he heard the call that had changed his relaxing day into a nightmare.
* ONE IN A MILLION: A TRUE STORY OF FRIENDSHIP * David was only twenty-two years old when he was told he was going to die. The doctors gave him maybe six months, a year max, if he was extremely lucky. Instead of wanting to crawl into a shell while waiting for this day to arrive, David smiled, looked the doctor in the eye, and said, “Then I better get busy. I have a lot of happiness and love to spread around before I die.”
* FROM THE HEART: A COLLECTION OF POEMS AND STORIES * I hadn’t cried since being told she was dead. Going to bed that night, I had words running through my head, and they wouldn’t stop. Sitting up in bed, I turned on the light and wrote those words down.
* THE ROSE: A TALE OF FANTASY * Her long blond hair blew wildly in the wind as she ran through the woods in a blind fury. Scattering dust like a whirlwind behind her, she ran down the well-known path, through the trees, and into the clearing. She had to get home before it was too late. For more info please check out all the books on my website.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
Also, please visit my Facebook author/fan pages, and click "like" while you're there. THANKS!
https://www.facebook.com/sue.julsen2
https://www.facebook.com/BitterMemori...
https://www.facebook.com/TMTrilogyBook2
https://www.facebook.com/CuttersRevenge
Books by Sue Julsen + Latest News
Cover art by Gary McCluskeyBitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is not an easy book to read. It is a true story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father, living a life on the run, hungry, abused and terrified... I do not “sugarcoat” child abuse, therefore be prepared for strong language (words heard daily), and explicit content.
Available in Paperback, E-Book, and Audio with Roni Gallimore narrating.
Cover art by Barbara Pack
Drowning In Memories (Bitter Memories series, #2) continues the true story from Bitter Memories that includes many memories that were not all bad. Told in two parts: Bitter Tasting Memories, part one; After Midnight, part two (dedicated to my big brother), and a bonus short story, One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship.
Some of the dialog has been recreated from memory, and some recreated using known characteristics and actions of the person being quoted, but the stories contained here are as close to the truth as I know them to be.
Available in E-Book; Paperback coming late 2013.
Cover art by Gary McCluskey
Trophy Murders, written for my fiction fans, delves into my vivid imagination to deliver an action-packed crime story while mixing in part truth with the fiction. This book, part of the bitter memories series, continues the journey from Bitter Memories after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. NOTE: For the true story with no fiction added, see Drowning In Memories.
Available in Paperback and E-Book.
Cover art by LaTyra Hammer
Cutter's Revenge (Bitter Memories, # 3) continues my story after my adoption, again mixing truth with fiction, but anyone who’s read the other books will know instantly what’s true and what's not in this story.
While another fictionalized serial killer stalks our little town, I write my story the way it could have been if ... turning tragedy into a fantastic, exciting read!
Cutter’s Revenge is unrelentingly suspenseful. Memoir and fiction fans, both, will love this book! ENTER CUTTER'S WORLD and enjoy a bit of "revenge" with me.
Available in E-Book. Paperback coming later this year with new cover art by Gary McCluskey.
Trophy Murders and Cutter’s Revenge are filled with action, suspense, drama, secrets, a love story, and more. The language is toned down, the abuse is not nearly as intense or as often, and my fictional crimes are a bit twisted and sadistic. But, all of this makes for an exciting, sit-on-the-edge-of-the-chair read! Enjoy!
Cover art by Barbara Pack
From the Heart: A Collection of Poems and Stories is a collection of fifteen poems written from various events in my life. Included are short stories that inspired the writing of each poem.
Available in E-Book, and Audio with Beth MacEwan narrating. Beth did an amazing job bringing life to each poem and story. The audio version is totally awesome!
Cover art by Barbara Pack
The Rose: A Tale of Fantasy is a heartwarming story for all ages; a perfect story for the inner child.
Hollymae is a girl with a special gift and powers she isn't aware of yet. When she learns the animals of the forest that she loves so dearly are in danger, Hollymae must save her animal friends from sure death.
Available in E-Book.
Cover art by Barbara Pack
One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship is about an amazing young man who changed the direction my life was heading and brought me back from a never-ending abyss.
After my attempted suicide I met David, another patient on the psych ward suffering from deep depression. However, holding a heartbreaking secret, David had a good reason to be depressed.
Becoming instant friends, after leaving the hospital David began to show me life through his eyes... One In A Million is a true story of friendship and love between two friends helping each other deal with spirals of emotions, good and bad.
David truly was One In A Million.
Available in E-Book, and this is also the bonus story included in Drowning In Memories.
LATEST NEWS: More memories have surfaced, so I am currently working on a new memoir. Release date unknown at this time.
Please visit my website to learn more about my books. http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
Also, please visit my Facebook author/fan pages, and click "like" while you're there:
https://www.facebook.com/sue.julsen2
https://www.facebook.com/BitterMemori...
https://www.facebook.com/TMTrilogyBook2
https://www.facebook.com/CuttersRevenge
READER QUESTIONS ANSWERED!
If you've read my book/s, here's your chance to ask any questions you'd like answered. I promise you an honest answer (like it or not) to anything asked.
Don't be shy! I am, after all, an open book. :)
Go to the contact page on my website, fill out Contact the Author form and send me your questions. Also, no names will be included in the blog post!!! I will know, but I'd like to include which book you are referring to, so please include the title from which of the seven books your question is concerning.
I look forward to your questions!
Website link: http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
Here's one of the most asked questions to help get you started.
QUESTION: Why didn't you tell your story sooner?
The simple answer: I was afraid. I thought people would think I was crazy and they would ridicule or judge me. Even today this is a concern. I do have people who judge me all the time. However, these people have never been abused, and some, from their questions or comments, wouldn't know abuse if it slapped them in the face.
The more complex answer: The pain from the memories were overwhelming. I had to deal with my demons and the scars from extreme abuse before I could finish the book. I go into more detail on this part in my next book that will be out late this year or early next year.
READER QUESTIONS ANSWERED
Almost daily I get emails from readers with questions about something in my books. If you've read my story, here's your chance to ask any questions you'd like answered. I promise you an honest answer (like it or not) to anything asked that will not spoil one of the other books. I am getting tons of questions I cannot answer because the answers are in the sequel, Drowning In Memories.
Don't be shy! No names will be included in the blog post!!!
Go to the contact page on my website, fill out Contact the Author form and send me your questions.
Please include the title from which book (or books) your question is concerning. Yes, you can submit as many questions as you'd like answers to. I am, after all, an open book. :)
Website link: http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
Since last nights post, questions are coming in and I will be answering a few each blog post. Usually on Sunday and Wednesday.
Submit your questions for a chance to win one of 4 copies of the audio version of Bitter Memories to be given away sometime next month.
Here's one of the most asked questions to help get you started.
QUESTION: Why didn't you tell your story sooner?
The simple answer: I was afraid. I thought people would think I was crazy and they would ridicule or judge me. Even today this is a concern. I do have people who judge me all the time. However, these people have never been abused, and some, from their questions or comments, wouldn't know abuse if it slapped them in the face.
The more complex answer: The pain from the memories were overwhelming. I had to deal with my demons and the scars from extreme abuse before I could finish the book. I go into more detail on this part in my next book that will be out late this year or early next year.
