Sue Julsen's Blog - Posts Tagged "children"

Who Am I?

Dreams...

A new life of: Happiness and Health

A new life without: Fear or Pain or Sorrow

Who am I?

I am a survivor of child abuse…

I am the author of Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival. Although my story is heart-wrenching, it’s also a story of my fight for survival in a world of hunger, abuse and fear while on the run from the police and my family left behind after I was kidnapped by my father in the middle of the night. I was only three years old.

My story is an unnervingly gripping account of the extremes of neglect and mistreatment a child can undergo — and still survive. However, I didn’t do this alone. I had wonderful guardian angels to help me. I was so terrified from the abuse that I split into multiple personalities just to survive.

My book tells all. I didn’t hold back any feelings whatsoever, using “colorful” language that went right along with these feelings. Bitter Memories took 40+ years to write because the pain of remembering was so powerful, so overwhelming, I had to change my name in the book, like I was writing about someone else, not me, just so I could write my life story. Names of everyone involved were changed to protect the innocent—and the guilty.

My story was told to help other child abuse survivors know they are not alone. There are others who understand and won’t look down on them. By sharing my life story, other survivors can come forward and find a path toward healing their pain.

My dream is to help rid the world of child abuse. By survivors telling our stories, the horrors of this national epidemic can be changed. Together we can help protect our children and keep them safe.

Who am I?

I am a survivor with a dream…

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Published on September 24, 2011 16:27 • Tags: abuse, child-abuse, children, fear, feelings, guardian-angels, memories, multiple-personalities, sadness, survival, writing

Scars of Abuse

I watch them. Strangers walking down the street, smiling and laughing, and I wonder: What was their life like growing up? Did they have a normal life? Did their parents love them; tell them they were wanted? Were they told they were, and are, cherished?

As children, did they easily fit in with other kids, or go out of their way trying to fit in? Did they succeed, or were they laughed at? In a crowd, did they slink into a corner trying to be invisible? Did they get beatings—or whippings—or just grounded? Were they told how useless they were and they never should’ve been born?

As adults, do they have self-confidence or are they intimidated easily? Are they afraid to voice an opinion? Afraid of being ridiculed? Afraid of doing something wrong?

While watching these seemingly normal, happy men and women I wonder: Are their smiles are fake? Are they laughing outside, but crying inside?

Thanks to my father running off with me, most of my life I cried inside while faking a smile. I felt alone. Unloved. Unwanted. I didn’t have a mother to confide in…to be my best friend. That dreadful night, as he drove away from the only home I’d ever known, I had no idea how much my life was about to change—forever.

Starting at age three, my life was filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse—a life no child should ever experience. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate. I lived life on the run, starving, abused and terrified. So terrified, in order to survive, I split into multiple personalities. This disassociation allowed me to detach from the abuse as if it was not happening to me.

The first disassociation was with Daddy, but the number of times and the duration increased over the years as the abuse escalated. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse, Daddy left me alone in the car for days while he went off with a woman. When he finally returned and told me he’d married her, I was devastated! I begged him to leave her, but he slapped me so hard I saw stars.

During the next two years, living with the evil stepmother, I found out just how bad things could get. She did awful things, but the worst—she sold me to her male friends for twenty bucks and a bottle of booze.

All my life I tried to run from myself. I tried to forget the horrible things that had happened, but I couldn’t. I’d been left with scars from so many bitter memories, voices in my head, and nightmares. Horrendous nightmares that I felt sure would haunt me for the rest of my life.

For years I always wondered if I’d be a better person today if I’d had a normal life? What is normal anyway?

I wonder how many adult survivors have asked themselves that question? I’ve asked for as long as I can remember, and I still don’t know. How could I? My life was as far from normal as it could possibly get.

Although unnerving, Bitter Memories is a gripping account of the extremes a child can undergo—and survive. Written from the heart, taking on a life of its own, I relived those memories of heartache, sadness, extreme hunger, and intense fear in hopes of helping other adult survivors find a path toward healing their “hidden” scars. My story deals with explosive topics that former child victims of mental, physical, and sexual violence will understand.

My life was a living hell, one of extreme worst. But it doesn’t take extreme to mess up a child’s head. It doesn’t take extreme to drive a child beyond the breaking point.

Without professional help to deal with abuse issues, long term effects include fear, anxiety, depression, anger, hostility, inappropriate sexual behavior, poor self esteem, tendency toward substance abuse and difficulty with close relationships.

Without help, abused kids continue to experience the trauma. Fear, insecurities, a sense of hopelessness prevents the child from living a happy, fulfilled life. Many times, as I did, victims relive their abuse in recurring nightmares.

Pain of abuse is so intense, yet victims feel they can’t talk to anyone about the abuse. They feel ashamed. They have low self esteem. In a crowd, they feel totally alone. Feelings of despair sets in; they believe the abuse was their fault; they’re being punished for being bad; life isn’t worth living. When this hidden pain inside becomes overwhelming, the victim is more likely to attempt suicide.

Child abuse, neglect and/or abduction are national epidemics. Sweeping it under the rug, or choosing to believe it doesn’t happen, won’t make it go away, nor does it change statistics: (1) Almost five children die daily from abuse in the United States. (2) Three million abuse reports—physical, emotional, sexual and/or neglect—are made every year. (3) It’s estimated nearly 10 million cases will go unreported. (4) It’s estimated 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse live in America today. (5) Girls are three times more likely to be sexually abused than boys, however, boys have a greater risk of emotional neglect and serious injury than girls.

It doesn’t matter how abuse is inflicted, it still leaves a lasting impression on the victim. Homes in which women are beaten are at greater risk of having abused children. Children abused, as much as they don’t want to, often subject their own children to abuse.

If you see, or even suspect a child is being abused, report it immediately. It would be better to be wrong, than to be right and do nothing, and you may help save a child from a lifetime of heartache.

All an abused child needs is a chance and an environment full of love and kindness to show them how truly important they are.

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Published on November 19, 2011 15:58 • Tags: abduction, abuse, adults, afraid, alone, anger, anxiety, beatings, bitter, child, childhood, children, cry, depression, despair, disassociation, emotional, epidemics, family, father, fear, grounded, heartache, help, hope, hopelessness, hostility, hunger, kidnapped, kindness, love, memories, mother, multiple-personalities, murders, neglect, nightmares, pain, parents, relationships, sadness, scars, self-confidence, self-esteem, shame, smile, sorrow, statistics, substance-abuse, success, survivors, trauma, trophy, useless, victims, voices, whippings

AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT: SIMONE DA COSTA

Author Interview: Simone Da Costa -- Writer & Author

Official Website: www.simonedacosta.com
Blog Site: www.simonesblog.net
Simone's blog offers marketing, advertising and promoting for book, eBook authors, publishers, self-publishers and anyone in the writing arena.

What are the names of your current books?

Remember to Pray: Day Planner, 2013 Day Planner and my recently debut children’s book called A Silly Rhyming Alphabet Book about Animals from A to Z.

What projects are you working on now (or next)?

I have a few things going on, but I am currently working on my next children’s book which will be out soon.

When did you start writing, and why do you write?

Firstly, one of my favorite past time when I was in high school was reading and from reading, I became interested in writing. Writing was a hobby at first and for a long time which led me to gradually writing professionally. Secondly, I write because of the way it makes me feel - happy. I love the playfulness of words and the sky is the limit when I write, there are no boundaries and I enjoy that amongst other things about writing.

What inspired your first book?

My relationship with God.

Your debut children’s book was recently published. Tell us a bit about the book.

It’s a silly, rhyming alphabet book, but educational at the same time.

What makes it silly?

Silly in the sense that there are animals driving cars, ironing, praying and other silly things happening - it’s great imaginative fun. Educational because it is an instructional book in which children will learn the alphabet and be introduced to animals new and known. The illustrations are vibrant and fun, love them.

Whose idea was it to make them so colorful?

It was my idea, as I know that children gravitate towards books with colorful characters, hence the illustrator and I worked closely together to birth my vision for all the characters.

Do you have a writing regimen?

No, but I try to write everyday to keep the writing juices flowing, but I do not always get a chance to.

What was the hardest part about writing your book?

SD: Many-a-times, I know what I want to say, but somehow it did not come out in the same way on paper.

What else would you like to tell your readers?

Make sure that you write for the love of writing and the joy it brings and not for monetary gain. If not, you will be disappointed because not all writers become bestsellers or make any money, if any at all.

Biography
Simone Da' Costa is a writer, author, self-publisher and freelance magazine writer. Simone has written many articles for several North American Magazines. She has self-published two books, Remember to Pray and 2013 Hummingbird Day Planner. She recently debut her first children’s book, A Silly Rhyming Alphabet Book about Animals from A to Z and it has already received stellar.

Simone is a writer who enjoys the compelling feeling that writing brings. In the words of Miss Da Costa ‘Writing is seen as a tool with which to free yourself in a limitless world of playful words while at the same time welcome your ideas, thoughts and imagination onto the page. Most off all, the passion to write is, simply put, inspiring, challenging, enjoying and empowering.

Simone operates a blog called ‘Simone’s Blog – Depicting the writer in you.’ A blog designed to stimulate a writer’s creative spirit in expressive that gives joy to the creator as well as the reader.

Links to website's where my book can be purchased