Sue Julsen's Blog - Posts Tagged "abduction"

Can you imagine the thoughts that would go through a little girl's head after being kidnapped in the middle of the night?

When Daddy took me from my bed telling me we were going on a trip, I was so excited. But, as he carried me out to the car—that he'd left running—I began to get scared. I didn't know why. I was with Daddy, afterall. And Daddy wouldn't do anything to hurt me...would he?

As he slowly drove away from the house I felt something was wrong. It wasn't until he neared the highway and told me to lie down and go back to sleep that I remembered Judy. I screamed for him to go back to the house. He'd picked me up so quickly that I'd left Judy, my doll, my best friend in the whole world, on my bed.

He just had to go back for her!

But Daddy only yelled and again told me to lie down and go to sleep. How could I sleep without Judy? I'd never been without her since my second birthday when Daddy had given her to me. I cried and cried and begged him to go back. He became furious, and with fire in his eyes, he turned around in the seat and told me to shut up about the damn doll. When I couldn't stop crying, he threatened if he had to pull the car over to the side of the road he would give me something to cry about.

It was then that I knew something else was wrong. Terribly wrong. Daddy had never hit me or yelled at me before. He was acting so mean; I believed I would be very sorry if he stopped the car. I also thought, by the way he was acting, that he didn't love me anymore. But how could that be? He was taking me on a trip, wasn't he?

As night turned to day and back to night again I began to wonder if I'd ever see my home again, my grandparents, or even my mother.

I felt so lost. So scared. So alone. What would I do if I lost Daddy? I had to stop making him mad at me! I worshipped Daddy. It was my fault he got mad and yelled at me. All I had to do was be a good girl and everything would be okay.

I didn't know how my life was going to change—forever...

I'll be adding more blogs, but if you can't wait, please visit my website to learn more about me and my book.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

I watch them. Strangers walking down the street, smiling and laughing, and I wonder: What was their life like growing up? Did they have a normal life? Did their parents love them; tell them they were wanted? Were they told they were, and are, cherished?

As children, did they easily fit in with other kids, or go out of their way trying to fit in? Did they succeed, or were they laughed at? In a crowd, did they slink into a corner trying to be invisible? Did they get beatings—or whippings—or just grounded? Were they told how useless they were and they never should’ve been born?

As adults, do they have self-confidence or are they intimidated easily? Are they afraid to voice an opinion? Afraid of being ridiculed? Afraid of doing something wrong?

While watching these seemingly normal, happy men and women I wonder: Are their smiles are fake? Are they laughing outside, but crying inside?

Thanks to my father running off with me, most of my life I cried inside while faking a smile. I felt alone. Unloved. Unwanted. I didn’t have a mother to confide in…to be my best friend. That dreadful night, as he drove away from the only home I’d ever known, I had no idea how much my life was about to change—forever.

Starting at age three, my life was filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse—a life no child should ever experience. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate. I lived life on the run, starving, abused and terrified. So terrified, in order to survive, I split into multiple personalities. This disassociation allowed me to detach from the abuse as if it was not happening to me.

The first disassociation was with Daddy, but the number of times and the duration increased over the years as the abuse escalated. Just when I thought my life couldn’t get any worse, Daddy left me alone in the car for days while he went off with a woman. When he finally returned and told me he’d married her, I was devastated! I begged him to leave her, but he slapped me so hard I saw stars.

During the next two years, living with the evil stepmother, I found out just how bad things could get. She did awful things, but the worst—she sold me to her male friends for twenty bucks and a bottle of booze.

All my life I tried to run from myself. I tried to forget the horrible things that had happened, but I couldn’t. I’d been left with scars from so many bitter memories, voices in my head, and nightmares. Horrendous nightmares that I felt sure would haunt me for the rest of my life.

For years I always wondered if I’d be a better person today if I’d had a normal life? What is normal anyway?

I wonder how many adult survivors have asked themselves that question? I’ve asked for as long as I can remember, and I still don’t know. How could I? My life was as far from normal as it could possibly get.

Although unnerving, Bitter Memories is a gripping account of the extremes a child can undergo—and survive. Written from the heart, taking on a life of its own, I relived those memories of heartache, sadness, extreme hunger, and intense fear in hopes of helping other adult survivors find a path toward healing their “hidden” scars. My story deals with explosive topics that former child victims of mental, physical, and sexual violence will understand.

My life was a living hell, one of extreme worst. But it doesn’t take extreme to mess up a child’s head. It doesn’t take extreme to drive a child beyond the breaking point.

Without professional help to deal with abuse issues, long term effects include fear, anxiety, depression, anger, hostility, inappropriate sexual behavior, poor self esteem, tendency toward substance abuse and difficulty with close relationships.

Without help, abused kids continue to experience the trauma. Fear, insecurities, a sense of hopelessness prevents the child from living a happy, fulfilled life. Many times, as I did, victims relive their abuse in recurring nightmares.

Pain of abuse is so intense, yet victims feel they can’t talk to anyone about the abuse. They feel ashamed. They have low self esteem. In a crowd, they feel totally alone. Feelings of despair sets in; they believe the abuse was their fault; they’re being punished for being bad; life isn’t worth living. When this hidden pain inside becomes overwhelming, the victim is more likely to attempt suicide.

Child abuse, neglect and/or abduction are national epidemics. Sweeping it under the rug, or choosing to believe it doesn’t happen, won’t make it go away, nor does it change statistics: (1) Almost five children die daily from abuse in the United States. (2) Three million abuse reports—physical, emotional, sexual and/or neglect—are made every year. (3) It’s estimated nearly 10 million cases will go unreported. (4) It’s estimated 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse live in America today. (5) Girls are three times more likely to be sexually abused than boys, however, boys have a greater risk of emotional neglect and serious injury than girls.

It doesn’t matter how abuse is inflicted, it still leaves a lasting impression on the victim. Homes in which women are beaten are at greater risk of having abused children. Children abused, as much as they don’t want to, often subject their own children to abuse.

If you see, or even suspect a child is being abused, report it immediately. It would be better to be wrong, than to be right and do nothing, and you may help save a child from a lifetime of heartache.

All an abused child needs is a chance and an environment full of love and kindness to show them how truly important they are.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

If you missed Bill Murray's blog radio show last night where I was the guest, here’s the replay link. Enjoy!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/bill-mur...

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Stop Child Abuse Now (SCAN) - 298 -- special guest Sue Julsen

Tonight's special guest is Sue Julsen from Nevada, a survivor and thriver and author of "Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival." Largely autobiographical, Ms Julsen has chosen to use fictional names so as to protect some of those in the story from the horrors that actually occurred. Abducted by her father when she was three, the book's main character, Sarah, found herself in a world of criminal neglect and unfathomable oppression as her father and stepmother perpetrated more and more horrible acts of verbal, mental and sexual abuse on the innocent girl. So continually terrified was Sarah, that she began to form separate personalities so that she herself did not have to face the hideous reality of her day to day life. Only through the nightmare pictures that the other personalities sometimes presented to her while she slept did Sarah have any hint about the horrific abuse she was being subjected to. The personalities would block out time for Sarah and bear the horror of the experiences themselves so that their dear Sarah would not have to. This tale of the author’s early life, a life on the run, featuring starvation, fear and molestation, is a truly unnerving and gripping account of the extremes of neglect and mistreatment a child can undergo. "Bitter Memories" is dedicated to all adult survivors of abuse and is written with the hope that exposing these horrors will help to prevent them from happening to others. "Trophy Murders" is the fictionalized sequel to her first book, and she is currently working on the third book in this series that will be out later this year.

All my books in the bitter memories series are now available at Amazon on Kindle!

1) Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
2) Trophy Murders
3) Cutter's Revenge

Each priced at an amazingly low $2.99!!

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Also, just added to Kindle is my newest book FROM THE HEART. Also only $2.99!!

It's a collection of poems from over the years, but this isn't your typical book of poetry. My book includes the stories behind what inspired the writing of each poem, exposing feelings never shared before...

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And...check out my new website where you will find all my books available now with the link to amazon. And...also you'll find out what's new coming to Kindle soon!

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

There's also a "like" button on my website, so be sure and click on it while you're looking around the pages.

This is what one reader has recently said about my books:

"Sue Julsen's books make a very nice Christmas gift! She writes everything from the heart, leaving readers spellbound. Highly recommend." C.W.

I do write from the heart, taking readers on a journey into my life...into my world as a child, abused and terrified, trying to survive...

The crime fiction included in the second and third books of the Bitter Memories trilogy (Trophy Murders and Cutter's Revenge), I delve into my killer's head, and into his heart.

This Christmas give gifts that open another world...give the gift of adventure and learning...Books really do make wonderful gifts!

Check out the bitter memories trilogy, and From The Heart, my book of poetry (also available in audio). All e-books/kindle only $2.99 each!

Head on over to my website to learn more: http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

NOTE: Due to strong language and content, the trilogy is not suitable for children.

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival

A True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped at 3 years old...

IMAGINE: Taken from my home, my mother, my grandparents — everything I knew and loved — now living in the backseat of the car, feeling lost, scared and alone, not knowing if I'd ever go home again...

Please visit my website to learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, and my other book, From The Heart a Collection of Poems and Stories.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

NOTE: This is not a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and the will to survive. Strong language, heart-wrenching content!

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father...

Still on the road, hungry and scared, I sleep very little. I pretend to be asleep, but I’m waiting for the chance to trick Daddy. And, in a very short time I became very good at tricking him…

Back home, when Mama came home from work, not finding me in my bed, she checked the house and the backyard. She couldn’t find me anywhere, and my grandparents also hadn’t seen me all morning. She became distraught and called her brother, Henry, a cop…


Please visit my website to learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, and my poetry book, From The Heart, also based on events in my life, that includes short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. From The Heart is also available in audio. You can listen to a preview at Amazon — it is awesome!

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

NOTE: This is not a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and the will to survive. Strong language, heart-wrenching content!

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father...


I don't know how long it had been since Daddy had taken me from my bed in the middle of the night, but we'd been on the road for a long time when Daddy told me he'd show me how to get anything we wanted, without money.

Hearing his plan, I didn't want to do it, but I had no choice! Daddy said if I didn't do as he said I wouldn't get to eat...

Other books in this series:
Trophy Murders combines truth with fiction in an action-packed crime story while delving more into my life after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia.

Cutter's Revenge, again mixes truth with fiction as I continue my story after being adopted. While another serial killer stalks our little town, I'm living a dream as I write my story's ending the way I wished it could have been.

All my books are based on or from events in my life and have received 4 and 5 star reviews. Books are wonderful gifts, and any or all of my books would be a great gift this Christmas.

To learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, and From The Heart, my new poetry book that includes stories that inspired the writing of each poem, please follow the link below to my website.

NOTE: Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is not a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and the will to survive. It contains strong language and heart-wrenching content. In Trophy Murders and Cutter's Revenge the language is toned down, a lot.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father...

Daddy was always a ladies' man, so it never took him very long to sweet-talk a pretty waitress at every place we stopped. After a few minutes alone with a waitress, Daddy would have her eating out of his hand. He'd then come back to the table with the keys to her house and an invitation to stay as long as we wanted.

Most of the time we’d stay just a few days, but with one woman we stayed for several months. She had a big house and it was the first time I ever had a room all of my own. Her name was Bobbi and she was the closest I ever came to having a “real” mother. She truly loved us.

On one of our shopping trips, after a long talk with me, she confronted Daddy about what we’d talked about.

In the middle of the night Daddy woke me and said…

Other books in this series:
Trophy Murders combines truth with fiction in an action-packed crime story while delving more into my life after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia.

Cutter's Revenge mixes truth with fiction as I continue my story after being adopted. While another serial killer stalks our little town, I live a dream as I write my story's ending the way it could have been if...bringing this part of my story to an awesome close.

To learn more about the bitter memories trilogy, and From The Heart, my new poetry book taken from times in my life that also includes stories that inspired the writing of each poem, please follow the link below to my website.

NOTE: Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is NOT a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and my struggle to survive. It contains strong language and heart-breaking content. The strong language is toned down in the other books in this trilogy, and the abuse isn't nearly as intense or as often.

All my books are based on or from events in my life and have received 4 and 5 star reviews. Books are wonderful gifts, and any or all of my books would be a great gift this Christmas for yourself or for a loved one. Enjoy!

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival
True Story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father...

First off, this is NOT a cozy, feel-good book! It is a 'no holds barred' story about my life dealing with extreme child abuse and my will to survive under the worst conditions.

Bitter Memories is not an easy book to read. Comments from my readers have been numerous, with most saying they felt every emotion possible while reading my story. Most also said they cried, numerous times. Many had to read in short spells because the content was too heartbreaking to take all at once.

However, these wonderful fans, many who are now lifelong friends, continued to read. They continued to learn what it can be like for a child living with abuse.

Bitter Memories was forty plus years in the writing. In the beginning I tried to write it as fiction. I wasn't ready for the world to know what had happened to me all those years.

But, that didn't work.

Next I tried to write it with "clean" language, and that didn't work either. I felt I wasn't being honest. You see, there's no way to "sugarcoat" what I lived through.

Finally, I decided the only way for me to get my message out to the people who needed to hear it the most, was to write my story the way it actually happened.

Let me tell you this: It wasn't any easier for me to write than it's been for people to read. I had to relive all those painful memories! All the things I tried for years to forget but couldn't. Recurring nightmares made sure I didn't forget!

Many times the pain became so strong that I couldn't continue writing. I had to put those memories on a shelf for a while. And, I also had to cry, once again, from all the pain that still lived inside of me.

But I still knew, in order to help others, and myself, Bitter Memories was a story that needed to be told.

I knew by exposing my life and all the bad things that happened, I could help other abused kids, with or without abduction, because those still suffering needed to know they were not alone.

There are others just like me -- many more like me -- and there is hope for kids living with the hidden scars of abuse. There is help for abused kids to heal their pain...to heal their shame.

And, yes! Kids who have been abused feel so much shame. We feel what happened to us was our fault. We feel unloved. We feel we were "bad," not our abusers. And it doesn’t take extreme abuse like mine was to mess up a kid’s head!

As much suffering as I lived with, I was one of the lucky kids. Abducted at age three, living a life of pure hell for six long years, and then to be found in fairly good health…physically, that is. Mentally I was a mess! And I remained a mess for many, many years.

Statistics would say I should have died. And I'm sure I would have, if not for a protective part of the brain.

To be continued…

If you’re ready to read and to learn from my story, please head on over to my website and pick up a copy of Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival. Then go back for the other two books in this trilogy, Trophy Murders and Cutter’s Revenge to learn the rest of the story. Once you read these, why not grab a copy of From The Heart: A Collection of Poems and Stories, also based on my times in my life. Or, get the audio version and listen to From The Heart narrated by Beth MacEwan. Beth is absolutely awesome the way she brings my poetry to life!

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen