Sue Julsen's Blog - Posts Tagged "sue-julsen"

HERE IT IS! The e-book you've been waiting for -- the true sequel to Bitter Memories -- is now available!

Learn about my amazing brother in this sequel, and a lot more!

Find it at the bottom of the "The Series" page on my website.

Enjoy!!

Drowning In Memories continues the true story from Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival. Told in two parts: Bitter Tasting Memories, part one; After Midnight, part two (dedicated to my big brother), and a bonus short story, One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship.

Some of the dialog has been recreated from memory, and some recreated using known characteristics and actions of the person being quoted, but the stories contained here are as close to the truth as I know them to be.

The first in the series tells of my life after being kidnapped by my father (I was only 3 years old) then, for 6 long years I lived a life on the run, abused and terrified. A tear-jerker story. Adult language and graphic content!

The last in the series, based on the true story, tells this part of my story the way I wanted it to be. Complete with a sadistic serial killer I get my revenge! Enter Cutter's sadistic world -- IF you dare!

Also based on the true story, this is the realistic fictional sequel to Bitter Memories. NOTE: The demise of my father "could have" happened this way.

Fifteen poems from different times in my life while searching for peace. In this book I share feelings never shared with a soul until this book, including short stories that inspired each poem.

A cute fantasy, complete with talking animals that try to help their "Queen of the Forest" in her quest when they learn of danger coming to the city and to the forest.

A heartwarming story about a wonderful man who helped change my life while helping me find my way back from a never-ending abyss after my suicide attempt. An awesome story of friendship.

Please visit my website to learn more about my books.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Author Interview: Simone Da Costa -- Writer & Author

Official Website: www.simonedacosta.com
Blog Site: www.simonesblog.net
Simone's blog offers marketing, advertising and promoting for book, eBook authors, publishers, self-publishers and anyone in the writing arena.

What are the names of your current books?

Remember to Pray: Day Planner, 2013 Day Planner and my recently debut children’s book called A Silly Rhyming Alphabet Book about Animals from A to Z.

What projects are you working on now (or next)?

I have a few things going on, but I am currently working on my next children’s book which will be out soon.

When did you start writing, and why do you write?

Firstly, one of my favorite past time when I was in high school was reading and from reading, I became interested in writing. Writing was a hobby at first and for a long time which led me to gradually writing professionally. Secondly, I write because of the way it makes me feel - happy. I love the playfulness of words and the sky is the limit when I write, there are no boundaries and I enjoy that amongst other things about writing.

What inspired your first book?

My relationship with God.

Your debut children’s book was recently published. Tell us a bit about the book.

It’s a silly, rhyming alphabet book, but educational at the same time.

What makes it silly?

Silly in the sense that there are animals driving cars, ironing, praying and other silly things happening - it’s great imaginative fun. Educational because it is an instructional book in which children will learn the alphabet and be introduced to animals new and known. The illustrations are vibrant and fun, love them.

Whose idea was it to make them so colorful?

It was my idea, as I know that children gravitate towards books with colorful characters, hence the illustrator and I worked closely together to birth my vision for all the characters.

Do you have a writing regimen?

No, but I try to write everyday to keep the writing juices flowing, but I do not always get a chance to.

What was the hardest part about writing your book?

SD: Many-a-times, I know what I want to say, but somehow it did not come out in the same way on paper.

What else would you like to tell your readers?

Make sure that you write for the love of writing and the joy it brings and not for monetary gain. If not, you will be disappointed because not all writers become bestsellers or make any money, if any at all.

Biography
Simone Da' Costa is a writer, author, self-publisher and freelance magazine writer. Simone has written many articles for several North American Magazines. She has self-published two books, Remember to Pray and 2013 Hummingbird Day Planner. She recently debut her first children’s book, A Silly Rhyming Alphabet Book about Animals from A to Z and it has already received stellar.

Simone is a writer who enjoys the compelling feeling that writing brings. In the words of Miss Da Costa ‘Writing is seen as a tool with which to free yourself in a limitless world of playful words while at the same time welcome your ideas, thoughts and imagination onto the page. Most off all, the passion to write is, simply put, inspiring, challenging, enjoying and empowering.

Simone operates a blog called ‘Simone’s Blog – Depicting the writer in you.’ A blog designed to stimulate a writer’s creative spirit in expressive that gives joy to the creator as well as the reader.

Links to website's where my book can be purchased

1. Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Silly-Rhyming-A...

2. My Blog: http://simonesblog.net/

3. Official website: http://simonedacosta.com/?cat=20

4. Book-spot.com: http://book-spot.com/book/spot/index....

5. Sweeties Picks!: http://www.sweetiespicks.com/a-silly-...

Please visit Simone's pages and check out her books.

And, you can visit my website to find all my books.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Bitter Memories, a memoir told from the heart, is the true story of my early life after being kidnapped by my father.

I was only three years old.

Now living a life on the run, hungry, terrified and abused, Sarah (my name in the book) doesn't know if I'll ever see my mother or my home again.

As the abuse escalates, Sarah splits into multiple personalities in order to survive.

Although the names in this unforgettable story have been changed to protect the innocent, and the guilty, the events are factual.

Bitter Memories is a heartfelt journey into the world of extreme child abuse, but also the will to survive.

This book is dedicated to all abuse survivors, and is written in hopes that exposing these horrors will help prevent them from happening to others.

Explicit and unnerving, Bitter Memories is not a cozy, feel-good book. It does contain adult language and overt sexual content.

Drowning In Memories is the story my fans have waited for.

With a bonus story at the end, this book is written in two parts.

Part One continues the true story after going to live with my uncle, the cop, and his heavy-handed wife, then moving on to after l left home.

Part Two I talk about many times in my life. I tell about my mother's sister, who I ended up living with and running away from, and of a time I literally ran from an abusive husband with nothing but my Siamese cat and what clothes I could fit into a paper sack, finding I was happier than I'd ever been in my life. I also talk about my big brother who I'd never met in book one.

Included is the bonus story, a very special tribute about a wonderful man who brought me back from a never-ending abyss after my suicide attempt, giving me hope to go on. This man changed the direction of my life.

Cutter's Revenge, the last in the series, is very little truth mixed with crime fiction to complete the series in a way that I wanted my story to end by getting my pound of revenge for some who hurt me.

A man believing he has amnesia walks the streets trying to remember who he is; where he came from, when in reality he suffers from a personality disorder.

Henry Frye is at his wits end after numerous men and women vanish from small area towns, then one of his own officers turns up missing.

He doesn't know a serial killer will soon be stalking his own backyard.

Determined to find out all she can about the missing people, Henry's dispatcher uncovers an old Army report with a picture showing frightening, sadistic eyes of a Stan Clark, later nicknamed "Cutter" by the Army.

When a car fitting Clark's vehicle is spotted on the highway, and he makes a run for it, officers from area towns join the chase, pursuing the suspect to a house on a hill.

Once inside the house, the officers stumble upon a delusional maniac in the basement, and a gruesome sight upstairs. Pure evil lives here!

Before years of lies from the past can destroy him, Henry opens his heart and soul, praying Sarah can forgive him when she hears the truth.

And, for my fiction fans, this book is for you!

Trophy Murders, based on the true story, is the realistic fiction sequel that continues Sarah's story from Bitter Memories, mixing some truth with an exciting crime story.

Munday, Texas: Small town. Peaceful. Quiet. The perfect place to raise a family—or is it?

Henry Frye, the new police chief, is asking himself this question after a gang moves into town and a murdering spree begins.

How many of his townsfolk must die before he catches the ones responsible for turning his town into a place of terror?

Sarah's repeated nightmares
takes Henry to the prison to talk to her father. Henry wants answers, but will Eli tell him the truth? When Jake Miller, Henry's ex-captain and friend, shows up, unannounced, Henry knows something is terribly wrong.

He's been waiting all day for an overdue call from Mona, his mistress; the love of his life. Has something happened to her? What does Jake know?

Things heat up after a fiery car crash leaves one gang member hanging onto life. Can Henry find out all he needs to know before the man dies?

Henry and Officer Holloway enter the gang's house where they find more bodies, a gruesome sight in the kitchen, and a "shrine" that unnerves Henry.

This completes the Bitter Memories series, but please visit my website to learn about my other books.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Also, please visit my Facebook author/fan pages, and click "like" while you're there:
https://www.facebook.com/sue.julsen2
https://www.facebook.com/BitterMemori...
https://www.facebook.com/TMTrilogyBook2
https://www.facebook.com/CuttersRevenge

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is not an easy book to read since it is a true story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father, living a life on the run, hungry, abused and terrified...There is no way to “sugarcoat” child abuse, therefore be prepared for strong language (that I heard daily), and explicit content.

Available in Paperback, E-Book and in Audio with Roni Gallimore narrating.

Drowning In Memories continues the true story from Bitter Memories that includes many memories that were not all bad. Told in two parts: Bitter Tasting Memories, part one; After Midnight, part two (dedicated to my big brother), and a bonus short story, One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship.

Some of the dialog has been recreated from memory, and some recreated using known characteristics and actions of the person being quoted, but the stories contained here are as close to the truth as I know them to be.

Available in E-Book. Paperback coming late 2013.

Trophy Murders, written for my fiction fans, delves into my vivid “where did that come from” imagination to deliver an action-packed crime story. Here, mixing truth with fiction, I continue the journey after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. A life I wouldn’t wish on any kid.

Available in Paperback and E-Book.

Cutter's Revenge continues my story after my adoption, again mixing truth with fiction, but anyone who’s read the other books will know instantly what’s true and what isn’t in this story. While another fictionalized serial killer stalks our little town, I write my story the way it could have been if...turning tragedy into a fantastic, exciting read! Cutter’s Revenge is unrelentingly suspenseful. ENTER CUTTER'S WORLD -- IF YOU DARE!

Available in E-Book. Paperback coming later this year.

Trophy Murders and Cutter’s Revenge are both filled with action, suspense, drama, secrets, a love story, and more. The language is toned down, the abuse is not nearly as intense or as often, and my fictional crimes are a bit twisted and sadistic, but all this makes an exciting, sit-on-the-edge-of-the-chair read!

From The Heart is a collection of fifteen poems written from various events in my life. Included are short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. This book is also available in audio with Beth MacEwan narrating. Beth did an amazing job bringing life to each poem and story. The audio version is totally awesome!

Available in E-Book and Audio only.

The Rose: A Tale of Fantasy is a heartwarming story for all ages, and the perfect story for the inner child. Hollymae is a girl with a "special gift" and powers she isn't even aware of yet. When she learns the animals of the forest that she loves so dearly are in danger, with her faithful companions by her side, somehow, Hollymae must save the animals from sure death. I hope you’ll enjoy The Rose as much as I enjoyed writing the story.

Available in E-Book. Audio coming later this year.

One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship is about an amazing man who changed the direction my life was heading and brought me back from a never-ending abyss.

After I'd attempted suicide, I met David, another patient on the psych ward suffering from deep depression. He'd been admitted on a suicide prevention watch. However, holding a heartbreaking secret, David had a good reason to be depressed.

Becoming instant friends, David shared his secret with me, and after leaving the hospital, he began to show me life through his eyes. With his demons controlled, this young man loved life and saw beauty in everything around him.

David only wanted to be there for his friends and to help others, but no one could help David. No one could change what was to come for my dear friend.

One In A Million is a true story of friendship and love between two friends helping each other deal with spirals of emotions, good and bad.

David truly was One In A Million.

Available in E-Book and also the bonus story included in Drowning In Memories.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

* BITTER MEMORIES: A MEMOIR OF HEARTACHE & SURVIVAL * Starting at age three, I had a life no child should ever have. It was a life of sorrow, neglect, and abuse. As a kid, I wished time and again to forget all that had happened, but I couldn’t. I’d been left with scars from so many bitter memories, voices in my head, and nightmares. Horrendous nightmares that I felt sure would haunt me for the rest of my life.

* DROWNING IN MEMORIES * Lying in bed, still shaking, I watch the clock on my headboard and listen to the tick…tick…tick… As another minute ticks by, my body stiffens. Panic sets in. The illuminated hand snaps off another minute, then another… Drowning in memories, drowning in another nightmare, once again, bitter tasting memories of the bloody sight on the floor had awakened me. Luckily, before the scream building inside had burst into reality.

* CUTTER'S REVENGE * Laughing, he went up the stairs, leaving her hanging from the chains, crying. Reaching the top of the stairs he listened to her for nearly a minute before switching off the light and closing the door on the pretty lady’s sobs.

* TROPHY MURDERS * Pulling the keys from his pocket, Henry allowed his thoughts to drift back to earlier in the day. It had been just before lunchtime. He’d been sitting at his desk going over the officer’s reports from the grave shift, monitoring the radio calls in the background, when he heard the call that had changed his relaxing day into a nightmare.

* ONE IN A MILLION: A TRUE STORY OF FRIENDSHIP * David was only twenty-two years old when he was told he was going to die. The doctors gave him maybe six months, a year max, if he was extremely lucky. Instead of wanting to crawl into a shell while waiting for this day to arrive, David smiled, looked the doctor in the eye, and said, “Then I better get busy. I have a lot of happiness and love to spread around before I die.”

* FROM THE HEART: A COLLECTION OF POEMS AND STORIES * I hadn’t cried since being told she was dead. Going to bed that night, I had words running through my head, and they wouldn’t stop. Sitting up in bed, I turned on the light and wrote those words down.

* THE ROSE: A TALE OF FANTASY * Her long blond hair blew wildly in the wind as she ran through the woods in a blind fury. Scattering dust like a whirlwind behind her, she ran down the well-known path, through the trees, and into the clearing. She had to get home before it was too late.

For more info please check out all the books on my website.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Also, please visit my Facebook author/fan pages, and click "like" while you're there. THANKS!
https://www.facebook.com/sue.julsen2
https://www.facebook.com/BitterMemori...
https://www.facebook.com/TMTrilogyBook2
https://www.facebook.com/CuttersRevenge

Cover art by Gary McCluskey

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is not an easy book to read. It is a true story of a little girl (me) kidnapped by her father, living a life on the run, hungry, abused and terrified... I do not “sugarcoat” child abuse, therefore be prepared for strong language (words heard daily), and explicit content.

Available in Paperback, E-Book, and Audio with Roni Gallimore narrating.

Cover art by Barbara Pack

Drowning In Memories (Bitter Memories series, #2) continues the true story from Bitter Memories that includes many memories that were not all bad. Told in two parts: Bitter Tasting Memories, part one; After Midnight, part two (dedicated to my big brother), and a bonus short story, One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship.

Some of the dialog has been recreated from memory, and some recreated using known characteristics and actions of the person being quoted, but the stories contained here are as close to the truth as I know them to be.

Available in E-Book; Paperback coming late 2013.

Cover art by Gary McCluskey

Trophy Murders, written for my fiction fans, delves into my vivid imagination to deliver an action-packed crime story while mixing in part truth with the fiction. This book, part of the bitter memories series, continues the journey from Bitter Memories after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. NOTE: For the true story with no fiction added, see Drowning In Memories.

Available in Paperback and E-Book.

Cover art by LaTyra Hammer

Cutter's Revenge (Bitter Memories, # 3) continues my story after my adoption, again mixing truth with fiction, but anyone who’s read the other books will know instantly what’s true and what's not in this story.

While another fictionalized serial killer stalks our little town, I write my story the way it could have been if ... turning tragedy into a fantastic, exciting read!

Cutter’s Revenge is unrelentingly suspenseful. Memoir and fiction fans, both, will love this book! ENTER CUTTER'S WORLD and enjoy a bit of "revenge" with me.

Available in E-Book. Paperback coming later this year with new cover art by Gary McCluskey.

Trophy Murders and Cutter’s Revenge are filled with action, suspense, drama, secrets, a love story, and more. The language is toned down, the abuse is not nearly as intense or as often, and my fictional crimes are a bit twisted and sadistic. But, all of this makes for an exciting, sit-on-the-edge-of-the-chair read! Enjoy!

Cover art by Barbara Pack

From the Heart: A Collection of Poems and Stories is a collection of fifteen poems written from various events in my life. Included are short stories that inspired the writing of each poem.

Available in E-Book, and Audio with Beth MacEwan narrating. Beth did an amazing job bringing life to each poem and story. The audio version is totally awesome!

Cover art by Barbara Pack

The Rose: A Tale of Fantasy is a heartwarming story for all ages; a perfect story for the inner child.

Hollymae is a girl with a special gift and powers she isn't aware of yet. When she learns the animals of the forest that she loves so dearly are in danger, Hollymae must save her animal friends from sure death.

Available in E-Book.

Cover art by Barbara Pack

One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship is about an amazing young man who changed the direction my life was heading and brought me back from a never-ending abyss.

After my attempted suicide I met David, another patient on the psych ward suffering from deep depression. However, holding a heartbreaking secret, David had a good reason to be depressed.

Becoming instant friends, after leaving the hospital David began to show me life through his eyes... One In A Million is a true story of friendship and love between two friends helping each other deal with spirals of emotions, good and bad.

David truly was One In A Million.

Available in E-Book, and this is also the bonus story included in Drowning In Memories.

LATEST NEWS: More memories have surfaced, so I am currently working on a new memoir. Release date unknown at this time.

Please visit my website to learn more about my books. http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Also, please visit my Facebook author/fan pages, and click "like" while you're there:

https://www.facebook.com/sue.julsen2
https://www.facebook.com/BitterMemori...
https://www.facebook.com/TMTrilogyBook2
https://www.facebook.com/CuttersRevenge

Almost daily I get emails from readers with questions. Especially after reading Bitter Memories.

If you've read my book/s, here's your chance to ask any questions you'd like answered. I promise you an honest answer (like it or not) to anything asked.

Don't be shy! I am, after all, an open book. :)

Go to the contact page on my website, fill out Contact the Author form and send me your questions. Also, no names will be included in the blog post!!! I will know, but I'd like to include which book you are referring to, so please include the title from which of the seven books your question is concerning.

I look forward to your questions!

Website link: http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Here's one of the most asked questions to help get you started.

QUESTION: Why didn't you tell your story sooner?

The simple answer: I was afraid. I thought people would think I was crazy and they would ridicule or judge me. Even today this is a concern. I do have people who judge me all the time. However, these people have never been abused, and some, from their questions or comments, wouldn't know abuse if it slapped them in the face.

The more complex answer: The pain from the memories were overwhelming. I had to deal with my demons and the scars from extreme abuse before I could finish the book. I go into more detail on this part in my next book that will be out late this year or early next year.

In case you missed it:

Almost daily I get emails from readers with questions about something in my books. If you've read my story, here's your chance to ask any questions you'd like answered. I promise you an honest answer (like it or not) to anything asked that will not spoil one of the other books. I am getting tons of questions I cannot answer because the answers are in the sequel, Drowning In Memories.

Don't be shy! No names will be included in the blog post!!!

Go to the contact page on my website, fill out Contact the Author form and send me your questions.

Please include the title from which book (or books) your question is concerning. Yes, you can submit as many questions as you'd like answers to. I am, after all, an open book. :)

Website link: http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Since last nights post, questions are coming in and I will be answering a few each blog post. Usually on Sunday and Wednesday.

Submit your questions for a chance to win one of 4 copies of the audio version of Bitter Memories to be given away sometime next month.

Here's one of the most asked questions to help get you started.

QUESTION: Why didn't you tell your story sooner?

The simple answer: I was afraid. I thought people would think I was crazy and they would ridicule or judge me. Even today this is a concern. I do have people who judge me all the time. However, these people have never been abused, and some, from their questions or comments, wouldn't know abuse if it slapped them in the face.

The more complex answer: The pain from the memories were overwhelming. I had to deal with my demons and the scars from extreme abuse before I could finish the book. I go into more detail on this part in my next book that will be out late this year or early next year.

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival: Starting at age three, my life was filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse—a life no child should ever experience. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate. I lived a life on the run, starving, abused and terrified.

Here are some of the questions received from my readers. If you do not see your question listed, there will be more answered in my Wednesday night blog.

QUESTION: When did you start writing Bitter Memories?
I started Bitter Memories after I left home at age 18, but it was 44 years before I could finish it.

QUESTION: Why did it take so long?
The pain from those memories prevented me from writing for days, months, sometimes years at a time. I had to deal with the scars left from the abuse before I could continue to admit to, and tell, what happened to me.

QUESTION: Did all this really happen, or were you just writing a sad story?
If you had been abused, you would not ask this question, but yes, Bitter Memories is true. It all happened. By the way, Drowning In Memories, From The Heart, and One In A Million are also all true.

QUESTION: By writing these books and telling your story, what did you wish to accomplish?
There were several things I hoped to accomplish, but the 5 main things that gave me the courage to continue writing for the world were:
1) To finish my own healing from things I hadn’t been willing to deal with before.
2) To spread awareness that child abuse does exist, and is a National Epidemic!
3) To make people aware that no child is safe from a person who gets their jollies off from hurting children.
4) To let people know if they see or suspect a child is being abused they have the power to help that child, but they have to get involved. They have to notify the authorities.
5) To help other survivors to heal.

QUESTION: Was this a hard story to write?
Child abuse is devastating, so yes, some parts were very hard. Many times I had to detach myself from the memories in order to continue.

QUESTION: Why didn't you use your real name in the book?
Part of this answer goes back to the previous question. In order to remove myself from the painful feelings I had to "pretend" this happened to someone else. Hence, the name Sarah became my "character's" name.
By seeing my life through Sarah's eyes, I was able to detach myself and tell what happened. Unfortunately, sometimes I think I might have lost the actual feelings that came with parts of the story, but I think my message was still relayed.

QUESTION: Do you have any regrets in writing your story for the world to see?
Absolutely not! I get messages from readers all the time thanking me for telling my story; for helping them.
Here is part of what one reader wrote: “Thank you for your wonderful therapy books. You did help. Thank you for having the courage to help others and to make some of the blame lift from my shoulders…”
I love hearing from all my readers, especially ones like this. It lets me know, for sure, I did a good thing. Although it was hard reliving my own pain, I can’t regret telling my story because it has helped others still suffering. Other survivors are finding a path toward healing their own pain; their own shame.
I feel I have nothing to regret.

QUESTION: Parts of the story appeared to come from someone older. Did you have help writing the book?
In a way, yes. Some of the story came from dreams, or haunting nightmares I couldn’t get away from, that my other personalities shared with me.
It's hard to explain, but while writing, it was as if I went into a trance-like state of mind, writing down whatever my alters were telling me to write. Since I couldn’t remember writing what was in front of me, I knew one of the others, probably Ann since she was the oldest, was helping me fill in the blanks.
Now, with that being said, if I'm wrong on this, then that means the adult writer (me) just screwed up! If this is the case, then I also have no explanation as to why I don't remember writing these parts.

QUESTION: How did you work thru your emotions during the writing process of these books?
In the beginning, and I’m talking about age eighteen through my late twenties, alcohol, alcohol and more alcohol. It didn’t help!
I also tried throwing things. I went to a lot of yard sales buying anything that wasn’t breakable. Plastic bowls, plates and glasses were my favorites! I then got a large cardboard box, completely cleared out one room in my apartment, and filled the box with all my yard sale non-breakables.
When my emotions ran wild or I felt out of control, I’d run into my cleared-out room, sit on the floor and start throwing everything, one at a time, across the room, bouncing each one off the far wall. When the box was empty, if I didn’t feel calm, I’d drag the box to the other side of the room, refill it, sit down and empty it the same as before. Sometimes I’d do this for hours at a time until I felt in control.
And this did help, but not enough for me to continue writing my story. What it did help with was getting me back into writing poetry. Many of these were lost over the years, but I found some tucked away, so I wrote From The Heart: A Collection of Poems and Stories, a book that exposes feelings never shared with another soul before writing this book.
However, it wasn’t until I started seeing a therapist that I found my “voice” again. This voice was writing. He had me write, uncensored, anything and everything that popped into my head. I wasn’t allowed to use pencil or a computer. It had to be pen and paper so I couldn’t erase or delete what I wrote.
At first I tried thinking before writing. That didn’t work!
Finally giving in, I began to write without trying to censor my words. These writings would be taken to my next therapist appointment where he’d read and we’d talk about it. It’s amazing what goes down in black and white when you aren’t trying to “control” the thoughts, and this made me really stop and think and look at my earlier life and what I was doing to help destroy my adult life. Of course, when I got sober (nearly 30 years ago now), things became a lot more clear, and I could work through my emotions instead of running from them, or pretending I didn’t care, or pretending I didn’t have feelings about anything at all, one way or the other.

QUESTION: How did you feel after the book was published, in which case you bared your soul, so to speak?
The three feelings I felt the strongest when I first held the paperback copy of Bitter Memories in my hand were: Relief. Happiness. Sorrow.
After trying to write my story for 40+ years, that’s where "relief" came in. I had finally finished it! Whew, what a relief!
I felt "happy" because I fought my demons that had been messing up my life, and I won! Although these demons came from childhood, they also carried over into my adult life. I made stupid mistakes along the way, and my judgment certainly lacked what it needed for me to make better choices in life. Many of these choices I talk about in the sequel, Drowning In Memories.
But the strongest feeling I felt was "sorrow." I had to accept so many things from my background that no child (or adult) wants to accept.
From childhood to my adult life, about 35 years worth, it sucked. I had to accept my life for what it was and for what it had been, and that wasn’t easy to do.
I’d always wondered what a normal life would’ve been like; what would I have been like if I’d had a normal life. I really had to work at accepting the fact that I’d never know normal. My life had been anything but “normal,” and even though it wasn’t a good life in many ways, I had to accept that fact and move forward.
To move forward meant I had to forgive. Again sorrow played a role when I realized if I’d forgiven certain people years ago, and if I’d sought out professional help sooner, my life could have been better sooner. It took years to accept that I could forgive, but that didn’t mean I had to forget.
I had to let go of the so-called father I wanted to remember as being nice, but in doing so, I had to accept Daddy for what he was — a liar, a con, a thief, a murderer, and a pedophile.
I had to forgive my mother for committing suicide and leaving me after she promised she would never let me out of her sight. I had to try to understand what she felt all those years I was missing. I had to accept I’d never get to know this nice woman who was my mother. A woman who loved me so much her pain was unbearable. I had to accept she turned to alcohol to drown her own grief; accept she had a sickness that destroyed what could have been.
I can’t say I ever accomplished feeling what she felt, but I think I came close, several times.
I felt extreme sorrow for what was; sorrow for what could have been, sorrow for what never was.

QUESTION: Out of the series you've written, which book is your favorite? Why?
Cutter’s Revenge is still my favorite, because I get a pound of “revenge” without anyone really getting hurt — in real life, that is — there is plenty of hurt going on in the book!
I also like it best because my readers get some revenge of their own from all the feelings aroused from reading the other books.
This was a fun book to write, and along the way I learned I definitely have a dark side I didn’t know about, keeping the reader on the edge of the chair.
One reader (and top reviewer on Amazon) gave the book 5-stars, describing Cutter’s Revenge as having “more twists and turns than a snake on Prozac.” I love this description. It fits so well.

This concludes tonight’s questions and answers. There are still plenty to answer, and I will continue answering as long as there are reader questions coming in.

If you haven’t submitted your questions yet, please do so by going to my website and filling out the Contact the Author form.

Everyone who submits questions will have a chance to win one of 4 audio copies of Bitter Memories to keep for yourself or gift as a gift, that will be given away sometime in August.

Remember, don't be shy! No names will be included. Head on over to the website and submit your question, or questions.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Although I am willing to answer all questions asked, I have received many I can't answer because to do so would spoil one of the other books for you and other readers.
If this is the case, I will refer you to the book that answers those questions. However, you will still be entered to win an audio book for submitting.

Tonight’s questions come from five of the books. Here is a short description of each one:

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is the true story of my early life after being kidnapped by my father. Starting at age three, my life was filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate. I lived a life on the run, starving, abused and terrified.
This book contains strong adult language and explicit sexual content!

Drowning In Memories continues my story in two parts: Bitter Tasting Memories, part one; After Midnight, part two, dedicated to my big brother, and a bonus short story, One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship.
Some of the dialog has been recreated from memory, and some recreated using known characteristics and actions of the person being quoted, however, the stories contained here are as close to the truth as I know them to be.

Trophy Murders contains parts based on the true story as I continue my life after going to live with my uncle, the cop, and his heavy-handed wife. Mixing in an action-packed crime story about a sadistic gang of killers, I struggle with nightmares from the past while my uncle struggles to keep his own secrets hidden. Written for my fiction fans, parts of this book are similar in Drowning In Memories, but definitely worth reading.

Cutter’s Revenge, based on the true story, is a realistic fictional account that continues my life the way I “wanted it to be” to have a happy ending after a life of tragedy, bringing an exciting close to the Bitter Memories series. Several of the same characters will still be around—but there may be a big surprise in store. One of the main characters is going to…. Sorry, you’ll have to read the book to find out! A true psychological thriller. Enter Cutter’s sadistic world…

One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship is a short story about a young man who helped get my life on track, bringing me back from a never-ending abyss of pain and sorrow. One In A Million is about friendship and love between two friends helping each other deal with our spirals of emotions, good and bad. This is the same story included as a bonus in Drowning In Memories!

QUESTION: Why did you write the book? [Bitter Memories]
I suffered extreme child abuse and it took me many years to recover. I knew the feelings I'd kept hidden over the years, and I knew others who were abused would have the same fears. I wrote my story to help other abuse survivors to have the courage to accept what happened to them and to learn they too could heal from their pain, but also to further my own healing.

QUESTION: Do you think the world is still uneducated about physical, mental and sexual abuse?
Absolutely! I’ve noticed five basic types of people on this issue.
1) The first group knows abuse exists and they do what they can to help bring an end to abuse. These are usually people who have been abused themselves or know of someone who has, or people who have read and learned from others about abuse.
2) This group will not admit or accept abuse happens or exists at all. I call these the ostrich people. They’d rather bury their head in the sand than get involved, or learn. Not much hope here for educating, but I still try.
3) This group knows abuse is out there, but they believe it can’t happen to them or to anyone they know because they are “good” people. They believe abuse only happens in “bad” families or to “bad” people. There’s still hope for these people to be educated.
4) This group believes the person injured “asked” for it, or “caused” it to happen. On this I’m not talking child abuse, but other forms of abuse: spousal abuse, rape, etc.
As an example, just a couple of things I’ve heard people (men and women) from this group say are: “She asked for it! If she’d kept her mouth shut and did what he told her to do, he wouldn’t have beaten her up.” Or, “She asked for it! Look at the way she’s dressed.”
No one, and I do mean NO ONE asks to be beaten up or raped!
Probably not all, but the majority of this group are downright ignorant about abuse and nothing or no one will change their way of thinking.
Many of these are also abusers themselves in one form or another. They may say, “I was abused by my father…” SO WHAT!? Being abused does not give the right to abuse another! You’d think someone who had been abused would not want to hurt anyone else, but, as we all know, that’s not the case. Honestly, I hold little to no hope for educating this group.
5) And then there’s the ones like my family. This group knows about the abuse happening, sometimes right under their own roof, but they choose to sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened. These people are similar to the ostrich group, because they want to look the other way and pretend if they don’t talk about it, it never happened. Usually, one or more in the family are alcoholics.
This is definitely the dysfunctional group, or family.
As we, the abused, break away from this way of life, we carry the power to educate anyone who will listen. Anyone who cares to learn; anyone who wants to change their way of thinking about abuse, can do so and move into the first group of people I described above.

QUESTION: Do you think there will ever be a change in the awareness of child abuse?
As long as people continue to talk about, write about, and share information with others, then yes, change in awareness will happen. With survivors like me continuing to come forward and share what happened, and of course, readers to help us spread the word, awareness will increase. Every time someone reads one of my books, or the hundreds of other books on abuse, this brings us one step closer to putting an end to child abuse.
But there’s still a long way to go.
As it is now: Almost five children die everyday from abuse in the United States. Three million abuse reports are made every year for physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, as well as neglect.
And, it’s estimated almost TEN million cases are never reported.

QUESTION: Do you think people who have been abused can make a full recovery and live a normal life, and if so, how do you start?
First off, you’re asking the wrong person about a “normal” life. I have no idea what “normal” is or should be. My life was as far from normal as it could get. I have my own ideas what I think a “normal” or a “perfect” life should be like, but without any firsthand knowledge of this, I really don’t know, and I don’t feel qualified to talk about “normal.”
However, I do believe anyone who truly wants to heal from their abuse can do so. It takes a lot of patience, and even more hard work on their part, but they can recover and live a happy life.
No matter how abuse is delivered — whether it’s physically, sexually or emotionally — it leaves a lasting impression on the victim and those around them. Scars of child abuse runs deep, and these scars will always be there.
The good news is, during the recovery processes, the scars eventually get buried deeper and deeper, until they become buried so deep they no longer have the power to prevent a survivor from living a happy, fulfilling life.
Start by learning all you can about abuse and the dysfunctional family.
Write a letter to the “child” who suffered the abuse, write a letter to the abuser, and then write a letter to yourself, the adult. These steps can do wonders toward healing. Writing about the abuse, writing with pen and paper whatever pops into your head, uncensored, of course, forces you to look at what happened in black and white, and ultimately accept, and even forgive, what happened. This is the best way I know of to work though the trauma of child abuse.
In cases of extreme child abuse, such as mine, all the hard work in the world might not be enough. I don’t think a child suffering from extreme abuse can recover completely without professional help. If you aren’t moving forward, seek out that help and recovery will come.
Still, extreme or not, the bottom line is that the person has to want to heal. They have to want to get off their pity-pot, accept the fact they were abused and nothing is going to change that. They have to change their vocabulary and their way of thinking about the abuse and stop saying they’re a victim. They are survivors! They are not a victim any longer! If a person truly wants to move forward and seek a better life for themselves — Change the vocabulary! Change the way of thinking! — and nothing will stand in the way of achieving that goal.
For more on understanding the dysfunctional family and the roles played by those family members I suggest you read the books by John Bradshaw. There’s a multitude of information to help.

QUESTION: (The Series) Did writing these books help you to heal?
Before writing Bitter Memories, I felt stuck. I was taking ten steps backwards to every one step forward. Writing has always been helpful for me, but it wasn’t until I found a wonderful psychologist who told me to write, uncensored, did I start moving forward.
By writing this way, I was forced to look at my life for what it had been, but also it forced me to look at the direction I was going. I didn’t like what I saw. I realized I really did have a death wish, believing I had to end up just like my mother, committing suicide, one way or the other. I looked for my answers at the bottom of a bottle of tequila. I never was on a pity-pot, because I didn’t talk about my abuse at all, but my life sucked, big time! Wrong decisions, constantly, brought me so much grief. Lack of good judgment got me into places I didn’t want to be, and once there I didn’t know how to get out.
I won’t go into detail here, but you can find out more about my decisions and lack of judgment in Drowning In Memories, but yes, writing Bitter Memories, then continuing with the other books in the series, helped me to heal and to leave my past behind, where it belonged.
Trophy Murders, by adding the fictional serial killers, helped by giving me (and my readers) a break from the 100% truth, while Cutter’s Revenge put total closure on my personal healing. Cutter gave me a way to “safely” get my revenge, giving not only me, but my readers, great satisfaction.

QUESTION: Did you end up having any kids of your own?
This answer, and a lot more about it, I talk about in Drowning In Memories, so I’m not going into great detail here, but no, I never had kids of my own. From the sexual abuse at such a young age, my insides were a mess and the scarring was the worst my doctor had ever seen, making it impossible to get pregnant.

QUESTION: (One In A Million) How many times before you found David, did you try to harm yourself?
Simple answer: Most every day of my life, until I got clean and sober.
My first attempt at actual suicide was when I was eighteen, after I left home. There were five other attempts before meeting David.
The last attempt almost worked. Found unconscious, taken to the hospital by ambulance, while pumping my stomach, I came to just for a few moments, just in time to hear the doctor saying, “She was lucky this time. Another five minutes, she would have died.”

QUESTION: (One In A Million) Have you, and how did you get past your friend’s passing?
I have gotten over David’s death, as much as anyone can after losing someone special in their lives. I think I got past it by choosing to remember the good times we had together. I remember the twinkle in his eyes, his warm smile, his laughter, and the love in his heart for people he cared about. If I allow it, I can still picture him in the hospital, death hovering, but I chose not to dwell on this. When I do think of the last few days with him, again I concentrate on the good times, knowing one day I will see him again, and when I do, he won’t be sick. I look forward to being reunited with my dear friend, but not just yet.

This brings us to the end of tonight’s questions and answers. I will be answering more in Sunday’s blog.

If you haven’t submitted your questions yet, please do so by going to my website and filling out the Contact the Author form.

Everyone who submits questions will have a chance to win one of 4 audio copies of Bitter Memories to keep for yourself or give as a gift, that will be given away sometime in August.

Remember, don't be shy. Your name and/or email address will not be published or sold! Head on over to the website and submit your questions. While there, check out all my books.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Although I am willing to answer all questions asked, I have received many I can't answer because to do so would spoil one of the other books for you and other readers.
If this is the case, I will refer you to the book that answers those questions. However, you will still be entered to win an audio book for submitting.