Sue Julsen's Blog - Posts Tagged "dissociation"
News + What I've Been Up To Lately
The book that started me on this path is Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival. Below is the back cover copy for the paperback with Taylor Street. Although we used my real name here, in the series my name is still Sarah.
When Sue Julsen was two, her father attempted to run away with her but was stopped before he reached the city limits. A year later Sue was not so lucky. Her father had spent that intervening year biding his time, lulling the family into a false sense of security, so that when he abducted Sue again he would get clean away. And he did.
It turned out to be, for Sue, the start of a six year road trip from hell during which she was subjected to unremitting exploitation, starvation and abuse so severe that she constantly had to disassociate herself mentally from it to survive.
And beyond the overwhelming heartbreak and terror, there was a nagging question. Sue’s father would regularly hook up with waitresses in diners and they would stay a few days with them. But why then, each time, did he end up trashing the place and refusing to let Sue say goodbye to them. Were these waitresses really sleeping, as he would insist, or was something more sinister happening?
Disclaimer:
The names in this account have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty, as has the locale, but the events described in ‘Bitter Memories’ did indeed take place as best Sue Julsen can remember them as a very small child hurled into a maelstrom no child should ever have to face.
What I've Been Up To Lately
I am currently working on a "new" second in the series that will be true events, titled Drowning In Memories that continues my story after Bitter Memories, filling in a lot that was left out before. This book will be out later this year.
NOTE: Trophy Murders and Cutter's Revenge are the current books in the Bitter Memories series, written part fiction/part truth. Cutter's story turns a tragedy into the way I wanted my life to be, and is an exciting read!
All my current books can be found on my website: http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
Visit my Facebook author/fan pages, and please click "like" while you're there:
https://www.facebook.com/sue.julsen2
https://www.facebook.com/BitterMemori...
https://www.facebook.com/TMTrilogyBook2
https://www.facebook.com/CuttersRevenge
BITTER MEMORIES
BITTER MEMORIES: A MEMOIR OF HEARTACHE & SURVIVAL When Sue Julsen was two, her father attempted to run away with her but was stopped before he reached the city limits. A year later Sue was not so lucky. Her father had spent that intervening year biding his time, lulling the family into a false sense of security, so that when he abducted Sue again he would get clean away. And he did.
It turned out to be, for Sue, the start of a six year road trip from hell during which she was subjected to unremitting exploitation, starvation and abuse so severe that she constantly had to disassociate herself mentally from it to survive.
And beyond the overwhelming heartbreak and terror, there was a nagging question. Sue’s father would regularly hook up with waitresses in diners and they would stay a few days with them. But why then, each time, did he end up trashing the place and refusing to let Sue say goodbye to them. Were these waitresses really sleeping, as he would insist, or was something more sinister happening?
Disclaimer:
The names in this account have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty, as has the locale, but the events described in ‘Bitter Memories’ did indeed take place as best Sue Julsen can remember them as a very small child hurled into a maelstrom no child should ever have to face.
ADULT LANGUAGE, GRAPHIC CONTENT
This is the first in the series. Although I'm using my real name in the above description, my name in the book is Sarah.
Please visit my website to learn about the rest of the books. Thanks!
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
Visit my Facebook author/fan pages, and please click "like" while you're there:
https://www.facebook.com/sue.julsen2
https://www.facebook.com/BitterMemori...
https://www.facebook.com/TMTrilogyBook2
https://www.facebook.com/CuttersRevenge
A Story For All Ages
The Rose: A Tale of Fantasy is a story of a young girl and the animals she loves.
Hollymae talks to animals, but she also has special powers that she isn't even aware of yet. Soarbrae is her faithful companion, also with special powers, and Soarwell is Soarbrae's mother who has been dead for five years, brought back to life, to assist Hollymae and the animals of the forest in her quest.
The Rose, a book for kids of all ages, is a story of magic with many special animals to bring happiness to your heart.
Check out The Rose, plus my other books, on my website:
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
DROWNING IN MEMORIES
Trophy Murders, based on the true story, continues where Bitter Memories left off after I went to live with my uncle (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. A life I wouldn’t wish on any kid! The fictional crimes delve into my vivid imagination to deliver an action-packed story about a gang of serial killers that my uncle has to catch and bring to justice.
Cutter’s Revenge is the story I wrote for my fans to give them a "pound of revenge" for all the feelings invoked while reading Bitter Memories. By turning tragedy into a fantastic, exciting read, this book was fun to write while providing me the perfect opportunity to get my own revenge against a few who made my life hell. With enough suspense to get the heart racing, my imagination runs as rampant as the stalking killer who brings terror around every turn! For your own "pound of revenge," enter Cutter’s Sadistic World...
The Rose: A Tale of Fantasy is a heartwarming story for all ages. The first in this series introduces Hollymae, a girl with a "special gift" and powers she isn't even aware of yet. When she learns the animals she loves so dearly are in danger, with her faithful companions by her side, somehow, Hollymae must save the animals of the forest from sure death.
From The Heart: A Collection of Poems and Stories, is a book written from low points in my life while searching for peace. Exposing feelings never shared before, I include short stories about what inspired each poem. Truly written “from the heart,” this book is non-fiction. To hear my written words spoken by Beth MacEwan who narrated is totally awesome! I highly recommend the audio version for a breathtaking experience.
DROWNING IN MEMORIES is the title of my next book. It will be out soon in paperback!
To learn more about my first five books, please visit my website.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen





You can also visit my Facebook fan pages, and please click "like" while there:
https://www.facebook.com/sue.julsen2
https://www.facebook.com/BitterMemori...
https://www.facebook.com/TMTrilogyBook2
https://www.facebook.com/CuttersRevenge
Woman Of Purpose Spotlight
I had the honor of being "in the spotlight" this week on Winsome-Campbell Green's blog: Women, Beauty, Purpose And Empowerment (WBPE). This is what was said (with the "Bio" moved to the bottom):
I am the author of the bestselling Bitter Memories series, but there is nothing sensational about my story. Any child who has suffered at the hands of another will know this. My abuse was extreme, but it doesn’t take extreme to mess up a kid. Society tries to sweep child abuse under the rug. Society doesn’t want to admit that children are hurt in those ways, usually by a person claiming to love them.
Any way you want to look at it: child abuse is still abuse. Whether that abuse is physical, mental and/or sexual, the feelings are the same. The hurt is the same. The child thinks what happened was their fault. They think they are “bad” and that’s why those things happened. They are told not to tell anyone about those things that were done to them. They are sometimes told that no one will believe them, or that their abuser will hurt a sibling, a mother, or someone else in the family. There are so many different ways an abuser keeps the child quiet. An abuser will say and do anything necessary to ensure their acts are never revealed.
But, the child is innocent! The child is the victim! The child is too afraid to tell anyone! It’s people like me, and so many more who have found the courage, usually long after the abuse happened, that they can tell their story of abuse.
Of course, no one likes to hear about a child being abused, but people, it happens! Every single day a child abuser strikes, and another innocent child has to suffer! By telling my story, and by all the other survivors of child abuse telling their story, can this epidemic be stopped!
Please! Don’t be one of those who buries your head in the sand. Don’t sweep child abuse under the rug. Read our stories. Feel our pain, our sorrow with us as you read. Then, step up and help us spread the word that child abuse does exist. Step up by telling others about our stories. We need more and more people to care! We need more and more people to help us put an end to the abuse. Our children depend on all the good people in the world to help them.
Child abuse, neglect and/or abduction are national epidemics. Sweeping it under the rug, or choosing to believe it doesn’t happen, won’t make it go away, nor does it change statistics: (1) Almost five children die daily from abuse in the United States. (2) Three million abuse reports—physical, emotional, sexual and/or neglect—are made every year. (3) It’s estimated nearly 10 million cases will go unreported. (4) It’s estimated 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse live in America today. (5) Girls are three times more likely to be sexually abused than boys, however, boys have a greater risk of emotional neglect and serious injury than girls.
MY PERSONAL STORY:
Starting at age three, my life was filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse—a life no child should ever experience. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate. I lived a life on the run, starving, abused and terrified.
My first book that started the series, Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival, took 40-plus years to complete. Each time I sat down to write, the memories became overwhelming and I couldn’t continue. For years I lived a life of hurt and overwhelming sorrow. Deep down I always knew I needed to tell what happened. I needed to admit I was a survivor of child abuse. I needed to find a path toward healing my shame. Yes, shame. I blamed myself for what happened. I felt ashamed and dirty. I felt I was a “bad” kid and that’s why Daddy, his brother and so many more did those things to me. The things he did to me…things he allowed others to do to me, were unforgivable. Although unnerving, Bitter Memories is a gripping account of the extremes a child can undergo—and survive. Written from the heart, taking on a life of its own, I relived those memories of heartache, sadness, extreme hunger, and intense fear in hopes of helping other adult survivors find a path toward healing their “hidden” scars. My story deals with explosive topics that former child victims of mental, physical, and sexual violence will understand.
MY BOOKS:
1) Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival (non-fiction) is written like a novel for easy reading as I begin the true story of my life after being kidnapped by my father. NOTE: Bitter Memories is not a cozy, feel-good book. It is a true story of extreme and horrific child abuse and the will to survive.
2) Trophy Murders (creative non-fiction/crime fiction) mixes fiction with truth for an action-packed crime story as I take you further on the journey of true events after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. A life I wouldn’t wish on any kid.
3) Cutter's Revenge (psychological thriller/crime fiction) mixes about five percent truth with a lot of suspenseful fiction. However, anyone who’s read the other two books will know truth from fiction instantly.
4)From The Heart: A Collection of Poems and Stories (non-fiction) is a collection of fifteen inspirational poems from events in my life. It also includes short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. Starting with a little background, then moving into my first poem written at age nine after the death of my mother, I expose feelings I never shared with anyone before now.
5)The Rose: A Tale of Fantasy (fantasy) is a heartwarming story of a young girl and the animals she loves. Hollymae talks to animals, but she also has special powers that she isn't even aware of yet. Soarbrae is her faithful companion, also with special powers, and Soarwell is Soarbrae's mother who has been dead for five years, brought back to life, to assist Hollymae and the animals of the forest in her quest.
The Rose, a book for kids of all ages, is a story of magic with many special animals to bring happiness to your heart. NOTE: The Rose is a very special book for me because I used many of the same names from the sci-fi I started writing as a kid. The same sci-fi my aunt found hidden in my closet, called it garbage, a waste of time and paper, and then tore it up in front of me. She didn’t bother to read it! But, here, using their names, those special characters live again!
VISIT MY WEBSITE FOR ALL MY BOOKS, WITH LINKS TO AMAZON
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
AUTHOR/FAN PAGES ON FACEBOOK
http://www.facebook.com/sue.julsen2
http://www.facebook.com/BitterMemorie...
http://www.facebook.com/TMTrilogyBook2
http://www.facebook.com/CuttersRevenge
This is the link to Winsome's page. Check it out for other women "in the spotlight."
http://womenbeautypurposeandempowerme...
LINK TO MY BLOG
http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/...
BIO:
Sue Julsen was born in Dallas, Texas. Kidnapped when she was three years old, she began her writing career as a means of escape from the emotional scars and repetitive nightmares from her childhood.
She started her first book, a sci-fi, in grade school. She only had one more chapter to write when her aunt found the manuscript hidden in the closet. Without reading it, she called it garbage, a waste of time and paper, then forced Sue to watch as she tore it up and threw it in the trash.
Giving up writing until she had left home at 18, Sue started writing poetry, then wrote her first book, a memoir about her life after the kidnapping. Not stopping there, she wrote two other books in this series, and a book of poetry that exposes feelings never shared before.
She is currently working on a series of short stories, and has another memoir planned that will continue her story. Today she lives in Nevada with her husband, two dogs, a cat and a bird. She enjoys the outdoors, reading and writing.
Visit her website for more on her books. http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
ACTION - SUSPENSE - AND MORE!
Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival (non-fiction) is the true story of my life after being kidnapped by my father, then living a life on the run, hungry, abused and terrified ... so terrified that I split into multiple personalities … a truly unforgettable, unnerving story of extreme child abuse and my fight to survive…
NOTE: Bitter Memories is NOT a cozy, feel-good book. It's a true story of extreme child abuse and my struggle to survive. It contains adult language and heartbreaking, graphic content, but it was my life.
Trophy Murders (creative non-fiction/crime fiction) mixes fiction with truth for an action-packed crime story as I take you further on the journey of true events after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. A life I wouldn’t wish on any kid … Problems at school, continued nightmares from my past, and a narrow-minded, bigoted Olivia, brings me to a dangerous low in my life … After a gang moves into town and a murdering spree begins, Police Chief Henry Frye (my uncle) is asking himself how many must die before he catches the ones responsible for turning our quiet, peaceful town into a place of terror … Still trying to hide his own secrets and lies, Uncle Henry is afraid if I find out the truth it will destroy me ...
Cutter's Revenge (psychological thriller/crime fiction) mixes about five percent truth with fiction. However, anyone who’s read the other two books will know truth from fiction instantly. Using many of the same characters I bring you another serial killer, maybe more ruthless than the gang of killers. As he stalks our little town, I continue my story after my adoption, leaning toward the way my life could have been IF .… turning tragedy into a fantastic and exciting read! This book was fun to write while it provided me with the perfect opportunity to get “revenge” against a few who made my life hell. With a ton of suspense to get the heart racing, my imagination runs as rampant as the stalking serial killer bringing terror around every turn! Although pure fiction on the revenge it does make for a pulse-pounding, sit-on-the-edge-of-the-chair thriller. If you want a bit of revenge right along with me ... Enter Cutter's World ...
Trophy Murders and Cutter's Revenge are loaded with action, suspense, drama, secrets, a love story, and so much more. And, my fictional crimes are a bit twisted and sadistic. I hope you’ll enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing these two books.
From The Heart (non-fiction) is a collection of fifteen poems from events in my life including short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. Starting with my first poem written at age nine after the death of my mother, I expose feelings never shared before … Also available in audio with Beth MacEwan narrating, From The Heart is not only inspirational but truly awesome hearing my words spoken. Beth did an amazing job bringing life to each poem and story.
The Rose: A Tale of Fantasy introduces Hollymae, a young girl with a "special gift," who must save the animals of the forest from a band of men coming to harm them. She doesn't know the full strength of her powers, or the many powers that hasn't even surfaced yet, but with her faithful companions beside her, Hollymae begins her quest...
The Rose is a story for kids of all ages with many special animals (and magic) to bring happiness to your heart. This is the first in the "fantasy" series.
Visit my website for more information on the books, and links to amazon to order:
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
Visit my Facebook author/fan pages, and please click "like" while you're there:
https://www.facebook.com/sue.julsen2
https://www.facebook.com/BitterMemori...
https://www.facebook.com/TMTrilogyBook2
https://www.facebook.com/CuttersRevenge
One In A Million - New Book on Kindle
My new book, similar to a memoir, just came out today on Kindle. Please check it out!
One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship is a story about an amazing man who changed the direction my life was heading, and brought me back from a never-ending abyss.
After I'd attempted suicide, I met David, another patient on the psych ward suffering from deep depression. He'd been admitted on a suicide prevention watch. However, holding a heartbreaking secret, David had a good reason to be depressed.
Becoming instant friends, David shared his secret with me. Leaving the hospital, he began to show me life through his eyes. With his demons controlled, this young man loved life and saw beauty in everything around him.
David only wanted to be there for his friends and to help others.
But, no one could help David. No one could change what was to come for my dear friend.
One In A Million is a true story of friendship and love between two friends helping each other deal with spirals of emotions, good and bad.
David truly was One In A Million.
Please visit my website to learn about all my books below.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
DROWNING IN MEMORIES, THE SEQUEL
HERE IT IS! The e-book you've been waiting for -- the true sequel to Bitter Memories -- is now available!
Learn about my amazing brother in this sequel, and a lot more!
Find it at the bottom of the "The Series" page on my website.
Enjoy!!
Drowning In Memories continues the true story from Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival. Told in two parts: Bitter Tasting Memories, part one; After Midnight, part two (dedicated to my big brother), and a bonus short story, One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship.
Some of the dialog has been recreated from memory, and some recreated using known characteristics and actions of the person being quoted, but the stories contained here are as close to the truth as I know them to be.
The first in the series tells of my life after being kidnapped by my father (I was only 3 years old) then, for 6 long years I lived a life on the run, abused and terrified. A tear-jerker story. Adult language and graphic content!
The last in the series, based on the true story, tells this part of my story the way I wanted it to be. Complete with a sadistic serial killer I get my revenge! Enter Cutter's sadistic world -- IF you dare!
Also based on the true story, this is the realistic fictional sequel to Bitter Memories. NOTE: The demise of my father "could have" happened this way.
Fifteen poems from different times in my life while searching for peace. In this book I share feelings never shared with a soul until this book, including short stories that inspired each poem.
A cute fantasy, complete with talking animals that try to help their "Queen of the Forest" in her quest when they learn of danger coming to the city and to the forest.
A heartwarming story about a wonderful man who helped change my life while helping me find my way back from a never-ending abyss after my suicide attempt. An awesome story of friendship.
Please visit my website to learn more about my books.
Website Updated - Check out what's new!

I was only three years old.
Now living a life on the run, hungry, terrified and abused, Sarah (my name in the book) doesn't know if I'll ever see my mother or my home again.
As the abuse escalates, Sarah splits into multiple personalities in order to survive.
Although the names in this unforgettable story have been changed to protect the innocent, and the guilty, the events are factual.
Bitter Memories is a heartfelt journey into the world of extreme child abuse, but also the will to survive.
This book is dedicated to all abuse survivors, and is written in hopes that exposing these horrors will help prevent them from happening to others.
Explicit and unnerving, Bitter Memories is not a cozy, feel-good book. It does contain adult language and overt sexual content.
Drowning In Memories is the story my fans have waited for.
With a bonus story at the end, this book is written in two parts.
Part One continues the true story after going to live with my uncle, the cop, and his heavy-handed wife, then moving on to after l left home.
Part Two I talk about many times in my life. I tell about my mother's sister, who I ended up living with and running away from, and of a time I literally ran from an abusive husband with nothing but my Siamese cat and what clothes I could fit into a paper sack, finding I was happier than I'd ever been in my life. I also talk about my big brother who I'd never met in book one.
Included is the bonus story, a very special tribute about a wonderful man who brought me back from a never-ending abyss after my suicide attempt, giving me hope to go on. This man changed the direction of my life.
Cutter's Revenge, the last in the series, is very little truth mixed with crime fiction to complete the series in a way that I wanted my story to end by getting my pound of revenge for some who hurt me.
A man believing he has amnesia walks the streets trying to remember who he is; where he came from, when in reality he suffers from a personality disorder.
Henry Frye is at his wits end after numerous men and women vanish from small area towns, then one of his own officers turns up missing.
He doesn't know a serial killer will soon be stalking his own backyard.
Determined to find out all she can about the missing people, Henry's dispatcher uncovers an old Army report with a picture showing frightening, sadistic eyes of a Stan Clark, later nicknamed "Cutter" by the Army.
When a car fitting Clark's vehicle is spotted on the highway, and he makes a run for it, officers from area towns join the chase, pursuing the suspect to a house on a hill.
Once inside the house, the officers stumble upon a delusional maniac in the basement, and a gruesome sight upstairs. Pure evil lives here!
Before years of lies from the past can destroy him, Henry opens his heart and soul, praying Sarah can forgive him when she hears the truth.
And, for my fiction fans, this book is for you!
Trophy Murders, based on the true story, is the realistic fiction sequel that continues Sarah's story from Bitter Memories, mixing some truth with an exciting crime story.
Munday, Texas: Small town. Peaceful. Quiet. The perfect place to raise a family—or is it?
Henry Frye, the new police chief, is asking himself this question after a gang moves into town and a murdering spree begins.
How many of his townsfolk must die before he catches the ones responsible for turning his town into a place of terror?
Sarah's repeated nightmares
takes Henry to the prison to talk to her father. Henry wants answers, but will Eli tell him the truth? When Jake Miller, Henry's ex-captain and friend, shows up, unannounced, Henry knows something is terribly wrong.
He's been waiting all day for an overdue call from Mona, his mistress; the love of his life. Has something happened to her? What does Jake know?
Things heat up after a fiery car crash leaves one gang member hanging onto life. Can Henry find out all he needs to know before the man dies?
Henry and Officer Holloway enter the gang's house where they find more bodies, a gruesome sight in the kitchen, and a "shrine" that unnerves Henry.
This completes the Bitter Memories series, but please visit my website to learn about my other books.
http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen
Also, please visit my Facebook author/fan pages, and click "like" while you're there:
https://www.facebook.com/sue.julsen2
https://www.facebook.com/BitterMemori...
https://www.facebook.com/TMTrilogyBook2
https://www.facebook.com/CuttersRevenge
NOT ALL MEMORIES ARE BAD

Available in Paperback, E-Book and in Audio with Roni Gallimore narrating.
Drowning In Memories continues the true story from Bitter Memories that includes many memories that were not all bad. Told in two parts: Bitter Tasting Memories, part one; After Midnight, part two (dedicated to my big brother), and a bonus short story, One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship.
Some of the dialog has been recreated from memory, and some recreated using known characteristics and actions of the person being quoted, but the stories contained here are as close to the truth as I know them to be.
Available in E-Book. Paperback coming late 2013.
Trophy Murders, written for my fiction fans, delves into my vivid “where did that come from” imagination to deliver an action-packed crime story. Here, mixing truth with fiction, I continue the journey after going to live with Uncle Henry (the cop) and his heavy-handed wife, Olivia. A life I wouldn’t wish on any kid.
Available in Paperback and E-Book.
Cutter's Revenge continues my story after my adoption, again mixing truth with fiction, but anyone who’s read the other books will know instantly what’s true and what isn’t in this story. While another fictionalized serial killer stalks our little town, I write my story the way it could have been if...turning tragedy into a fantastic, exciting read! Cutter’s Revenge is unrelentingly suspenseful. ENTER CUTTER'S WORLD -- IF YOU DARE!
Available in E-Book. Paperback coming later this year.
Trophy Murders and Cutter’s Revenge are both filled with action, suspense, drama, secrets, a love story, and more. The language is toned down, the abuse is not nearly as intense or as often, and my fictional crimes are a bit twisted and sadistic, but all this makes an exciting, sit-on-the-edge-of-the-chair read!
From The Heart is a collection of fifteen poems written from various events in my life. Included are short stories that inspired the writing of each poem. This book is also available in audio with Beth MacEwan narrating. Beth did an amazing job bringing life to each poem and story. The audio version is totally awesome!
Available in E-Book and Audio only.
The Rose: A Tale of Fantasy is a heartwarming story for all ages, and the perfect story for the inner child. Hollymae is a girl with a "special gift" and powers she isn't even aware of yet. When she learns the animals of the forest that she loves so dearly are in danger, with her faithful companions by her side, somehow, Hollymae must save the animals from sure death. I hope you’ll enjoy The Rose as much as I enjoyed writing the story.
Available in E-Book. Audio coming later this year.
One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship is about an amazing man who changed the direction my life was heading and brought me back from a never-ending abyss.
After I'd attempted suicide, I met David, another patient on the psych ward suffering from deep depression. He'd been admitted on a suicide prevention watch. However, holding a heartbreaking secret, David had a good reason to be depressed.
Becoming instant friends, David shared his secret with me, and after leaving the hospital, he began to show me life through his eyes. With his demons controlled, this young man loved life and saw beauty in everything around him.
David only wanted to be there for his friends and to help others, but no one could help David. No one could change what was to come for my dear friend.
One In A Million is a true story of friendship and love between two friends helping each other deal with spirals of emotions, good and bad.
David truly was One In A Million.
Available in E-Book and also the bonus story included in Drowning In Memories.