Sue Julsen's Blog - Posts Tagged "reader-questions-answered"

In case you missed it:

Almost daily I get emails from readers with questions about something in my books. If you've read my story, here's your chance to ask any questions you'd like answered. I promise you an honest answer (like it or not) to anything asked that will not spoil one of the other books. I am getting tons of questions I cannot answer because the answers are in the sequel, Drowning In Memories.

Don't be shy! No names will be included in the blog post!!!

Go to the contact page on my website, fill out Contact the Author form and send me your questions.

Please include the title from which book (or books) your question is concerning. Yes, you can submit as many questions as you'd like answers to. I am, after all, an open book. :)

Website link: http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Since last nights post, questions are coming in and I will be answering a few each blog post. Usually on Sunday and Wednesday.

Submit your questions for a chance to win one of 4 copies of the audio version of Bitter Memories to be given away sometime next month.

Here's one of the most asked questions to help get you started.

QUESTION: Why didn't you tell your story sooner?

The simple answer: I was afraid. I thought people would think I was crazy and they would ridicule or judge me. Even today this is a concern. I do have people who judge me all the time. However, these people have never been abused, and some, from their questions or comments, wouldn't know abuse if it slapped them in the face.

The more complex answer: The pain from the memories were overwhelming. I had to deal with my demons and the scars from extreme abuse before I could finish the book. I go into more detail on this part in my next book that will be out late this year or early next year.

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival: Starting at age three, my life was filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse—a life no child should ever experience. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate. I lived a life on the run, starving, abused and terrified.

Here are some of the questions received from my readers. If you do not see your question listed, there will be more answered in my Wednesday night blog.

QUESTION: When did you start writing Bitter Memories?
I started Bitter Memories after I left home at age 18, but it was 44 years before I could finish it.

QUESTION: Why did it take so long?
The pain from those memories prevented me from writing for days, months, sometimes years at a time. I had to deal with the scars left from the abuse before I could continue to admit to, and tell, what happened to me.

QUESTION: Did all this really happen, or were you just writing a sad story?
If you had been abused, you would not ask this question, but yes, Bitter Memories is true. It all happened. By the way, Drowning In Memories, From The Heart, and One In A Million are also all true.

QUESTION: By writing these books and telling your story, what did you wish to accomplish?
There were several things I hoped to accomplish, but the 5 main things that gave me the courage to continue writing for the world were:
1) To finish my own healing from things I hadn’t been willing to deal with before.
2) To spread awareness that child abuse does exist, and is a National Epidemic!
3) To make people aware that no child is safe from a person who gets their jollies off from hurting children.
4) To let people know if they see or suspect a child is being abused they have the power to help that child, but they have to get involved. They have to notify the authorities.
5) To help other survivors to heal.

QUESTION: Was this a hard story to write?
Child abuse is devastating, so yes, some parts were very hard. Many times I had to detach myself from the memories in order to continue.

QUESTION: Why didn't you use your real name in the book?
Part of this answer goes back to the previous question. In order to remove myself from the painful feelings I had to "pretend" this happened to someone else. Hence, the name Sarah became my "character's" name.
By seeing my life through Sarah's eyes, I was able to detach myself and tell what happened. Unfortunately, sometimes I think I might have lost the actual feelings that came with parts of the story, but I think my message was still relayed.

QUESTION: Do you have any regrets in writing your story for the world to see?
Absolutely not! I get messages from readers all the time thanking me for telling my story; for helping them.
Here is part of what one reader wrote: “Thank you for your wonderful therapy books. You did help. Thank you for having the courage to help others and to make some of the blame lift from my shoulders…”
I love hearing from all my readers, especially ones like this. It lets me know, for sure, I did a good thing. Although it was hard reliving my own pain, I can’t regret telling my story because it has helped others still suffering. Other survivors are finding a path toward healing their own pain; their own shame.
I feel I have nothing to regret.

QUESTION: Parts of the story appeared to come from someone older. Did you have help writing the book?
In a way, yes. Some of the story came from dreams, or haunting nightmares I couldn’t get away from, that my other personalities shared with me.
It's hard to explain, but while writing, it was as if I went into a trance-like state of mind, writing down whatever my alters were telling me to write. Since I couldn’t remember writing what was in front of me, I knew one of the others, probably Ann since she was the oldest, was helping me fill in the blanks.
Now, with that being said, if I'm wrong on this, then that means the adult writer (me) just screwed up! If this is the case, then I also have no explanation as to why I don't remember writing these parts.

QUESTION: How did you work thru your emotions during the writing process of these books?
In the beginning, and I’m talking about age eighteen through my late twenties, alcohol, alcohol and more alcohol. It didn’t help!
I also tried throwing things. I went to a lot of yard sales buying anything that wasn’t breakable. Plastic bowls, plates and glasses were my favorites! I then got a large cardboard box, completely cleared out one room in my apartment, and filled the box with all my yard sale non-breakables.
When my emotions ran wild or I felt out of control, I’d run into my cleared-out room, sit on the floor and start throwing everything, one at a time, across the room, bouncing each one off the far wall. When the box was empty, if I didn’t feel calm, I’d drag the box to the other side of the room, refill it, sit down and empty it the same as before. Sometimes I’d do this for hours at a time until I felt in control.
And this did help, but not enough for me to continue writing my story. What it did help with was getting me back into writing poetry. Many of these were lost over the years, but I found some tucked away, so I wrote From The Heart: A Collection of Poems and Stories, a book that exposes feelings never shared with another soul before writing this book.
However, it wasn’t until I started seeing a therapist that I found my “voice” again. This voice was writing. He had me write, uncensored, anything and everything that popped into my head. I wasn’t allowed to use pencil or a computer. It had to be pen and paper so I couldn’t erase or delete what I wrote.
At first I tried thinking before writing. That didn’t work!
Finally giving in, I began to write without trying to censor my words. These writings would be taken to my next therapist appointment where he’d read and we’d talk about it. It’s amazing what goes down in black and white when you aren’t trying to “control” the thoughts, and this made me really stop and think and look at my earlier life and what I was doing to help destroy my adult life. Of course, when I got sober (nearly 30 years ago now), things became a lot more clear, and I could work through my emotions instead of running from them, or pretending I didn’t care, or pretending I didn’t have feelings about anything at all, one way or the other.

QUESTION: How did you feel after the book was published, in which case you bared your soul, so to speak?
The three feelings I felt the strongest when I first held the paperback copy of Bitter Memories in my hand were: Relief. Happiness. Sorrow.
After trying to write my story for 40+ years, that’s where "relief" came in. I had finally finished it! Whew, what a relief!
I felt "happy" because I fought my demons that had been messing up my life, and I won! Although these demons came from childhood, they also carried over into my adult life. I made stupid mistakes along the way, and my judgment certainly lacked what it needed for me to make better choices in life. Many of these choices I talk about in the sequel, Drowning In Memories.
But the strongest feeling I felt was "sorrow." I had to accept so many things from my background that no child (or adult) wants to accept.
From childhood to my adult life, about 35 years worth, it sucked. I had to accept my life for what it was and for what it had been, and that wasn’t easy to do.
I’d always wondered what a normal life would’ve been like; what would I have been like if I’d had a normal life. I really had to work at accepting the fact that I’d never know normal. My life had been anything but “normal,” and even though it wasn’t a good life in many ways, I had to accept that fact and move forward.
To move forward meant I had to forgive. Again sorrow played a role when I realized if I’d forgiven certain people years ago, and if I’d sought out professional help sooner, my life could have been better sooner. It took years to accept that I could forgive, but that didn’t mean I had to forget.
I had to let go of the so-called father I wanted to remember as being nice, but in doing so, I had to accept Daddy for what he was — a liar, a con, a thief, a murderer, and a pedophile.
I had to forgive my mother for committing suicide and leaving me after she promised she would never let me out of her sight. I had to try to understand what she felt all those years I was missing. I had to accept I’d never get to know this nice woman who was my mother. A woman who loved me so much her pain was unbearable. I had to accept she turned to alcohol to drown her own grief; accept she had a sickness that destroyed what could have been.
I can’t say I ever accomplished feeling what she felt, but I think I came close, several times.
I felt extreme sorrow for what was; sorrow for what could have been, sorrow for what never was.

QUESTION: Out of the series you've written, which book is your favorite? Why?
Cutter’s Revenge is still my favorite, because I get a pound of “revenge” without anyone really getting hurt — in real life, that is — there is plenty of hurt going on in the book!
I also like it best because my readers get some revenge of their own from all the feelings aroused from reading the other books.
This was a fun book to write, and along the way I learned I definitely have a dark side I didn’t know about, keeping the reader on the edge of the chair.
One reader (and top reviewer on Amazon) gave the book 5-stars, describing Cutter’s Revenge as having “more twists and turns than a snake on Prozac.” I love this description. It fits so well.

This concludes tonight’s questions and answers. There are still plenty to answer, and I will continue answering as long as there are reader questions coming in.

If you haven’t submitted your questions yet, please do so by going to my website and filling out the Contact the Author form.

Everyone who submits questions will have a chance to win one of 4 audio copies of Bitter Memories to keep for yourself or gift as a gift, that will be given away sometime in August.

Remember, don't be shy! No names will be included. Head on over to the website and submit your question, or questions.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Although I am willing to answer all questions asked, I have received many I can't answer because to do so would spoil one of the other books for you and other readers.
If this is the case, I will refer you to the book that answers those questions. However, you will still be entered to win an audio book for submitting.

Tonight’s questions come from five of the books. Here is a short description of each one:

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is the true story of my early life after being kidnapped by my father. Starting at age three, my life was filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate. I lived a life on the run, starving, abused and terrified.
This book contains strong adult language and explicit sexual content!

Drowning In Memories continues my story in two parts: Bitter Tasting Memories, part one; After Midnight, part two, dedicated to my big brother, and a bonus short story, One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship.
Some of the dialog has been recreated from memory, and some recreated using known characteristics and actions of the person being quoted, however, the stories contained here are as close to the truth as I know them to be.

Trophy Murders contains parts based on the true story as I continue my life after going to live with my uncle, the cop, and his heavy-handed wife. Mixing in an action-packed crime story about a sadistic gang of killers, I struggle with nightmares from the past while my uncle struggles to keep his own secrets hidden. Written for my fiction fans, parts of this book are similar in Drowning In Memories, but definitely worth reading.

Cutter’s Revenge, based on the true story, is a realistic fictional account that continues my life the way I “wanted it to be” to have a happy ending after a life of tragedy, bringing an exciting close to the Bitter Memories series. Several of the same characters will still be around—but there may be a big surprise in store. One of the main characters is going to…. Sorry, you’ll have to read the book to find out! A true psychological thriller. Enter Cutter’s sadistic world…

One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship is a short story about a young man who helped get my life on track, bringing me back from a never-ending abyss of pain and sorrow. One In A Million is about friendship and love between two friends helping each other deal with our spirals of emotions, good and bad. This is the same story included as a bonus in Drowning In Memories!

QUESTION: Why did you write the book? [Bitter Memories]
I suffered extreme child abuse and it took me many years to recover. I knew the feelings I'd kept hidden over the years, and I knew others who were abused would have the same fears. I wrote my story to help other abuse survivors to have the courage to accept what happened to them and to learn they too could heal from their pain, but also to further my own healing.

QUESTION: Do you think the world is still uneducated about physical, mental and sexual abuse?
Absolutely! I’ve noticed five basic types of people on this issue.
1) The first group knows abuse exists and they do what they can to help bring an end to abuse. These are usually people who have been abused themselves or know of someone who has, or people who have read and learned from others about abuse.
2) This group will not admit or accept abuse happens or exists at all. I call these the ostrich people. They’d rather bury their head in the sand than get involved, or learn. Not much hope here for educating, but I still try.
3) This group knows abuse is out there, but they believe it can’t happen to them or to anyone they know because they are “good” people. They believe abuse only happens in “bad” families or to “bad” people. There’s still hope for these people to be educated.
4) This group believes the person injured “asked” for it, or “caused” it to happen. On this I’m not talking child abuse, but other forms of abuse: spousal abuse, rape, etc.
As an example, just a couple of things I’ve heard people (men and women) from this group say are: “She asked for it! If she’d kept her mouth shut and did what he told her to do, he wouldn’t have beaten her up.” Or, “She asked for it! Look at the way she’s dressed.”
No one, and I do mean NO ONE asks to be beaten up or raped!
Probably not all, but the majority of this group are downright ignorant about abuse and nothing or no one will change their way of thinking.
Many of these are also abusers themselves in one form or another. They may say, “I was abused by my father…” SO WHAT!? Being abused does not give the right to abuse another! You’d think someone who had been abused would not want to hurt anyone else, but, as we all know, that’s not the case. Honestly, I hold little to no hope for educating this group.
5) And then there’s the ones like my family. This group knows about the abuse happening, sometimes right under their own roof, but they choose to sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened. These people are similar to the ostrich group, because they want to look the other way and pretend if they don’t talk about it, it never happened. Usually, one or more in the family are alcoholics.
This is definitely the dysfunctional group, or family.
As we, the abused, break away from this way of life, we carry the power to educate anyone who will listen. Anyone who cares to learn; anyone who wants to change their way of thinking about abuse, can do so and move into the first group of people I described above.

QUESTION: Do you think there will ever be a change in the awareness of child abuse?
As long as people continue to talk about, write about, and share information with others, then yes, change in awareness will happen. With survivors like me continuing to come forward and share what happened, and of course, readers to help us spread the word, awareness will increase. Every time someone reads one of my books, or the hundreds of other books on abuse, this brings us one step closer to putting an end to child abuse.
But there’s still a long way to go.
As it is now: Almost five children die everyday from abuse in the United States. Three million abuse reports are made every year for physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, as well as neglect.
And, it’s estimated almost TEN million cases are never reported.

QUESTION: Do you think people who have been abused can make a full recovery and live a normal life, and if so, how do you start?
First off, you’re asking the wrong person about a “normal” life. I have no idea what “normal” is or should be. My life was as far from normal as it could get. I have my own ideas what I think a “normal” or a “perfect” life should be like, but without any firsthand knowledge of this, I really don’t know, and I don’t feel qualified to talk about “normal.”
However, I do believe anyone who truly wants to heal from their abuse can do so. It takes a lot of patience, and even more hard work on their part, but they can recover and live a happy life.
No matter how abuse is delivered — whether it’s physically, sexually or emotionally — it leaves a lasting impression on the victim and those around them. Scars of child abuse runs deep, and these scars will always be there.
The good news is, during the recovery processes, the scars eventually get buried deeper and deeper, until they become buried so deep they no longer have the power to prevent a survivor from living a happy, fulfilling life.
Start by learning all you can about abuse and the dysfunctional family.
Write a letter to the “child” who suffered the abuse, write a letter to the abuser, and then write a letter to yourself, the adult. These steps can do wonders toward healing. Writing about the abuse, writing with pen and paper whatever pops into your head, uncensored, of course, forces you to look at what happened in black and white, and ultimately accept, and even forgive, what happened. This is the best way I know of to work though the trauma of child abuse.
In cases of extreme child abuse, such as mine, all the hard work in the world might not be enough. I don’t think a child suffering from extreme abuse can recover completely without professional help. If you aren’t moving forward, seek out that help and recovery will come.
Still, extreme or not, the bottom line is that the person has to want to heal. They have to want to get off their pity-pot, accept the fact they were abused and nothing is going to change that. They have to change their vocabulary and their way of thinking about the abuse and stop saying they’re a victim. They are survivors! They are not a victim any longer! If a person truly wants to move forward and seek a better life for themselves — Change the vocabulary! Change the way of thinking! — and nothing will stand in the way of achieving that goal.
For more on understanding the dysfunctional family and the roles played by those family members I suggest you read the books by John Bradshaw. There’s a multitude of information to help.

QUESTION: (The Series) Did writing these books help you to heal?
Before writing Bitter Memories, I felt stuck. I was taking ten steps backwards to every one step forward. Writing has always been helpful for me, but it wasn’t until I found a wonderful psychologist who told me to write, uncensored, did I start moving forward.
By writing this way, I was forced to look at my life for what it had been, but also it forced me to look at the direction I was going. I didn’t like what I saw. I realized I really did have a death wish, believing I had to end up just like my mother, committing suicide, one way or the other. I looked for my answers at the bottom of a bottle of tequila. I never was on a pity-pot, because I didn’t talk about my abuse at all, but my life sucked, big time! Wrong decisions, constantly, brought me so much grief. Lack of good judgment got me into places I didn’t want to be, and once there I didn’t know how to get out.
I won’t go into detail here, but you can find out more about my decisions and lack of judgment in Drowning In Memories, but yes, writing Bitter Memories, then continuing with the other books in the series, helped me to heal and to leave my past behind, where it belonged.
Trophy Murders, by adding the fictional serial killers, helped by giving me (and my readers) a break from the 100% truth, while Cutter’s Revenge put total closure on my personal healing. Cutter gave me a way to “safely” get my revenge, giving not only me, but my readers, great satisfaction.

QUESTION: Did you end up having any kids of your own?
This answer, and a lot more about it, I talk about in Drowning In Memories, so I’m not going into great detail here, but no, I never had kids of my own. From the sexual abuse at such a young age, my insides were a mess and the scarring was the worst my doctor had ever seen, making it impossible to get pregnant.

QUESTION: (One In A Million) How many times before you found David, did you try to harm yourself?
Simple answer: Most every day of my life, until I got clean and sober.
My first attempt at actual suicide was when I was eighteen, after I left home. There were five other attempts before meeting David.
The last attempt almost worked. Found unconscious, taken to the hospital by ambulance, while pumping my stomach, I came to just for a few moments, just in time to hear the doctor saying, “She was lucky this time. Another five minutes, she would have died.”

QUESTION: (One In A Million) Have you, and how did you get past your friend’s passing?
I have gotten over David’s death, as much as anyone can after losing someone special in their lives. I think I got past it by choosing to remember the good times we had together. I remember the twinkle in his eyes, his warm smile, his laughter, and the love in his heart for people he cared about. If I allow it, I can still picture him in the hospital, death hovering, but I chose not to dwell on this. When I do think of the last few days with him, again I concentrate on the good times, knowing one day I will see him again, and when I do, he won’t be sick. I look forward to being reunited with my dear friend, but not just yet.

This brings us to the end of tonight’s questions and answers. I will be answering more in Sunday’s blog.

If you haven’t submitted your questions yet, please do so by going to my website and filling out the Contact the Author form.

Everyone who submits questions will have a chance to win one of 4 audio copies of Bitter Memories to keep for yourself or give as a gift, that will be given away sometime in August.

Remember, don't be shy. Your name and/or email address will not be published or sold! Head on over to the website and submit your questions. While there, check out all my books.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Although I am willing to answer all questions asked, I have received many I can't answer because to do so would spoil one of the other books for you and other readers.
If this is the case, I will refer you to the book that answers those questions. However, you will still be entered to win an audio book for submitting.

This blog will conclude the questions and answers. I guess it’s a good thing, because it means the sequels to Bitter Memories answered the questions I left hanging. My story was too long for one book, so I had to leave things open-ended and unfinished in some areas, so I could pick up the story in the next book, then the next, and the next that I’m currently working on. But, that’s what sequels are for, right?

Thank you to everyone who submitted questions. And a special thank you to everyone who’s emailed me telling me how much you’ve enjoyed reading my answers to the reader questions.

QUESTION: I found the language horrendous, vulgar and offensive. What do you have to say about this?

Child abuse is horrendous, vulgar and offensive! There’s also a disclaimer telling everyone the book contains adult language and content.
By your statement I’m sure you were never abused, so you’re one of the lucky ones! Be thankful for that, and try to learn from someone who was not only abused, but extremely abused — physically, mentally and sexually.
My story contains the same language I heard day in and day out from the adults around me. My step-mother called me a little whore. The men and boys who abused me said “nasty” words to my face. They didn’t say, “Come here, sweet little girl.” Hell no! “They said, “Get the fuck over here, bitch!”
I am sorry you were offended, but I told my life as I lived it. I shared the truth by telling it like it actually was for me, without sweet sugar-coating, which by the way, would have taken my true story and turned it into a pack of lies.
It’s time victims took power away from these assholes! It’s time to open up and expose these monsters, these molesters of innocent children, these pedophiles for what they really are!
Child abuse has been kept in the closet for way too long. I felt it was time, no, it was past time, for the whole truth to be told without “skirting around” what happened. To do this meant using the language I heard from the grown-ups around me, even though, at the time, I didn’t know what those words meant. I only knew they had to be “bad” words from the tone of voice they were spoken in.
I wrote my story from my point of view, sharing my life to the world, knowing there would be people to criticize. Still, I put myself out there, ready to face whatever was thrown at me, because nothing thrown could be any worse than what I’d already lived through. And I’m not sorry for telling my story exactly how it actually happened.
My book is not for everyone, but it is for the ones who need it the most!
I told my story to help other survivors. And, you know what? Other survivors associate the words you found offensive and vulgar with language they heard during their own abuse. They read my story and say, “That’s what it was like for me!” or “She really does understand.”
I receive comments like these, and many more, from readers all the time! I reach the people who understand and know what I lived through, because they lived it too. I reach the ones who need hope that their lives can also get better. I survived horrendous mistreatment, and knowing I did survive and that I am now happy and have put my past behind me, gives other survivors the courage they need to not give up! They know they can also find healing and live a happy, fulfilling life.
I get “thank you for being strong and telling it like it is” messages all the time. These are the people, the survivors, who need to hear the full truth.
Of course, I hope to help people who don’t have a clue what it’s like for the child victims. I hope these people will learn from my story, and hopefully, will be ready to stand up against child abuse!
I’ve reached many clueless people who now know exactly what child abuse can do to the psyche of a child. They have learned no child is safe in a world of molesters and pedophiles. Children are not even safe from their own parents or relatives or friends when this person preys on children.
I have reached many, but there are still so many more to educate.
Child abuse is NOT pretty! It’s as ugly as the words you found offense with. Child abuse is not love, although the abuser will call it that. Child abuse is not fun or something a child wants. It’s scary as hell! It hurts like hell!
Survivors of child abuse know this, and they need understanding! They don’t need ridicule or people who won’t listen or believe them. These kids and adult survivors need to know there is someone who has been there. Someone who knows exactly what they feel; what they lived though. They need someone who understands what it feels like when they think the sky is falling down on top of them, or when they feel they’ve fallen into a deep, dark hole in the center of the earth and there’s no way out. These survivors find that in me and in the way I write my story.
They need caring people to reach out and tell them it will be okay. Tell them things will get better. They need the first person they ever talk to, to listen, because that person might be the one and only person they ever have the courage to talk to and tell what happened to them.
Take the language in my book for what it is. Hurtful words a scared little girl lived with! Words heard daily, but those words, as vulgar as they are, shows what my life was really like for so many years.
Please! Don’t be one of those ostrich people! Get your head out of the sand and do what you can to help spread the word that child abuse does exist.
Child abuse is a national epidemic! These children/adults still suffering are afraid to come forward, afraid to talk about what happened. They are scared to death that society will condemn and look down on them.
If a child/adult suffering comes to you, give them understanding and unconditional love. Be a true friend; listen with an open mind and an open heart. Listen to their pain, not the language you find offensive. Accept them as a lost soul needing help.
You’ve read my story. You know I’ve been to hell and back, but I am a survivor! Accept me as a lost soul who found my way home.
These adults who spoke to me the way they did, called me names, and did so much more to hurt me, were supposed to love me and protect me! They never did.
I struggled daily just to stay alive, but there are children every single day who are still being abused.
If a lost soul comes to you, help them! Believe in the power of love, trust and understanding. Let them know you will stand beside them, and do not judge them. Tell them you read a book about someone who went through the same pain, and it’s okay to feel whatever feelings they have. Tell them I found my way toward healing and they too can be a survivor.
These words together — unconditional love, trust, and understanding — really can move mountains. Change your way of thinking and you can help save a child from a lifetime of pain and suffering!

QUESTION: Why do you think there are there so many unreported cases of child abuse?

Fear! Fear of rejection. Fear no one will understand. Fear they are all alone. Fear that no one will love them if they find out they’ve been “bad.” Fear they won’t be believed. Fear of ridicule. Fear they will be blamed for what happened to them. This list goes on and on and on.
Guilt! The child feels guilty. They feel they did something to cause the abuse to happen to them. When they get older they feel even more guilt.
Shame! The child is ashamed of themselves. No matter what their abuser told them, they know it’s wrong, but they don’t know how to stop it from happening. Again, as they get older, this shame increases.
The abuser may threaten the child that if he or she tells, the abuser will hurt another sibling or another family member. The abuser instills fear, guilt and shame so deeply, making the child believe they are bad, they will not be loved if they tell, and the abuser will convince the child they deserved what happened.
Pedophiles are masters at manipulation. An innocent child has no defenses to fight a pedophile. They prey on children! Many of these kids come from troubled homes, but they also go after the shy, the handicapped and the withdrawn. These children are already vulnerable to the skilled manipulation of these creeps.
The abuser uses that instilled guilt, shame and fear against the child. They even use “love” to get these kids to trust them, to like them.
Combine fear, guilt and shame, plus the hundreds of other feelings that come up during and after the abuse, and you have a child/adult who goes into a shell. They may even block out the abuse completely. In severe cases of abuse like mine was, the child may develop other disorders. Specifically, multiple personalities. Their own mind cannot handle the fear surrounding the abuse, therefore they split.
As the child grows into adulthood, society, the critical “do-gooders,” prevent victims from coming forward. This is one reason we need more books like mine! We need more survivors to speak up so uninformed members of society who have their heads stuck in the sand can learn the truth about child abuse, and then, hopefully, decided to change their way of thinking and get involved.

QUESTION: Do you still deal with your Multiples? Have you merged?

No and no. I don’t deal with them, that I know of, although I’m sure they were around helping me write Bitter Memories by filling in some of the blanks they knew about more than I did. I never wanted to merge with them. I like to think, should I ever need them, they will still be there to help protect me just like they always did growing up. I guess you’d call my alters my safety net against the cruelty in the world.

QUESTION: Do you have a faith or religion now?

My grandfather (Olivia’s father) was a Methodist preacher. I went to his church when the family went to visit on holidays, but from the time I was ten years old I was raised a Southern Baptist.
Since I’ve gotten older I don’t follow any certain religion. I consider myself non-denominational.
I do have faith in prayer and a Higher Power or The Great Spirit as the Native Americans call Him.

QUESTION: How do you feel about God?

As a child I didn’t believe there was a “God” and if there was, He wasn’t for kids, or at least not for me. I lived in doubt and anger for a long time.
Years ago I went on a three-day spiritual retreat. While there I spent many long hours inside a small chapel. Early mornings, while everyone else slept, I sat next to a stream watching the deer come down from the hills to get a drink. They stood five feet from me, and they were not scared at all. I also had a couple of long talks with a Franciscan priest.
During this time I made peace with my Higher Power, and with myself. I know there is someone up above who hears our prayers. I don’t believe you have to go to a certain church or follow a certain religion for God to love His children. I believe He loves everyone who lets Him in their heart.
I also believe on Judgment Day the “bad” people in the world will have to answer to the Almighty for their wrongdoings.

QUESTION: Do you think young children should be explained what child abuse is? If so, how young do you think a parent should start explaining this?

Yes! Parents should explain to their children about child abuse and what to do if approached by a friend or another family member in an inappropriate way, and what to do if approached by any stranger.
Children of all ages can suffer abuse. Statistics report that 67% of abused children are less than 1 year old, while 80% are less than 3 years old.
The age to start would depend on the child. Once a child shows the ability to comprehend what they are being told, they should be informed.
It might save their life or a life of a friend.

QUESTION: What do you think about the laws and punishment this country has for pedophiles and abusers? Do you think they are harsh enough?

The punishment, if you can call it that, sucks! And, no, the laws are not harsh enough!
From what I’ve been able to find out, and without talking to an attorney I could be wrong on this, but it seems each state sets their own laws toward punishment. Most offenders usually get a slap on the wrist, they may or may not have to go into therapy for their “problem” but they do have to register as a sex offender for the rest of their miserable lives. They usually do no jail time at all.
Again, it depends on the state the offense took place, but the abuser may be charged with a felony, or depending on circumstances — the age of the child, was there sexual abuse, was the child physically or mentally injured, and the criminal history of the offender — the abuser could be charged less severely. They could even be charged with a misdemeanor!
When convicted, the person can get probation or a prison term up to five years, and then be released early, maybe serving 1 to 3 years, only.
In more serious cases they may get a longer prison term. Very few are sentenced to life in prison.
The children who are abused need justice! What happened to them will last a lifetime. As far as I’m concerned, a person convicted of child abuse should be put to death. Immediately! They should not be allowed to breath good air or to continue living on “death row” for years and years, allowed to die naturally!
Bring back the hanging tree! Castrate ‘em, without anesthesia, then let the assholes take a slow walk to the closest tree and watch ‘em swing!
Now that would be justice!

QUESTION: If these laws were to change and become more strict, do you think there would be less cases of child abuse?

Once a pedophile or a molester, always a pedophile or molester. These monsters might try to be more sneaky than they already are, but at least when they are caught, it would be more than a slap on the wrist, probation, a few years in luxury state accommodations (free food, medical, dental, etc.), put into therapy which will do no good, or register as an offender. Maybe they wouldn’t be turned loose to walk the streets and hurt another child.
Still, any punishment, short of death, will never be harsh enough to suit me. I’m sure most, if not all of the thousands of survivors feel the same way.

QUESTION: When did you know you needed to get your word out to help others like you?

Probably from the time I first learned what child abuse was, around age ten, but it didn’t soak in until after I’d hit my head against a wall for several more years.
My life sucked, big time. According to Olivia, I was useless and unlovable. I couldn’t do anything right. I was so shy it was hard to make friends.
When I got older, the few friends I did make, I eventually drove away with my drinking.
I hurt inside, constantly. The pain became unbearable. Not only my early abuse was ruining my life, but everything that happened after the death of my mother was also ruining my life. One step forward, ten step backwards. Everything felt like it was crumbling around me.
I knew I was going nowhere fast, and if I was having those struggles, then I knew others from the same background must be suffering too. I was fourteen or fifteen when I made the decision that, once I could help myself, I would do what I could to help others like me.

QUESTION: What do you want people to get out of reading your book or learn from reading it?

For the ones living with pain and sorrow from abuse, I want them to learn they are not alone. There are many of us just like them struggling day to day, trying to live with what happened. I want them to know there is hope, there is help available. My abuse was extreme, but I survived. I fought on a daily basis, but I never gave up (okay, I gave up a few times, but I wasn’t successful in the attempt to quit) so therefore, I want them to not give up, because there is healing in their future.
For people who want to learn, for the ones who want to pull their head out of the sand and not be an ostrich, I want them to learn that child abuse exists, and it doesn’t have to be a “bad” family who abuses kids. It could be their next door neighbor, the ones they wave and talk to each time they see each other. I want them to learn the effects child abuse has on children, and what they can do to help that child if they are approached.
I want the world to know that child abuse is an epidemic, and it’s everyone in this world who has the power to change that! Become involved. Notice the signs of child abuse. If you see it, or suspect it, report it! It’s better to have Child Protective Services check out a suspicion and be wrong, than to do nothing and that child suffer for the rest of his or her life. And that’s the good scenario. The worst is that child could die from the abuse and/or neglect at the hand of their abuser, or take their own life when they feel they can’t go on. Don’t sit on the sidelines and do nothing! Help our children! Help our adult survivors!
For the parents of abducted kids, when they come home, talk about what happened. Listen to them! If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your child, then get help for the child with a professional. Don’t pretend nothing happened! Those scars I’ve been talking about. Well, they run deep and they do not go away!

QUESTION: If you could talk to anyone from your story today, who would it be, and what would you say or ask?
There’s only one person I’d want to talk to, and that’s Bobbi. Living with her was the only time I remember being happy. Bobbi loved me and I loved her.
First off, I’d ask if she still remembers me and all the times she took me shopping and out to lunch, just the two of us.
Then, I’d tell her:
* How happy I was living with her.
* How sad I was when Daddy took me away from her.
* About Daddy throwing out the clothes she bought me when I wouldn’t forget her.
* I’d tell her how much I loved her then, and still do.
I’d ask her:
* If Daddy ever hurt her, other than taking me away and stealing from her?
* If she ever got married?
* If she had kids of her own?
* Is she happy?
* If she remembers the long talk we had that, ultimately, caused me to lose her?
* Last, but not least, I’d ask if we could keep in touch? If we could rekindle
that love we had so many years ago.

Bobbi was probably the closest I ever had to a “real” mother. She never beat me. She never hurt me in any way. Unfortunately, my time with her was very short. But, in all these years I’ve never forgotten her, or her kindness, or her beautiful smile. Or, my very own beautiful room in her house. Thank you for being there for me, Bobbi. I love you, still.

Again, thank you for the questions. I hope everyone learned something from my answers.

I have had readers ask me if I plan to write a book with questions and answers like I did here. I am considering it, so we’ll see.

For more information on all my books, please visit my website. There are links set up to Amazon for each book if you’d like to order.
See you next time, right here on my blog!

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is the true story of my early life. At three years old, kidnapped by my father, then living the next 6 years in terror, every day was a fight to survive.
But, I didn't survive alone. I had "others" to help me. They took over my body and my mind, leaving me with huge gaps in time.
Due to the extreme terror and extreme abuse I split into multiple personalities.
Read the full story in Bitter Memories.
My story doesn't stop here. My life story continues in the sequel, Drowning In Memories.
For my fiction fans, the story picks up in Trophy Murders.
Cutter's Revenge ends the story the way I wanted it to be, getting a bit of revenge toward some who hurt me.
An exciting read for fiction and memoir fans, both.

Check out all my books on my website. From The Heart and One In A Million are non-fiction.
The Rose is a fun read for all ages. Treat your kids and your inner child to a heartwarming short story.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is the true story of my early childhood. At three years old, kidnapped by my father, heartache and sorrow were all I knew as people who should have taken care of me and loved me inflicted more and more pain and abuse daily. Living in terror, every day was a fight to survive. But, I didn't survive alone. I had "others" to help me, taking over my body and my mind, leaving me with huge gaps in time.

Drowning In Memories, written in two parts with a bonus short story at the end, continues my life story after leaving home, mistakes made along the way, finally meeting my big brother, numerous discoveries that had been secrets for years, and much more.

For my fiction fans, my story picks up in Trophy Murders, mixing truth with fiction to include a gang of serial killers for my uncle to deal with, giving my readers a bit of a break while telling more true parts of my story.

Cutter's Revenge ends the series the way I wanted it to be, getting revenge against some of the people who hurt me. My readers also gain a pound of revenge for themselves in an exciting read with more twists and turns than a snake on Prozac. Cutter's story is a must read for fiction and memoir fans, both. Enter Cutter's sadistic world...If you Dare!

From The Heart: A Collection of Poems and Stories shares fifteen poems packed with feelings never shared with another soul until this book. Included are short stories to show what inspired each poem.

One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship is the short story included in Drowning In Memories about a young man who changed the downward spiral my life had taken, giving me reasons to go on living. An awesome story of a truly wonderful man who was my friend.

The Rose is a fun read for all ages. Treat your inner child to a heartwarming short story about a young girl and her love for animals. Many of the animal names came from a sci-fi I wrote as a kid. Unfortunately my aunt found it hidden in my closet. Without reading it she called it garbage, a waste of time and paper, then made me watch as she tore it up and threw it in the trash. With only one chapter to go, that sci-fi has been dead and buried for fifty years, but my main characters from that story live again in The Rose.

To learn more about all my books please visit my website.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Born in Dallas, Texas, kidnapped by my father when I was three years old, I began my writing career as a means of escape from emotional scars, pain, and repetitive nightmares from my childhood.

I wrote my first poem when I was 9 years old about my mother, the same night after her funeral. About two years later I began writing my first novel, a sci-fi, while still in grade school.

With only one chapter to go, my aunt found the manuscript hidden in the back of my closet, under a box of old clothes. Without reading it, she called it garbage, a waste of time and paper, then she forced me to watch as she tore it up and threw it in the trash.

I was so devastated I gave up writing until after I'd left home at age 18. I then continued to write poetry for several years. My main problem was: I couldn't write a poem to save my life unless depressed, which really wasn't a problem back in the early to mid young adult days. The words seemed to flow freely back then.

Fighting for many, many years I struggled constantly to tackle my childhood demons. I wrote my first full-length non-fiction book, Bitter Memories A Memoir of Heartache & Survival, about my memories after the kidnapping, the death of my mother (for the second time), going to live with her brother and his wife, and more.

Not stopping there, I wrote book 2 in the series, Trophy Murders for my fiction fans and Drowning In Memories for my non-fiction fans. Cutter's Revenge, #3 ends the series, mixing truth with fiction to bring a close in a way I wanted to "pretend" my life had turned out. Fiction and non-fiction fans both should like Cutter's story as it allows me "safe" revenge toward a few who hurt me over the years.

Although I decided not to include my book of poetry in the bitter memories series, it could be part of it. From that first poem written at age 9 — plus 14 more poems — I expose feelings never shared before from various times in my life. Included are short clips that inspired the writing of each poem.

Just for fun I wrote a fantasy story, The Rose, that "kids" of all ages should like.

I live in Nevada with my husband of 20 years, two dogs, a cat and a bird. Despite the life I write about, after winning my battle against haunting memories and demons, today I am very happy! I enjoy the outdoors (when it's not too cold or too hot), and I love to read anything with a good story line and interesting characters.

As for writing: Well, that's in my blood. I live to write and I write to live.

When writing that next story for my fantastic friends/fans, unless reminded, I find forgetting to eat very easy to do. When words are still rattling around in my head I just have to keep writing until I'm literally falling out of my chair. Of course, this is typical in the life of a writer — and I love my life!

To learn more about me and my books please visit my website for more information.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen