Here are some of the questions received from my readers. If you do not see your question listed, there will be more answered in my Wednesday night blog.

QUESTION: When did you start writing Bitter Memories?
I started Bitter Memories after I left home at age 18, but it was 44 years before I could finish it.

QUESTION: Why did it take so long?
The pain from those memories prevented me from writing for days, months, sometimes years at a time. I had to deal with the scars left from the abuse before I could continue to admit to, and tell, what happened to me.

QUESTION: Did all this really happen, or were you just writing a sad story?
If you had been abused, you would not ask this question, but yes, Bitter Memories is true. It all happened. By the way, Drowning In Memories, From The Heart, and One In A Million are also all true.

QUESTION: By writing these books and telling your story, what did you wish to accomplish?
There were several things I hoped to accomplish, but the 5 main things that gave me the courage to continue writing for the world were:
1) To finish my own healing from things I hadn’t been willing to deal with before.
2) To spread awareness that child abuse does exist, and is a National Epidemic!
3) To make people aware that no child is safe from a person who gets their jollies off from hurting children.
4) To let people know if they see or suspect a child is being abused they have the power to help that child, but they have to get involved. They have to notify the authorities.
5) To help other survivors to heal.

QUESTION: Was this a hard story to write?
Child abuse is devastating, so yes, some parts were very hard. Many times I had to detach myself from the memories in order to continue.

QUESTION: Why didn't you use your real name in the book?
Part of this answer goes back to the previous question. In order to remove myself from the painful feelings I had to "pretend" this happened to someone else. Hence, the name Sarah became my "character's" name.
By seeing my life through Sarah's eyes, I was able to detach myself and tell what happened. Unfortunately, sometimes I think I might have lost the actual feelings that came with parts of the story, but I think my message was still relayed.

QUESTION: Do you have any regrets in writing your story for the world to see?
Absolutely not! I get messages from readers all the time thanking me for telling my story; for helping them.
Here is part of what one reader wrote: “Thank you for your wonderful therapy books. You did help. Thank you for having the courage to help others and to make some of the blame lift from my shoulders…”
I love hearing from all my readers, especially ones like this. It lets me know, for sure, I did a good thing. Although it was hard reliving my own pain, I can’t regret telling my story because it has helped others still suffering. Other survivors are finding a path toward healing their own pain; their own shame.
I feel I have nothing to regret.

QUESTION: Parts of the story appeared to come from someone older. Did you have help writing the book?
In a way, yes. Some of the story came from dreams, or haunting nightmares I couldn’t get away from, that my other personalities shared with me.
It's hard to explain, but while writing, it was as if I went into a trance-like state of mind, writing down whatever my alters were telling me to write. Since I couldn’t remember writing what was in front of me, I knew one of the others, probably Ann since she was the oldest, was helping me fill in the blanks.
Now, with that being said, if I'm wrong on this, then that means the adult writer (me) just screwed up! If this is the case, then I also have no explanation as to why I don't remember writing these parts.

QUESTION: How did you work thru your emotions during the writing process of these books?
In the beginning, and I’m talking about age eighteen through my late twenties, alcohol, alcohol and more alcohol. It didn’t help!
I also tried throwing things. I went to a lot of yard sales buying anything that wasn’t breakable. Plastic bowls, plates and glasses were my favorites! I then got a large cardboard box, completely cleared out one room in my apartment, and filled the box with all my yard sale non-breakables.
When my emotions ran wild or I felt out of control, I’d run into my cleared-out room, sit on the floor and start throwing everything, one at a time, across the room, bouncing each one off the far wall. When the box was empty, if I didn’t feel calm, I’d drag the box to the other side of the room, refill it, sit down and empty it the same as before. Sometimes I’d do this for hours at a time until I felt in control.
And this did help, but not enough for me to continue writing my story. What it did help with was getting me back into writing poetry. Many of these were lost over the years, but I found some tucked away, so I wrote From The Heart: A Collection of Poems and Stories, a book that exposes feelings never shared with another soul before writing this book.
However, it wasn’t until I started seeing a therapist that I found my “voice” again. This voice was writing. He had me write, uncensored, anything and everything that popped into my head. I wasn’t allowed to use pencil or a computer. It had to be pen and paper so I couldn’t erase or delete what I wrote.
At first I tried thinking before writing. That didn’t work!
Finally giving in, I began to write without trying to censor my words. These writings would be taken to my next therapist appointment where he’d read and we’d talk about it. It’s amazing what goes down in black and white when you aren’t trying to “control” the thoughts, and this made me really stop and think and look at my earlier life and what I was doing to help destroy my adult life. Of course, when I got sober (nearly 30 years ago now), things became a lot more clear, and I could work through my emotions instead of running from them, or pretending I didn’t care, or pretending I didn’t have feelings about anything at all, one way or the other.

QUESTION: How did you feel after the book was published, in which case you bared your soul, so to speak?
The three feelings I felt the strongest when I first held the paperback copy of Bitter Memories in my hand were: Relief. Happiness. Sorrow.
After trying to write my story for 40+ years, that’s where "relief" came in. I had finally finished it! Whew, what a relief!
I felt "happy" because I fought my demons that had been messing up my life, and I won! Although these demons came from childhood, they also carried over into my adult life. I made stupid mistakes along the way, and my judgment certainly lacked what it needed for me to make better choices in life. Many of these choices I talk about in the sequel, Drowning In Memories.
But the strongest feeling I felt was "sorrow." I had to accept so many things from my background that no child (or adult) wants to accept.
From childhood to my adult life, about 35 years worth, it sucked. I had to accept my life for what it was and for what it had been, and that wasn’t easy to do.
I’d always wondered what a normal life would’ve been like; what would I have been like if I’d had a normal life. I really had to work at accepting the fact that I’d never know normal. My life had been anything but “normal,” and even though it wasn’t a good life in many ways, I had to accept that fact and move forward.
To move forward meant I had to forgive. Again sorrow played a role when I realized if I’d forgiven certain people years ago, and if I’d sought out professional help sooner, my life could have been better sooner. It took years to accept that I could forgive, but that didn’t mean I had to forget.
I had to let go of the so-called father I wanted to remember as being nice, but in doing so, I had to accept Daddy for what he was — a liar, a con, a thief, a murderer, and a pedophile.
I had to forgive my mother for committing suicide and leaving me after she promised she would never let me out of her sight. I had to try to understand what she felt all those years I was missing. I had to accept I’d never get to know this nice woman who was my mother. A woman who loved me so much her pain was unbearable. I had to accept she turned to alcohol to drown her own grief; accept she had a sickness that destroyed what could have been.
I can’t say I ever accomplished feeling what she felt, but I think I came close, several times.
I felt extreme sorrow for what was; sorrow for what could have been, sorrow for what never was.

QUESTION: Out of the series you've written, which book is your favorite? Why?
Cutter’s Revenge is still my favorite, because I get a pound of “revenge” without anyone really getting hurt — in real life, that is — there is plenty of hurt going on in the book!
I also like it best because my readers get some revenge of their own from all the feelings aroused from reading the other books.
This was a fun book to write, and along the way I learned I definitely have a dark side I didn’t know about, keeping the reader on the edge of the chair.
One reader (and top reviewer on Amazon) gave the book 5-stars, describing Cutter’s Revenge as having “more twists and turns than a snake on Prozac.” I love this description. It fits so well.

This concludes tonight’s questions and answers. There are still plenty to answer, and I will continue answering as long as there are reader questions coming in.

If you haven’t submitted your questions yet, please do so by going to my website and filling out the Contact the Author form.

Everyone who submits questions will have a chance to win one of 4 audio copies of Bitter Memories to keep for yourself or gift as a gift, that will be given away sometime in August.

Remember, don't be shy! No names will be included. Head on over to the website and submit your question, or questions.

http://sj2448.wix.com/suejulsen

Although I am willing to answer all questions asked, I have received many I can't answer because to do so would spoil one of the other books for you and other readers.
If this is the case, I will refer you to the book that answers those questions. However, you will still be entered to win an audio book for submitting.