Bitter Memories: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival is the true story of my early life after being kidnapped by my father. Starting at age three, my life was filled with sorrow, neglect and abuse. Hurt time and again by people who claimed to love me, I grew up in the shadow of fear, uncertainty and hate. I lived a life on the run, starving, abused and terrified.
This book contains strong adult language and explicit sexual content!

Drowning In Memories continues my story in two parts: Bitter Tasting Memories, part one; After Midnight, part two, dedicated to my big brother, and a bonus short story, One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship.
Some of the dialog has been recreated from memory, and some recreated using known characteristics and actions of the person being quoted, however, the stories contained here are as close to the truth as I know them to be.

Trophy Murders contains parts based on the true story as I continue my life after going to live with my uncle, the cop, and his heavy-handed wife. Mixing in an action-packed crime story about a sadistic gang of killers, I struggle with nightmares from the past while my uncle struggles to keep his own secrets hidden. Written for my fiction fans, parts of this book are similar in Drowning In Memories, but definitely worth reading.

Cutter’s Revenge, based on the true story, is a realistic fictional account that continues my life the way I “wanted it to be” to have a happy ending after a life of tragedy, bringing an exciting close to the Bitter Memories series. Several of the same characters will still be around—but there may be a big surprise in store. One of the main characters is going to…. Sorry, you’ll have to read the book to find out! A true psychological thriller. Enter Cutter’s sadistic world…

One In A Million: A True Story of Friendship is a short story about a young man who helped get my life on track, bringing me back from a never-ending abyss of pain and sorrow. One In A Million is about friendship and love between two friends helping each other deal with our spirals of emotions, good and bad. This is the same story included as a bonus in Drowning In Memories!

QUESTION: Why did you write the book? [Bitter Memories]
I suffered extreme child abuse and it took me many years to recover. I knew the feelings I'd kept hidden over the years, and I knew others who were abused would have the same fears. I wrote my story to help other abuse survivors to have the courage to accept what happened to them and to learn they too could heal from their pain, but also to further my own healing.

QUESTION: Do you think the world is still uneducated about physical, mental and sexual abuse?
Absolutely! I’ve noticed five basic types of people on this issue.
1) The first group knows abuse exists and they do what they can to help bring an end to abuse. These are usually people who have been abused themselves or know of someone who has, or people who have read and learned from others about abuse.
2) This group will not admit or accept abuse happens or exists at all. I call these the ostrich people. They’d rather bury their head in the sand than get involved, or learn. Not much hope here for educating, but I still try.
3) This group knows abuse is out there, but they believe it can’t happen to them or to anyone they know because they are “good” people. They believe abuse only happens in “bad” families or to “bad” people. There’s still hope for these people to be educated.
4) This group believes the person injured “asked” for it, or “caused” it to happen. On this I’m not talking child abuse, but other forms of abuse: spousal abuse, rape, etc.
As an example, just a couple of things I’ve heard people (men and women) from this group say are: “She asked for it! If she’d kept her mouth shut and did what he told her to do, he wouldn’t have beaten her up.” Or, “She asked for it! Look at the way she’s dressed.”
No one, and I do mean NO ONE asks to be beaten up or raped!
Probably not all, but the majority of this group are downright ignorant about abuse and nothing or no one will change their way of thinking.
Many of these are also abusers themselves in one form or another. They may say, “I was abused by my father…” SO WHAT!? Being abused does not give the right to abuse another! You’d think someone who had been abused would not want to hurt anyone else, but, as we all know, that’s not the case. Honestly, I hold little to no hope for educating this group.
5) And then there’s the ones like my family. This group knows about the abuse happening, sometimes right under their own roof, but they choose to sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened. These people are similar to the ostrich group, because they want to look the other way and pretend if they don’t talk about it, it never happened. Usually, one or more in the family are alcoholics.
This is definitely the dysfunctional group, or family.
As we, the abused, break away from this way of life, we carry the power to educate anyone who will listen. Anyone who cares to learn; anyone who wants to change their way of thinking about abuse, can do so and move into the first group of people I described above.

QUESTION: Do you think there will ever be a change in the awareness of child abuse?
As long as people continue to talk about, write about, and share information with others, then yes, change in awareness will happen. With survivors like me continuing to come forward and share what happened, and of course, readers to help us spread the word, awareness will increase. Every time someone reads one of my books, or the hundreds of other books on abuse, this brings us one step closer to putting an end to child abuse.
But there’s still a long way to go.
As it is now: Almost five children die everyday from abuse in the United States. Three million abuse reports are made every year for physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, as well as neglect.
And, it’s estimated almost TEN million cases are never reported.

QUESTION: Do you think people who have been abused can make a full recovery and live a normal life, and if so, how do you start?
First off, you’re asking the wrong person about a “normal” life. I have no idea what “normal” is or should be. My life was as far from normal as it could get. I have my own ideas what I think a “normal” or a “perfect” life should be like, but without any firsthand knowledge of this, I really don’t know, and I don’t feel qualified to talk about “normal.”
However, I do believe anyone who truly wants to heal from their abuse can do so. It takes a lot of patience, and even more hard work on their part, but they can recover and live a happy life.
No matter how abuse is delivered — whether it’s physically, sexually or emotionally — it leaves a lasting impression on the victim and those around them. Scars of child abuse runs deep, and these scars will always be there.
The good news is, during the recovery processes, the scars eventually get buried deeper and deeper, until they become buried so deep they no longer have the power to prevent a survivor from living a happy, fulfilling life.
Start by learning all you can about abuse and the dysfunctional family.
Write a letter to the “child” who suffered the abuse, write a letter to the abuser, and then write a letter to yourself, the adult. These steps can do wonders toward healing. Writing about the abuse, writing with pen and paper whatever pops into your head, uncensored, of course, forces you to look at what happened in black and white, and ultimately accept, and even forgive, what happened. This is the best way I know of to work though the trauma of child abuse.
In cases of extreme child abuse, such as mine, all the hard work in the world might not be enough. I don’t think a child suffering from extreme abuse can recover completely without professional help. If you aren’t moving forward, seek out that help and recovery will come.
Still, extreme or not, the bottom line is that the person has to want to heal. They have to want to get off their pity-pot, accept the fact they were abused and nothing is going to change that. They have to change their vocabulary and their way of thinking about the abuse and stop saying they’re a victim. They are survivors! They are not a victim any longer! If a person truly wants to move forward and seek a better life for themselves — Change the vocabulary! Change the way of thinking! — and nothing will stand in the way of achieving that goal.
For more on understanding the dysfunctional family and the roles played by those family members I suggest you read the books by John Bradshaw. There’s a multitude of information to help.

QUESTION: (The Series) Did writing these books help you to heal?
Before writing Bitter Memories, I felt stuck. I was taking ten steps backwards to every one step forward. Writing has always been helpful for me, but it wasn’t until I found a wonderful psychologist who told me to write, uncensored, did I start moving forward.
By writing this way, I was forced to look at my life for what it had been, but also it forced me to look at the direction I was going. I didn’t like what I saw. I realized I really did have a death wish, believing I had to end up just like my mother, committing suicide, one way or the other. I looked for my answers at the bottom of a bottle of tequila. I never was on a pity-pot, because I didn’t talk about my abuse at all, but my life sucked, big time! Wrong decisions, constantly, brought me so much grief. Lack of good judgment got me into places I didn’t want to be, and once there I didn’t know how to get out.
I won’t go into detail here, but you can find out more about my decisions and lack of judgment in Drowning In Memories, but yes, writing Bitter Memories, then continuing with the other books in the series, helped me to heal and to leave my past behind, where it belonged.
Trophy Murders, by adding the fictional serial killers, helped by giving me (and my readers) a break from the 100% truth, while Cutter’s Revenge put total closure on my personal healing. Cutter gave me a way to “safely” get my revenge, giving not only me, but my readers, great satisfaction.

QUESTION: Did you end up having any kids of your own?
This answer, and a lot more about it, I talk about in Drowning In Memories, so I’m not going into great detail here, but no, I never had kids of my own. From the sexual abuse at such a young age, my insides were a mess and the scarring was the worst my doctor had ever seen, making it impossible to get pregnant.

QUESTION: (One In A Million) How many times before you found David, did you try to harm yourself?
Simple answer: Most every day of my life, until I got clean and sober.
My first attempt at actual suicide was when I was eighteen, after I left home. There were five other attempts before meeting David.
The last attempt almost worked. Found unconscious, taken to the hospital by ambulance, while pumping my stomach, I came to just for a few moments, just in time to hear the doctor saying, “She was lucky this time. Another five minutes, she would have died.”

QUESTION: (One In A Million) Have you, and how did you get past your friend’s passing?
I have gotten over David’s death, as much as anyone can after losing someone special in their lives. I think I got past it by choosing to remember the good times we had together. I remember the twinkle in his eyes, his warm smile, his laughter, and the love in his heart for people he cared about. If I allow it, I can still picture him in the hospital, death hovering, but I chose not to dwell on this. When I do think of the last few days with him, again I concentrate on the good times, knowing one day I will see him again, and when I do, he won’t be sick. I look forward to being reunited with my dear friend, but not just yet.

This brings us to the end of tonight’s questions and answers. I will be answering more in Sunday’s blog.

If you haven’t submitted your questions yet, please do so by going to my website and filling out the Contact the Author form.

Everyone who submits questions will have a chance to win one of 4 audio copies of Bitter Memories to keep for yourself or give as a gift, that will be given away sometime in August.

Remember, don't be shy. Your name and/or email address will not be published or sold! Head on over to the website and submit your questions. While there, check out all my books.

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Although I am willing to answer all questions asked, I have received many I can't answer because to do so would spoil one of the other books for you and other readers.
If this is the case, I will refer you to the book that answers those questions. However, you will still be entered to win an audio book for submitting.